Tuesday, December 15, 2015

Toby Mac, Grumpy Cat, and the Heart that Doesn't Hide

My birthday was a few weeks back.  Though my husband ROCKS anniversaries (and I stink)...birthdays have not been his forte.

Until this year...he NAILED it.

As most (who have hung with us for awhile) know, Toby Mac has seen us through long (and painful) adoption journeys, amputation surgery, the death of our child, and drug withdrawal of our precious Benjamin....and just about every up and down of life.  His window shaking, woofer blowing, mind rattling...heart touching music has been a balm at times.

Ya, we have a special relationship. Well, his music and I do (smile).

I am very thankful for a band that keeps the bass vibrating (my stress reliever).

(As you know, woofer blowing is not an exaggeration.)

Thomas bought me tickets (for my birthday) to a concert with Toby Mac, Colton Dixon, and Britt Nichole.

Yes, this is just the intro...and it's not all silly...but you have to hang through the first part of the post to get there.


I'm going to admit something now that I'm not proud of.  We almost didn't make it to the concert.

I was a bear.  I got up on the wrong side of the kitty litter box.  The stress of the last eight months was getting to me.  My husband was exhausted after a long day repairing....just repairing (a story for another time).

He had arranged for Sarah (our oldest) to come over and babysit with Anna and Tom.

My amazingly patient husband had lined everything up...and I growled.

That's when Sarah walked in the door.  Her timing was beyond perfect.

She had bought me Grumpy Cat. Really, she did.

She said it was because I send her things like this (when she's in a bad mood).

Side Note: My kids say that they take things just to the line...and my husband and I skip right past it.  We really head bang past the line though.

You see, I'm a child.  Really...I got stuck high school...and I don't embarrass easily.

As you will see.

Grumpy Cat wanted to come.  At first I thought we were going to just give him a ride.  He'd chill by the front windshield.

He snuck into my purse though.  Who knew he was sneaky AND grumpy.

Of course (like the mouse with a cookie) he decided if he got to go inside he also needed a Christmas picture.  Nothing made him happy though.  He was kind of a brat.

Not even Christmas.

There is no way I was letting him join us at the concert, so I agreed to ONE picture....oh no...with the drummer of Toby Mac????? Really?!!!

Ya, yes I did, and I'm not embarrassed (not completely anyway).  My husband said he would just hold my spot in line (chicken).

I must say Bryan "B" Haley is absolutely one of the coolest guys out there.  He humored a mom of eleven.  (I mean how could sanity even be expected?!)

Grumpy Cat ACTED like he wasn't impressed.  (He was...secretly.)

Of course, since we let him get away with meeting part of the band, he became demanding.  He knew his fame.  We'd hear kids through the concert saying, "Hey, there's Grumpy Cat!"  They did NOT help.

So we gave in.

Such joy in the bass booming, head banging, teeth vibrating music.  Yes, that's how we roll.

Britt Nichole I wasn't as familiar with.  The energy level though...she needed to loan it to me.  Her words rang true in my heart.

Grumpy Cat wouldn't even peak though.  I stuck him back in my purse.  Such attitude...

Colton Dixon was on next.  Our son Max was a tad jealous here.  He LOVES Colton Dixon.  I could see why.

Grumpy Cat even peaked out of my purse at this point.

Yet, just before Toby came on, a man came out.  I didn't know his name and still don't.  He spoke on behalf of  "Food for the Hungry".

And there was no escaping it.  He spoke eloquently.  If  a hundred people in a room stood for all the billions in the world, over fifty would be malnourished.  He spoke about how every three seconds a child dies.  He talked about that last fifty people in line behind you, how the last child just died while he was speaking.

As he touched hearts around me, I could still feel eagerness (of some) waiting solely for Toby Mac.  There's no judgement.  I get it.

I was done though.

My heart whispered,

"Jonathan was the child last in line that died.  Our son..."

I was broken.  Tears ran down my cheeks.  I wanted to stand up and scream, "Listen to him!  My son was one of those children! We have to do something!"

How could a heaviness  come so suddenly during such a rockin' joyous event?  How could the memories flood in like they were yesterday, the loss, the longing to feel Jonathan in my arms?

I truthfully don't know how to even say the truth of this man's words without so many feeling judged.  I also don't know how even one of us can remain silent, can avoid thinking that a child...the age of our babies...is dying...right now.

I don't know.

I don't know.

The night continued, but I must say it was with heaviness.

Not that my mind wouldn't drift.  Toby Mac, his band...are awesome.  There is NO denying that (smile).

I admit leaning over to my husband and saying, "I really miss the stereo system in our van." (smile).

Side Note: For years my husband had gathered bits and pieces of a AWESOME stereo system and always made sure (somehow) made it to the van I was driving.  We haven't really been able to do that at this point. Maybe someday.  Right now we just get to enjoy this wonderful gift of a van.

The concert was everything it should've/could've been.  My head rang...my soul sang...my bones rattled.

Thank you Toby.

Yes, even Grumpy Cat was visibly impressed...

....and so were we.

So, I'm 44 now.

 I love every year and celebrate getting older.

This year Toby Mac...next year?!  Oh, that should be fun!!!


For those who may get a kick out of the most recent in our adoption...hmmm...arrows.


Yes, you read that right.  A wonderful volunteer that lives around us (seriously awesome) came and looked at our tree that split.  Looks like lightening to him and will take a whole crew to take down.  I had to laugh.  Seriously? Lightening?!!! That, my friends, is a first.


This song had me in tears...again.  It's funny to think I saw DC Talk in concert several times during college.  I don't remember this song.  Now, this song hurts...and is beautiful...

I thought of several friends as they sang, but Cindy, this is for you.  I think this is a new (old) favorite.


Please continue to pray for our adoption of Timothy, that God is glorified, that paperwork approval is quicker than we could imagine, and for protection of Timothy and our future children.  Please also pray for continued provision.  God is bigger than any government and His will and power is bigger than ANYTHING we can even fathom.

If you want to follow us on Facebook, where I chat a bit more...



  1. You are still a baby ;o) LOL!! I had my Isaiah when I was 47!
    (((HUGS))) and prayers

  2. oops forgot to ADD- Happy Be-Lated Bday!!


In the joy of following our Heavenly Father, we sometimes choose to proceed with a whisper, a verse, or a downright shove...no matter how we follow Him, the momentum that follows is like nothing we've ever experienced before.

Join the momentum...it is a beautiful place to be. It's not always easy, but then the best things never are.

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