Wednesday, June 25, 2014

Safe Place, Yes, Play, and Speak Life

The above is my wrist right now...actually for the last two weeks.  Yes, I'm one of THOSE people who write reminders on myself constantly.  I did it in high school...usually for the right reasons (cringe).

Does it help? Definitely.  When the kids are going through some rough stuff, it's a very good reminder to me. Tatooing it on my forehead makes it so it's backwards in the mirror anyway (shrug).

Ben, for the last week, has struggled.  He's reverted to behaviors that we only saw when he came home (and rarely after).  He had been playing with toys off and on for short periods, but he is now throwing everything again and not playing.

I stuck stickers on key places (that have no breakables).  Ben
does not like when things are out of place.  He is now throwing his soft 
block  or ball at this.  One of my middles gave me this idea.

The manic laughter is daily.  This is the hardest for me.  He's hard to reach and stiffer (as in his own hyper vigilance...usually when he's about to act...well, not great).  This is my "button" or "trigger".  In the "U", while Ben was drug withdrawing, he would manic laugh before attacking violently.  He DOES NOT do that now, but after what we experienced, my body seems to think it will happen (though my mind knows it will not).

This is the one year anniversary month of Ben coming home, his drug withdrawing, his blessing our family.  It's amazing and wonderful, but in the same way, we believe his body remembers the trauma.  Ask someone who have been through really rough stuff (most likely you have) and bodies remember, even if a mind forgets. We call that a trauma-versary.  He's in the midst of one.

Anyway, all that was to share why I need to really be purposeful in my thoughts and why I have a book on my wrist.

So, in order for you not to think I'm off my rocker (more than usual anyway), I will share what my "words" mean.

Safe Place: We need to be a safe place for our children.  Constant yelling, critical attitude, high tension...doesn't create a safe place.  This DOESN'T mean no consequences for actions or no kind and constructive criticism, but it means doing it all with love as the intent...or trying to.  I'm NOT perfect...BELIEVE ME.  I can get frustrated with myself when I raise my voice or snap at someone. Today has been a perfect example of that....pfftt.

Yes:  I find it so easy to say "no".  It will make a mess.  They've had a day where they have mastered spectacular naughtiness and a little part of me does not want them to be able to have fun right now (truth...yup).  I don't want to get up.  

These are all my favorite "no" excuses.  These aren't necessary and the more I say "yes", the more my "no" has a LOT more meaning.  I still say "no", but just not as often.  I will admit to the occasional inward cringe as I say "yes".  I'm still learning (laughing).

Play: I need to be deliberately playful with the kids.  It's builds relationship...and, well...I love laughter.

Speak Life:  Our words speak life or death....they create relationship or tear it apart...they draw our kids closer to God or push them away.  All life giving words are not easy to hear.  

“My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline,
    and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,
because the Lord disciplines the one he loves,
    and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son." Hebrews 12:5b-6

 They are words that truly create.  How COOL it is that God gave us the ability to create.  We are made in HIS image and he allows us to speak life into relationships.

Those words are a big focus as of late.  Do people notice words written on my arm? Ya, occasionally...but as you know sharing isn't super hard for me.  Did I tell you my dad used to call me turbo-tongue? I have slowed down...a bit.

I'd love to know if you guys have "words".  They don't have to be on your wrist, but written on your heart. You can comment or email me.  I'm ALL for growing.

So what are your words friends?


  1. Is this a new song? I had not heard it? I depend on my kids to help me find the new stuff. My new song has been "Hold On" and "Take Me To The King" by Tamela Mann. Thanks for sharing- I have every Toby (DC talk) since 1989.

    My words- LOVE, HOPE, FAITH, JOY!
    (((((((((oh AND- HUGS)))))))))))

  2. I love your words... This is a good post!

  3. LOVE your words! Great idea-may have to borrow it. I think my word of late has been 'survive'. :P

  4. p.s. My 24 yr old daughter did not even know there was a new Toby CD/song!! I'm so hip! ha! ha! ;o)


In the joy of following our Heavenly Father, we sometimes choose to proceed with a whisper, a verse, or a downright matter how we follow Him, the momentum that follows is like nothing we've ever experienced before.

Join the is a beautiful place to be. It's not always easy, but then the best things never are.

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