Momentum

Circling Our Wagons...Prayers

2012-01-30T07:06:00.004-06:00

I didn't want to post until I had shared how much God has brought us through...how much God has blessed us. It's a hard post though. It's going to take me awhile. There is just so much.

I've even started a big post on finding our new "normal". I wrote half of it, but right now...that is just not what is on my heart.

Much is wonderful and I do feel so blessed, yet so much is going on right now. So much is trying to find our balance (as everyone does when they add a new member, adopted or biological) and we still feel like we're circling our wagons.

Jael is doing better than we could imagine. We've contemplated what we see and how she could be doing so well, it can only be God. We have sibling rivalry between the little ones, but that's to be expected. We have a LONG way (for attachment purposes) to go, but we're making baby steps and that's awesome. She has lately been a little more friendly than she should with those she doesn't know. In attachment terms...that's something that does not say secure attachment (see previous posts on attachment). I'll share more about that later.

The last two weeks have been hard though. I'm not sure how much is still adjusting to the time, breaking up sibling rivalry, or starting home school again...but finding a rhythm or pattern has been illusive.

Home schooling with a month off and three very clingy and insecure toddlers...is hard. I wouldn't give it up for the world, but it's hard. It will get easier. We will find a pattern.

You remember how it was coming back after Christmas and your teacher expecting you to actually immediately be focused? Ya, I'm the teacher (smile).

Just after giving myself a brownie point for making it the first week of home school....I got the patriarch of all stomach viruses.

I mean that the bathroom sink/floor and I are on way too intimate terms. Between the pain/cramping that left me debilitated, nausea and vomiting, and fever...the little ones couldn't even climb on me for days. I would try to snuggle them next to me for the few moments between running to the bathroom. Jael and I made a couple steps back in attachment, but a couple steps forward with daddy who is trying to juggle more than I can even imagine right now.

It's been hard. There is no "normal" yet.

That's why I'm writing friends. Could you please cover us in prayer? We are extraordinarily blessed. We know God will lead us to our new "normal", but the comfort of knowing we are covered...is beyond words.

Prayer Requests:
*For our family to find our new "normal".
*For my husband. He could use prayers for his professional life...for discernment, wisdom, security, encouragement, and blessing...
*For our finances as we get back on track.
*For any plans of satan's to be overthrown.
*For Thomas and I to be patient and peaceful as we deal with life's roller coasters.
*OF COURSE for Jael, for her little heart to seek and find the security and love in us, her family.

*Also, I have a family that is weighing heavy on my heart. They just brought home two wonderful boys from China...but the transition has been hard...beyond hard. Think attachment, sensory, and health issues at an intense level. Please pray for the Kendall family. Please pray for God's pressing of peace on every member of their family. Please pray for attachment on all fronts and wisdom as they proceed.

*For Tripp's family...a toddler that just joined Jesus.
*For Ruby, continued healing.
*For Dave, a wonderful Christian man who was in Haiti, who is currently fighting for his life after being shot while picking up funds to help the orphans he was working with. He was flown to the States.

"Come and hear, all you who fear God; let me tell you what he has done for me..."Psalm 66:16

PICTURES OF OUR JOURNEY TO CHINA!!! FINALLY!!!

2012-01-14T12:31:00.015-06:00

Though the above picture is just a quick shot at ALL of my beautiful children (our children chuckle and say "for now"), I have also FINALLY added all the pictures of our trip to previous blog posts.

I debated and debated with myself on how to do this. Each picture is so much a part of a story, that this seemed like the best way. Below are links to each individual post. The pictures are scattered all the way through each post, so don't give up if they're not at the top. All of them have many new pictures added.

I did it this way to give you a choice. You can view what you would like (they will pop up in a new screen), without having to scroll through each story if your time is minimal.

Grab a cup of tea and get comfortable...it was quite a journey.

Post 1~"Heading to the Airport!"

This is where the pictures start telling much of the story!
Post 2~"Checked in! 12/23/2011 in the States"

Post three only has one picture added.
Post 3~"Kat & the girls in Nanning"

Post 4~"Update Christmas day! 12/25/2011 (In China)"

Post 6~"For this child I prayed 12/26/2011 (CHRISTmas back home)"

Meeting Jael for the first time!
Post 7~"God Keeps His Promises 12/26/11 (MERRY CHRISTMAS IN THE STATES)"

Post 8~"Prayer Warriors... 12/27/11 in China (12/26/11 in the States)"

Post 9~"Please pray….and Our Time Here 12/27/11"

Post 10~"12/28/11"

Post 11~"An ENTIRELY Too Colorful Day (Thursday 12/29/2011)"

Post 12~"The Second Leg of Our Journey~Friday 12/30/2011"

Post 13~"Testing and Walking…and A Map of China on My Rear 12~31~2011"

Post 14~"Happy New Year from the Future (1/1/2012)"

Post 15~"Mommy Heart Hug, Fat Elevators, and Jade/Pearl Market 1/2/12"

Post 16~"Sick in China and Almost Home (1~3~12)"

Seeing Daddy for the first time!
Post 18~"The Last Day, Travel, and Home (1/4-5/2012)"

More posts on China (not in pictures)...

Post 20~"Some Last Thoughts on the Reality Across the World"

Post 21~Home, Reality, and Blessed

Our current "attachment work".
Our recent series of posts on attachment.

The Haynie Family Blog! We were together on much of this journey and Jia, their newest, is amazing!
Our Journey to Jian Hong

Our dear personal friends who are currently bringing their boys home from China! She is in China right now with her wonderful friend. They have custody of their two boys and will be home in a little over a week (for a total of three weeks).
The Kendall Chronicles: Where East Meets West

Home, Reality, Blessed...and Prayers

2012-01-14T07:03:00.025-06:00

Jael's at the International Adoption Clinic (first doctor's appointment).

As I sit here in the dark, after a night of vomiting (for some reason everything at NIGHT makes me nauseous...what's with THAT?!), I'm reminded of a reality that some may still believe exists...a reality of perfection.

I really am smiling when I write this, because I have found (through our many adventures) that reality doesn't stop just because you are in a foreign land. Reality doesn't stop just because life is harder than normal. Kids will be kids. Bills need to get paid. People will be insensitive. Illness pops up. Houses get messy. Life...goes on. Sometimes it feels like the world should stop as God's plan comes to fruition.

We see the beautiful home coming videos. Often a circle of friends await the plane in home coming. It's beautiful....an orphan no more. It really is AWESOME!

As Thomas woke at 3am to get ready to meet our plane, we kept it just family this time. We didn't share our flight information. Jael was overwhelmed. We kept it small.

If you've seen the pictures I posted, meeting her daddy was beautiful. Oh, my heart still aches when I look at them. I'm so thankful for Sarah who lived with a camera in her hand.

Yet reality does continue. My husband held the trophy while I was gone.

I'm gonna be honest here. I am so very thankful to be home, but I want those reading to understand (not feel sorry for US at all...we've done this before) that life goes on.

*My husband was ill with a extreme sinus infection (headache, dizziness, nausea...etc. etc. etc.)
*EVERY CHILD had been sick while we were gone, Rachel (2 1/2) still had it.
*My friends that always have our back, had everything possible happen while we were gone...including injury and illness. Yet they still tried to stand beside us.
*My house was pretty messy.
*One of my precious girls had cut her beautiful hair (our "hair stylist" decided to go farther than normal).
*One of our kiddos that struggles with bouts of lying (fine for six months and struggles for a few weeks) lied every day for a week once arriving home.
*I was sick...bleck...and my body is STILL trying to get on schedule.
*My kids were kids (smile).
*My body decided to hormonally go wonky until the plane trip back (no joke...Sarah was laughing outside of the bathroom when she heard me say, "Really?! Really??!!)

See...being honest here....

That is just a smidgen of what our first week held.

Did I mention we have a BEAUTIFUL new blessing who still has a hurting heart?

Reality doesn't stop.

Just know, perfection doesn't last very long. God is eternity.

It's not about some beautiful "ideal". It takes time for a little heart to heal. It even takes time for children, who have faced loneliness in the past, to feel secure after their mommy is gone for two weeks bringing their sister home. It takes time...

Here is what the time has been bringing around here (huge smile).

Our kids are all adjusting. We now have "triplets", not "twins". Gabe and Rachel absorbed Jael, with minimal jealously. It's been a fun cool thing to watch. Size wise, she is only about 6 lbs lighter than the twins at a year older than them. Yes, developmentally she's 3 1/2, but she has a blast with her siblings. They are close enough in age. The only (minor) issue we see is the younger twins occasionally copying some periodic oppositional behavior. They know better and we don't let any of it last long.

Jael LOVE LOVE LOVES her "Baba" (Daddy). We left yesterday for her first doctors appointment and when coming home...well, she doesn't recognize the word "home"...but I mentioned the word "Baba" and her smile got HUGE. She knows and loves her spinning around, throwing her in the air, cuddling "Baba".

To the older kids, Jael can do little wrong. Max and Bekah want to play with her constantly. Sarah and Anna still hold a sense of security for her since they were in China with me. Tom...my 17 year old tough guy...is wrapped around this little girls finger. Not like THAT hasn't happened before, he's that way with the twins.

Grandma...grandma just longs to hold this precious one. She just awaits the day that Jael understands that she is family and not someone who will take her away. We don't use the Mandarin word for grandma. When we did, that set her off. Someone in her life must have been called the Mandarin form and it sets her off in fear.

Her Aunts and Uncles are in love.

Jael is cherished.

We still see superficially charming behavior. She doesn't let her guard down very often. Many of her actions are for entertaining purposes.
"See, I'm special, I can stay. You want me around. Don't see my hurt. I'll be good."

Yet, even amidst that we also see the, "Your getting too close to my heart. I'm gonna push you away. I'm gonna hit or do something you don't want me to do. I don't want to be hurt when you give me away."

Contradictory, isn't it? Yet we see all this going on in our daughter's heart.

This morning we are having constant challenges. Her Daddy took her oldest brother out so he can hang out with some friends and she's used to Daddy being around. We're pretty sure that she is trying to hide her fear of him not coming back. Monday he goes back to work.

The other day we went out for the first time. We dropped the teens off at co-op where someone else was to be responsible for them. A couple of precious women came to the car just to peek at Jael, not to touch her or pick her up (since we are doing attachment work).

Panic, screaming, and tears....she is so afraid we will give her to someone else.

She is STARTING to claim our house. When our lovely brothers and sisters in Christ bring over meals, she's making sure I'm in running distance....but not AS fearful anymore.

She does well at restaurants or the store (we learned that in China), but not in more intimate situations such as the car, co-op, or going to someone's house where we are known. We took her to Wal-Mart the other day and she did great!

She has labeled us as safe and her heart is beginning to love. We can see it. She's occasionally fighting it, trying to hide it, but it's there.

So far, this transition has been what we consider peaceful (shhh...I didn't say that out loud). Maybe it's because we understand more than we even did with the twins? Maybe it's because we're experienced in this? I'm thinking it's a blessing from God.

There's tears, pain, and hurt...but we get it...TOTALLY.

Reality IS blessed to us. Reality means we have eight amazing kids sleeping in their beds (or ours...smile).

We still have prayer requests. Please don't think things are necessarily easy right now. They aren't...just blessed.

Prayer Requests:
*For Jael's heart to trust us. Especially for her to seek to love on us, sit on our laps, hug us, not seek to distance herself...not to seek others outside our immediate family for her comfort.
*For our bodies to adjust to the time change, back to our every day food, and new way our family is forging forward to create our new "normal". Also, for health to re-enter the picture.
*For Jael's medical future...the doctor's wisdom...our discernment.
*For our parenting skills (smile). That we are wise in this journey as parents...with all our kids. Oh, and for LOTS and LOTS of patience (smile).
*Finally, for God to be glorified in our lives. That this journey may set off a landslide of awakening to the little blessings out there that still need homes.

For Others:
*PLEASE PLEASE pray for my friend Donna who is currently in China bringing home her two boys (with her friend Mary Beth). Her journey has been difficult and adjustment...wearying and breaking. Please pray for peace for the boys hearts (trust, love, and attachment as well). Also, please pray they can sleep at night so that in the day they are better able to deal with whatever presents itself.
*Please pray for Ruby (home not too long) from Uganda with a SEVERE case of Hydrocephalus (around a year old). She is in the hospital and just had surgery. She now has to stay still for days...perfectly still or, very literally, her brain can basically implode.
*Please pray for Tripp (Toddler with EB) whose body is giving up. It's swelling to the point of not being able to hold his favorite toy as his body is shutting down.
*Praise:Katie, the toddler that was 9 and not quite 11 lbs when coming home, has made great strides, is home and gaining weight. She can still use prayers as her bones are so fragile from the long term malnourishment and she still has a ways to go.
*For adoptions specifically in Guatemala and Liberia. Their are children in these countries who have been "stuck" for years (Rolondo and Julia, Junior and Diamoh), as they wait for adoptions to open up.

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34

Some Last Thoughts on the Reality Across the World

2012-01-13T06:26:00.011-06:00

This morning I’m going to try to share some of the thoughts and impressions we had during our trip to Jael that I hadn’t earlier. I hadn’t partially because I felt I couldn’t.

It was recommended that I highly watch what I post. The following post is just some general thoughts I (and others) had while we were there. It’s a post on trying to get a grip on the “feel” of China.

China is just a different world and it’s almost easy to forget the “Big Brother” feel of the area. You can almost forget this is a communist country. Many that shared about earlier travels did.

Even forgetting that, it was shared with me by a social worker that China felt like even more of a different world than Africa. I didn’t know how that could be…now I do.

We saw VERY few pregnant women there during our two weeks. I looked around the throngs and, after reading and hearing certain things, realized some of these women I saw daily had (most likely) faced forced abortions. This is excruciatingly painful (the thought of this). Many women have a story of a family who wants more children, but fear the loss of job, home, and most of what they have. This is not joking. We heard this from multiple people.

Children are a blessing…period. It’s hard, when I was about to ask if someone has children, to stop myself…knowing pain could be involved…pain they don’t want to share. Pain I’m not sure I would want to share if I were them.

I had a conversation with a sweet woman. She was maybe in her twenties. She stated that she didn’t think the one child policy was good. It wasn’t good for the family and wasn’t good for the children to be an only child. A few minutes later she seemed to rethink this and get concerned at what she was being so open about. She then changed and said the “party” line, stating that is was a good thing….too many people.

Now the newest policy states that two only children may have “permission” to have two children. In general, this is not so. My friend Suzanne made a wise statement. This was something you could see when walking the streets. This policy was creating little czars. Yet you could see these little men who attention was lavished on so greatly as a single child that they are becoming arrogant and self-involved. What will this create in men? I’m sure, just as with anywhere, this was not the case in all.

It confused me, being told by a kind woman, of how girls are thought to be such a blessing. When married, the husband will go to the wives house and therefore the daughter will not leave the family. Yet I’m hearing that the ratio of girls to boys in China is so lopsided…with boys WAY outnumbering girls (by choice of family’s only allowed one child).

One of the things I most cherished was the response when I named the number of our children. Here in the States, many are incredulous…somewhat supportive…somewhat negative. In China 95% of those I told said, “Oh! How blessed you are!” I am…I really am….I wish they had that choice as well. These beautiful women….these beautiful families….

China, well….I can’t figure it out. I just got a taste from the mixing bowl. Finding that pulse is a little like finding one on a running bull.

The language is trimmed, like when you dice the edges off something, very exact.

The writing is an art I WISH I could master. It IS artwork and beauty in itself.

The people…

I had a sweet experience while we were there. Many of the elderly have looked at us like they are angry. This made me sad, not uncomfortable, but sad. I have found the elderly in every country (including our own) have so much to teach us if we only listen. It’s part of my life that I feel is vitally important. Yet, this time we were stopped by an elderly woman (so kind) and asked us about AoJing. She said she was so pretty, saw her feet, smiled….and said “very good”. It was a heart sigh for me…not approval so much as generational beauty.

I see the government influence in many….even most…and their actions. Service is 99% very good, but I’ve seen some fear over bad service.

Many handicapped are on the street begging. I’ve seen what looks to be like leprosy…my heart hurts.

Anna has had her heart touched by those handicapped and struggling. As we were shopping an elderly lady came up to us with tears running down her face asking for money. I scrounged for the loose bills, but I still feel so guilty. Here we are shopping and here she is trying to survive. Anna was upset, in the black and white kid way, not at me…but at how those dressed exquisitely were just shooing her away. She was mad at the injustice.

Maybe we all should be. Maybe we should have others angry at us. When you see it daily or it’s half a world away, we get callus (to an extent). The starving, dying, poor….we are not waking up with them sleeping on our porch and we tend to go about our lives many days. Sigh…

There is a huge class system. The poor are relegated, often, to the bottom. Even one of the sweetest people I met did this, talking about the poor as another species. Also, there is a lot of talk of ethnic groups and which you are from.

We are in this huge modern city, woman and men are often dressed in the latest fashions. There is a lot of “westernization”. Most stare at all of us….several hostile, but mostly out of curiosity. They wouldn’t just stare as we think here in America, but stop and stare standing feet away for minutes at a time. Sarah threatened to make goofy faces at them (chuckle). It was shared with me that most don’t know about international adoptions. Many are surprised when someone in our group had to explain it. Friends were asked if we leave the children here after we adopt them.

The history all around is stunning. You can see the ancientness in even this huge modern city. Beautiful statues are everywhere. The parks have green pouring out of them with trees that look ancient. Exercise equipment line them.

Yet, I struggle because I’ve also felt coldness. I don’t know. I don’t get it. I wish I could spend time with the typical family. I bet I would understand things better and enjoy getting to know some sweet families.

I would also love to sit down with fellow believers. I really would. I would love to know their lives and hearts. Most have probably been through more than we can imagine. I’ve seen the hard histories bring more compassion, more understanding, and more love that the “easy life”. Hard histories can create such a strength and courage for God. I don’t wish anything on a child….ever…but know the beauty that can come out of the ashes.

We sat in this wonderful, beautiful hotel room, we looked out at corrugated tin roofs of the poor…even in the heart of the city.

As anywhere there is dishonesty in shopping. I found myself dreading going into a store where prices were not marked. These places often meant I was a “mark”. We’ve found this in much international travel. I’m not labeling this just “China” as this is often part of the culture in MANY places, even some in the United States. I started learning how to bargain and even understand the general public viewing us as rich. We are (comparatively) to most of the rest of the world. Even just that we were able to travel to China labels us that. They don’t know it took everyone to be able to do that…which was completely God.

I also wondered, and hated myself for doing it, at those that stated they too were Christians and invited us into their stores. In one store the prices were all set and comparable and in the other high comparatively…I just don’t know…I don’t…truth or a draw? Both? Everyone does have to make a living. I hated myself for wondering and letting myself even doubt.

There is such richness and modernism (as said before), yet so much is still not there…hand calculations instead of computerized, modernization that seems to be held in the governments fists, intricate carvings of ancient family temples where (even the popular cartoons depict this…. which I found out after buying a couple) ancestors are worshiped.

Bikes and scooters (mopeds) are everywhere. Cars are expensive here like at home, but many choose alternate transportation. That doesn’t seem to stop much of the overwhelming pollution greying the skies in many areas. I don’t get it. I don’t….

The last week was a lot more fun, almost like a vacation. I’m glad I had the first week though. I had a glimpse into what may be more of the reality. My two wishes were that I would go to the country side and would have been able to go to the orphanage. I think those things would have helped my understanding.

I don’t know if I’ll ever get a “grasp” on China. I don’t know if I’ll ever understand communism and modernism/westernization put together. It’s a puzzle wrapped in a puzzle.

I will hold on to the memories and hopefully, as I grow older and maybe wiser, understand more someday. Until then, I am so very thankful to be home with my wonderful husband and my eight beautiful children, not one I would want to live without.

Do you hear that Tom? Sarah? Anna? Max? Bekah? Jael? Rachel? Gabe? Each and every one of you are unique, special, and have a purpose from God that I am forever thankful for. I am truly honored to be your mother. God has favored me with each of you.

Thank you Heavenly Father, thank you….

And Thomas, my husband, you are my best friend…the support that God gave me here on earth to get me through the craziness until we are with Him.

"We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God." 2 Corninthians 5:20
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Tonight I hope to put in place a final post with a link to all our blogging in China. The pictures ARE up, but I want to make it easier to scroll through the blogs and see (in context) our journey to Jael. Yes, the video IS up for the day we became family…the day we met Jael. I will sit down and create the links tonight to make it easier.

2012-01-09T06:03:00.002-06:00

Pictures are coming...PROMISE!!!

Miracles, The Last Day, Travel, and Home (1/4-5/2012)

2012-01-06T23:21:00.009-06:00

AM (This was written before we left. 1/4/2012)

As I sit here with my nose burning, body aches, and possible fever….I’m still happy dancing! WOO HOO!!!!

This is good. This is very good. Today we go home. I guess I should pack first.

I wasn’t sure if I would take the time this morning to write a blog post. I mean, I was lazy, I didn’t wake up until 6am! Such a sloth! (Wink)

I had something I wanted to share though.

Something that I honestly can say I didn’t expect to be able to share.

Our own miracle…

When you prayer her fever and bloody noses to go away…within hours they were gone for good.

When you prayed for Jael’s body to adjust…within 12 hours her body stopped flushing completely (which had been going on since custody)

When you prayed for her to show affection….within 12 hours she wanted me (instead of the stroller) and gave me a hug.

Here’s the one that gets me….

When we received custody of Jael, her legs were bundled along with the rest of her. It was humid that day, but her legs until her upper thighs remain cold….really cold. We watched this daily and no matter what we did….cold. We believe they had been that way her whole life.

Until you prayed…

We asked you to pray for increased circulation in her legs. Within 12 hours we gave her a bath. When I pulled her out of the bath her legs were warm. We expected that with the warm water. They never got cold again…her feet are a tiny bit cooler than her legs, but NOTHING compared to before. Even yesterday, when we got caught in almost instant chilly weather….her legs stayed warm. God has improved the circulation in our daughter’s legs! Many may try to make sense of this another way. We had given her baths before, there was nothing else to tie it into….accept prayer….God.

God is listening. Our little girl is being blessed. Our family is being blessed. See you soon friends…on American soil…

Prayer Requests:
*That Jael’s legs continue to improve. That she continues to attach, quicker than ever imagined. That she seeks to love and show love to us AS WELL as seek our love. That God whispers peace into her heart and she comes to know HIS love in a relationship with HIM.
*For someone very close to us right now who is in the midst of a Spiritual Battle.
*For our trip…that it is safe, peaceful, and uneventful….even in our six hour layover. That we may glorify God every second. That all congestion is gone (can be pretty painful on the ears).
*For ALL illness in our family to be healed.
*For our family back home, health…safety…that we may come back together quickly.

*For the Kendall family….Donna will be gone, bringing her boys home, for 23 days (now 19). I believe, by now, she has custody (most likely) of one of her boys. For her husband and two girls back home…peace.
*For Ruby (Uganda~ Hydrocephalus~ around 1 year), Katie (11bs at 9 years old~ Eastern Europe~starting to gain weight), Eden (Incurable currently except by God~ Ethiopia~ toddler), and Tripp (EB~ Non curable except by God/in excruciating pain constantly/Toddler)

See you soon my friends!

“Know therefore that the LORD your God is God; He is the faithful God, keeping His covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love Him and keep His commands.” Deuteronomy 7:9

This was written once we arrived back.

I didn’t think our last day would be so busy. We spent the first few hours packing and praying our bags would not be over weight. How could we make this much mess in just five days?

Sarah is my complete goof...

What was I thinking? Not busy?!!Crazy talk! Smile…

As we started the day, meeting in the lobby with the other families, it was awesome watching all the kids interact and see relationships built on even more than words, since a common language wasn’t there.

I love this beautiful picture of Jia! Such a treasure!

Anna never parted with her sweet new baby doll.

Can I say my daughter's are beautiful...ya, I'm their mom, I'm allowed!

This is the part of the lobby where we met as a group most of the time.

Sarah's favorite picture of Moriah. I love it, but mine is later on.

Our goofy Jael...

Though the weather had suddenly turned pretty cold, we walked to Shamian Island, picked up some candy from China for the kids (don’t ask me what the solid part inside the lollipop is), and went to Lucy’s (a popular western food restaurant…don’t judge us…smile).
Update: Still don't know what's inside the lollipop and I tried one...little scared :).

The guys were life savers, carrying Jael's stroller up and down the bridge to Shamian Island. She had actually fallen asleep on the way there, but woke up to hold Steve's hand on the way up.

We also went to the White Swan hotel in which (previously) most of the adoptive families had stayed. It's under construction now (Are they sure? Check out the pics!), but is strikingly beautiful inside. Seriously, an indoor waterfall?

Ok, I can't help but post the above picture. It cracked me up.

We kinda broke the rules...not really knowing they existed when we took pictures right above the falls in the little gazebo (???). Oops...but this is one of my FAVORITE pictures of the Haynie family. Ummm...I'm thinking our pic of the Lowmiller family may just have been from the wrong perspective. I believe we were on the move at that point...lol...brilliant! Hint hint...if you're reading this, we'd love a one of the pics that you took!

There's also "traditional" red couch pictures at the White Swan that newly formed families take pictures of their newest blessings on, but when we asked about this specific couch we kept on getting directed to a set of (about) eight red couches...hmmm...we just gave up. They were red after all...lol.

This, my friends, is blessing...

Oh, I just love this picture! This is MY favorite of Moriah! The beauty is just shining!

Tell me the above pic doesn't make your heart melt? THIS IS IT my friends....

We arrived back just in time to meet our guide, Helen, who had Jael’s passport and visa for us to travel…and would then take us to the airport.

Saying goodbye to the family that wasn’t traveling with us was bittersweet. It’s hard to describe the longing to get home mixed with the longing to understand your child’s culture…also saying goodbye to part of your journey and those who took it with you.

Yes, that stroller was terminally tipped over. We hung everything on back (bad mommy). Unfortunitly, Jael tipped over a couple times...though she thought it was funny.

There is a little sadness mixed in. This leg of the journey is over and though we don’t adopt for the roller coaster of a journey, it’s part of Jael’s story…our story…that we will always cherish. Though I will admit I won’t be able to eat spaghetti for a while since Jael pulled the bowl over to her and threw up in it. At least she knew to aim. Sorry that you may not be able to for a while now too (evil snicker).

Driving to the airport at night is full of more color than you can imagine. Buildings upon buildings are lined with color changing neon lights. Beautiful signs were lit up for the upcoming New Years celebration (about 15 days long starting around Jan. 22nd).

The airport was fairly easy to maneuver (Guangzhou end at least). We said goodbye to Helen and joined the Haynie family on our first and longest leg back home. Jia (their sweet 10 year old) is pure entertainment in herself….seriously in love with this little girl. Think the family is pretty awesome too, though a little to hoity toity for us (inside joke ;)).

Jael AoJing didn’t shut down on us while packing…no arm over her eyes or stopping of interaction. At the airport she did, very briefly, try to retreat into her “safe place”. After all, her memory of the last flight could NOT have been too good. With some prodding and teasing, she came out of it in record time (about 20 minutes). The hardest part was not being able to focus totally on her, but maneuver the airport.

The plane took off an hour late, so we walked around, stocked up on water, juice, and snacks (the drinks are served in these little cups), and waited. Jael decided to conk out on us.

We found this plane was much nicer than our one on the way here. We had the whole middle row with the four of us.

It was an amazing flight. Seriously, we even celebrated her first little rebellion. She slept the first seven hours or so and then when she awoke, she was grumpy and into everything. She threw her toys (meanwhile yawning) and had HUGE bags under her eyes. Mean mommy made her lay down.. After a couple of minutes of crying (here’s the celebration), she looked up to me, said “momma” and raised her arms. She then proceeded to let me rock her and fall asleep, getting some serious tummy time. Baby steps are awesome…. Also, now listen...this is important, there was no vomit (happy sigh).

Anna, oh I wish I could’ve got a picture of Anna. That girl slept flung over everyone. She is hilarious. She makes her comfort wherever she is! Sarah, on the other hand, tried and tried to sleep. That poor teen was just hitting a wall. Could have had a little to do with getting clobbered by Anna…lol.

We celebrated as our feet made it on American soil. Jael and Jia were legally American citizens! We maneuvered our way through customs and were ushered to the immigration station (sounds a little like a kids TV show, doesn’t it?). At this point we were so thankful for Suzanne and Steve. Steve was a lifesaver helping us grab our bags. We were exhausted, sweaty, juggling…and his help was so appreciated.

We then hit another bittersweet point. We said goodbye to the Haynies as we headed to our final destinations.

Six hours of layover never went so slowly. We found we had to exit the international terminal and could’ve spent some time with family that doesn’t live too far. That was a “URG” moment…even amid the joy. I haven’t seen my brother, sister in law, and niece in closing in on two years. Though I will say, at that point, we might not have remembered it though. We were SOOO tired. We dug up a restaurant (Mexican…yum) , found our gate, charged our phone and computer (setting in a back hallway on the tile floor with about ten others in LAX), and submitted to the girls request for dessert. Jael was tired, but hung in there until we hit the dessert and conked out.

The final flight was the longest. Pre boarding is AWESOME by the way!!!

Jael dozed, but didn’t full on sleep. She did snuggle a lot…which is WONDERFUL for the mommy heart.

Sarah, for some reason, again didn’t sleep. Poor girl was almost sick from exhaustion.

Seeing our city lights on landing…like a breath of fresh air…home. Our home can be made wherever God wills, but we could thankfully say we were home.

Already having passed through customs, we could head straight to baggage claim….where our family was waiting.

As we headed down the escalator, I saw a sight I had missed so greatly…two of my sons…my oldest blessing, and our sweet Max. Home…

As we hugged and rounded the corner…I saw my babies Rachel and Gabe, our precious Bekah, and (sigh here) my husband. His smile lit up as he laid eyes on his newest daughter. She smiled shyly. She knew it was her “ba ba” (daddy in Mandarin). He didn’t press holding her as she shrunk into me, but Jael was all smiles. I don’t doubt for a second that God had given her dreams of us.

The twins looked at me (in the WEE hours of the morning) and I think they thought they were hallucinating. There was no “ hug attacks”, but huge eyes…mommy was really home. By the time we gathered the luggage (the teens were awesome) they had warmed up and couldn’t take their eyes off their sister.

I sat in the middle seat, next to Jael and right in front of the twins…holding all their hands (yep, I grew a third one).

Everyone was tired, but everyone was content…and hungry.

After eating and finally making it home, I was ready to kiss the ground (after a shower that is). I think we were all about ready to football tackle each other for the first shower. Anna was so tired she was melting down. Not too tired to stay up for gift giving though. It’s amazing how happy a little one can be with a gift that cost a few dollars (smile…awesome!)

Jael settled in with the twins like she’s always been here. We call them the triplets now…seriously.
They play, argue, and roll around together like little panda bears. Jael can hold her own. She used everything around her to manipulate and do everything her siblings can…seriously cool.

She quickly warmed up to her dad as he swung her in his arms and got her giggling.

We are family…finally.

It is only a year ago, 19 days from now a year ago, that Sarah saw Jael’s picture (as we were praying for God’s guidance) and said, “That’s my sister.”

We see “challenges” as she deals with occasional anger over change. It doesn’t come in rages or such, but in ignoring. Though mostly focused at me, that is truly to be expected. It’s a lot of change for her in only two weeks time, with (most likely) little preparation. She still prefers to face away instead of tummy time, but we see progress even in that.

We are more educated than even with the twins (on what to look for) and know attachment and sensory issues are for the long stretch, instead of the sprint. A child that has only known “caregivers” who may change every year or so may take time to understand there is a difference. I would like to encourage you, again, to go to our blog and look under our categories (to the right after you scroll down) and read the latest series on attachment.

This is the long haul and very worth it.

As most of you know, we do attachment work. The blog series explain why better than I can in this one post. Only we hold our blessing for a couple of months (minimum). We will be the only ones to hold, bathe, feed Jael. She needs to come to rely on us for all her needs. We hibernate, knowing this aids attachment (though cabin fever will set in). Please visit…we can’t guarantee a clean home, but love the company. If you are a co-op friend, we need to find some to be “responsible” for the teens for even a couple of weeks at a time for co-op days if we can work out some hard stuff (though ultimately, it will be 4-6 weeks). Again, we know many might not understand, but if you read the posts…you will start the same road of understanding we did. If you want to invite our kids somewhere…I’m SURE they’d love it. They’ll go stir crazy too.

Hopefully I will be able to write on the first couple days at home soon.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I can’t believe we’re finally home. God is so very good to us. He has favored us yet again. He’s shown us blessing in our daughter Jael that we couldn’t imagine. Thank you Heavenly Father.
Prayer Requests:
*That Jael feel safer with us, and tummy time, bonding, and that intimacy increases. For continued heart and body healing. For her legs to continue with the progress we are seeing. For attachment to continue in a way that can only be from God.
*The doctor appointment a week from today where they will (most likely) have the referral to her highly specialized doctor. Wisdom and discernment on our parts.
*For sleep adjustment, as all our clocks ESPECIALLY Jael’s are off right now. She was up until 4am (though laying in bed) last night.
*For our health...Thomas and I are still sick and we think Gabe is now sick.

*For our friends the Kendall Family. Donna has custody of their first son in China. This coming week she will gain custody of her second son in a different province. She also has a husband two little blessings here at home. Can you please keep them all in your prayers?
*For Ruby (from Uganda-Hydrocephalus), Eden (Ethiopia~ incurable), Tripp (incurable EB severe), and Katie (home extremely malnourished nine year old from Bulgaria~under 11 lbs. upon arriving home). All these children are in desperate need of prayers and God’s miracles. They already so obviously have God’s Hand on them and are beautiful creations of God.

"Come and hear, all you who fear God; let me tell you what he has done for me..."Psalm 66:16

Home!!!

2012-01-05T23:57:00.002-06:00

Home, exhausted, and very happy! Will be posting pictures soon! Hugs and thank you for continued prayers!

Sick in China and Almost Home (1~3~12)

2012-01-03T12:01:00.007-06:00

Yep, it’s official…I’m sick. Coughing up a lung (hey, I have two anyway, right?), can’t breathe out of my nose, headache, and general blick.

Really? The day before we leave? Getting on an International Flight in less than 24 hours? Six hours of layover in Los Angeles? Really?!!!!

Yep, really…

Today went good and I was VERY thankful for it. We first went to our consulate appointment which this whole trip was planned around. Travel agencies and such on the bottom floor and the American Consulate on the top…wild. People stood outside the embassy…a line out the door…as they waited for their Visa appointment (non adoption). We walked right past everyone, left all electronics, showed our passports and straight into the waiting room. At ten o’clock on the dot (the time of all our appointments) they had us stand and swear an oath of citizenship on behalf of our children. Then our names were called. As I walked up to one of two windows being used for adoptions, I knew it was time to go home. We will receive our packet for immigration tomorrow (as well as Jael’s immigrant visa) and fly out tomorrow night. It’s time.

We check out of the hotel tomorrow at 2:30pm, hang around until 5:30pm and receive Jael’s immigrant visa and papers, then head to the airport for our nine o’clock flight to Los Angeles. The Haynie family will be just one row diagonally in front of us with Jia for this 12 ½ hour flight…awesome. It’s at night, so hopefully the kids will sleep. Unfortunately when we leave Los Angeles it will be the middle of the night in the States and they’ll probably be WIDE AWAKE…lol.

My husband is now sick too. I’m a tad afraid of the house (no fault of his). I don’t care though. Time for home.

After the consulate we then went to a museum/family temple (Chen Clan Temple). It is a gathering place for generations of a family. It was beautiful, but to tell you the truth it made me a little sad. Our guide talked about ancestor worship. She does this too. She talked about Christianity like an inherited trait instead of a living relationship with our Savior. The temple was amazing…intricately carved. They placed steps up and around the compound based on the belief that evil cannot jump. They also put intricately carved doors for the same reason…this time evil cannot twist and turn. In truth, we know different.

I must admit though...to a few whispered jokes. Sarah threatening to run into the doors saying, "Shoot! I can't get in!" and Anna asking about an elevator.

Sarah, Moriah, Jia, Jael, Steve, and Anna

Six years to build is understandable. Carvings are everywhere and I would have thought it would take longer.

Supposed to keep evil spirits out. Right inside the entrance so the evil would have to turn left or right. (When we arrived home my brother asked how evil turned around then. Hmmm....)

Steve and his mom Debbie

Embroidery...seriously

Carved ivory... and yes, I feel like such a horrible awful person when I mentioned what it was carved from. I am such a party pooper. I'm thinking I need to just carry duct tape around in my backpack. Yes, the group was planning a elephant hunt and I prevented mass death and destruction.

She told stories of the red Chinese lantern you see hanging everywhere around here. A monster would come into the village on the Chinese New Year Eve (different every year and around the 22nd of Jan. this year) and eat/kill the children and pets without leaving a sign. Until one day a fairy came and told them that the monster did not like the color of blood or loud noises. That Chinese New Year Eve the monster took no one. Thus the red lanterns and fireworks. The new outfits are so the monster doesn't recognize them. I'm digging this monster a little bit. I change my clothes and he leaves me alone. Wouldn't it be great if real life was like that?

Finally we ended the day with the last minute gifts. It amazes me the low cost of items (or honestly I would have only been able to get a half of what I did).

We made it back in one piece. We are ready to be home. We were going to pack tonight, but I feel too ill and the girls have been too exhausted. Jael conked out around 7pm. She was a trooper with not a tear today. She is ready for a schedule though…I know I am.

I’m giving myself at least a week before hitting the home school train again.

The other families have been wonderful. The Haynies (adopting Jia at 10 years) are a blast! Jia is a bundle full of energy and I could see her leading a charge. She is so sweet and awesome. It’s a privilege to watch her bond with her parents. I watched today as our guide explained to her the American name (close to her Chinese one) being given. She had rebelled earlier, but once the guide explained, she told everyone to call her Jia…which means beautiful. Later on in the day this beautiful ten year old who spent her life in an orphanage wanted her American name written on a grain of rice and put in a necklace that said love. I LOVE….
Jia is a total character! LOL

An honor to be a part of it….

Debbie and Bruce (and their 13 year old son Steve) have been a wonderful testimony to God. I’ve loved to hear their stories of God acting in their lives. It’s given me chills more than once. Their newest addition, 13 year old Moriah, is fun, sweet, and a total goof (she’s GREAT!). She’s gotten along wonderfully with all the kids and I think will flourish with her new family…her forever family.
I LOVED this picture!!!

This trip is now almost over (cough cough cough…STOP!) and I am thankful we all had each other. Jael AoJing Jeny is ours forever. I praise the Lord, because this is ALL HIM.

Jael is so much like the twins it cracks me up. She’s been talking nonstop all day and seems to be picking up at least four words every 24 hour period. Her favorite is “OK” now. I just love this little 3 ½ year old to death. Though five lbs. lighter that the twins, she is definitely in her threes. You can just see her little mind work.

It’s time (I’ve said that before, haven’t I)…well it is. Home, here we come.

There MIGHT be a short blog tomorrow, but there’s no telling. See you back home friends. I’ve got all kinds of pictures to share and a few more serious thoughts as well. LOVE AND HUGS!!!

P.S. Today I saw some kind of dried spider…hungry?

Prayer Requests:
*For the illness to go away and for the traveling to be uneventful, safe, and peaceful.
*For Jael AoJing to continue to attach quicker than anyone can imagine. Please pray she learns to show love, hug, and kiss, and not just accept it…but give it. Please pray the circulation in her legs improves and God gives miracles concerning them (to HIS glory).
*Please pray for safety and health for our family back home as well.
*THE MOST IMPORTANT…please pray we bring God glory.

*Finally, please pray for The Kendall family who is in China now. Please pray for Ruby, Katie, Tripp, and Eden…who are all struggling with life threatening things.

“But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD” Joshua 24:15

Mommy Heart Hug, Fat Elevators, and Jade/Pearl Market 1/2/12

2012-01-02T07:10:00.009-06:00

So, we’re eating like pigs…not pig intestines, though I’m sure their available…but pigs. The scale says no weight gain, but we’ve seen the mirrors in the elevators. WE KNOW…

Setting around I started hearing the same from everyone…hmmm. The next time we got in the elevator I looked (ya, I’m weird like that) at the reflection of the skinniest person there. They didn’t look so skinny. Ok, that is just cruel…mean…evil. Just in case you want to know…I hate fat elevators.

So today we went to Shamian island’s medical clinic today to get Jael’s (and Moriah's... the Lowmiller family’s daughter) mandatory TB test read. It was fine, so we stuck around and even walked back by ourselves. It’s down those eclectic streets I told you about. The animals I can’t even look at now. They are so cute and a little sad. There’s two squirrels in this tiny cage. One keeps running back and forth…every day all day, back and forth. We and another family are contemplating buying it to set it free. Scream with me, “Squirrel Freedom!”. Ya, again…we’re cool like that (stop groaning).

(Squirrel update: Suzanne texted me while we were still in China. She didn't see the squirrels. Hoping squirrel liberation happened. So I texted back, "That's food news!"....meant "good news". Spell check is funny sometimes...shaking head.)

We finally hit the local McDonald’s here. Hotel food is a little “high falootin’” for us (hee hee). It was pretty normal. The chicken nuggets were not chicks…of which we were grateful.

Some of our friends: Debbie, Steve, Suzanne, and our market guide Annie, and our brood decided to head over to the Jade and Pearl market. You’re probably like me and it sounds too rich for ANYONE on a budget. I found myself shaking my head over a beautiful pure jade and silver pendant that cost 42 Yuan (or RMB…the currency here)…too rich for my blood. Glad my math skills decided to make a showing. That’s less than $7.

Everything is like that. We are trying to watch it while buying smallish gifts for family. I really wanted to get traditional dress for all our kids. Knew that was impossible. A dress for Anna that was $3, Bekah, Jael, Rachel, and Gabe $4? WHAT!!! I don’t think I’ll ever get used to this.

Now Jael AoJing seemed to turn a corner today. Today, as I pushed her around in the borrowed stroller, she wanted to get out (instead of in, which is normal) and she….wait for it…HUGGED ME!!! I had these pangs in my heart all day. Just almost hurt with my love for this little girl. She doesn’t show us affection usually (though accepts it) …until today…that one time. Please keep praying my friends. My mommy heart got a hug that melted it into butter. Please pray she starts expressing affection for Thomas and I, and the rest of the family as well.

The Market was exhausting. It was probably 8 stories high with maybe 500 stores (some cubicles) with mainly jewelry…pearls, jade, stones…

We went briefly to some smallish shops and another market called the “toy market”. It was the same type thing. Almost overwhelming and it would take WEEKS to get through it all.

The girls were great, brave in the throngs of people, and Anna is an expert at the Chinese potty (ohhh…she’s gonna kill me for saying that). I will say, I can’t help my laughter, when I see a woman dressed to the nines coming out in 8 inch heels and cleaning off her heals after using a Chinese toilet (head on desk…shaking laughing).

I’m really not trying to make fun of the unusual. There is so much culture and history here, but sometimes….humor in life is good.

Now this is serious, can anyone tell me what this is? It came as a side with our spaghetti.

It was pretty much a free day for us. It amazes me that we have only one and a half days left. Tomorrow is our consulate appointment where they issue the American Immigrant Visa to our children. We receive it Wednesday and then fly out Wednesday night. Crazy…just crazy….

Meanwhile, my poor husband is at home taking care of sick kiddos.

As I stated, Jael is doing to much better. We realize that she may regress again when we pack up. She may think this hotel is permanent. She sees her daddy on Skype and says, “BA BA”….but she’s too young to truly understand. I can’t wait until we’re all back together again. I don’t want to wait very long to get her to the doctor though. I’ve notice that her legs are always cold…always…except when coming out of a bath. I think the circulation is VERY low. I don’t know if our time frame (a year) to wait until surgery will be feasible. Praying…..

It’s time for me to hit the hay now (why do I say hay and again think of the Stewarts?). I’m pretty sore and tired. Tomorrow we meet in the lobby at 9 and are busy until around 12. It’s the last appointment we have before coming home…YEA! A year ago we saw Jael AoJing for the first time. She is an orphan no more…yet many wait. I want to encourage you, before dismissing it…to come to God with an open heart and ask if HE has another child for you out there. What does it hurt to ask? Scary? Sometimes…but I have the COOLEST result to that prayer laying in my bed right now.

Prayer Requests:
*That Jael AoJing starts showing love, hugs, and such to her mommy and soon her daddy, and the rest of her family. That she attaches quickly…blessed in a way only God can. That her body regulates and heart and body continue to heal. That her circulation improves in her legs.
*For health, peace, and safety for my entire family. That we are protected from satan’s attacks, walled in with God’s power. That we come back together with ease and quickness. That the trip is peaceful and uneventful.
*That there are no glitches, hiccups, or anything like that.

*Finally, please continue to pray for the Kendal family. Donna is gone to China for 23 days to bring her two boys home. Please pray for protection, peace, and no hiccups for her. Please also pray for her husband and daughters back home.
*Please continue to pray for little Eden, home from Ethiopia for a year, who that was diagnosed with a currently incurable medical issue (except by God). Also for Katie (came home at nine years and was 11 lbs not too long ago). She is still going through refeeding, but has gained weight and is HOME! Please pray for Tripp, a toddler, who has a disease that is killing him in an excruciating way. Finally, please pray for Ruby, home from Uganda recently with Hydrocephalus.

"But the needy will not always be forgotten,
nor the hope of the afflicted ever perish." Psalm 9:18

Happy New Year from the Future (1/1/2012)

2012-01-01T18:37:00.013-06:00

Christmas and New Years Day with only three of my children, not ideal on the one hand, but very on the other! What’s the alternative? Not having one little sleeping Chinese blessing in my bed right now? This is the BEST alternative :).

Today I’m really missing my Church family as well. I usually come out of Church being challenged in a way that sends me straight to writing, feeling loved in a way (by my brothers and sisters) that humbles me, and so thankful…grateful…stunned….humbled….honored…privilidged….to be loved by our AMAZING God! Those words don’t even come close to the reality of my Heavenly Father. Yes, our Christian brothers and sisters are a gift from Him as well.

Can you tell I miss my Church family? LOL…

I’ve had a few opportunities to share what Christ has done for me. Can you please pray for those seeds that God may have allowed to be planted through our journey? I feel so inadequate at times, but know I need to speak the truth. I can’t tell you there is never a lack of fear, but the truth is the truth. I often think of those who believe there is no absolute truth, that we can make up our own reality. It hurts my heart. Even those who believe in no absolute truth, actually do and may not realize it.

We believe we will take our first morning breath.

We believe our vehicle will start in the morning.

We believe harming children is wrong.

We believe murder is wrong.

We believe .

I want to challenge anyone reading this to just not discount something so big that has forever implications. Think of it this way. Even if you don’t believe in our Savior….even by human understanding (we were made in HIS image)…if you gave your son to suffer (YOU) and die a painful excruciating death for someone else…would you say that any other truth is a choice or absolute? Your son didn’t really die. He wasn’t REALLY the reason their life was saved….so they can add whatever other truth they want…or not believe it.

I would like to make an offer. There are books in a category called “Apologetics”. These are Science, logic, and archeology. Before you place absolute truth as a back burner, please read Matthew, Mark, and Luke in the Bible and seek a couple of these books on Apologetics. Though I don’t know how we will afford it for sure…we will…if you need a Bible or an apologetics book…IF you are truly seeking. Please message or email me. I will try to get it for you.

Now for the rest of my day.

AM

It’s now about 6:30am. Again, I woke up at 5am. I’ve been trying to figure out how I’m NOT gaining weight and I think I have it. I’m not sleeping very much and walking everywhere…lol. We never drink soda at home, but bottled water has no caffeine…lol. Almost no such thing as diet soda here either.

I want to say while I’m thinking of it, I can feel the prayers…I can SEE the prayers. Jael AoJing slept so much better last night.

Her food is still not staying down her (as of 5am…BUT HAS SINCE), though she slept all night before her body “flushed”. I’m sure she received some of the calories and nutrients. When she’s older, she’s gonna love me for sharing this…smile. No more vomiting, as of yet, though….or fever…or bloody nose.

Today we are going to a small amusement park I believe. I wish we could have found a house Church, but obviously that’s not going to be so easy to find :) , but we will worship in our room this morning before we go. I long for God this morning….just that hunger (you know?)

The girls coughed very little last night with their slight asthma (woo hoo!) I think I kept them up a little bit still Skyping with their dad. I’ll wake them up in maybe an hour to get ready to go down to breakfast.

Breakfast is huge and beautiful and more food than you can ever imagine! I need to take a picture….there’s a coy stream that runs through the restaurant.

Anna’s trying to figure out how to get one home…alive…lol. Again, so glad we can’t bring more pets home. Suzanne (one of our new friends) is being a bad influence on us :) and telling us how a Guinea Pig they used to have had the CUTEST babies! The girls are now aiming for a new boy Guinea Pig.

Apparently here, we are a novelty (Americans) and we were warned some would ask for pictures. Anna got asked yesterday. So funny….

With Sarah I just have to fend off the boys (no joke). I plant myself firmly between her and groups of boys. She is actually thankful.

I know this AM post is a little eclectic today, but that’s my mind right now (laughing), bouncing here and there. My (OUR…my husband and I’s) offer still stands from above. I may be in China, loving on our daughters…but first and foremost is wanting for you to know our Savior.

Later that day.....

There are few things that make me nauseous. I have a wonderful mommy under active gag reflex. Yet twice since we’ve been here....

I won’t even share what got me. Now that would be too much information….

Today we braved the taxi…and our confidence has risen exponentially. We had our destination written in Mandarin (the amusement park) and each family hopped in their own cab. We were the only family that got dropped off at the right entrance. God knew I was directionally challenged…lol....though all three had the same written directions…hmmmm. We did manage to find each other with a little texting (love it!).

The girls waiting patiently...
F.Y.I. When I ask Sarah which picture I can post (I don't care for most of mine, therefore don't want to send someone else into depression over their pics...smile) she usually tells me the goofy ones. Is that my daughter or what?! What do you think...fear of mom's wrath or fear of chicken feet?

I was so thankful that even Jael AoJing wanted to ride a couple rides. It seemed to turn on a light switch in her. She went on the carousel and all four of us went on a boat that we self-steered around the small lake. Sarah and Anna took turns steering (Shout out to Suzanne for watching our stroller and bags!).

The other families (ya, I know I mentioned this) are AWESOME! They are so much fun and add to the growing confidence in getting around. Jia has us in stitches constantly. She has that childlike matter of factness. She “educated” her mommy who then shared it with me on why there were footprints on the seat of an American potty at Pizza Hut. They apparently turn it in to a squatty potty (standing on it). Yup, I’m dying laughing right now. Who knew?! I learn more and more every day! Oh, if you don’t know, the toilets here are built into the ground and you literally have to squat over it. Oh, the poor knees! I really wish I could’ve taken a picture of Anna’s face the first time she came out after experiencing a “squatty potty”…classic. The smell is just not too keen…very functional though.

Sarah and Anna went on several rides, joined by Steve (one of our families 13 year olds…super sweet…wait, am I supposed to say that about a boy? Ok, super cool!), Moriah (not sure how to spell that, but she just lights up from the inside), and sweet/funny Jia . Many rides were like they are here, with few exceptions. Everyone seemed to have a blast, even Jael came out of her "safe place" and joined us!

The boats were the best though. All four of us climbed into this small motor boat. Yes, the boat sunk a little as we climbed in, but held…lol. We then proceeded to wander around the lake trying to avoid playing bumper boats with others.

We eventually got hungry and started to look for somewhere to eat.

The girls (Anna and Jia) got hungry even before our LATE lunch.

Hmmm….as we sat down at a small park restaurant we found meals we had never contemplated before (fish intestines, etc.). They were quite creative and I’m impressed at how every part of a creature is used. Anna loved to watch people catching the HUGE live catfish. She didn’t realize they were the lobster dinner. Sorry, but again…funny.

We must admit to leaving without eating. Even the adventurous of the crew were not quite this adventurous. That is when we hit Pizza Hut back by the Hotel.

Though it’s not the Chinese New Year (starts around Jan.22), they do receive three days off for this New Year. It was packed.

Have I mentioned we are tourist attractions within our own right. We really should have been counting how many heads turned! No joke, there were crowds of people. Sarah probably attracted the most with her long blond hair. She was VERY popular. I was ok with that (and warned), but it was when boys (again) would get rowdy and act like they were going to approach her that my super ninja skills had to kick in (yes, I’m cool like that…ROTFL).

We eventually headed back to the hotel and Jael was all smiles and, at least for now, had returned to her smiley self. I imagine we’ll see both from now on.

We enjoyed today. It seemed more like a vacation, which I was not expecting. I think God knew how much my heart could take. I’m still processing (after a year and a half) some the trip to bring home the twins….

Well friends, I have a new prayer request to add….
Prayers for Jael…
*That she starts to want to give hugs and kisses to me (and her daddy) and not JUST accept them. That she seeks us out even more and attaches quickly and thoroughly and that her little hurting heart begins to heal.
*For her health. That her body continues to recuperate. Specifically, she retains food…seeks to drink more…and continues to sleep better.

For Everyone:
*For our family back home (as well as us) to stay safe, peaceful, and well (Rachel, Bekah, and Tom are sick) and comes back together quickly.
*For glory to be brought to God through all of this and for His Son to be shared.

*For the Kendall family…Donna has left her sweet husband and two princesses at home to bring home two little boy blessings home from China. They will be gone 23 days.

I leave you with much love.

"The stone the builders rejected has become the capstone; the Lord has done this, and it is marvelous in our eyes.” Mark 12:10b-11

Testing and Walking…and A Map of China on My Rear 12~31~2011

2011-12-31T08:48:00.008-06:00

Happy New Year…wait, it’s not New Year there yet (at least while I’m writing this). I feel so special living in the future…wink. Oh come on! You knew that joke was coming!

It’s again five am. I didn’t get to sleep until late and little miss was restless, so this is TOTALLY insane.

Jael was mad at me again last night. She really believes that if she’s awake bored, the bathroom is the place to be. I took her three times in a 30 minute period and then said no…go to sleep. This sort of control is so new to her. I’m ok with mad though. Kids are not truly initiated into a family until they are mad at their parents for something…lol. During the day the potty fun is fine…but at night… mommy needs about 10 years of beauty rest.

I found a comment I had interesting… and a little sad. I was told that I must be a very young mom. Of course I said, “I am!” (NOT!). When I told her I was forty, she stated that she needed to show me 40 year olds in China. She said they looked very old. Made me feel good, but made me a touch sad at the same time. Is life so hard or the pollution so bad that it ages people prematurely? Apparently my age guessing is way off here.

Are you wondering about the map of China on my rear? Did you read the last post? Apparently hitting marble floor at alarming speeds with your posterior creates a colorful effect. No, I didn’t look…can’t believe you’d ask (ROTFL….going to look).

We are going to do our medical and TB test today for Jael AoJing. We were told this is a good place to get laundry done. I may check the prices at the hotel and just get it done here. That way I don’t have to carry it on our walk…hmmmm. Definitely needs to be done though. Dreading the washing out of technicolor yawns I need to do this morning. I wouldn’t pass that job to my worst enemy. Maybe my closest friends…Michelle…Amber? Where are you guys when I need you?!

Well, it’s time to stir myself to action, wash out yuck, get dressed, and head to breakfast…sigh…do I really have to?

PM
Today was a completely new day in China. Everything felt familiar and we had the added benefit of having some new friends here who are adopting with the same agency. China is in trouble though. They have as crazy sense of humors as we do.

We walked to Jael’s medical exam….down roads that were closed in like alleys with wares strung along both sides and the middle. First were the animals. Live animals, cute animals, surrounded us. No joke, but I’m glad we can’t bring anything home. Fish, puppies, turtles, guinea pigs, squirrels, mice, kittens, cats, bunnies, hamsters…left Anna in la la land. I touched nothing. I touch, they end up in our house somehow.

Then came the food alley. Barrels of dried goods stood in front and filled stores. The most interesting were dried sea horses, skinned mice, dried jelly fish, hanging squirrels….a whole new world for us. We had a hilarious food experience, but I’ll talk about that later.

The walk to Shamian island was short and comfortable with cool air and the sun shining. Jael got a little heavy after a while and as soon as we got there our guide Helen took me to a shop. It was a shop that loaned us a stroller FOR OUR ENTIRE TRIP!!! No joke…it was a loan. How kind is that?

The medical appointment was uneventful. Weight and height were taken, a regular MD gave Jael a cursory look and asked about fever and such, next was an ENT, and finally she had a TB test that will be read Monday. Though I’m sure it’s fine, a prayer for a clean TB test would be good as well.

When walking with our guide a little, we noticed parks lined with trees, littered with statues, and interspersed with exercise equipment. Yes, you read right. Yellow jungle gym type exercise equipment was throughout the city. Exercise made a TON easier. I know I mention this somewhere else in these posts, but it is just so cool.

We ate lunch and shopped a little with the Haynies (a fellow agency family). They’ve adopted a BEAUTIFUL little 10 year old girl that we fell in love with (Jia). She cracks me up. We about died laughing when she was eating out of a regular zipper bag (like you see beef jerky in ) and was spitting little bits into her mom’s hand. We could see by the tough “I’m not going to think about what’s being spit into my hand” look her mommy was giving, that it had to be interesting.

It was chicken feet and the claws/nails were being spit into her mommy’s hand. Can I say her mom ROCKS??!! Now THAT is super mom! Dad was in on it too…so he definitely gets the brownie points as well (not redeemable in and state that has a vowel in it).

As we walked we passed by brides and grooms in beautiful scenery getting their pictures taken. Models in photo shoots were everywhere.

We actually ate in an Americanized restaurant (cheating) and enjoyed time just strolling and doing a little shopping. Sarah would have liked the restaurant more if her little pizza didn’t have ketchup for pizza sauce…lol…mustard anyone?

I needed today. It was relaxing.

AoJing is still not back to herself…at least the previous self we know. I think she is just a little overwhelmed at the activity. This won’t let up much before we leave Wednesday night either. She’s still not sleeping great and we could REALLY use prayers for some good night sleeps. We need it.

Her sensitive tummy kept everything down today (so far), though her poor little body seems to flush after she eats …sigh. I can’t wait until her body stabilizes. She ate tonight, pigged out in front of daddy on Skype. She screamed “Baba” as soon as she saw him.

I’ve noticed something. She is so much more content if we give her food to just hold. It can be wrapped or in a peel and she won’t even ask to open it…just hold it. Though she is filled out and stunning, to us this is a good indicator that she was normally hungry and maybe insecure about food.

Right now she is using food to control where she feels out of control. I’m not sure how much of this health stuff is now emotional. Sigh…I want to help her little heart heal, but know it just may take hibernating back in the U.S.

Boy is she mad at me though. She will occasionally forget and laugh at my silliness before she catches herself. She was laughing tonight…finally ….and interacting with her sisters. She did with me just a tad. I believe she accepts me as her mommy, but two things…I am the one who usually says “No” and I’m the one who has carried her around and taken her away from everything familiar. Her sisters are playmates. She asks for the girls more and more now, but still seems to be in my arms the most. She goes to her “safe place” zoning quite a bit. Placing her arm over her eyes.

It’s not fun “feeling” her dislike at times, but…though I wish it to pass…it’s all a stage in healing. I want her to feel what is necessary to get through this and anger is often one of those things.

We’ve seen the night terrors and the mourning in our previous adoptive journeys, but every time my mommy heart breaks.

She is now asleep in our bed. She pulls the neck of her pajamas over her mouth. She’s done this since day one. Her sleep is now her “safe place”. We have to work to draw her out. Often we walk in the room and she immediately wants to crawl into bed and sleep….not unusual.

My family at home is sick now. Max is finally over the virus he had when we left, now the twins have it. It’s hard being away knowing they don’t understand. Gabe especially cries often when we get off of Skype. Max is my tough little man and, though I worry, I know he does understand.

Thomas is my super hero right now….working from home AND taking care of five kids, no matter how awesome they are!

Wednesday needs to come soon.

Prayers:
*That Jael’s physical body adjusts and she is eating and drinking willingly and has no negative result of taking in food. Also, that her sleep becomes sound during the night.
*The our sweet Jael AoJing attaches quickly and gets past her anger…trusting us and finding peace as part of our family.
*For all of our health, for it to continue to improve (we are all having some asthma problems and since we only have mild seasonal asthma, this is unusual).
*For our family at home and our safety as well.
*For her TB test to be clear.
*For God to be brought glory though our speech and actions.

*Lastly, our friends ( the Kendall family) are starting their adoptive traveling to China TODAY. She will be gone for just over THREE weeks. Her boys are in two different regions which makes this necessary. Can you pray not only for her safe travels, and the boys attachment, but for her two princesses at home who are really struggling. Thank you friends!

“Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart” Psalm 37:4

The Second Leg of Our Journey~Friday 12/30/2011

2011-12-30T17:58:00.004-06:00

Finally today we begin the second leg of our journey, culminating on leaving Guangzhou on Wednesday to head back home to my family.

Last night was interesting. I think Jael woke a little mad at me. She wanted to play in the bathroom in the middle of the night and mommy was mean…no playing. I should say TIRED mommy was mean. She’s fairly restless at at night as I think I might have mentioned (smile).

She was very, unusually, serious this morning and we felt that maybe the mourning had started. She ate well at breakfast, though we limited her intake after nothing staying down the day before.

She was sad though. She kept on going to what we refer her “safe place”. She basically shuts down, often putting her arm in front of her eyes. This is a first since that very first hour we had her. She hadn’t done that since. We knew, when she requested to lay down in our bed right after breakfast, that she was shutting down. She immediately closed her eyes and slept for three hours straight. She didn’t want to feel.

She saw the packing and understood something was going on. Though we use a translation app to tell her she will stay with us forever, I’m afraid that she really had a core fear that we are passing her off to someone else. You could feel it. Once in a while while we were packing, you could see tears start to well in her eyes.

After nap she woke crying and holding her stomach. We rushed her to the bathroom since it was obviously cramping. Everything flushed through her little body as she sobbed.

She didn’t want to crack any smile. The only times she did related to a couple others familiar to her, though not to us. Her orphanage director called our guide to say goodbye to AoJing. There was a big smile. I wasn’t sure what to make of it. Then, when we were leaving, I took a picture of all the girls with our guide. She smiled for her then too. Then I got it. We believe that she thought if she couldn’t have us, maybe they would take her. My heart is breaking realizing that.

She went from scared to angry in two seconds flat. She was angry at me. That’s ok…I think we’re seeing a little bit of that fighting spirit. As we waited at our gate at the airport, she would barely acknowledge me and asked to go to Sarah. If Sarah handed her something, she’d take it. If I did…not so much. Yes, in a normal situation with a child transitioning, you don’t let them get away with that. With AoJing, she’s never been allowed to have an opinion and to just feel what she wants. I view this as good. It didn’t last long.

Anna and Sarah were great as usual. Anna entertained herself...very artistically.

We finally said goodbye to our guide Cici and boarded the small China Southern plane to Guangzhou. Though Jael had her own seat,, that would mean one of us would sit across the aisle from the other three. I wasn’t about to let my young ladies sit by a strange man. He may have been awesome, but sidetracking and escaping those that want to hit on my 15 year old is not always fun and I have no urge to end up in a Chinese Jail (wink). It’s not always the nice sweet stuff either…but some rowdy young men that are really not acting respectful. Aw well….

Jael sat on my lap so we could sit together. She immediately went to her “safe place”. She closes her eyes and pretends she’s asleep. Soon they delivered some nice little cookie baskets. Jael would have none of it. Anna’s ear was bothering her as she has been fighting congestion (we are currently praying that nothing comes of it).

What I had forgotten is that she had been playing with the stuff in the pocket in front of us. Including a very important little bag.

Warning: If you get easily queasy, read no farther. I may not read any farther…lol. I try to be honest in the reality of transitioning. This was a very messy reality.

All of a sudden, twenty minutes before landing, Jael gagged. That is not a good sign for her. I guess it’s not a good sign for anyone. Of course I start searching for the bag and frantically and asking the girls (maybe not as nicely as I’d hoped) to find their bags. Too late…WAY TOO LATE. As I caught her vomit in her shirt, my shirt, and her hair…I remember Donna’s wise advice to always bring a spare set of clothes for yourself as well…shoot!

We threw her clothes in a vomit bag (to wash out in the morning…I’m not touching it tonight. I just got the smell of vomit out of my hair).

We finally got as cleaned up as we could and were in the process of landing. Once hitting the runway, Jael decided her hoodie (which I had just put on, needed to come off. It was already getting colder and I said no (in Mandarin it sounds similar…po). She started to sob…as everyone was crowding down the isle trying to get off the plane. You could see the serious, “What are you doing to that poor child?” looks. Didn’t even phase me…the mourning had started. This was not about the jacket.

We easily met our new guide Helen who seems very sweet. We drove the 45 minutes from the airport to the most beautiful room I have ever seen. Marble bathroom floors, two huge queen size snuggly beds, office center, couches…you name it. We have a ROCKIN’ hotel room.

This was just PART of the lobby.

Need one of these rooms at home...

I especially loved the marble floor that I hit flat on my side as I slid across some spilled water. Ouch…seriously OUCH! Yup, I’m a big baby (smile).

Anyway, Jael and Sarah are asleep now (Anna is snacking…lol…that girl and her stomach…smile). I’m heading the way of the bed myself. Tomorrow we walk to Shamian Island for Jael’s health screening. I’m pretty sore and thinking maybe I can find a way to pick up a cheap stroller before then.

Anyway…appreciating your prayers my friends!!!

*Please pray for Jael AoJing’s little heart. It’s hurting. Please pray for her continued quick and thorough attachment to us.

*Please pray for Jael’s tummy which is now struggling quite a bit with new foods since we don’t know what she was used to.

*Please pray for Anna’s ear, though it doesn’t hurt, she can’t hear out of it yet.

*Please pray for my knee and back. The fall really strained and already stressed back.

*Please pray for no glitches, peace, health, and that we can actually enjoy and see everything around here.

*Please pray for our safety and that of our kids back home. My oldest is going to an amusement park tomorrow for New Years Eve and that makes my mom heart nervous with all the drinking and driving that goes on that night (not my son, but others).

*Please pray most importantly that we glorify God and share His word.

Thank you for joining us in praying through these joys, pains, hardships, and triumphs with us.

I am BEAT…time to crash my friends.
Hugs and love…

“Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed,
for His compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
great is Your faithfulness.
I say to myself, “The LORD is my portion;
therefore I will wait for Him.” Lamentations 3:22-24

An ENTIRELY Too Colorful Day (Thursday 12/29/2011)

2011-12-30T17:06:00.010-06:00

For some reason 5am seems to be about as late as we can all sleep. Jael AoJing sleeps until about 7:00 most mornings.

She’s my restless sleeper. I think she’s not used to mommy sleeping next to her or ANY light. We keep the bathroom light on so we don’t fall on our faces…much needed (smile). I find her, any given night, down at my feet as I doze. The beds are very hard and when I finally have to turn over, I feel a little arm or leg occasionally. For some reason this is less intimidating. I stroke her hair or belly as she falls asleep and that does seem to help, but sticking around…it’s too different to her.

She sleeps soundly when I get up to type my blog in the morning. I know some may say, “Her sleep is important. Why don’t you let her sleep in a crib?” They would be right, her sleep is important…but she has had 3 ½ years of no touch at night. It is now about giving her what she needs verses what she wants at this point.

We are still searching for the “real” AoJing and see a little more of her each day. Still we have no tears and almost no anger at all…just complacency. So many of these little blessings have lost their “voice”. They don’t have choices. Even their potty breaks are scheduled.

Speaking of potty breaks…this is something she enjoys. Often, a institutionalized little one, will have scheduled potty breaks (example: 9am, noon, 3pm, before bed) and there are no exceptions. AoJing has figured out mommy will take her ANY time we can (she doesn’t do this while we are out as of yet). For about three hours today she would say “Uh Oh!” about every 20 minutes. Off to the bathroom we went…potty…wipe…flush…turn on water herself…soap…and lotion. I’ve kicked the routine a little bit in the middle of the night. Mommy makes it not NEAR as fun. I do everything to keep her from thoroughly waking up and therefore requests are few.

Sarah and Anna are such a big help, but (which is very good) she often want mommy to take her. We haven’t had Anna even try yet.

We were all going a little stir crazy this morning. AoJing has a 103 fever right BEFORE bed, but it broke quickly and hasn’t ever since (woo hoo!). We had been praying that either Jael got well quickly or God sustained the Ibuprofen. Whichever brought God the most glory…though we longed for Jael to be well.

We decided to brave breakfast this morning. Though room service is fairly inexpensive, we still can’t sustain that for too long. We sat in a far corner with a VERY hungry little girl. She wanted everything in sight and we really had to reign her in.

It wasn’t quite enough though. We spent a day cleaning up vomit…starting with her room service plate right after it arrived for lunch…yum (smile).

This is a fairly normal occurrence for a child whose diet is changing because you don’t have a clue what was eaten before. I feel a little sorry for the laundry service. Though we rinsed out the towels…yuck.

As I sat on the floor, after a bout of vomiting, stroking Jael AoJing’s hair, I realized there were no tears and she wasn’t even slightly upset. Sadly, she’s most likely used to going this alone.

It occurred to me how our parents love often teaches us about God (at the earliest stages). I read an author recently whose father was stern and demanding. This author’s initial idea of God was the same.

We have a road ahead to show reliance and love to our daughter so she can learn a greater love and reliance on God.

Something else occurred to me as I stoked her silky hair. I realized just how many of these precious children are still there…still in an institution…feverish and vomiting. In one country special needs children are often transferred to an institution between 5-6 years old (I believe). If they have Downs Syndrome, their chances of dying within the first year of transfer jump up to 90 percent. Yes, you read that right.

I can’t help but think how many, even non special needs children, will die from a simple virus that isn’t cared for. Did you know a child over the age of three, even if healthy, is often considered special needs just because of their age?

I can hear Jael AoJing (Ow-Jing) from here. I add her Chinese name as it is the only one she currently knows. We will call her both for a while before we drop it and leave it as her middle name.

She loves her big sisters. Anna gets such belly laughs from her. She also got her first “mad” with Anna. Jael was playing with Anna and the brush. I’ve explained to the girls that, since we don’t share a common language, they must tell her “no” and hold her hand for a second saying “no hit”. If I come over there, she won’t have a clue why. It worked with Bekah, we’ll see….

Anyway, Jael thought it would be funny to hit Anna with a brush and giggle. Anna had to tell her “no” and hold her brush hand for a minute. Ohhhhh…she did NOT like that.

It’s a good thing though. She’s showing us how she really feels. She’s been so complacent. If you take something she wants, she’s ok with that. She still is with me, but with Sarah and Anna….she’s starting to view them as other kids. That’s good…she’s seeing me as the caretaker and them more in the sister range.

She actually seemed a little sad early today. We wonder what her little heart is feeling. The first hour is the only mourning we’ve really seen. She, most likely, doesn’t trust us with that “big feeling” yet.

We’ve been keeping an eye out for issues here. She is amazing us. She doesn’t shy away from most touch, she likes us holding her. She doesn’t want others. We can throw and spin her. I stroke her hair or rub her tummy until she sleeps. We are working on greater eye contact. She gives some, but not a ton yet. As of yet, sensory issues are at a minimum. We know she may be running on adrenaline now and we may see more later, but so far so good.

Sarah and Anna have been wonderful. They are such helpful big sisters.

Sarah just does what needs to be done and makes calls or answers the door for room service…with little fear of not being understood. She is already getting to have the world traveler attitude. We figured out something the other day. She is always the first to get sick. We know she has ALWAYS wanted to be a missionary. I’m thinking this is a way the father of lies is trying to influence her. She sees it though. Illness is nothing compared to the word of God.

Anna is little laughing Mommy. She too has had a mild virus, but is the one that can always get Jael to laugh. She tosses her around and gets her giggling. She is a big help too, yet I still see my little girl in Anna. With big eyes she takes in these new experiences. It’s wonderful to see.

They both got smiles out of our sick little one today. She was introduced to bubbles. We've brought bubbles on every trip and they've never failed.

Both Sarah and Anna have mild asthma with the pollution. Thankfully the doctor gave us meds to help. The girls were celebrating seeing the clouds for the first time through the smog today.

We’ve been Skyping daily with my husband and children. Jael got to meet her grandma (met her Uncle earlier ) yesterday. I think her grandma could just hold her and never let go.

The children in the States are doing good. Tom woke not feeling great the other morning and I’m praying it passed. The twins periodically cry when I get off Skype. They don’t understand this. My mommy arms long to hug all our kids.

Soon…a week from today for us.

We actually leave Nanning tomorrow. Then we are on to the last stage. This stage was the Chinese side of things. The next stage is the American side. We also get to meet some new friends in Guangzhou (Gwan-Jo). Prayerfully Jael will feel better…all the way…by tomorrow.

I’m trying to think about what I’m forgetting to mention….not much I think.

Have a blessed day my friends! Hugs!!!

“’Am I only a God nearby,” declares the Lord, “and not a God far away? Can anyone hide in secret places so that I cannot see him?’ declares the Lord. ‘Do I not fill Heaven and Earth?’ declares the Lord.” Jeremiah 23:23-24

12/28/11

2011-12-28T20:15:00.007-06:00

Today we were recluses.

If you know me, that is really unusual while traveling. I really like to know where our children are from. The rural areas I enjoy more than the “tourist destinations”. I like to know the reality. The hardest was cancelling our orphanage tour. We wanted to go so badly, but our little ones health has to be first and foremost.

We needed to though. Jael AoJing’s fever broke around 9am. We were fine until 3pm and then it then spiked at right about 103. It’s a degree lower than last night, so we’re looking at that as a good thing. The doctors always told us if it’s consecutively lower each day….

We had a new surprise though. After her fever broke tonight, she got a nose bleed. You would think little would be “new” to me, but none of our kids struggled with that much. Thankfully I’ve friends that experienced that a lot (not that I’m thankful they did, but that I knew it can be normal) and am not very worried. I must say, it’s still nerve racking to look at your child and see blood dripping down her face.

Right now it’s about 9:24 at night and Jael is sleeping soundly. I will be shortly too. She is fever free right now. She responds well to Ibuprofen, but that is the one we are close to running out of. We have about one dose left. If the fever kicks up again, I might have to call our guide and see what she can find.

Since today was a slow and cuddly day, I thought I’d share some things that I may not have previously.

We have seen many good signs in our little girl. Yet something else is sticking in my mind tonight.

“I couldn’t do that.”

Before we left, I heard this multiple times, sometimes daily.

I heard, “My two give me a run for the money. You must really have a gift.”

No I don’t, this is not a joke. We have learned to accept the blessings God wants to give. That’s it.

I struggle, because that phrase (to me) means something else and I realize that many don’t view it that way. This is NOT judgment, but the phrase makes me so sad. This phrase to me says that there is a choice not to listen to God, but make the decision on our own. I know God leads. I know God may share a plan elsewhere. Yet our strength to do something is not our strength or ability, its Gods.

Children that keep you going, a little crazy, head spinning on your shoulders, and prayerful constantly…. are normal. The ability to parent more is God’s gift to you. It is not man made or a “character trait”. It is often like filling a balloon. You fill it half way with water and think it’s going to burst. Yet, when you double it…it still holds firm. God gives you what you need.

How many times have you thought you couldn’t take anymore, but did when you were faced with it. Are you ever able to look back and see the blessing?

There is a little girl sound asleep on my bed right now. Some may view her as “less”, but we all know…all those reading this…that she is “more” and has a great purpose for God.

She is not “I can’t do this.”

She is not “I have my hands full.” Friends, if you don’t think I have my hands full…ummm…(laughing)…

We DO NOT do this on our own. We just listen and trust that God will give us what we need.

Please friends, do not say you can’t (about anything of God) unless God has led you to that specifically. Listen and realize that in all actuality you may be saying you WON’T.

These children are not statistics. They are children that will lie in orphanages dying. They may be YOUR child lying in an orphanage dying if God said you can….yet you say you can’t…you won’t.

This is on my heart today. I’m not throwing this out in judgment. I’m really not. I’m not thinking of anyone specifically. I know God will press on whom He presses.

I just worry about limiting what we do by saying it is WE that do it.

“’Why are you weeping and breaking my heart? I am ready not only to be bound, but also to die in Jerusalem for the name of the Lord Jesus.’ When he would not be dissuaded, we gave up and said, ‘The Lord’s will be done.’” Acts 21:13b-14

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tomorrow I hope to share so much more of the good things we are seeing around here…attachment…sensory…sisters….what this week holds.

Until then, thank you for holding us up to our Heavenly Father in prayer.

*Please pray that God heals Jael AoJing. Please pray her fever is gone and stays gone and that she remains healthy. Please pray God allows the medication to not run out. Please pray we all get well.

*Please pray that everything goes without a hiccup, that there are no barriers.

*Please pray for Jael to continue to attach and for her little heart to be filled with God’s peace. Please pray she sees us as her forever family in a way that goes beyond what she understands to what God has done.

*Please pray for us to reflect Christ and glorify Him here and in her life.

*Please pray for peace and safety of our family at home and for all of us here.

*Lastly, a friend of ours is traveling VERY shortly (the last day of the year) to bring her two sons home from China. Please keep the Kendall family in your prayers.

Thank you friends.

Side Note: I want you to know that, though I am not able to access Blogger or Facebook, all your notes and comments are coming to my email (which I am now able to access). Thank you…the encouragement is beyond what words can say.
To my family, I miss and love each and every one of you. Michelle, Amber, Bryan, and Donna you have been such an encouragement. Even if I don’t always text back (except to make fun of you)…I appreciate you all so much. WE appreciate you all so much.

Please pray….and Our Time Here 12/27/11

2011-12-27T17:51:00.006-06:00

Though this day is tinted with worry of AoJing, it was also a day I was greatly blessed. Happy Anniversary sweetheart. I am privileged to know and be married to you.

There’s more though.

Today was also the day Jael, by Chinese standards, would legally become our daughter and that Thomas would meet Jael (via Skype) for the first time.

We rose early to go to breakfast and Skype home. Jael doesn’t eat many things, but eats well. She loves fruit, veggies, and hard low sugar cookies that your find commonly around here…but not much else. That’s a battle we aren’t going to pick right now.

On the way upstairs we met another adoptive family heading to the elevator. They looked tired…weary. It is often such a battle for our little ones. Their daughter looked to be about eight. She was mourning and they were having to fight to get her anywhere. The parents said, “Look at that little girl, she’s not crying”. Truthfully, I understood the weariness, but I understood even more the mourning. The little girl had lost her foster family. The only family she had ever known. I think I’d have been kicking, screaming, and so much more if someone took me away from my family of eight years…sigh. It’s trauma no matter how we look at it. Often, we parents take on some of that trauma ourselves while we help our children to heal. It’s not always pretty, but the battle is always worth it.

When we got to the room we sat down to Skype and, as usual, found such peace in seeing our family. Jael pointed at the screen and said “Baba” when Thomas came on. She calls me “Mama”, but we do believe at this point, though God has prepared her, she views us as her caretakers and “safe”…which is a wonderful place to start.

She met her brothers, sisters, and Uncle at home as well. Thomas is in love. I have to say that daddy meeting his children for the first time is one of my FAVORITE things ever. It’s a time I always cherish.

We headed off to appointments. I didn’t realize that her nanny and orphanage director would be at the first appointment. I knew we may be in for another bout of heartbreak, but knew it was necessary.

When Jael saw her nanny she smiled and waved, but clung to my arms. She didn’t want her. She wanted me. This in itself was such a huge step. God had chosen her as our daughter. It was now her choosing us…awesome!

We exchanged gifts and now it was off to the next appointment.

At this next interview a question was asked. She asked if we were “satisfied” with our daughter. My answer was, “Oh Yes!”

My thought was this…
“A child is not to be satisfied with or not satisfied with. Our child is our child. If God had to be satisfied with my behavior all the time, I would be in trouble. My bad behavior doesn’t make me any less HIS child. Jael is our daughter and NOTHING can change that. Though she has been sweet and loving, it is the blood of our Savior, not blood that runs through human veins, that makes us family…forever.”

Yep, my thoughts ran on a little longer than my actual words. I know it’s part of the ceremony/tradition…yet (in case anyone doubts) this is our daughter….our grafted in, fully beating as a part of us, daughter.

On the way home we swung by Wal-Mart. Yes, even here….

We really just went to get necessities…orange juice, water, chicken feet (ok, maybe not).

It was so different. It is the same contrast that we witnessed in Russia. Such ancient beauty, modernism, and something that’s hard to put a finger on. They had computers, and modern conveniences, but wrote up and added most by hand.

There are mopeds/scooters (and traffic) everywhere, yet often you see hand woven cages tied to the back to hold chickens (thinking of you Amber...laughing). We're thinking the police officer in the picture below needs to get hazard pay.

This is a five star hotel and the lobby is stunning. Huge restaurants and shops fill it, yet the rooms are not as comparable to the Holiday Inn.

These are in no way criticisms, just me trying to get a pulse and understand.

The people here are so kind. Their laughter genuine (and let me tell you, we probably deserve to be laughed at…smile). Yet everyone seems rushed and often worried about perfection. Sometimes they can seem like they really don’t like you with their brisk manner. It was hard feeling that, but I have found that I don’t believe it’s dislike (I choose to believe that), but cultural.

It’s crowded and bumps are the norm.

The traffic is much like Russia and Ethiopia (minus the goats and donkeys). You find yourself closing your eyes occasionally. I think I’ve become more immune….didn’t even flinch…lol. People do not have the right away here and I must say that makes me nervous.

The pollution is high. We cannot see the blue sky at all. We think that is contributing to our illness most likely.

We love seeing Mandarin on all the buildings. It’s like art. I wish I could reproduce the beauty.

We found that superstition still has a hold here. Jael’s little string and stone necklace was a necklace to protect her…safety. We will treasure and keep it, but snipped it off tonight. God has our daughter safer than any necklace does.

This is a pulse hard to understand, but we are trying. We want to share truth and beauty with our daughter as she grows.

Prayer Warriors... 12/27/11 in China (12/26/11 in the States)

2011-12-27T17:41:00.004-06:00

Though I will share with you later about the days event and especially a big blessing from God, I want to call my fellow prayer warriors to pray.

AoJing is sick. We believe (we saw signs) that she had a virus when we received custody. Unfortunately, we had not yet learned to recognize her “sick cues”. Yesterday afternoon she spiked a 104 fever. That may be scary to some, and let me tell you…I don’t like it, but for our children…most of them have hit or trumped that degree at several points in their lives.

We have meds and electrolyte powder mixes for children (though she’s drinking well, we saw signs of dehydration). Those will eventually run out though. We are hibernating in our room. We have cancelled the trip to her orphanage and the tour. Her fever is now down to around 102.

Normally a fever with little other major symptoms makes me think virus, but with Jael AoJing…we just don’t know. She hasn’t had blood tests run by our doctor. We have little information. We don’t know what could be underlying.

Please, prayer warriors, petition God for her fever and illness to disappear. We only have two more full days where we can stay hibernating in the room. After that we fly to Guangzhou and have a series of appointments we cannot miss….especially a medical one for her to come into the States and a consulate appointment where they issue her Visa.

Please pray….

God Keeps His Promises 12/26/11 (MERRY CHRISTMAS IN THE STATES)

2011-12-26T17:12:00.006-06:00

The girls and I joined hands in a quick prayer. I think we’ve prepared them for what could be, but I am still shaking. As we walked to the elevator to ride down to the lobby, we noticed a family coming off…a beautifully “colored by God” family. The mom looked at me and I knew. I said, “I’m shaking” and she said, “That was me a few minutes ago.”

As we exited the elevator we saw through a tinted and smokey glass, a little girl sitting between to women. She looked so big. We didn’t even know if this was our Jael. As we rounded the corner, we saw our translator.

Our little girl wore a hot pink shirt, ruffled around the collar. Her pants were thick orange, like ski pants colored with the sunset. She looked at me and the girls and her nanny/godmother (we were told she was called) leaned over and told her that her “momma” was here.

That’s me in case you didn’t know (hee hee).

Let’s just say that she wasn’t too thrilled with that. She started to scream, rail, and cry. Sobs wracked her small little body. She was handed too me, with tears in the caregivers eyes, unceremoniously. The director of the orphanage had a knowledge, you could see it, that this…this was a good thing…family was a good thing. She looked to have a special heart. I wondered if she was a believer…something echoed in me.

Jael AoJing threw her body back, sobbing, away from me. I was thankful to be a veteran parent and was prepared. She would’ve hit the floor.

You would think I would be stressed. You would think….but I had TOTAL peace. No stress…no worry…just knowledge that this would be just another thing to the path of the glory to our GOD.

We very quickly headed for the elevators. Her hand went to cover her eyes as she cuddled to me. She still cried, sometimes louder and sometimes it was almost as if she caught herself slowing down and accelerated again. Our guide said she would come back in an hour.

Sarah sat on the bed and I noticed she was very serious. I asked what she was doing. “Praying” she said…smart girl. We all gathered around Jael AoJing and laid hands on her. We prayed for her little heart. We prayed for the spirit of fear and any other obstacle satan may place to be cast out in Jesus’ name. We understood, but for so long this little one was satans’ hope…a mislaid hope in a child of God. A child whose name, AoJing, means “Proud Elite”. Our little warrior.

Whenever I prayed her crying would almost stop…just little gasps. She was recognizing my voice. Still her hand remained over her eyes. Often as we figuratively do to block out reality.

As I rocked and cradled her in an armchair, our guide returned to our room. She brought papers upon papers that I had to sign and put my thumb print to. She explained that for the next 24 hours we would only have guardianship and then, after our two meetings tomorrow, her adoption would be finalized in China. She tried to pry Jael AoJing’s hands off her eyes, but sobs came back at that point. As long as I kept talking, the sobs were subsiding. This was God working…

Anna prodded and played with Jael AoJing until we’d see a peek of a smile or eyes. Finally her hands came off her face and I could stare at the face of my daughter.

She has a giggle…BOY does she have a giggle. Sarah and Anna had her chuckling and full on belly laughing. She loves to draw and many times asked to look out the window. She mimes exactly what she wants.

We have her in pull-ups and, though she’s potty trained, we are actually glad of that…just in case with all the meetings we have in the next few days.

The touring is off for another reason now. Jael AoJing is not ready and she is why we are here. Also, we are not ready to share (smile)…. feeling pretty selfish.

She ate an orange and a couple biscuits (hard cookies) that were sent with her. She carried around a Winnie the Pooh purse that also arrived with her full of hair bands and candy. Ok, yes…we had to eventually sneak the candy out or she would have eaten it into the night and not gone to sleep. Sarah had handed her a little squeaky Panda we had brought and it NEVER left her little hand. Finally she deposited it in her purse.

She didn’t eat the dinner we ordered to our room, but by then she had stocked up on orange, cookie, and candy. She did drink though, a whole cup of half orange juice and half water.

I place her in bed with me and snuggled her into me. She let me stroke her hair as she fell asleep. It’s the middle of the night now and she is restless. She’s sleeping though. She keeps on itching in her sleep. I wonder if it is the seams in her clothes…foreign to her (sensory) or allergy to the laundry detergent (always a possibility). I did notice her pulling her pajamas over her mouth out of habit. It’s constant discovery here.

I wanted to share our meeting, but also want to share some beginning impressions. Many of you may go through this wonderful guessing game…beautiful puzzle…we call getting to know our babies (no matter what age).

Now here is what I think you'd rather seen than read...

Make a video - it's fun, easy and free!
www.onetruemedia.com

Here are some initial impressions…

She was obviously taken good care of. Though she is small (a little smaller than Rachel, our 2 ½ year old), she has a little sweet tummy and was not deprived of food. This is not parasites, but physical health. We’ve learned to see the difference.

She loved her nanny and caretakers, but looks to have been prepared by God for her family. Her heart, though will have a lot of healing and I expect to see a lot more mourning and such, was prepared by our Heavenly Father.

Though often her giggles and belly laughs were genuine, she also figured out what we liked and I could here the “pretend” in them….trying to be charming and accepted. We saw our real daughter, but I can’t wait until we see the “real” her all the time…no faces that are just trying to please us. Tomorrow we will see if she has started viewing us as safety. I pray so.

She loves this little flashlight keychain monkey of Anna’s which is LOUD with monkey sounds…uh oh. I purposely didn’t bring super loud toys after so many stories of families wanting to hurl them off the roof (smile).

Her sweet legs look not to be growing below the knee. They are precious and beautiful and I don’t see how anyone could see them as anything else…but we have already noticed that some do… don’t feel sorry for this little warrior princess. We see the strength in her.

Prayers:

We are all sick now, except Jael AoJing and she feels a little warm tonight. If she’s ill, it’s a different virus. Anna woke up with the same cold Sarah and I have. Can you pray that we all get well QUICK…please. This is not fun and we have a lot ahead of us. We would like to enjoy a few “well days” in country. We don’t know how much is allergies and pollution, but we know we have something on top of that.

Please pray for Jael AoJing (OW-Jing)…she has a long road ahead. We pray for total and complete attachment and that we reflect our Heavenly Father’s love to her. Please pray she is physically well also with this virus going around. Only God can heal her legs, through a miracle or doctors…either one is from Him.

Please pray that we all come back together safely, that there are NO hiccups here. Right now please pray her passport is ready in time as they are saying they may have to send it with another adoptive family to the next city who is leaving later. Please pray for a miracle here.

Please pray, again, that God is glorified above all else.

Thank you our friends…our journey has just begun.

“And so I will show my greatness and my holiness, and I will make myself known in the sight of many nations. Then they will know that I am the Lord.” Ezekiel 38:3

For this child I prayed 12/26/2011 (CHRISTmas back home)

2011-12-26T17:09:00.009-06:00

12/26/2011

It’s Starting…

It’s about 30 min. until we get the call to go to the lobby.

I’m going to be truthful here and say I’m scared to death.

Yes, I know it will be Okay.

Yes, I have been through this before.

Yes, I know God led us and has got this.

Yet I am so nervous. We all are.

My “butterflies” are creating havoc. I don’t ever remember being this nervous.

Maybe it’s because she’s older. Maybe it’s because I have a cold and don’t feel my best. Maybe it’s because I recognize how she may feel and know she may be sad and angry….all directed at us. Maybe it’s because I know the info we’ve been given may not be even remotely accurate.

She is our daughter, 150%.

I’m just nervous.

Sarah is still feeling sick and I think we may cancel the tour we had planned for Thursday. We will hit Wal-Mart for anything we need tomorrow, but rest so we can enjoy our time in Guangzhou (pronounced Gwan-Jo) Please pray we feel better.

It’s almost time. I pray she’s our cuddly little panda girl. I pray she wants to be held constantly. Is that silly?

I honestly look forward to hiding in our room with our daughter…becoming “it” for her.

Reflecting God, safety, patience (praying) and the beginning of a knowledge of her Heavenly Father for her.

Do you think that’s why we had such resistance and “storms”?

Now the peace is coming….

Truth often brings that. Truth is what was just written.

“So you also, when you have done everything you were told to do, should say, “We are unworthy servants. We have only done our duty.” Luke 17:10

The phone just rang. It’s time.

Pic from cell - Kat and Jael

2011-12-26T07:03:00.002-06:00

Update Christmas day! 12/25/2011 (In China)

2011-12-25T21:14:00.016-06:00

Merry Christmas!!!

Update direct from Kat today!!!

Honestly, everything went well, but the time change made it EXHAUSTING…worth it, but exhausting. We entertained ourselves being total goofs on the plane, but that only lasted 15 minutes ;). We’re really very normal. You can all stop laughing now.

One of our shortest flights was to Los Angeles. Again, we are SOOO normal.

Super Ninja Kat

The next flight to Guangzhou (gwan-jo), though not the longest we've ever had...we may have been a little ready to set our feet on the ground.

We remembered the true necessities...

We haven't been able to figure out how to fasten our seat belts standing up. Any ideas?

We were FINALLY so very close...MingYuan Xindu Hotel, Nanning here we come! It was also called the Majestic, but that's not nearly as cool.

We are now at the hotel in Nanning.

We are currently on the 9th floor. Let me tell you, I’m thankful for the elevator), though I could use the workout…smile..

Before we left we had a wonderful conversation with our long time social worker. She said of all the places she’d been, China was the greatest culture shock. Really? Naw….

Except, yes…yes it is.

Really, everyone has been so kind, but it’s just different. I don’t know how to explain it. Yes, maybe it’s the lack of sleep, but the words are just not coming. Yes, all my friend’s mouths are dropping in shock. Just wait a few days, I'll make up for it.

Anyway…today we are trying to stay awake and get used to the 14hr time difference. Tomorrow is the big day. We just found out through our guide, Ci Ci, that they are bringing Jael to the hotel tomorrow. I must admit I’m a tad nervous. Not the bad kind, but the “she’s three years old and is going to be scared and may not even like us though we know she’s our daughter and this is all a blessing” kind…lol. Now if you can read that last sentence, I’M IMPRESSED.

If any of this blog by a sleep deprived forty year old makes sense, I’M IMPRESSED.

Now to try to get Skype working. So far we are not able to send emails (though we can receive them), and not able to get on Facebook or Blogger….soooo, things are a little limited.

This blog, well lets just say I’m getting creative in the way I send things to my husband.

Please continue to keep Jael in your prayers. Please pray that she attaches quickly and knows me as her mommy. That she has peace that passes understanding.

Also please pray for health. Anna had some, we believe, motion sickness on the plane. Whenever she eats, she gets slightly queasy, but it getting better. Sarah has a slight sore throat. Anyway, health would be good.

Please pray for safety for those back home and here….that we may come back together quickly and safely and that EVERYTHING may be seemless and without hiccup.

Lastly, and most importantly, please pray for God to be glorified while we are here.

Kat & the girls in Nanning!

2011-12-24T23:42:00.008-06:00

Update to all you followers of the Kat blog - she and the girls are in the hotel, safe, feeling the culture (and associated shock therein!). They are doing well and should be getting to see Jael tomorrow around 2pm local time!

I'm thankful Kat would show me how to do this so I can keep you in touch with her activities and must take time to let you know (since I don't do this professionally - :) ) that I do have the most awesome wife in the world!!! Sorry all you guys out there, but you tried your best I'm sure - the title belongs to me though as the husband with the most awesome wife.

God bless you guys - every one of you (and Kat - you and the girls) - when you read this, just remember who you're dealing with (evil grin). Yep, the house is already a wreck, but no we're all still entact. Now concentrate on what you've been given the mission to do and bring that little girl home! I love you (and always will - as long as God allows it).

With the love the Lord has given,
me

Checked in! 12/23/2011 in the States

2011-12-23T14:26:00.009-06:00

We've checked in at the airport and have our boarding passes!

Heading to the Airport!

2011-12-23T11:10:00.007-06:00

Heading to the airport...thank you for any and all prayers my bloggy friends! Here we come Jael!!!

2011-12-22T07:19:00.002-06:00

Tomorrow we (Sarah, Anna, and I) leave for China. I should say we are leaving for Jael.

We've had a year of storms, growing us, and in amazing ways...blessing us. There were times of weariness like we've never known previously, yet watching God work was an honor. We wouldn't change the events that led up to this very special time.

On Christmas Day here in the States, Jael will be an orphan no more.

We ask for your continued petitioning on our behalf. Life will be changing in such a blessed, but possibly very hard way.
If you have a moment (or many) thank you for bringing us to our Heavenly Father. We've seen the result of prayer. We are the result of prayer. Thank you.

Prayer Requests
*Please pray for Jael's heart. Please pray that she is dreaming of us and God is whispering peace into her heart. Please pray she attaches to us quicker and smoother than we can imagine.
*Please pray for our travel. That it is safe, peaceful and smooth, with no hiccups. We ask, from experience, that we pray we can all stay healthy while traveling. Please pray that God uses us to glorify Him in China.
*Please pray for our family here. That it is smooth and safe for them as well. Please pray we come back together quickly.

If you would like to follow our journey in China, we HOPE to be able to post here. My husband will at least be posting updates if I am unable to post.

Thank you for blessing our family so continuously. God is so very good.

"Come and listen, all you who fear God; let me tell you what he has done for me." Psalm 66:16

Test Post

2011-12-22T00:02:00.003-06:00

This is a test post, because my husband is awesome and will be posting on my blog (if possible) while we are in China loving on Jael.

Almost There....Living in Prayer

2011-12-16T19:43:00.005-06:00

We (my oldest two daughters and I) travel one week from today. I can't believe how far God has brought us. Actually, yes I can...He blesses us far more than we deserve.

I am nervous, beyond what is normal for me at this point. Maybe it's trying to get Christmas together for tomorrow as well as getting ready for the trip. Nervousness, anxiousness doesn't really serve a good purpose. Logically I know a lot (smile), emotionally.....

I have been through this before. Our whole family has and God always reigns.

*Please pray for us as we walk forward, for peace.
*Please pray that the last funds are fully in place (we're close, but unfortunately this gets to me, which is silly).
*Please especially pray for Jael, as her life is about to change. Please pray she attaches fully and quickly. Please pray God whispers peace into her heart and gives her dreams of us.
*Please, lastly, pray for our trip...that it is smooth, lacking hiccups and illness, and that we are able to enjoy our time there. Thank you...

Understanding Attachement~Part VIII~ Spiritual Warfare

2011-12-11T20:07:00.001-06:00

I thought I was done with this series, I really did. Until I sat talking with my husband in the wee hours of this morning. In a time with intimacy with God and my husband, I realized another not often talked about aspect of attachment. I would dare say it's the most important part, especially because it's often dealt with flippantly, barely touching on it like a feather.

I hope I didn't come across that way in the previous posts. I'm talking about the spiritual battle we fight for our children. It's not always pretty and sometimes down right ugly, but it's there none the less.

It's wild though, I don't see much written on this at all. I don't see any books on adoption (please share with me if you've seen them) that dive hard core into the spiritual warfare for our children.

I think, like in the rest of the areas of our lives, there is often a behind the scenes battle that is being waged. A war that is being fought for the stronghold satan may have in our families.

Why do you think satan throws everything possible at you when you adopt? A wish to relinquish his stronghold is often last on his list. A child that can be be manipulated, knows no meaning of family, attachment, or even right and wrong...that's a child he wants. Families are what God wants...it's GOD's picture...not the picture belonging to "Your enemy the devil(who)prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour" (I Peter 5:8). He wants little ones (and adults) alone, not standing together with those that love God.

Earlier this year I was able to listen to Dr. Karyn Purvis (The Connected Child) speak about a little one that once stayed with them...a hurt child...a child of trauma. I was able to hear her speak about the spiritual warfare. It opened my eyes even further to something many of us adoptive parents innately know. It is not only fighting for our children on a physical level, but very much a stage set on a spiritual battlefield.

There's so much in this world that is beyond what we can see. It is beyond, sometimes, what is even in our scope of imagination. Somewhere along the line we started ignoring the forces of satan in this world.

I want to share that in the last year, I've seen satan's workers working in ways that may scare some...strange things that don't make sense. I want to tell you something. I wish they weren't working, but I glad I could see the obviousness of it. They are active. A war is being waged for our children.

When we fight...
When we wage war...
When we dig deeper to parent our children in a therapeutic way...aiding healing...
We must face the spiritual aspect of the fight.

Do you pray with your spouse or loved ones in your family? Do you call on the power of Christ's name, commanding the evil out of our lives? Do you wage war on the spiritual plain? Do you recognize there's a war going on for your child?

To some this will sound crazy, but as an adoptive parent I have heard of more giant leaps in healing when we face this on the spiritual battlefield as well.

We are humans that are physical, emotional, and SPIRITUAL. If we don't wage war on every field for our children...we will not win. The fissures may heal to an extent, but the risk is that with just a little pull they may open wide up again.

satan will slide a splinter in the fissure to keep the wound open. We need to pull the splinter out...it's time.

The power of God is stunning. He gives us many wise and discerning specialists (and sometimes friends) to help us help our child heal physically and emotionally. Nothing beats our GOD though...no better expert to call on. God knows all and is all.

Call on the experts here on earth, God gave us these wonderful people. Don't forget the Great Healer though...

HE is the one that can do battle and will win every time.

"The horse is made ready for the day of battle, but victory rests with the LORD." Proverbs 21:31

Not Exactly as Planned, but Praising

2011-12-08T21:07:00.005-06:00

Things didn't happen exactly as we planned, but God is on His throne and we have airline tickets. Because the time of year, tickets were....lets just say that we were told this is the most expensive time of the year.

When the news came about the cost, of course I was at the pediatricians office, not at home in private. Bekah wrapped her arms around my neck and told me she loved me. You could tell she was so worried. I looked at her and said, "Honey, you are worth our house, our cars, and anything we have...just like your sister. We will bring her home." Of course we know it's our Heavenly Father that will bring her home.

A cherished blessing came to the rescue in regards to the tickets...totally God. We still have a ways to go in funding and the next step is hotel and in country travel (we fly from where we meet Jael to the consulate). Providing is in God's Hands. We have tickets to China purchased and it is one step at a time. God has led us to our daughter and all things are possible through Him. Praising Him for for some of the last seats on a flight to our daughter! He's got this.

"Come and hear, all you who fear God; let me tell you what he has done for me..."Psalm 66:16

Our Second Favorite Christmas Present~Jael

2011-12-08T11:15:00.006-06:00

Remind me not to check email at 3:30am...because that's how long I've been up.

I haven't shared everything because I didn't know what it meant. Clear as mud, right?

Last night we received our conformation email for our consulate date. It's for January 3rd. I fly out, most likely, on December 24th...arriving on December 25th.

Can you believe our merciful and wonderful God?

On the day we have chosen to specifically celebrate the birth of salvation and grace into this world,
On the day that changed our lives FOREVER,
On the day that we want to give even more (if that's possible to want) to our Savior....

we are to be given a gift...a gift of our daughter.

That's not even all though. We meet our daughter on the 26th of December.

Why is that a special day?

Because God shared this date with me 4-6 weeks ago. I didn't know what it meant, but I shared with my husband and several very close friends that the 26th had been imprinted on my heart. I wondered if it would be the day I traveled. I wondered if it would be the day I arrived. Only a week ago, my friend Donna texted me, "I think the 26th is going to be your gotcha day."

If I had shared this with the agency or the coordinator, it wouldn't mean the same thing. I requested NO special days...just to get there. January 3rd is the second to last day we gave as an option. It was the day we didn't expect AND a day that I thought was off the radar and not possible. We did NOT request this as our special day. My merciful God, my Heavenly Father...told my heart.

Sigh...man, I love Him. He's so good to our family!

Though I'll share more later, the beauty of this sleepy day is magnificent!!!!

Our prayers have now changed...actually we start with a praise.

We praise God for His mercy and favor...for sharing with us...granting us...the blessing of our daughter.

We pray...
*That Jael is prepared. That the nurses are reading her the book and showing her the pictures we sent. That she dreams nightly of us...every time of sleep. That she sees our faces, hears our voices, smells our scent in her dreams. That she attaches to her daddy and I quickly and finds peace through the transition through her Savior.
*That our family is full of peace as we prepare.
*That the funds are laid before us quickly.
*That the trip is wonderful, safe, and we all come back together as a family and are protected against satan's onslaught through everything.

God is so very very good.

"Come and hear, all you who fear God; let me tell you what he has done for me..."Psalm 66:16

NEWS!!!!

2011-12-08T04:39:00.003-06:00

We got news and it's so very cool! If it wasn't 4am I'd share it right now! Yep, I'm mean like that!

How to Place God's Goodness in My Memorial Box

2011-12-05T18:47:00.003-06:00

We are so close to bringing our Jael home. Our three and a half year old precious jewel has a long medical journey ahead of her, facing amputations...but our awe inspiring God may heal her beyond that.

I can't figure out how to put God's goodness in our Memorial Box...in the last three weeks God has blessed us beyond our expectations.

A paper that we were told could NOT be scanned through a government agency and sent to us (was required to send through mail)...within 24 hours was scanned and sent to us.

The next paper needed was done and completed BEFORE the necessary information arrived so that it could be completed. We were told it would take at least five days. It was done within 24 hours.

We were told that from the time our I800 approval hit China, it would take about six weeks for us to have our travel approval.

God called us to pray for Jael to be in our arms by the end of our year.

It took THREE weeks and we received it today.

I sit here surprised, yet not...that's our Amazing Heavenly Father.

Now, we pray we can receive a quick consulate date. We are confident. God has brought us to our knees and called us to pray.

Now we pray that the funds that fell through will be completely replaced within days.

Now we pray that God prepares Jael's heart and she, even through trauma, attaches to us quickly. That she dreams of us.

Now we pray she is in our arms by the end of our year.

Thank you Lord...there are no words to thank you. You are stunning....there is not a Memorial Box big enough (happy sigh).

"Come and hear, all you who fear God; let me tell you what he has done for me..."Psalm 66:16

TRAVEL APPROVAL!!!!

2011-12-05T16:41:00.003-06:00

We got our travel approval!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOO HOO!

TO GOD BE THE GLORY, GREAT THINGS HE HAS DONE!!!!!

Waiting on our consulate appointment. Prayerfully we'll have it by the end of the week!

Do we know how we'll pay for the complete trip? Nope...but getting TA in just a week is HUGE!!!! HE'S GOT THIS!!!!

Please pray...
*The consulate appointments are either full or very close to for the end of the year. We have already planned for being gone on Christmas if necessary. Our daughter is waiting. Please pray for a quick consulate appointment.
*Please pray that we get low cost airline tickets.
*Please especially pray for Jael's heart as her life is about to change drastically. Please pray she dreams of us...hears our voices, sees us, smell our scent...in her dreams. Please pray she, even through the trauma, attaches to us quickly.

Thank you friends!

Have I said "WOO HOO" yet? If not...WOOO HOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

"Come and hear, all you who fear God; let me tell you what he has done for me." Psalm 66:16

Understanding Attachment~Part VII~To Those Who Will Be There

2011-12-05T07:11:00.006-06:00

If you have yet to read the previous posts, please follow the links below.
"Understanding Attachment~Part I~How it May Start"
"Understanding Attachment~Part II~How Our Children May Feel and Moving Forward"
"Understanding Attachment~Part III~Helping Others Understand"
"Understanding Attachment~Part IV~Misunderstanding/Our Stories"
"Understanding Attachment~Part V~When Parents Find a Hard Time Attaching/Choosing Love"
"Understanding Attachment~Part VI~Putting the Pieces Together"

You may notice, as the end of this series is near, that I've stayed away from the clinical terms. I've not mentioned the cycle of attachment, the diagnoses that many face, even exactly how to start helping our children heal. I haven't mentioned much of the "roughest stuff"

Those things go WAY beyond the scope of my training. I understand quite a bit on a non professional level, but I am not qualified.

Oh, if I stumble across something that seems to help or I love...I will share it as a mom. Many of my "cling to's" are in the resource links below each of the attachment posts.

We've had our struggles, I can't say that we haven't.

We've learned about "trauma~versaries". We've learned that one of our blessings, every year, starts a period of struggle...fight...unacceptable behavior. It happens at the same time each year, the time they came home from across the world. Do they know the time of year? Actually, they are young enough that they don't recognize it. On some level their body does though.

There have been many food struggles. We've learned not to make food an issue and have healthy food always available, fruit and veggies are available 24 hours a day. The only issue is when they sneak, don't ask, or lie about it...not about food itself. If they ask us and it's in our ability to do, the answer will be yes. If it's close to dinner, we can tell them they can take it and place it by their plate and have it when we are done. A residual fear of hunger (as you may have read earlier in this series) may always be there, even as an adult.

There are so many things that are beyond hard. The last year and a half I've discovered blogs of many "Trauma Mamas". Before that I didn't even know the term. It's a term referring to the mom's (warriors) of traumatized kids...not just traumatized kids, but children who a war has to be waged for. A war far beyond what most face.

These mom's get a standing ovation from me. They are not perfect. They don't have all the answers. Yet...these mom's fight with everything they've got until they haven't got anything left and it's solely God carrying them.

I had a pretty rough thought tonight. It's not pleasant, but often how the world views the trauma of our children.

When a woman has been raped, so against what is natural and right, we do not expect her to walk at night alone. We don't expect her to act like nothing happened or at least no one ever should.

Yet with our hurt children, many do expect them to act like nothing ever happened. They are expected to forget horrendous trauma that many of us can't imagine. They are expected to act normal.

That is not right and we cannot expect that.

Attachment, sensory issues, transitioning, therapeutic parenting are all a result of one thing...that trauma.

As I come close to finishing this series (for now..smile) I just want to ask those that will be a part of our lives, or the lives of other adoptive families, to be patient with us and understand that we are fighting a war that's worth fighting. We are fighting for our sweet children that have lost more than most of us have imagined. Yes, they have gained so much, but the through the "trauma glasses" they may not see that yet.

If you want to see how you may be able to support these families as they are adopting and after they arrive home, consider clicking on the following link.
"What Can I Do to Help?"

"May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you the same attitude of mind toward each other that Christ Jesus had, so that with one mind and one voice you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ." Romans 15:5&6

The Reality of Orphans Resource #1
"The Hole in Our Gospel by Richard Stearns"

Post Script: Many struggle to understand why people fund raise during the adoptive journey...why adoptive parents may refer to it as "ransoming their children". If you are struggling to understand, please read the post below.

"Ransoming Our Children/Fundraising and Adoption"

There is one more post on attachment in this series. You can check it out at the following link.
"Understanding Attachment~Part VIII~Spiritual Warfare"

Understanding Attachment~Part VI~Putting the Pieces Together

2011-12-04T16:43:00.014-06:00

These posts, far from professional, are meant as an introduction to the world of attachment (sensory issues, and transitioning) that we face in adoptive parenting. They are just the tips of the iceberg, if even that. Yet, prayerfully, they will help those in our lives understand what it took us many years to.

If you have yet to read the previous posts, just click the links below.

"Understanding Attachment~Part I~How it May Start"
"Understanding Attachment~Part II~How Our Children May Feel and Moving Forward"
"Understanding Attachment~Part III~Helping Others Understand"
"Understanding Attachment~Part IV~Misunderstandings/Our Stories"
"Understanding Attachment~Part V~When Parents Find a Hard Time Attaching/Choosing Love"

This last year and a half has had me very thoughtful. I’ve had several parents mention that friends and family don’t understand that they have to parent their child of trauma (because of the loss they have faced, it is trauma) differently.

Picture a beautiful puzzle…its fluid with movement, not the stationary one dimensional puzzles we have now, but alive. As you look at it, you see the pieces of your life. You see your husband, each of your children, your friends, maybe smaller pieces with activities (that are not quite as fluid). God is the puzzle maker. He has created our puzzles. They fit together perfectly.

When you glance to your puzzle, it is complete and beautiful. You could watch it forever…the oceans of colors waving across it. One day you look down and your puzzle has expanded. It has a huge intricate empty space right in the middle. With joy you realize that this is your next child!

You spread your arms, looking for a puzzle piece…feeling for that one smooth missing piece. Instead you find a multiple of very complicated pieces with jagged edges.

It won’t be as easy to put together as it looks.

This is often our child…rough from trauma, fissures dividing pieces, not one…but many aspects that need the healing touch of God and through Him…us…to help mend those pieces until the beautiful fluid piece is all one.

We can’t parent a child the same that doesn’t understand love, family, attachment, the sensory world, or know our Heavenly Father (though He knows them).

We cannot call a car a plane and throw it up in the air and expect it to fly.

Just because many think children should all be parented the same, doesn’t mean that’s reality.

Here are a few examples:
A child that has been here since birth may know the value of family. What they hate IS a “time out”. They don’t want to be separated from anyone. Not to mention that they are solidly attached.

A newly home child may find their comfort in being alone, because that’s what they are used to. It is NOT what they need, but what they want. A “time out” may be exactly what they are seeking…to push you away…to be living in their own world. A “time in” may be much more successful. It doesn’t interrupt the attachment process; it places them near you to think about what they’ve done. They may not like it, but need it.

A child who has been here since birth may throw a complete tantrum at the store. They are mad and want their way. They feel safe, but are being stubborn. Consequences are a natural next step.

A newly home child may throw a complete tantrum at the store. They may be scared with too much sensory input. They may feel overwhelmed and fearful. They may need to be removed from the situation and held to feel safe. They may need comforting sounds or places. They are not being stubborn or acting spoiled.

A child that has been here since birth may know the “rules” of the house…of life. They know when they do something wrong, there are consequences.

A newly home child may need many “redo’s”. They may need to practice the right behavior until it’s ingrained. They may need a firm “no” and need to practice what’s right. Otherwise the newly home child may be facing negatives all day instead of creating a chance for praise and positive reinforcement.

A child who has been here since birth may be surrounded in love so constantly that they can securely go to others and love on those that are not immediate family around them.

A newly home child needs to discover who and what family is. It may be detrimental to that idea to pass them around and even let them go to those they may want to.

A child that has been there since birth may be able to have set snack times between breakfast and lunch. They have never known real hunger.

A newly home child may have hunger ingrained in them. They may “crash” if they don’t eat and drink every couple of hours as the fear there is no next meal sets in…it’s not logic, but ingrained. They may need to have a basket of healthy food that is JUST their food by their bed...to feel safe.

A child that has been there since birth may know they can ask you for things or that they can tell you that they broke something...well...that they weren’t supposed to touch in the first place.

A newly home child may use manipulation to get what they want, because that’s all they have known in the past. They may use “charming” behavior or lies instead of owning up to a mistake…because when they received consequences in the orphanage or previously in their lives it was extreme and more than their bodies and minds could handle.

These are just a few examples of looking beyond the child in front of you to what lies beneath. Someday we may get to a point where all our children can be parented similarly…maybe. All children are so different, both home since birth and newly home, and often need some different parenting skills. Some hurt children may take many more years.

Whether others understand or not, this is reality. Yet, to those of you supporting many of these families...your understanding and support is priceless.

The puzzle pieces may be fractured and rough, but through God it is a privilege to watch the pieces slowly meld together to become one. It’s a privilege to watch the joy on the face of a child as they start figuring out what “safe” and “love” means. It may be a battle, not for the faint of heart, to fit those pieces together. It’s worth it though.

Someday, we may find that our personal puzzle (with all its pieces) is really just a puzzle piece in itself…fitting perfectly into God’s plan.

"Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see." Hebrews 11:1

Adoption Stories/The Plight of Orphans #1, #2, and #3
"Saving Levi: Left to Die...Destined to Live by Lisa Bentley"
"There Is No Me Without You: One Woman's Odyssey to Rescue Her Country's Children by Melissa Fay Greene"
"Love in the Driest Season: A Family Memoir by Neely Tucker"

Other posts in this series...
"Understanding Attachment~Part I~How it May Start"
"Understanding Attachment~Part II~How Our Children May Feel and Moving Forward"
"Understanding Attachment~Part III~Helping Others Understand"
"Understanding Attachment~Part IV~Misunderstanding/Our Stories"
"Understanding Attachment~Part V~When Parents Find a Hard Time Attaching/Choosing Love"
"Understanding Attachment~Part VII~To Those Who Will Be There"
"Understanding Attachment~Part VIII~Spiritual Warfare"

Understanding Attachment~Part V~When Parents Find a Hard Time Attaching/Choosing Love

2011-12-03T18:51:00.008-06:00

If you haven't read the first four posts in this series, I want to encourage you to click on the links below.

"Understanding Attachment~Part I~How it May Start"
"Understanding Attachment~Part II~How Our Children May Feel and Moving Forward"
"Understanding Attachment~Part III~Helping Others Understand"
"Understanding Attachment~Part IV~Misunderstandings/Our Stories"

I am SO VERY VERY far from a professional, but we have a very wide net of adoptive friends and, well, as you've probably guessed....orphans and adoption are one of our greatest passions (after God and sharing His love and salvation through His Son).

We wanted to deal with a very touchy and difficult subject. We wanted to deal with a subject that we do not see discussed very much. This is not from personal experience, but from the experience of some very special families we know and the very thoughtful knowledge shared by professionals.

Many books don't touch on the fact that not everyone attaches instantly to their adopted child or even their biological child. They know logically that this is their little one, but the emotion is often hindered by frustration, illness on the parents side, lack of sleep, and (at times) discipline issues (a child acting out).

I mention biological children as well. For those that suffer from postpartum depression, there is sometimes a lag in the attachment to their child.

In families that are formed through adoption, you've seen the picture and fall in love with that little smile or the big solemn eyes. We anticipate (just as with pregnancy) the home coming. Wow, it's gonna be amazing.

Yet occasionally, when you get to the point of adoption and you hold your child for the first time... you don't feel anything, no instant bond.

You are often sleep deprived, physically exhausted, and sometimes dealing with a very unhappy child...which can come out in screams, anger, tears, manipulation, destructiveness. Add to that, a language barrier if you are adopting internationally.

You know you SHOULD feel attached, but again...the bond you thought would be there isn't.

I will tell you what we've shared with those going through this.

First of all, this is normal, solely because there is no "standard" of a right way to adjust to a new family member. This is a person that you don't know. They had a life before you (in the case of an adoption).

Second, Love is a choice. Attachment will come with time for an adoptive parent. We have not EVER seen it NOT happen.

It may take work, but during the "challenge" period (which may be short or LOOONNNNGGGG), remember (again) that love is a choice. The world has relegated love to a mushy feeling (thus such a high divorce rate) and that love can just go away and dissolve into nothingness. We choose to love. It becomes and often IS a wonderful feeling, but the glimmer of love starts little and it has to be chosen until the feeling is there.

Remember, during this time, that you must CHOOSE to love.

Lastly, remember that this is your child. If you need help, get it. This is forever and, as with any child...bio or adopted, we have to step up and do the hard things to create the family that God intended.

Don't be ashamed, seek friends who understand. Be there for others that are going through this. Again, multiple friends have shared with us this struggle...ALL of them have attached...ALL of them love their children madly...ALL of them have succeeded in creating an attached family.

I write this not to scare anyone. I write this to let you know that this can be normal experience.

We don't want to make light of this or give pat answers, but we do want you to know that God will get you through this. He's given us all avenues of help...use them. Don't forget to rely on Him and choose to love.

"And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." I Corinthians 13:13

Attachment Resource #2
"Attaching in Adoption:Practical Tools for Today's Parents by Deborah Gray"

Other posts in this series...
"Understanding Attachment~Part I~How it May Start"
"Understanding Attachment~Part II~How Our Children May Feel and Moving Forward"
"Understanding Attachment~Part III~Helping Others Understand"
"Understanding Attachment~Part IV~Misunderstanding/Our Stories"
"Understanding Attachment~Part VI~Putting the Pieces Together"
"Understanding Attachment~Part VII~To Those Who Will Be There"
"Understanding Attachment~Part VIII~Spiritual Warfare"

Understanding Attachment~Part IV~Misunderstandings/Our Stories

2011-12-02T21:58:00.007-06:00

If you haven't read the first three blog posts, you can click on the following links.
"Understanding Attachment~Part I~How it May Start".
"Understanding Attachment~Part II~How Our Children May Feel and Moving Forward".
"Understanding Attachment~Part III~Helping Others Understand".

At times we faced misconceptions about the reality of attachment. No one has tried to be ugly in ANY way, but when attachment issues haven't been faced personally, there is no reason for the understanding to just automatically be there.

Common Misconceptions:
1. She will get over it. If you just treat her like you do a biological child, eventually she will trust you to come back.
2. Your being overprotective by not leaving her in a nursery situation, in an area with a lot of children, OR at all. She needs to figure out what her world entails and she is just manipulating you by crying.
It's actually a "no" to both of the first two and often it's exactly the opposite. At times unattached children will just assume they have been left for good and are pleasantly surprise that you came back. The crying may actually be a good sign when you leave (a sign of the beginning of attachment) and a lack of crying can be a bad sign and a sign they are not attached. Those who may not have a reason to understand attachment may think the lack of crying means your child is totally secure in your love. Often it means just the opposite, that they aren't attached. They aren't bothered by the fact that you are leaving.

3. It won't hurt her if I hold her. You are around her all the time and she KNOWS she belongs to you.
Sadly, often she may have felt she "belonged" to many (depending the situation) and may take a long time and a lot of work to feel like she belongs to you. When it bothers her that you are handing her to someone else (even occasionally)...this may be a good sign. We need to be their anchor in an unknown world. If she doesn't care if we hand her around (after what she may have been through) that is more of a concern. Remember it's very likely she doesn't believe your permanent at this point. She may not even want you to be.

4. They look happy and well adjusted, therefore they ARE happy and well adjusted.
No, this CAN (though of course not always) just mean that they are not attached YET and are not bothered by your leaving or handing them over. It does not mean they are well adjusted, just that they may have no clue what well adjusted is. Also, sometimes others can see the "charming" or "manipulative" behavior that some children may have used to survive. This is not well adjusted. They may have had to use these behaviors (the false "put on" front) to survive in an orphanage situation or get any attention.

All these things are just possibilities. Some children have very quick attachment and honestly, that's what we are praying for when Jael comes home. We know the reality though, we know that a child going immediately to someone new without being concerned...well, can be concerning. You see, we've been through it before and though (in the long run) our transitions have been easier than some (also harder than others). It was rough at times. We think it's important to share the reality AND the rewards.

It was 2003 when Max came home from Russia. He was a beautiful little boy, that was used to the neglect he received (See "A Adoption Story-Max"). He was underweight and extremely neglected. He had never been outside and most of his life was spent ignored in a giant wooden play pen with 10 other little ones. He didn't even have a chance to attach to friends because he was moved to the next "group" as he increased in age.

We read the books. We went to the seminars, yet when we look back we find we only recognized about half of the issues that were happening. He seemed to attach to us instantly. He recognized us as his security and cried if we left him, looked us in the eyes, and seemed to know we were his parents. We thought that would be it. That was not reality. Yes, he had started to attach, but other issues started cropping up.

Though we had some food issues, some of the biggest issues we saw were sensory related. It wasn't the fact that he hated touch, but EVERYTHING overstimulated him. A trip to the grocery story would bring about biting, hitting, and kicking. Too many people brought about high anxiety (even when we got past the biting, hitting, and kicking). He then started challenging us. We honestly didn't recognize this for what it was. He was seeing if he could drive us away. He had not completed attachment. There was a part of him (we believe) that didn't think we would stay and not abandon him.

Yes, at 13 months people generally attribute things such as this to the toddler years. I am the first to say, "Don't blame everything on the situation they came from." Yet, this was (what we now see) an issue from Max's year without us.

If it could go down the toilet, it did. If it could be challenged, it was. There was no saying, "NO!" on his part. There was just defiance in the actions. It was not easy. We love and loved this little guy, but it did bring a level of frustration that we hadn't seen before. Let's be honest. He instantly was/is 100% our son (as all our children), but training a child to trust you, to be loved, while you are facing open defiance is a challenge. We look at our little ones and our hearts melt, yet they are coming from hurt and getting past the wall of hurt and neglect can take a (obviously not literal) sledge hammer at times. It can be painful, but very worth it.

Max is now nine. He has a smile and a gleam that we just LOVE. He is SOOO smart. We didn't do as intense "attachment work" with Max and did struggled longer because of it. Yet, he did come through and survived our mistakes and the hurt of his past BEAUTIFULLY. We are still learning though and occasionally still filling in some fissures. He is amazing and we are so thankful he is our son (and always have been).

Bekah came home from Ethiopia in 2007 at 15 months. She had spent the first year of her life with her biological family. In the small orphanage she was at, she was a favorite. Her feet hardly touched the ground. When our oldest son and I traveled to Ethiopia to bring her home, she wanted the nannies...not us much of the time. This was a good thing though. She was attached to her nannies, thus she knew how to attach (See "A Adoption Story-Bekah).
Once we arrived home, the challenge became obvious. My poor husband....

She decided to trust in me. She decided to attach to me. She decided to do everything she could to not attach to her daddy. If I was in the room, she would play with him. If I left the room for a MUCH needed nap, she would go catatonic and not respond to anything. You see, I had become her anchor in Ethiopia and when I went away (nap) he was the one that "made" me leave. In public, she still acted like she was "shopping" for a daddy, while keeping an eye on me. This is where attachment work was VERY necessary. My husband took over ALL baths. He tried to do all the feeding he could, while still working to support the family. It was rough. My husband handled it well, but occasionally it would hurt. How could it not? He had understood, this time, the possibility of this happening and expected it. Yet it took six months to START getting past this. A light bulb seemed to go on at about six months. She began to run to her daddy when he came home to give him a hug.

Then the moment came. The moment when we knew she had finally attached. All the kids LOVED to go to the store or "out" with daddy. They take turns, loving their alone time with him. One day Bekah FINALLY decided that it was her turn to go with her daddy. When those arms came up and she pointed to the door, BOTH my and my husbands eyes filled with tears...before he turned and walked out the door with our sweet Bekah.

Bekah's favorite necklace (at four) was her "Daddy's Girl" necklace. Food and hunger issues still come to the forefront at times, even at age five, but healing has taken place on a huge level and we are so proud of our little Bekah.

In 2010 came the twins. The twins were relatively easy. Though at first Rachel made us earn her smile, they grew to love quickly...through the extreme neglect we believe they had faced. Even now though, we look for the appropriate signs of attachment growth. We try to be aware of warning signs. Now our Gabe still LOVES his food and may always struggle with feeling hungry.

*Side note and a little off the subject...a conversation was had with an adult recently. This adult was adopted as a child and still carried rice in her pocket. She had a residual fear of being hungry. She said it wasn't all the time anymore, but it is built in.

Attachment does and will happen. It is worth the rough journey. Attachment is a wonderful, sometimes hard, exciting, painful at times, lovely journey. The work we do with and for our kids is worth it. If you will be facing it in the future or are facing it now. Don't give up. If you need help, get it. There is nothing wrong with asking for help. There are things we don't share here on the blog. There are rough things that happen. Yet with each bump in the road comes blessing as you pass over it.

Just know you are working for the Master Carpenter, God. You are rebuilding foundations that need more work and have some voids. You are helping create a foundation of love and safety in your child and family. You are helping create a child that CAN attach.

"It (love) always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." I Corinthians 13:7

Adoption Resource #1, #2, and #3

"Adopting the Hurt Child by Gregory Keck and Regina Kupecky".
"Parenting the Hurt Child by Gregory Keck and Regina Kupecky".
"Parenting Adopted Adolescents by Gregory Keck".

Other posts in this series...
"Understanding Attachment~Part I~How it May Start"
"Understanding Attachment~Part II~How Our Children May Feel and Moving Forward"
"Understanding Attachment~Part III~Helping Others Understand"
"Understanding Attachment~Part V~When Parents Find a Hard Time Attaching/Choosing Love"
"Understanding Attachment~Part VI~Putting the Pieces Together"
"Understanding Attachment~Part VII~To Those Who Will Be There"
"Understanding Attachment~Part VIII~Spiritual Warfare"

Understanding Attachment~Part III~Helping Others Understand

2011-12-01T19:20:00.008-06:00

If you have not read the first two posts in this series, I recommend you read them first (smile).
"Understanding Attachment~Part I~How it May Start"
"Understanding Attachment~Part II~How Our Children may Feel and Moving Forward"

At times the response we receive from others to "Attachment Work" is not very pleasant. Often it's daunting to think of telling those we love, "I'm sorry, but you can't hold our child."

In life, I have found that I (at times) feel others should already understand what took me a time to process. Have you ever gone to your husband/wife and just assumed they knew something.

"Yes honey, leaving a book in my side of the bed to crawl on top of when it's dark is not my favorite thing." You should see the look of shock (and a little laughter).

It's like many of us who journey down God's path and find that we have more children than the world expects. They look at us like we're loony (maybe it's going to the park with my teens dressed up as cows while I'm in red leopard pajama pants that does that?). Telling friends (that already think your a tad "off") that God has led you to your next amazing child can be rough, or at least the reaction can be. We expect everyone to be instantly happy. Yet they haven't even had the same time to process it that we had.

Okay, yes...I am instantly happy when someone is called to adopt, but 10 years ago I might have questioned the intelligence of having eight children. I was insane then (smile), forgive me.

I think understanding attachment is the same way. I think, whenever possible, we need to share ahead of time why attachment isn't always easy. We need to sit down and have a heart to heart about the information we've gleaned about attachment. We need to send that email. We need to prepare those in our lives.

How can others understand what is so foreign to them and has never been explained?

Most of our friends and family were born in love. They had children born in love. When they cried, someone came. When their child cried, they ran to their side.

They don't have a reason to understand a child that doesn't cry. They don't understand a child whose cries were never answered, because they just gave up. No more tears, because there was no more hope.

Most of our friends and family were picked up and rocked. They picked up and rocked their children.

They don't have a reason to understand that a child may flinch away from touch, overly sensitive (sometimes in actual pain) because touch is so foreign to them that they don't like it.

Most of our friends and family were played with. They played with their children.

They don't have a reason to understand a 3 1/2 year old that has to be taught how to play with toys because they never had any.

Most of our friends and family had a crib or bed that they learned was a safe place. Their children learned the safety of that same crib or bed.

They don't have a reason to understand a child screaming, not being able to roll over even, because they relate a crib or bed to a cage of neglect...or even abuse.

Most of our friends and family had a regular caregiver, often mommy or daddy. Their children had a regular caregiver.

They don't have a reason to understand a child that was looked at as a job, maybe a job that was cared about, but a job. A job that can be quit if there was family strife, or a better job offer.

Most of our friends and family were never passed to a stranger and walked away from. This is NOT negating the sacrifice the biological family made or the love they may have for their child.

Most of our friends and family were protected from strangers. They were cherished.

They don't have a reason to understand how a child can refuse to trust you will stay around. They don't have a reason to understand that you don't become an instant mommy or daddy to them, just because you have loved them for so long. They don't have a reason to understand the same child may do everything in their power to drive you away because they know caring hurts.

We need to give our friends and family and opportunity to understand and absorb this, if at all possible, before they are faced with an "attachment" situation. If at all possible, before we have to say, "I'm sorry you can't hold them for a couple of months."

WHEN THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND

That said, sometimes explaining will not make a person understand (though we need to give them a chance).

I have had a professional say to me, "They will attach fine. They all do."

My jaw dropped open and I immediately thought of friends that struggled for years with attachment of their infant. I thought of another whose child has been home for months and months and is still struggling...the infant not wanting to believe or trust...pushing the parent away. I thought of books and books of experts saying that not every child does attach. That it often takes work.

I was floored.

We need to be prepared for those that don't understand and may not try to.

We need to prepared for the fact that some will be hurt and take it personally.

We need to be prepared for the possibility of very uncomfortable situations. Example: If your child is still "parent shopping" and not believing you'll stick around, wanting to go to everyone (no stranger anxiety or anxiety about being left at all). Our children may seem outwardly happy and friendly, while inwardly being attached to no one.

We need to be prepared that those who do not have experience/information about attachment will not understand.

IT'S NOT NEGATIVE, BUT VERY POSITIVE

Yes, there is the possibility that we will face negative reactions, yet there is a lot of positive. In our experience, you will have cheerleaders in your life. You will have those that do understand and support you 100%. It's awesome to have friends and family like that! Also, a positive, most people that feel hurt will get over it. They may never understand, but then they may have insight in other areas that we lack.

Our children are the biggest positives ever. Most children, at times with a lot of work, WILL attach. Some of us may have an easy transition with immediate attachment. Some of us may have work, work, and more work....which makes the attachment so rich and rewarding when it gradually happens.

WHY THIS IS SO IMPORTANT

In life we are given one opportunity, one lifespan. When our children are on loan to us (for they really belong to God) it is our responsibility as parents to supply (the best we can) a foundation worth building on...first on God and then building from there.

When a child comes to us having faced loss and trauma right off the bat, there are holes in the foundation. A foundation with holes will eventually collapse on itself. It will be destructive instead of supportive. It will leave cracks through the walls because of the constant shifting.

Filling those holes is vital. Others understanding that there are holes is wonderful, but in itself cannot heal our children.

Let's be the champions of our kids. Let's give them what they need even if they don't know they need it...especially if they don't know they need it.

"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4

Attachment and Sensory DVD Resource #1
"TCU Institute of Child Development"

Attachment Prayer Request
Please pray that God prepares Jael's hearts, gives her dreams of us...our faces, scents, voices....and helps her to feel secure in our arms and with our love very quickly.

We had funds that are coming be delayed to the point of not being available quick enough to fund travel for the adoption. Can you please pray that the rest of the funds are laid before us quickly? Thank you!

Other posts in this series...
"Understanding Attachment~Part I~How it May Start"
"Understanding Attachment~Part II~How Our Children May Feel and Moving Forward"
"Understanding Attachment~Part IV~Misunderstanding/Our Stories"
"Understanding Attachment~Part V~When Parents Find a Hard Time Attaching/Choosing Love"
"Understanding Attachment~Part VI~Putting the Pieces Together"
"Understanding Attachment~Part VII~To Those Who Will Be There"
"Understanding Attachment~Part VIII~Spiritual Warfare"

Understanding Attachment~Part II~How Our Children May Feel and Moving Forward

2011-11-30T15:57:00.019-06:00

If you have not read "The Story of Attachment-Part I", I recommend you start there.

"Understanding Attachment~Part I~How it May Start"

Life for our little one has not always been easy. A matter a fact you could say it's been traumatic. She has suffered a great loss. Soon she will be handed, with no transition time, to complete strangers who smell different, don't speak her language, and don't look exactly like her. She may have not been spoken to about us or seen the pictures we've sent.

You might even be surprised to discover our sweet (and very attached) Max, Bekah, and the twins had to go through an attachment process too. They had to learn to trust that we would be around forever. Who wouldn't after being handed to someone you didn't know?

I heard it described somewhat like this. Picture a normal life with your family. Your kids running around. Your husband/wife at the Barbecue. A stranger comes in and you are told to go with them. They take you to a house with a ton of other people your age who may or may not completely ignore you. After months of grief some strangers come in. They are smiling and so happy. You are told this is your new wife/husband. You are expected to just accept it.

I recently read an even better description of how it might be on the blog "Journey to Baby Boz".

Imagine for a moment…

You have met the person you've dreamed about all your life. He has every quality that you desire in a spouse. You plan for the wedding, enjoying every free moment with your fiancée. You love his touch, his smell, the way he looks into your eyes. For the first time in your life, you understand what is meant by "soul mate," for this person understands you in a way that no one else does. Your heart beats in rhythm with his. Your emotions are intimately tied to his every joy, his every sorrow.

The wedding comes. It is a happy celebration, but the best part is that you are finally the wife of this wonderful man. You fall asleep that night, exhausted from the day's events, but relaxed and joyful in the knowledge that you are next to the person who loves you more than anyone in the world…the person who will be with you for the rest of your life.The next morning you wake up, nestled in your partner's arms. You open your eyes and immediately look for his face.

But IT'S NOT HIM! You are in the arms of another man. You recoil in horror. Who is this man? Where is your beloved?

You ask questions of the new man, but it quickly becomes apparent that he doesn't understand you. You search every room in the house, calling and calling for your husband. The new guy follows you around, trying to hug you, pat you on the back,...even trying to stroke your arm, acting like everything is okay. But you know that nothing is okay.

Your beloved is gone. Where is he? Will he return? When? What has happened to him?

Weeks pass. You cry and cry over the loss of your beloved. Sometimes you ache silently, in shock over what has happened. The new guy tries to comfort you. You appreciate his attempts, but he doesn't speak your language-either verbally or emotionally. He doesn't seem to realize the terrible thing that has happened...that your sweetheart is gone.You find it difficult to sleep. The new guy tries to comfort you at bedtime with soft words and gentle touches, but you avoid him, preferring to sleep alone, away from him and any intimate words or contact.

Months later, you still ache for your beloved, but gradually you are learning to trust this new guy. He's finally learned that you like your coffee black, not doctored up with cream and sugar. Although you still don't understand his bedtime songs, you like the lilt of his voice and take some comfort in it.More time passes. One morning, you wake up to find a full suitcase sitting next to the front door. You try to ask him about it, but he just takes you by the hand and leads you to the car. You drive and drive and drive. Nothing is familiar. Where are you? Where is he taking you?You pull up to a large building. He leads you to an elevator and up to a room filled with people. Many are crying. Some are ecstatic with joy. You are confused. And worried.The man leads you over to the corner. Another man opens his arms and sweeps you up in an embrace. He rubs your back and kisses your cheeks, obviously thrilled to see you.You are anything but thrilled to see him. Who in the world is he? Where is your beloved? You reach for the man who brought you, but he just smiles (although he seems to be tearing up, which concerns you), pats you on the back, and puts your hand in the hands of the new guy.

The new guy picks up your suitcase and leads you to the door. The familiar face starts openly crying, waving and waving as the elevator doors close on you and the new guy. The new guy drives you to an airport and you follow him, not knowing what else to do. Sometimes you cry, but then the new guy tries to make you smile, so you grin back, wanting to "get along." You board a plane. The flight is long. You sleep a lot, wanting to mentally escape from the situation.
Hours later, the plane touches down. The new guy is very excited and leads you into the airport where dozens of people are there to greet you. Light bulbs flash as your photo is taken again and again. The new guy takes you to another guy who hugs you. Who is this one? You smile at him. Then you are taken to another man who pats your back and kisses your cheek. Then yet another fellow gives you a big hug and messes your hair.

Finally, someone (which guy is this?) pulls you into his arms with the biggest hug you've ever had. He kisses you all over your cheeks and croons to you in some language you've never heard before.

He leads you to a car and drives you to another location. Everything here looks different. The climate is not what you're used to. The smells are strange. Nothing tastes familiar, except for the black coffee. You wonder if someone told him that you like your coffee black.

You find it nearly impossible to sleep. Sometimes you lie in bed for hours, staring into the blackness, furious with your husband for leaving you, yet aching from the loss. The new guy checks on you. He seems concerned and tries to comfort you with soft words and a mug of warm milk. You turn away, pretending to go to sleep.

People come to the house. You can feel the anxiety start to bubble over as you look into the faces of all the new people. You tightly grasp the new guy's hand. He pulls you closer. People smile and nudge one other, marveling at how quickly you've fallen in love. Strangers reach for you, wanting to be a part of the happiness.

Each time a man hugs you, you wonder if he will be the one to take you away. Just in case, you keep your suitcase packed and ready. Although the man at this house is nice and you're hanging on for dear life, you've learned from experience that men come and go, so you just wait in expectation for the next one to come along.

Each morning, the new guy hands you a cup of coffee and looks at you expectantly. A couple of times the pain and anger for your husband is so great that you lash out, sending hot coffee across the room, causing the new guy to yelp in pain. He just looks at you, bewildered. But most of the time you calmly take the cup. You give him a smile. And wait. And wait. And wait.

--Written by Cynthia Hockman-Chupp

I think that kind of puts into perspective what our children face. We know that God has shown us our children and we're just bringing them home, but they have suffered such loss until this point that they most likely will not feel that way. It's pretty certain. We may intend love, and they may just be angry.

Transitioning into a family takes time. Attachment takes time. Sensory issues take time. This is why our family chooses to do attachment work. It's almost beyond a choice. We see it as mandatory.

Think of it, even with a child that seems completely attached, as an extra check to create a healthy bond and family.

For four months (less or more time if necessary) we are the only ones to hold, diaper (if necessary), bathe, and feed our little girl. She must begin to understand that we will provide for all her needs. Often we are repeating stages she should have gotten already, but didn't. Such as bottle feeding (if she will permit), while looking at her in the eyes and holding her, etc. It sounds crazy, but her foundation is filled with fissures that we need to fill however we can...with lots of prayer, guidance from our Heavenly Father, and information from some very smart people. Picture a child that has a bottle propped in her mouth with no physical contact...a fissure.

Our goal is that she understand that we love her and she is safe...with us, not everyone. She may not choose to attach, and it's our responsibility to insure she does. It often is not easy...we have had it both ways.

The attachment dance is NOT an easy thing to do. How easy is it to say to a cherished friend or family member, "I'm sorry, I know they want to go to you, but we need to foster attachment." Sometimes people are offended or hurt. Sometimes they don't understand. There is a common thought process that is, "They will see you everyday and know you're taking care of them. They will attach and you're just being over protective."

If you've seen a child that is unattached, you will know that attachment is not necessarily automatic. Attachment doesn't always come with time. We've known those that after years still struggled with attachment. It's not just with teens and older children, but with babies and toddlers as well. It is often a long distance race instead of a sprint.

So this is our family plan and the reason we are writing this current series on attachment.

We will do attachment work.

This means that we are the primary caregivers until WE feel secure that SHE is securely attached. We do have experience with this and did HAVE to do this previously. Even if we don't always share the stories. Trust us, we have them.

This is what attachment work will mean for our family and friends.

*Only we hold, feed, change, and bathe Jael EVEN if she wants to climb onto someone else's lap or holds out her arms to you. We can't allow it, temporarily, to help her attach. This may be a battle of the wills, but a necessary one.
*This does NOT mean that you can not stop by the house to meet her...though still, no one else holds her. We will be exhausted and will most likely limit the time of visiting. This is not to offend anyone, but to focus Jael's heart on attachment to us. Actually there are times where we will need you (see "What Can I do to Help?"). Attachment parenting can be very lonely at times.
*This means that for at least a month or two that only one of us will be at Church with the other children. Jael needs to understand that we are "forever" for her and not "shop" for new parents because she doesn't trust us to stick around. Though we hope this doesn't happen, we have seen it happen. Even after the first month, one of us may come in late to the cry room and leave early (depending what is needed). Large crowds may overwhelm her or make her feel like she is in a orphanage situation again. Still, only we hold her.
*This will most likely mean that for the first year of her life she will not be in a Bible class/nursery type situation (at least without one of us). This mimics TOO much of an orphanage life and can bring a lot of regression (we have personal experience with this, it's NOT good or pleasant).
*This will mean, though we love and cherish you, we have to do what is best for our daughter, no matter how much we love you. We have to fight for our child, knowing in the long run the battle (no matter how hard) is very worth it.

Hopefully attachment will be quick and easy, but there are no guarantees. We have to go into this prepared the best we can be.

Please understand, the attachment work we will do is not to hinder any love or attachment, but to create the ability to love and attach that God has placed within her.

That said, thank you for your patience with us as we are on the verge of the wonderful (and often difficult) journey of attachment.

Attachment Prayer Request
Please pray that God prepares Jael's hearts, gives her dreams of us...our faces, scents, voices....and helps her to feel secure in our arms and with our love very quickly.

Please check the last post, as we've had a "hiccup" and could use some prayers.

"I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us." Romans 8:18

Sensory Resourse #1
"The Out-of-Sync Child by Carol Stock Kranowitz"

Other posts in this series...
"Understanding Attachment~Part I~How it May Start"
"Understanding Attachment~Part III~Helping Others Understand"
"Understanding Attachment~Part IV~Misunderstanding/Our Stories"
"Understanding Attachment~Part V~When Parents Find a Hard Time Attaching/Choosing Love"
"Understanding Attachment~Part VI~Putting the Pieces Together"
"Understanding Attachment~Part VII~To Those Who Will Be There"
"Understanding Attachment~Part VIII~Spiritual Warfare"

The Side Swipe...Prayers Please

2011-11-30T11:00:00.004-06:00

You know those events you don't see coming? We had one this morning...a side swipe. A large chunk of funds that was coming (we planned to use for travel to China) will not be here for the foreseeable immediate future.

The MAKER of the Heavens and the earth has got this. My humanness is showing this morning though.

This year we are learning something we thought we already knew. Something that God has taught us over and over in this adoption....to lean completely on Him. Nothing left and no other options are a blessing in one way. We get to see God work even greater.

Can you please pray that the needed funds come in very quickly? Thank you...

Please also continue to pray for our Travel Approval to come with a speed we can't imagine and for Jael to be in our arms by the end of our year.

We are not giving up what God has called us to pray. HE is...He just IS...

Understanding Attachment~Part I~How it May Start

2011-11-29T19:04:00.029-06:00

This has been on my mind a lot lately. I can honestly say I understand so much more about attachment, even since the twins came home a year and a half ago. I have a long way to go though. Sometimes it's overwhelming to think about. Every once in a while a twinge of fear settles into my stomach. Jael is coming home quickly. How do I remember everything I've learned?

This fear is nothing compared to what our daughter's fear will be though.

Some of the following posts will have a familiar ring. Much hasn't changed...the fear, anger, not understanding, the trauma our daughter may have faced...has faced. There WILL be changes to previous posts though. So much is different and I wish we had learned it earlier, but for now....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Three and a half years ago....maybe in a small house, in the dirt, in a rural unknown village...maybe in the inner city on hard concrete or a mattress on the floor...a little one came into this world. Her birth brought a surprise in a country where having one child is the only acceptable option. She was a sweet little girl, not a boy to help support the family, covered with the signs of birth. Her little legs curled under her. Locked in way that wasn't expected, possibly from malnutrition...possibly. The mother MAY have looked at her with love. The mother MAY have known her country, her neighbors would not be kind to a beauty that was different than their own. Her father may have wondered what kind of life she could have or may have even felt a pang at the lack of the male heir in a culture that values the strength of masculine offspring.

Was it a cold morning as a grandfather took the child and made the trek into the city? Maybe there was a spark of warmth as they left this newborn on the steps of a welfare institute, hoping she would be found before the weather grew too sweltering or the baby became hungry. Did they have long talks before this point? Did they debate what to do? Was there any discussion at all? They would be heavily taxed if they kept her.

As this little one is processed through the system of a major orphanage or "welfare institute" the diagnoses of "leg deformity" is given. Little kissable legs are often seen as undesirable if they are different. She may not have been held much, but then often the cribs were filled with children with much more significant health issues. The ratio of caregiver to child...was not anything close to what it should be. The numbers were too numerous. Too many children were being left. She learned to either treasure every touch or fear it because it was so unusual and so scary.

Yet life became familiar.

Yes, sometimes she was hungry, but then even that was familiar.
Sometimes she was scared, but she learned that there were many in line before her with cries and needs greater. She wasn't heard.
Often she was cold.
She learned how to comfort herself. She could rock herself in comfort, something that may stick with her for the rest of her life.
When she looked around, she knew the faces around her. Life took on a pattern. She felt safe...safe in a way that what she experienced everyday is considered normal to her, though upsetting to the rest of the world.

She wasn't safe though...not in the way we think. There wasn't enough caregivers, no matter how hard they tried, to protect all the children...even from each others.

For three and a half years she learned what to expect, whether hunger or touch, whether pain or comfort...her days became patterned into the drum of every day life.

*She doesn't know that God has a family across the seas that have been waiting and praying for her. She doesn't know God has plans for her, a family filled with love.*

She knows her familiar routine and may feel a form of content at the habitual nature of her days.

One day, after three and a half YEARS, she may be dressed with a little more care than usual. She is carried outside and maybe a caregiver hugs her with a tear in her eyes. She is placed in a car with a few familiar faces. She doesn't remember being in one of these before and her tummy is most likely upset. She's crying or even screaming, knowing things are changing. She clings to the one holding her, digging her nails in...or seems almost comatose.

*Often a child will have sensory issues because they've never been in a car, or moved a lot. They may never have been rocked, swung around, or touched much. Touch may be painful, their skin so sensitive that it elicits pain. Their head may be full of so many unfamiliar noises that they will be on sensory over load and bite, fight, or kick. Many of the experts are seeing how sensory issues and attachment need to be dealt with hand in hand. Touching may be painful, thus bonding extremely difficult. Sounds may bring screaming, so whispering of love may be impossible. Hand in hand.....

After a long car trip they pull up to a towering hotel...towering in her eyes anyway OR they pull up to a long government building. As she clings to the one familiar person she knows, they enter an unfamiliar room with people looking only at her. These people move toward her. They say funny words. Are they crazy? One is crying. The others are smiling and showing her pretty toys in a special back pack. Her caregiver pries her clinging fingers and urges her toward these strangers. The caregiver backs away...

"NO NO NO NO NO!!!" she may scream and try to run back to the one familiar person there. Her caregiver kisses her, tells her this is her family, and offers a few words of comfort. Finally, often after only minutes, her caregivers hand her to these crazy people that she doesn't know. The toys may be interesting, but this IS NOT going to happen. Then she starts to scream...or she may cry silently. She may be still, wondering what is next. She may....

They whisper a few words of comfort, but only a few words make any kind of sense.

Where is the "familiar" that she knew? Where are those she is used to? Where are the smells she knows?

She may be screaming and railing as the family tries to coax her to eat. They bring her to another room (a hotel is another unknown element to her) , that also smells unfamiliar, with beds and a bath. She may try to find distraction...may.

****This is where the story has many ways it could go, here are just a couple.****

What MAY happen....
She doesn't cry and she does love the attention getting. She is being held and fed. They smell different, but good. The big ones don't ever want to put her down, actually none of them do.

Very quickly she starts wrapping her finger up in mommy's hair and raising her hands up to be held. Any attention may feel like good attention. She may fear anyone holding her but her new family or she may seek anyone holding her because it's attention. Her little heart is in constant fear. She may wonder when they are going to take her back to her old "familiar" place.

This fear can last the plane ride to a new land. This fear can last months...years...after all it was 3 1/2 years at an orphanage and she was still given away. She can't just "get over it" or "realize eventually that this is her forever family". This is ingrained in her core. She doesn't trust enough to let her heart completely go to her family. She needs time. She needs time to trust that her family will be around and take care of her. When she gets handed to others (not in her forever family) she may cry and scream, sigh, or just accept it. She may be resigned that she may not see those she is learning to love again. She is not fully attached yet and may not be for a long time. She doesn't trust yet. It may be a long road...a war for this little one's spirit who may or may not try everything to push away the love she needs so desperately...because love isn't safe. People she loves leave or hurt her. Yet she may want to love....

Others may be offended that this little girl is not handed over. They may feel that the child will eventually just understand and they should be treated as a child that does not have a history of trauma. If the attachment is not WORKED at, this little girl may view all as her caregivers. After all, many took care of her. She doesn't know what the concept of family is. It is not automatic.

Another scenario....
She makes her heart distant and cries when held...rigid and pushing away, resisting touch. She doesn't want the care or love and she never learned to trust. When someone else is around that is not family, she may reach out her hands. These people seem to care too much and she won't let herself get hurt again. She WILL NOT trust them. She will choose not to, since she has nothing else to control in a time that seems so out of control. She will choose not to attach to her family.

The plane ride is miserable. She wants everyone but her family and she cries (and screams) at the slightest touch and for the ENTIRE time. She wants her familiar bed at an orphanage that is NOT home. She wants to be left alone. Others are offended that the parents don't let them help.

She, once home, refuses to attach. She continues to "shop" for her new caregivers, exerting the little control she has. She does not WANT to love the family God has planned for her. People again may offended when the parents don't go out or to their normal places the first few months or so. They may be offended that this family is circling the wagons...even with experts saying they should do exactly that. They may be offended when this expected blessing is not handed over for them to immediately hold. She is so friendly to them and they may think of her as a child that has not suffered through trauma. She is not attached.

THE END...OR REALLY JUST THE BEGINNING...
There are many ways our children may react to their new family. We don't know. We have heard of the most natural transitions and of some of the toughest. We've come to understand much of this is a spiritual battle...satan does not want to lose these children. Adoption is something satan detests.

This whole story is a giant guess about the way things might have been and might be. It's all based on pieces of a puzzle with many pieces missing.

It's not easy to think of the fear in our children, but we have to realized through our joy, our children have faced trauma. The only way to become an orphan is trauma. Yes, God has blessed us with these children....knows them as our children, yet we need to recognize the pain and hurt that brought them to our families. We need to realize they had a life before us.

God has led us to our children, and we are bringing them home. God knows our little girl is part of us and we are part of her. Attachment is just part of the road of adoption. Sometime it is beautiful and smooth and sometimes the pits seem so big they are hard to get out of.

It's all worth it though...always.

"God sets the lonely in families..." Psalms 68:6a

Attachment Rescource #1:
"The Connected Child by Karyn Purvis"

Other post in this series...
"Understanding Attachment~Part II~How Our Children May Feel and Moving Forward"
"Understanding Attachment~Part III~Helping Others Understand"
"Understanding Attachment~Part IV~Misunderstanding/Our Stories"
"Understanding Attachment~Part V~When Parents Find a Hard Time Attaching/Choosing Love"
"Understanding Attachment~Part VI~Putting the Pieces Together"
"Understanding Attachment~Part VII~To Those Who Will Be There"
"Understanding Attachment~Part VIII~Spiritual Warfare"

Where We Are At....

2011-11-27T18:21:00.002-06:00

Last week I felt fearful. I don't normally dwell in fear, so it was a odd feeling. I tried to narrow down what was causing this, because I knew it wasn't of God. I wasn't fearing that God wouldn't act. I wasn't fearing that Jael wouldn't come home. I think my friend Amber nailed it in one of our conversations. I was fearing I somehow messed up things in my humanness.

Silly? Yes!
Logical? No!

Emotionally I was fearful though...until I remembered that worry and fear can be a form of arrogance...believing on some level that we are in control.

Suffice it to say, I am now not fearful....at least 99% of the time (after all, I am human..smile).

Yesterday we received a email from our coordinator. She said the consulate is now making appointments for the week of December 19th. We need our TA (travel approval) to receive a consulate appointment.

We need our TA to come in quickly.

There is another imminent prayer request that I didn't feel peace at sharing before. Financially we need things to finish lining up. We will be almost there we believe...depending on the costs of flight. We have two payments coming to our family that have yet to be paid.

Can you pray for these imminent prayer requests with us?
* That the Travel Approval comes in quickly.
* That our two payments come in this week and financially things start lining up.
* That our airline tickets are remarkably low.

Those are important and on our heart, but even more so is the prayer God called us to....

*Please pray that Jael is in our arms by the end of our year.

Lastly is the prayer request for our daughter.
* Please pray God protects her and whispers His love into her heart. Please pray God prepares her...she dreams of our faces, voices, scents. That she attaches to us quickly.

What some of you might not know is that, though we've sent her pictures and such, there is no guarantee she was given them. She will be handed to us with no days of transition/"getting to know us" time. Handed to complete strangers to her (no matter how much we love her) and losing everything familiar instantly. That is why the prayers for her are vitally important.

Thank you friends!!! Fighting the fear and standing in confidence as we are SOOOOO excited to see God work.

2011-11-25T04:43:00.002-06:00

A beautiful little email from the government saying our Article 5 has been issued. THIS is the paper we've been waiting for.

The Article 5 and our paperwork is now sent to the foreign government for what's called the "Travel Approval" or "TA". It's only at this point that our agency can request their top five choices of dates for our consulate appointment in country.

Everything WOULD seem so impossible and such a short timeline IF we didn't have such a GREAT AMAZING AWE INSPIRING GOD and if we didn't have our brothers and sisters standing a long side us.

Here are the prayer requests at this point (since, PRAISE GOD, they have changed again).
*That we are issued a TA this week, within days, AMAZINGLY quickly.
*That our agency requests our travel date be by the end of our year and is approved.
**That Jael is in our arms by the end of our year.**
*That God...Jesus...whispers in our daughter's ear, bringing her peace. That she dreams of us...physically, our smell, what we sound like...so fear may not be so overwhelming to her. That she may attach to us quicker than ever imagined.

Thank you friends...thank you....

Three Little Ones Fighting For Their Lives (Adoption)

2011-11-20T21:03:00.002-06:00

This week three children have been in my thoughts constantly. My heart hurts and petitions for these families.

If you have a moment, please pray for these little ones and their families.

Eden, a little one that came home from Ethiopia around a year ago, was diagnosed with a medical condition that...there is no cure.

CaringBridge~Eden Brooks

Ruby Grace, a little one that has been home from Uganda only a couple of weeks. She has Hydrocephalus and is fighting for her life (and through multiple surgeries) right now.

A Place Called Simplicity

Katie, a beautiful little one from a Eastern European country, has just arrived back in the United States. Her little body is critical. She is NINE YEARS OLD and barely ELEVEN POUNDS. She needs petitions and petitions and petitions to our Heavenly Father.

The Blessing of Verity

Thank you for praying with me bloggy friends.

2011-11-20T21:00:00.002-06:00

This week is a big week for us (Article 5 coming this week). Thank you for the comments of encouragement I keep on getting. God has blessed me and I pray His blessings just overflow for you. The prayers.....the words "thank you" are not enough.

The time is getting close and my stomach feels full of butterflies. God is working. God is moving. HE is AMAZING! Please continue to petition with us this week for Jael's release by the end of this year. Also that the current paperwork with the consulate is completed sooner than imagined (early this week) and that ALL paperwork flies, those handling it are convicted to expedite it and are blessed. Please pray protection for our daughter who is across the world and that God whispers His love in her heart.

Trying to take a deep breath and prepare for rain (blessings). God has granted more than we could ever ask or imagine.

Thank you fellow prayer warriors! Five weeks doesn't sound so long and prayers...petitions are cherished toward landing in China at the end of it!!!

2011-11-16T18:43:00.001-06:00

Tomorrow our folder will have been at the consulate in China one week. That in itself is stunning since it was submitted five days before logic and policy said it should be. We are currently one week away from picking up the folder ON TIME. We know God can even move this "standard two weeks" up. We pray that whatever miracles He continues to do in this process may just be so obviously Him.

*Please continue to pray for our daughter and her quick release from a place that is not her home.
*Please pray paperwork flies, those handling it are convicted to expidite it and are blessed.
*Please pray protection for our daughter who is across the world.
*PLEASE PRAY FOR OUR DAUGHTER TO BE IN OUR ARMS BY OUR YEARS END as this is the prayer God has called us to pray.

I've been distracting myself today. The closer it gets, the more the butterflies hit. The more....just the more I feel. I don't want to be distracted though. Distracted from our daughter who has been in her orphanage form 3 1/2 years. Jael's sweet life is so valuble and so precious. Can you please continue to storm Heaven with us? Petition our God to go beyond timelines and bring Jael home to her family quicker than we can imagine?

2011-11-14T12:38:00.004-06:00

Got our NVC Letter. This is the last letter we needed to be submitted to the consulate in China for our Article 5 and travel! Sent on to the agency! Please join us in prayer to bring Jael home!

These are our current petitions to our Heavenly Father!

1. That we are quickly submitted to the consulate this week for our Article 5 (last thing before they assign travel~This was done on November 10th!). It is said to take a standard 2 weeks (due to be picked up on the 25th...but we know God is bigger than that. Can we pray that it's only God's timeline that matters?
2.That everyone handling this case in the U.S. and China is convicted when Jael's file comes across their desks and in their hands. That it FLIES.
3.That we have Jael in our arms by the end of our year.

God's Voice is Like No Other

2011-11-13T21:22:00.010-06:00

There are times when I hear God in a blazing whisper in the middle of night. He presses on me knowledge that is a gift. He has touched me in the daytime with my heart beating a million miles an hour...writing on my heart words that never crossed my thoughts....my body racked with exhaustion as the pressing fades. These are all gifts, but let me tell you....sometimes it's scary.

People have asked me, "How do you know when God has spoken?" For at least a time you 100% know. There is no doubt. God's voice is like no other.

We absolutely know that God will not contradict His word. Wise counsel will encourage you as time passes...but...His voice is ONLY His.

But...lame ol' me, after time passes and I've shared what God has pressed on me...my courage fades inside me. I fear.

I think, "What if I've heard wrong? How could God be speaking to me? Doesn't He know that I can be easily angered at times? Doesn't He know that I feel like hiding and occasionally, when my husband gets home, I do just that? Doesn't he know how weak I feel and sometimes overwhelmed?"

After listening to our preacher today, I've realized that some of my feelings are about self worth...or lack of it. They are about the fact that it is a lot easier to love someone else than ourselves.

Mark 12:30-31 says,
"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor AS YOURSELF.’There is no commandment greater than these.”

Did you catch that? To love others, we need to love ourselves.

What does that have to do with listening to God, acting, and believing He could use us?

Everything....

God has given us worth. He has given us HIS SON to die for us.

We cannot read the Bible...David, Jonah, Peter....and stand in arrogance saying that God cannot use us. We cannot say these great men of God did not fall short. We cannot have the gall to say that Jesus' grace is just not quite big enough to forgive us or use us.

I love Gideon's response (in Judges 6:14-16) when God called him to lead. Listen carefully to what God says.

The LORD turned to him and said, “Go in the strength you have and save Israel out of Midian’s hand. Am I not sending you?”

“But Lord,” Gideon asked, “how can I save Israel? My clan is the weakest in Manasseh, and I am the least in my family.”

The LORD answered, “I will be with you, and you will strike down all the Midianites together.”

Loving ourselves and realizing God values us is one of the first steps, but the next step is the MOST important.

"I will be with you..."

It's that simple. It's not us doing it, but God. The message is not ours, doesn't require understanding, IT IS GOD'S.

It is NOT about our human weakness or doubt.
It IS about that one moment in time that we knew...100% that God had spoken and that God IS using us...IS blessing us with HIS voice.

I needed that message today. You see I've been sitting here fearful saying,"Are you sure God? I've told all these people that you called me to pray that Jael is in my arms by the end of our year. I'm scared. What if I'm wrong? Will my testimony be hurt?"

Scared? Yes, I am...scared of my weakness and fallibility, not Gods.

Yet I remember the moment God spoke. I was brought to my knees. I was pressed. At the same time a dear friend, not there with me, felt the same pressing. I was at 100%

Yet time passed...

God moved paperwork crazy quick and one paper was done the day BEFORE everything was together so it could be done.

Yet time passed...

God gave my husband and I the same message to pray for one of our children and when I texted him at work asking him to pray specifically, he already had.

Yet time passed...

And three different times satan tried to intervene in obscure and never before (for us at least) ways as we were sharing information about the pressing of God.

Yet time passed...

And God gave a friend's mother a scripture to share with me and five minutes after I received the message, my 10 year old shared with me the same story.

Yet time passed...

Today, our preacher shared a word that I needed to hear. A word that I needed to press on and hold on to what I know...and it's scaring me to death...but press on I will.

We have to. We have to hold on to the moment of clarity. We have to remember when God spoke.

I've often thought about the Israelites and just have not understood. How could they see God each day so evidently and still turn away or still doubt?

Now I get it...we have short memories unless we take our doubts captive...unless we choose to hold on to the absolute presence of God while living in this human world.

"...and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." II Corinthians 10:5b

God cannot be limited by our weaknesses.

God cannot be stopped by our stupidity (yep, it's true, at times we are).

God's will cannot be undone.

His voice doesn't disappear with time...only our memory of it does.

We must step forward with courage and speak the truth. It doesn't have to make sense to us. It doesn't have to be "doable" or "attainable" by ANY human or government standard.

God is not the world. God does not work by the world's rules. God doesn't say comfort is the first priority. God is bigger than that.

God IS bigger than that.

We must put aside our weakness and trust Him.

"His wisdom is profound, his power is vast.
Who has resisted him and come out unscathed?
He moves mountains without their knowing it
and overturns them in his anger.
He shakes the earth from its place
and makes its pillars tremble.
He speaks to the sun and it does not shine;
he seals off the light of the stars.
He alone stretches out the heavens
and treads on the waves of the sea.
He is the Maker of the Bear and Orion,
the Pleiades and the constellations of the south.
He performs wonders that cannot be fathomed,
miracles that cannot be counted." Job 9:4-10

Our Journey to Max (Repost for National Adoption Month Day 12)

2011-11-12T23:09:00.001-06:00

In September 2003 God opened our hearts and welcomed in a little boy named Max. It was just the beginning for our family.

Max's huge eyes and winning smile has blessed us beyond belief. Again, we thank God...we live thanking God for the wonderful blessing of our son. Here is his story.

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

OUR JOURNEY TO MAX

It was a normal Sunday, like any other Sunday when, while setting in church listening to a sermon Thomas and I both received this wild intense feeling of anticipation. You know that feeling in the pit of your stomach that either feels like a thousand butterflies or that you’re going to throw up. Neither Thomas nor I talked about it until after church was over, but when we did it was so odd. This is somewhat of how it went.

“Honey, I just got the weirdest feeling”
“Ya, me too”
“It’s like something big is going to happen! Really big!”
“Ya! I don’t if its going to be good or bad, but it’s gonna be huge!”

Through much nudging and a couple of good clunks over our heads, God brought into both of our hearts (separately) the knowledge that is was time to start the adoption process. My husband and I knew, before we ever married that we wanted to adopt. We knew the situations of the children. We had seen the programs and heard the stories (both good and bad).

The knowledge that it was our time to consider adoption came after 9 years of marriage and 3 biological children (our youngest being 2). We felt the call, in souls, in our spirit. We didn’t have the money, but when God calls you, you answer.

We decided to look for an agency first, though we weren’t really sure where to start…not really.

We looked everywhere until we found a wonderful Agency called “Hope International”. After the endless searching, researching, and phone calls, we dialed a number that changed our lives. We were not sure “Hope” was a Christian Agency and we weren’t even sure that we should call. That was until the previous executive director Susan answered the phone and we found that she was a member of the Church of Christ and had also attended the same University that we had! We had even met her previously. They also had a main social worker/adoption advocate that is a Christian as well (as well as their staff). Not only this, but their office was only 40 minutes away. We were to find out the many benefits of this later on. Everything started falling into place at this point.

Then we needed to decide where we wanted to adopt from.

My husband and I knew from the start that we wanted to adopt internationally. Children here in the U.S. need homes every bit as much as the precious children overseas. And though some are in deplorable situations right here in the U.S., the Institutionalized children in so many developing countries are struggling for even the basic necessities. Every child has a right to love, but international adoption just happened to be our decision. The only difficulty we saw was the “Hope” worked from countries that we had not yet considered. Russia and China were the predominate ones. We actually leaned toward China since we didn’t care what color our child’s skin was; only that he was ours.

But a strange thing happened, all through this process of choices, we had people constantly talking of Russia. We heard “My neighbor adopted from there” to” my sister used to work in a hospital there.”. None of these things changed our minds though. It was a little story about a young boy adopted by a couple like us that already had biological children.

This couple had biological children, but they always knew they wanted to adopt. When they went to Russia to pick up their two year old son he was wearing pink stretch pants and a thin sweater, that’s all he had. The orphanage asked for the clothes back, because they needed them.

We discovered Russia had around 700,000 orphans (since communism fell it had doubled). It has risen since we adopted in 2003 though. It has currently 880,000 orphans. For many of the children, human touch is an uncommon event. Most are malnourished and developmentally delayed. There are so many stories from so many countries, but Russia captured our hearts. The need is everywhere, but after much prayer and searching we decided on Russia.

We had decided to adopt a little boy (between 12 and 18 months old). T.C. (our oldest at 8) had stated quite definitely that he is "girl trapped" and Anna (our youngest) was just 2 when we began this adoption process and we felt it would be best to adopt younger than her.

Every roadblock we have had (and there have been some significant ones) God has provided a way. We had our home study. Now that was a stressful experience (totally us, not them)! We struggled to financially get everything together, but with help from friends and family and a lot of faith, God provided. We received INS approval. The approval, which usually takes about 4 months to receive back (after fingerprinting), took 2 1/2 weeks.

We then received our referral, a video of little Nikolai. He was (and is) beautiful. Nikolai was only 9 1/2 months old in this video and first thing we noticed about him were his liquid brown eyes. He was tiny with layers of clothes on including a little girl’s shirt. He kept one of his fists closed most of the time, which we have heard is common in many institutionalized children (he out grew this quickly upon arriving home). After what seemed like a long wait for the dossier to be accepted (that's a story within itself) we finally were able to receive a court date. Ten days later we left for Moscow, Russia. Max was 13 months old.

We arrived in Moscow too late on Friday to see Nikolai. As Gregary, our driver (also an engineer), took us to our apartment we were stunned at the buildings surrounding us. The history in Moscow is amazing. Even the most beautiful buildings had paint peeling and had none of the modern look we are used to in America. The streets and the buildings make you feel as if you’re living a part of history. Moscow celebrated its 856th year this year Gregary stated.

We learned very quickly that driving in Moskva (as Moscow is called) takes courage of its own. The lines in the street mean nothing. Pedestrians have no right-of-way. We were surrounded by the sound of horns blaring and these amazingly strong Russian voices yelling aggressively at other drivers. There are very few cars with seat belts. We found that you get in the car, close your eyes, and pray (smile) and we were ones that had an amazing driver. It's funny, after a couple days and you find your self totally relaxed after you have almost got in your 3rd accident of the day (smile).

We arrived at our apartment. It was in a beautiful old building that had a sense of history of it's own. We stayed in a small one bedroom, very European looking apartment. It has hardwood floors and these beautiful ancient looking chandeliers. It has a washer, but generally no one feels the need to have a dryer. You hang your clothes and iron them to complete the drying. It had a small kitchen, a living room, a restroom with a bath and is actually quite pretty. The front door is actually two very heavy doors, each with heavy bolts on both. One door swung outward (the outer door) and one swung inward (the inner door) – for added strength and safety. The halls and floors outside the apartment are cement, but functional and quite old (and run down). It had it's own unique Russian feel.

We woke up the following morning anticipating just being able to touch the littlest Marr. We arrived at a rundown two story building surrounded by what in the states would be considered the projects; huge apartment buildings that reeked of poverty. Outside the orphanage we could hear a single baby crying. . A strange smell invaded our nostrils….Cabbage and unwashed bodies (we would come to know). A vicious sounding dog warned us of his presence as we entered the outer courtyard. As we entered the building, we were immediately drawn up the stairs by our host. They led us through a maze of elderly corridors, Disney Characters decorating the walls. Finally they led us through a set of doors into a silent room. We were shown into Nikolai's group (#8) and all we heard was silence. Eleven children around the age of one...silent. One child was sitting (facing away) on a caregivers lap being spoon fed (as all of them are) with an adult large spoon and a small plate. All the other children were in a large sectioned off corner of the room. Maybe a couple toys were in with all these children and that was only once in a while. At most times at least 3 children were rocking to comfort themselves since they are so deprived of the love and attention they require. There was one child with Downs Syndrome who would set in a wet diaper that had soaked through her clothes. Another always stood a top a little platform in their penned area. Another little one was always rocking and tearful. Nikolai was standing at the wooden wall of the partitioned section. His eyes, those precious eyes. They looked empty…almost dead, from the severe neglect he endured. We recognized him immediately. One of the caretakers scooped him up and motioned us to follow her. She led us to a room lined with chairs with a table in the middle. It was fairly empty besides that. She plopped Nikolai our arms and left. Wow, what an introduction. We were finally holding our son….finally.

Sidebar: Before we go on we must say that some of these women do care, but are continuously dealing with (only 2 of them) 11 babies. They are not trained and have become somewhat desensitized. Most do not realize the basic necessity of touch and love these children require. Of course, we think that they also seem to realize that they can’t get too emotionally attached, since they never know how long a child will be staying. This is not always because of adoption, but also children may be moved from group to group.

Nikolai looked at us with his huge big brown eyes. He was finally in our arms!!!!! looked a lot thinner than the last picture we had and we were later told he had begun to lose weight recently. We were finally holding our son….finally. He looked down and played with our keys. We waited and we finally saw his eyes peek toward us and the heavens opened as he smiled.

We found out quickly how ticklish he was. You poked him and he cracked up. He was so sensitive to any touch. He was initially very stiff with us, as if he were not sure what his response should be. When we set him down for a brief moment he very quickly put his feet and hands on the floor (with his bottom sticking up in the air) and started rocking. We found out this was what he did when he was overwhelmed. We were told to expect the rocking and that this is normal in orphanages. We have loved and kissed on him daily since. He was very smart (we could see this even then) and he could melt your heart with his smile. We brought him cheerios and he was always hungry. When we asked if we could bring him food, we were told we could if we brought diapers for his whole group (which we were already doing). We had been told that the children only get 2 meals a day (milk for breakfast). He was and is such a blessing from God. We were able to take him outside for the very first time in his little life. He saw and touched his very first tree. He was able to see his first bird and a stray dog. He wanted to explore everything. He went back and forth from that and hesitation. We could see the strangeness of all this in his eyes. We went into his group with him. We couldn't just ignore these other children, but Nikolai showed us (for the first time) that he was starting to view us as his. He gave us such a look, not angry, just possessive (smile).

We went to court on a Tuesday. It took us an hour to get there. The building was older and the carpet did not fit on the floors. We went into the court room knowing now was what was going to determine our parental rights of Nikolai. The judge quizzed us and then let the 3 other people that have a say in this process speak. The Education minister stood and told of Nikolai’s past and how he was found by a police officer on a street corner in the very early hours of a cold morning in Moscow. She told of a search for his parents and of reviewing our life story in the documents she had. She recommended that we be awarded the adoption rights of Nikolai. Next the deputy director of the orphanage stood (we had a meeting with her the day before). She stated that she felt we would make a good family for Nikolai. The prosecutor then stood. Yes… I said prosecutor. She was the one we were most nervous about. The prosecutor’s job is to argue the negative. As she stood we held our breaths. She went over Nikolai’s vital statistics and then stated that it would be in the best interest for Nikolai to be adopted into our family!!! No argument! God was working yet again! Why should we even be surprised?! Nikolai was then legally ours, though we had to wait for actual custody until Sept. 30th.

His name is Max Nikolai Michael. Max after my father, Nikolai for his heritage, and Michael for the warrior/angel (because he's a little bit of both). He wasn't overly familiar with any name since it was so rarely spoken to him.

I was to leave the next day to come back to the states. So after court we headed straight to the orphanage. We were able to take Nikolai outside again. He was dressed in an unusual outfit as many are. They keep them clothed, but as with everything else they are very limited and though clothing may be made for a girl or boy, that doesn't matter. Nikolai was tired that day. He actually (for the first time) laid his head down and kept it there. My heart melted. Though Thomas would be there, leaving was not easy. I left and went back to the states to be with T.C., Sarah, and Anna, who needed me as well.

The orphanage worker told Thomas, while I was back in the US, that Nikolai cried for the first time when seeing Thomas leave. We had already seen what happens as a child cries. They may be moved to a different place, but no one holds them or comforts them in their tears. We have seen that Nikolai is a wounded child. You could see it in his eyes back then, when he rocked, when his lower lip stuck out a touch (but no tears surfaced). Many of these children don't cry because they know no one will come. Nikolai has a home now, and we are so blessed to be the ones to give it to him

On Sept. 28th, Anna (our 2 1/2 year old) and I returned to Moscow. Knowing we would be coming home with Nikolai (Max) was such a joy. Though for some reason this trip was a lot harder. Yes, having a 2 1/2 year old there could be "interesting" at times (smile), but that wasn't even it.

We arrived tired and bedraggled, but found we landed early enough to introduce Anna to her little brother. I could not wait to get my arms around our beautiful little boy and of course Thomas couldn't wait to see Anna either (he'd been away two weeks at that point).

For the first time we arrived at the orphanage at dinner. These were different caregivers than I had met last time. Max was unsure of what to think of me. He had seen a movie (on our video camera) of me daily, but still was not quite secure with me. The food soon arrived and they proceeded to plop Nikolai in a little wooden chair with a small table in front of him. As they motioned me over they sat a steaming hot bowl of soup in front of him (along with what looked like barely cooked hamburger and a curd type dish). Nikolai sat with his hands flat on the table for the entire meal. He did not reach out to grab the piping hot bowl, as most 1 year olds would try to do. It worried us at first and then saddened us when we realized why he did this. We watched as another child was being fed. We watched as they grabbed this 8 month olds head and literally wrenched it back into place when he tried to look at me. We watched them (also literally) shovel the food into this child's mouth at such a rate that most of it poured back out. This was what the bowl under the child's chin was used for….to catch the large amount pouring back out. They then took a teacup and poured tea into this child's mouth the same way. They did this for a few minutes then plopped the child back into the pen, very little food or drink having made it to the child's stomach. We wanted to cry, to be angry, to rail against this kind of treatment of any child, but we wanted Max out of there and knew doing that could offend the wrong person and make it hard to get Nikolai out of this situation.

The next day when we arrived at the orphanage we were told that we could take Nikolai for a walk. We changed his clothes (head to toe) and for the first time, we realized how grossly malnourished his beautiful little body was (as Thomas stated later, he had never seen a child look this way except on the commercials requesting funds for hungry children) (sigh). The day was beautiful as we walked with Nikolai in a broken down carriage with Anna trotting beside. It was one of those truly peaceful times we will always treasure. Certain areas we avoided because of the smell, but we were used to it by now. We watched as Nikolai's eyes lit up at each new sight and listened to his beautiful little giggle that was becoming a more frequent thing. It was a long way to come, but so worth it.

The next day was our big day, wow...we finally get to take Max into our arms and into our family (he was already in our hearts). It seemed as if it took forever to get to this day, though it really hadn't (6 months). As we walked in, we first met with the head of the orphanage and gave them the clothes that so many friends and family donated. They were amazed and thankful at the sheer number. We then were off to wrap our arms around the littlest Marr. He had just woken up and gave us that early morning sleepy little smile. We then changed him into the outfit we brought him (since they needed the clothes he was wearing back) and we said goodbye. There is one worker there that we will truly miss, so we were misty eyed as we said goodbye and received kisses on both cheeks. As we looked back at the children rocking back and forth in the pen trying to comfort themselves our sense of joy was dampened at the thought of leaving all these children behind (it's still hard to think about), but our own happiness still overflowed at the actuality of little Max in our arms.

The rest of the trip went so quickly. From the U.S. Embassy, to passports and visas, the Max's medical check, to finding ourselves in the middle of a communist protest surrounded by riot police (don't ask). Our bodies sagged with sheer exhaustion. We realize we have now seen a country and a life so foreign to our own, a life of such extreme contradictions. A Place where those on the Metro give up their seats to the elderly, yet children lay in orphanages malnourished, neglected, and looked down upon by many. A Place where the so-called joys of freedom have also brought the Russian Mafia and rampant pornography. You can't even watch the news without seeing nudity. A Place where Metro stations are ornate and marble covered and the buildings (tenements) lay falling down around them. Moscow is a different world, so beautiful and ancient, yet parts are so unimaginable.

Max is home now. He is the most loved child. He took his first steps his first night in our custody and T.C., Sarah, and Anna have kept him running ever since. His weight went up. We had some (we consider minor) adjustments/difficulties with sleep, and eating, and such, but he took such major strides each day. He struggled a little trying to figure out what his reactions/emotions should be (because of his lack of interaction the first year). After almost three years he only is a little emotionally young for his age.

Our story has been such an amazing journey that has changed our lives and perspectives forever. Max Nikolai Michael was what we consider our Miracle child. Each step of the way we saw Gods hand…miracle after miracle. There is not enough room here to even grant you more than a brief glimpse of what God has done for us through this. If you have or are considering adoption and you hear Gods call, please listen. He will take care of finances (if that is a worry). We didn't have it when we started. He will take care of you and the child he has for you, in all aspects. He will use you in ways you cannot imagine.

People have started asking us recently “Do you think you will adopt again?”.

There are millions of children out there, orphans out there. How can we say “no” with any certainty that we will not adopt again? This is a question we ask God.

You may ask, do we have the funds to adopt again? No, but that didn’t stop things before. What we do have is four wonderful children, a stupendous family, support of terrific friends, a fantastic Church and an AMAZING GOD, who has seen fit to bless us so abundantly. So to answer the question “Will we adopt again?” The answer, after all, IS very simple……what God wills…we will.
____________________________________

Obviously, since this story was written, God did will. We now have EIGHT beautiful children....five of which are adopted. We have a house filled with love and BLESSED BLESSED BLESSED by God.

I am not....(Repost for National Adoption Month Day 11)

2011-11-11T22:18:00.001-06:00

I am not....
a good person because I've adopted. I am a blessed person.

I am not...
rescuing a child. They rescued me with their sweet love.

I am not...
surrounded by real children vs.adopted children. They are all my real children.

I am not...
hearing God where He is not. I am hearing God where He is.

I am not...
listening to man. I am listening to God.

Perspective of an Adopted Child~Must Read (National Adoption Month Day 10)

2011-11-10T19:27:00.004-06:00

This is a must read for every adoptive parent.

It's a must read for anyone who wants to understand what is going on in the hearts of our adopted blessings when they first arrive home.

I want to encourage you to check this out!

"Different Perspective" on Journey to Baby Boz

The Effect of the Economy on Orphans (Repost for National Adoption Month-Day 9)

2011-11-09T21:33:00.003-06:00

In the current economic climate, I’ve heard story after story of the struggle of many American families. I think we all have. There were 650,000 foreclosure filings - which include notices of default, auction sales and bank repossessions - issued in the first quarter of 2007. That represents one of every 194 households. We’ve heard of retirees losing the bulk of their investments that were supposed to provide for them. I think many feel the economy hitting them in the stress of their work environments…layoffs and cutbacks loom for so many. Government bailouts…a quick fix for a long term problem, but not a solution.

Unfortunately, we often forget that the economic situation in the U.S hurts more than just Americans. Many orphans wait in orphanages around the world. They wait for mommies to forgive them for writing on the refrigerator, for daddies to flip them, giggling, upside down. They wait for love. Some are in wonderful orphanages…as wonderful as they can get, not being a family. They get picked up and tickled. They get snuggled for a few minutes when it’s possible. They get fed. Unfortunately, there are other children in orphanages who lack the basic necessities of touch, food, and care. They rock themselves for comfort since it comes from no one outside them. They are not even on the U.S. weight charts. They may be so malnourished that it has now stunted the growth of their heads. Malnourishment starts with weight, then the height is affected, then finally the head circumference. This IS NOT some kind of scare tactic or even written to “guilt” anyone. This is the truth. I have seen it. We have seen it in our own precious blessings.

Many Americans are either financially hurting or fearful living in this insecure economy. Starting an adoption that may cost $20,000 at a minimum may be too daunting a task in this day. Children wait while we juggle finances and wonder what the future holds.

Please don’t think this is to say that everyone is called to adopt…that is a decision between you and God. This is to say that there are children that can’t even understand the concept of “three meals” a day or the concept of “snuggle time”. This is to say we as Americans…we as Christians need to question what we are doing. Are we even praying? Have we ever said to God, “It doesn’t matter what I think I can handle, what do you want me to do?”. This is not said to diminish the hardship or need of families domestically.

This economy is also hurting the agencies. I personally know of a wonderful agency that has blessed our family immensely. They are struggling along with all those businesses out there. Most agencies have humanitarian efforts around the world…if these agencies go under so do many of these efforts.

If they go under because of the lack of adopting families then the circle begins…the children need families, agencies facilitate this, families feel they can’t adopt in a climate such as this, agencies suffer, children don’t find families, agencies fail at the one job they care about, agencies humanitarian efforts start to disappear, the children/families don’t get the aid they need, more orphans are made, children need families, agencies facilitate this….do you see the circle?

This is heavy on my heart today. There is no easy fix. We need to be praying…praying for these children, praying for families to open their hearts that may not have previously, praying for the agencies.

God may not put it on your heart to adopt. You may be an AMAZING prayer warrior for these little ones...but please consider this…talking to God for just one month and saying,
“It doesn’t matter what I think I can handle, what do you want me to do?”

May God put His Hand on you all as you journey through life glorifying Him.

2011-11-09T17:56:00.002-06:00

Though we did not get it today, the fact that the paper is updated and complete is HUGE. Our agency was floored. Not only that, BUT if we get it in the morning we should be able to get it to China in time for a Friday submission. It's cutting it close, BUT GOD CAN DO ALL THINGS! Please continue to pray we are submitted on Friday.

Jael, we're coming sweetheart!!!!

2011-11-09T13:18:00.002-06:00

It's happening...

Here is where it just is AMAZING to watch. THIS MORNING our paperwork for this second paper was received at the proper agency. THEY HAD ALREADY CORRECTED THIS SECOND PAPER and forwarded to the embassy BEFORE they received the paperwork required to correct it.

WE ARE ALMOST THERE! WE NEED THE FORM BY EMAIL TODAY. It has been changed, but when they say, "we will email you shortly"...it often means 24 hours...tomorrow.

Can you pray for this last stage to be completed TODAY and that we may be submitted by Friday?

God is so awesome! Watching Him work is AMAZING!!!! These are miracles...seriously...I'm saving the emails that said it couldn't be done. It can't be done by man...only GOD.

2011-11-09T11:10:00.003-06:00

We were just told that "it takes up to five days to be processed" and today would be a MIRACLE!!! Our Awe inspiring, mountain moving GOD is blessing us with a season of miracles! Can we storm Heaven together for this last paper we need TODAY?!!!

2011-11-09T10:01:00.002-06:00

Today, again, what we are asking is beyond what seems feasible. The letter we await faces it's own "policies". It seems unlikely to receive it today. Yet we feel this is a season of miracles. Can you please petition, storm Heaven, with us that God makes the unlikely, likely. That everyone who touches this case is blessed and convicted and that another miracle occurs. My human knees are shaking, but my heart is rejoicing. Our God is a God of miracles.

2011-11-08T20:03:00.002-06:00

Our Heavenly Father is stunning. Though we cannot yet divulge details, we were told yesterday that something could not happen and that it was against policy. Today God showed us that He is bigger than policy.

Do you know that we have the corrected paperwork (I800) in hand? TODAY...NOW...

We stood together in prayer and our Heavenly Father answered.

Can you continue to stand with us as we feel convicted we are suppose to pray?

Waiting for the next miracle tomorrow and scared at the same time. This is amazing.

We are praying the LAST letter we need (has to be redone as well) before being sent to China is completed/corrected as well. Can you petition that this letter is complete and sent to the agency tomorrow by pdf? Can you pray that our agency sees God's magnitude and seeks this paper from the moment of the National Visa Center opening. Can you pray that Jael is put on their hearts and they feel the need to complete this NOW? God answers specifically and we feel we are called to pray.

We also are praying our paperwork gets submitted in China on Friday. We stand in confidence that we will be privileged to watch a cascade of miracles on Jael's behalf.

Next the prayer needs increase as the miracles we are asking for get even bigger...

This feels, deep down in our gut, that this is a season of miracles.

What Can I Do to Help? (National Adoption Month Day 8)

2011-11-08T09:48:00.006-06:00

So it's awkward and most of the time I just don't want to answer. We really want to be super parents and not need anything. Do you see the big "S" emblazoned across my chest? Ya, me neither. Truthfully, we just don't always want to share how rough it sometimes is.

Get over it...(talking to myself once again)

Sanity is important. Who knew?

"What can I do to help?"

Uhhh...ummmmm...I often find it hard to gauge if they really want to know. NOT to be mean, but I've found myself thinking, "Do you really want to cook the family a meal? Do you KNOW how many of us there are?!"

I don't want to seem to needy (though I'm mentally begging them to read my mind).

I hate it, but in my own self judgement I find myself going, "If I tell them I could use help, they will start thinking we just have too many children and can't handle it."

I'm learning to get over it, but it's taking awhile. I'm learning to be honest and say, "You serious? Hopefully you are because I'm gonna tell you."

There are some AWESOME posts out there on ways to support adoptive families once home, so I thought I'd throw my two cents in. Please, if you have more ideas, post them in "comments". I would LOVE to hear them!

Remember, I'm not needy (yes, I am).....

1.Whether a 1st child or the 10th, there are ALWAYS needs. I've heard (thankfully not referring to us) people say, "Well, it's their sixth, they don't need a shower. I'm sure they have everything."

Here's the reality. Their car seat is 10 years old and doesn't meet safety standards. The clothes that have been passed down, well...they are wondering why they ever put them on their child in the first place (clown suit comes to mind). The stroller has a wheel about to fall off from over use and (especially if the child coming home is older) they could seriously use some sensory toys.

Yup, I'm talking about a baby/child shower OR (to tell you the truth) a money tree where funds are collected to help out with all the eventualities and expenses that come. It could be used for the adoption, for medical needs, or for the items you still need to purchase. Both these things are a TON of help.

The thing is I've learned something the hard way. The shower (whether presenting presents or a money tree), needs to be before the child comes home. I had an AWESOME friend (Shout out to Sonya!) that wanted to give us a baby shower for the twins, BUT....Gabe and I came home with the cycling fevers and what we thought was malaria. Not only that, but it's REALLY a good idea (for attachment) to hibernate for awhile....not having many outside the family introduced to your children. They need to attach to you, not shop for other parents.

2. MEALS~Did you noticed I capitalized that? (hee hee) We had around two weeks of meals cooked for us once the twins came home. This really should be listed as number one. The family is coming home (often) exhausted, spent, and emotionally drained. It's been a long road, that is only really just starting.

Having a friend take on this endeavor? Priceless. BTW my friend Donna rocked this when the twins came home!

I suggest (just from past insanity...urrr...ummm...I mean experience) that two to three weeks (at least every other day) is a HUGE blessing! For those arranging this, here's a really helpful idea. Contact their Church (if you are not a member) and ask them for a list of their friends (by email...no pressure). Also, ask them if you can post to their facebook (to their local friends). This should insure that their lists will start to fill up.

3. After a few weeks cabin fever often sets in. The family needs to circle the wagons to promote attachment (will post on this later). Don't forget them. Call to see how things are going. Listen and be sympathetic, because you may be one of the only adults they talk to. Ignore them if they ask if you have a boo boo. Ask if it's ok if you drop by, even at night, to just sit down and talk or bring a movie. Sometimes the really hard stuff in attachment can go on for a long time. If your friendship is worth it, ride it out...hang on and be there for them.

4. Though I don't usually suggest babysitting, since attachment has to be one of the first priorities, I do suggest offering to take the other children out. Offer to have them come over. Offer the older kids to have a sleep over.

Help the other kids have some fun and normalcy during, what sometimes can be, a rough time transitioning.

5. Offer to take the other kids to their scheduled activities for 4-6 weeks (the offer doesn't have to be that long, but that time frame is a pretty good general one). Often other parents who are already going to be there can offer.

When we can, if Thomas is home, one of us will take our blessings and we like that...but that isn't always possible.

Rides to school, sports, youth group, Church, etc...you wouldn't believe how much help that is.

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So that's it...these are the ideas, just off the top of my head. These are the things that really help. REALLY HELP...

So for all of you reading this asking what you can do to help? When I say "nothing"...ignore me please, I've gone temporarily insane.

2011-11-08T08:19:00.002-06:00

Please pray with us that the immigration paperwork is corrected today and that the miracles and God's glory are evident to all around.

We know it will take a miracle to have Jael in our arms by Christmas, but feel pressing and conviction that we are supposed to pray for exactly that.

Please petition with us....

Randsoming Our Children/Fundraising and Adoption (Repost for National Adoption Month Day 7)

2011-11-07T19:10:00.004-06:00

"My friends, adoption is redemption. It's costly, exhausting, expensive, and outrageous. Buying back lives costs so much. When God set out to redeem us, it killed Him."

- Derek Loux

This quote always hits me so hard. Even more so after reading a blog (here) about the criticism one sometimes receives when fundraising for an adoption.

What if someone told you that to take custody of your child after you gave birth to them, you had to have $30,000?

That is what orphans face every day. They are somehow deemed less valuable, less "real" than a child waking up to your warm snuggles each morning. They aren't though, they are innately beautiful gifts from God. They are OUR children. They are OUR responsibility.

Like us, many don't have an extra $30,000 setting in our bank accounts. Somehow, for some, providing for an adoption is viewed as "less" than other very worthy endeavors. What they don't realize is that they are, like the above example, ransoming our children.

Who wouldn't scramble to aid someone forced to pay to take their child home from the hospital? Are these children any less worthy?

I don't usually like to throw out numbers, but there is thought to be 147,000,000 orphans in this world.

If a pro football stadium holds and average of 80,000 fans. It would take 1,877.5 stadiums to hold the fatherless of this generation.

If an aircraft carrier in the U.S. Navy holds around 5000 people. It would take 29,400 aircraft carriers to hold all of those who live daily without mothers.

It is thought that the largest city in the world is Tokyo, Japan with about 32,450,000. Orphans would fill the streets of about 4.5 cities the size of Tokyo.

So why does supporting...no, ransoming one child matter?

Because that one child gets to walk out of the football stadium, off the aircraft carrier, and out of Tokyo...and into the arms of love and family.

Shonya shared a very poignant quote from one of her friends today.

"When she was adopting (the first time), she had no idea how she would get the money. Her grandpa called her up one day and said 'I am paying for it'. He said that he would rather know that his money is going to give a child a family while he is alive, than to a car after he was dead."

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"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." James 1:27