Saturday, March 12, 2016

But...Tomorrow....

I'm going to try to explain my mish mash of emotions today.  They are all over the place.

I'm spending so much of my time coughing, that I've had to stay still so another coughing fit wouldn't happen.  As a mom of many, obviously that is easier said than done.

I set the kids up all over the house and got their med schedule in sync.  Finally at around two today I was able to snuggle with my husband for a bit.

This week held some fear.  He was coughing up blood.  He HAD to have oxygen and IVs.  His body wasn't getting better.  It was a tad bit scary.

Yet today I have this overwhelming sadness.  I want to hold Timothy until it hurts.  Why today?  I wasn't sure.  My husband is home.  I should feel nothing but joy.

I ran through all the questions in my head.   Was this fear?  How? How in the world God are you going to bring $13,000 in just a few weeks.  Nothing has moved this week and we couldn't focus on it.

Yet, after seeing Timothy's pictures and a precious precious video, I felt a bit like screaming.  "HOW?!!"


I figured I had just reached a point of emotional exhaustion, that the long nights, the worrying, the trying to reassure everyone (or maybe just myself)..... was just crumbling in.

Then I looked at the date.  I looked at the date that reminded me that waiting is never an option with a little one.  I remembered that we are not guaranteed tomorrow.  I longed for Timothy all that much more.

Tomorrow was the day we found out Jonathan had died.  
It wasn't just Timothy my arms were longing to hold.

March 18th, 2004 - March 13th, 2013

2 comments:

  1. It creeps up on you. Feb 24th our first child died. Unconsciously I never forget the dates Feb. 24th, July 11th and August 7th.
    ((((((HUGS)))))))

    ReplyDelete
  2. God bless you with His peace that passes all understanding today.
    - I remember that day well. I remember lying on the floor with my cousin's little girl for a nap, and sobbing....for you, not for Jonathan!
    But God had a plan. He gave you Benjamin, and Jonathan has had three with no pain. Three years with his maker! Praise The Lord!!!
    I am praying especially for your comfort today. Try to rest in Him. Love you!

    ReplyDelete

In the joy of following our Heavenly Father, we sometimes choose to proceed with a whisper, a verse, or a downright shove...no matter how we follow Him, the momentum that follows is like nothing we've ever experienced before.

Join the momentum...it is a beautiful place to be. It's not always easy, but then the best things never are.

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