Wednesday, January 11, 2017

3 1/2 Years, I Love You, and a Surgery

I woke up this morning with my knee swollen/stiff, not painful, but feeling like someone stuck a water balloon under my skin on the outside of my left kneecap.  It felt really uncomfortable like my skin would split.

This did not bode well for this day.

Ben got up just before we had to leave.  He had slept in a bit and I thought it best that we had a rushed morning.  This way, the fact that food was missing for my very hungry boy, would not be the focus of his little boy brain for very long.

We got to the hospital in time to talk to the financial department.  It went fantastic, bringing a $3000 bill we would need to pay off, down to $450.  We are so thankful.

I sat down with Ben in the waiting area.

I kicked my leg up, at this point not caring if it was rude.  It's not that I wanted to be, but my knee kept swelling.

Ben smiled at me and put his handkerchief in front of his face to play peek-a-boo.  I looked at him and said, "I just love you so much Ben."

He looked at me and our non verbal son said, "I love you."


"Now, our God, we give you thanks,
    and praise your glorious name." 
1 Chronicles 29:13

The words all ran together, but it was very clear.

So there I sat in hospital registration ugly crying.  My son....three and a half years home from severe neglect and abuse...almost completely non verbal...said, "I love you."

These are words I never thought I'd here from this little guy.

I know he loves us, but....

*insert ugly cry*

This day, swollen knee, complicated ear surgery, Anna (we had just found out) with a fever....had the brilliance and crispness of the most brilliant Spring day.

As I sat waiting for Ben to return from surgery, I remembered so much.  I remembered the drug withdrawal as he joined our family....Facebook messaging back and forth with a nurse here in the United States. I remembered the green gates, that once he walked out of, he never wanted to go back in.  I remembered the many...almost completely faded now, unless you know where to look.

Then I son said, "I love you."

The doctor sat down with me and told me the surgery went well.  It went so well that they did not have to drill into bone as expected.  The tumor has been removed and they sewed his eardrum, but expect he will have these kind of problems off and on throughout his life.  He said that ear issues are common with children who have Down Syndrome.

We still will have to wait and see how much hearing he has.

I know he has at least enough to say, "I love you." (HUGE SMILE)

Ben woke and sat up, quickly as usual.  He always does.  We suspect the drugs he had the first ten years of his life made him build up a resistance.

He kept on closing his eyes while sitting up.

I sat with him and couldn't stop staring at his hand...only in ours three and a half years...and all those lost years welled up inside me.  Ten years...TEN YEARS....

The years of rotting teeth.  The years of them shoving his mouth full of food, our son who does not know how to chew, and he learned how to cough things up if he choked.  They told us when we took custody that he could eat anything.  No, he learned how not to die from choking.

That hand...that precious hand I would never let go of.

I don't know why surgery and these procedures bring back so much.  I guess I ache for that lost child before us.

I have an "I love you" though.  THAT is what I will hold on to.


Ben is asleep, getting medicine every three hours. We are also having to keep the wrap on his head (that's a  I have my leg up, having taken Anna to the clinic and gone there myself.  Anna, they suspect, has an upper respiratory infection.  They are not 100% sure what is going on with me.  The guesses they have all equal the same treatment though.  Stay off of it (stop laughing), prescriptions steroids for five days (my family is moving out ;-)), and anti-inflammatory prescription drugs.  In two days if it doesn't go down from it's Hulk size (minus the green) I go down for an ultrasound and possible x-ray.  Prayers appreciated there....


Please Pray...
*For Benjamin's healing and hearing.
*For Anna's infection to pass QUICKLY and for no one else to catch it.
*For my knee to recover quickly.  I leave for PA next week and will be juggling Timothy (after the 25th) in a cast from his chest to the tip of his toes.  I need my legs :-)
*For Grace and Glory...their protection and safety.  Today brought that home hard.  Please also pray for God to touch whoever's heart HE will and IF it's His will that we will be fully financed by the end of January.  Truthfully, money is the last thing I want to focus on right now.
*For Annalee (5) who has another serious surgery on Friday to put her other hip in socket (as well as other not easy things).
*For Robert(9) and his recovery from amputation surgery.
*For Orli as she recovers from her surgeries.
*For ALYSSA (15)...please....
*For our precious Brandi (our oldest son's age) who has some health stuff going on that we are concerned about.

Thank you friends!  Your prayers are felt!

If you wish to join us in bring Grace and Glory home, you can give through our "You Caring" at the side of the blog or directly to us through PayPal where no money is taken out.


  1. We had our very first official PT appointment (at the house) for Noah. He is 13 now, home 4 years. Explaining to the PT woman how he came to this point- this point of being the young man/teenager he is, IS truly a miracle. And now he starts PT (albeit scoliosis- ugh) to find a way to walk with an adaptive device (don't know what yet) on his own. Because now he understands that he is free to be the best Noah he can be! PRAISE God! He doesn't have a clue about "love" but he LOVES fiercly, just like Benjamin! ((((((((BIG HUGS)))))))))))) Just had to share because I know you know how I feel and I (ugly cry) totally get how you feel. if that makes sense?

  2. Oh, so sweet! That will be a priceless memory!


In the joy of following our Heavenly Father, we sometimes choose to proceed with a whisper, a verse, or a downright matter how we follow Him, the momentum that follows is like nothing we've ever experienced before.

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