Sunday, February 21, 2016

Unbroken

Tap...tap....tap tap tap

I was dreaming.

Tap...tap...tap tap tap

Apparently reality was actually calling me.  Our little nine year old was trying to wake me up.
"Mommy, Jael and Gabe woke me up.  They are feeling really nauseous."  Apparently Gabe had tried to wake a big boy up, but they sleep a lot sounder than the girls.

I never grumble when kids wake me up because of illness, but apparently the head throbbing, jackhammer going on in my brain, made me a bit less than hospitable (I'm ashamed to say).  I asked immediately if they felt like they were going to throw up "THIS SECOND".  When I got a "No" I sent them for their towels and/or buckets (which we try to keep by their bed).

In the wee hours of this morning I got two of my littles set up on the couch.  I pulled up a pillow on the floor.  (I was too tired to realize I could move the clean laundry and lay down on the couch.)

And there I slept, and got up with nauseous kids, and slept, and got up, and slept....

(The kids feel a lot better today, because...well, we all know the truth.  The puke monster likes to visit in the middle of the night the most.  He's very rude and a bit of a partier night owl.)

Today I'm a bit of a zombie.

I'm also thankful.  I'm thankful for littles who come to me when they feel bad. It hasn't always been that way.

It's hard to imagine that a child would cry, vomit, burn with fever and no one would come.  Several of our children experienced just that though.  They didn't know they were supposed to tell someone they felt sick.

A couple of our sweet ones still struggle, they won't tell us 100% of the time.  Each year it gets better.

If we remember how the master of lies works on us, it's easy to understand.  I'm sure he plays to their pasts, whispers that maybe no one will come, whispers that they can take care of themselves (don't trust anyone).  The "don't trust anyone" I know is often used.  You see, many of our kids had multiple caregivers before they were in our arms.  Multiple times they started to trust that someone would stick around, and then they were gone.  Just as satan likes to work on us when we are tired and broken with the most heinous of lies, he does children too.

So we celebrate every triumph here.  Every time a child tells themselves truth, instead of lies that are whispered to them.

I guess it just seems unimaginable to me.  Crying and no one coming.  Feeling sick and no one caring.  It happens in our back yards to so many children needing permanent (adoption) and temporary (fostering) homes.  It happens across the world.

I saw this the other day and it hit me.


We can't pretend we don't know anymore.

This quote hits home way too much.  I think once your heart knows, you can't ever forget.

This may sound morose.

Admittedly, this isn't easy stuff.

You can't unbreak your heart.  I could have used the word heal, but I think unbreak fits better.

Just as a broken dish can be glued back together....

Just as a scar tissue can form over a wound....

You can still see the broken...

 "Let my heart be broken by the things that break the heart of God". Bob Pierce

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yes, we still need funds to bring Timothy home.  I just can't go there today though.  Timothy WILL come home.  I have faith in that.  I have faith that God led and it will happen.  Today my heart is breaking for those who remain.  Those whose cry will not be heard.  Those who will never know what family is this side of Heaven.

I want to encourage you to pray, just for a month, and ask God what HE would have you do...with an open mind.  Not listening to arguments man has set up.

"We are too old."
"We don't have the money."
"We are comfortable."
"It isn't in my plans."
"I couldn't do that."
"It's not what God has for me." (Even this can be stated sometime without ever having asked God or His impressing it on a heart.)

Pray for a month.  Commit to thirty days of prayer.  Ask God is HE has another child for you, beyond your plans, totally committed to His.

He may have other plans for you and adoption may not be it.  He may say no, that the beauty and blessing in your life may come a different way.  We get that.  We REALLY do.  We have seen beauty in so many ministries God has put before friends and family.  

The TRUE beauty is in doing what God Wills, not us....whatever HIS Will is for our lives.

If He says yes, there is beauty there too.  It is beauty He has set for you.  

Is it scary to ask, when our will says run?  Yes.  Everything worthwhile seems a bit that way though.

My friend Frank tagged his wife and I (on Facebook) when he shared this video.  It fits perfectly.

Taking the Leap

May you take a leap of faith, following WHATEVER God has for you.  Remember, God's ways are bigger than we can comprehend.  We won't always understand.  That's where the leap of faith comes in.

"Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen." Hebrews 11:1
                                 
                                        (Now doesn't that video fit perfectly?!)

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In the joy of following our Heavenly Father, we sometimes choose to proceed with a whisper, a verse, or a downright shove...no matter how we follow Him, the momentum that follows is like nothing we've ever experienced before.

Join the momentum...it is a beautiful place to be. It's not always easy, but then the best things never are.

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