My ten year old is teething. He's grumpy. He's moody. We are celebrating!!!!
For those of you who haven't hung around this blog for very long, Benjamin came home from the "U" with a mouth full of rot. Many of his teeth were decayed down to the bone. The pain was great (so was the infection), but he was just use to it. The smell....cannot be described.
At the end of last year Ben had fourteen decaying teeth removed. They left six (with two molars coming in). Four of the six will only last maybe four or so years. The bone damage was so great. At that point we were told that they didn't know if he would have ANY permanent teeth come in. They had just never seen a mouth in this condition.
Ben's mouth healed. The smell went from putrid (poor sweet boy) to smelling beautiful... like a babies. His gums healed and his mouth looked like that of an 18 month old. His gums healthy and fresh.
He has two new teeth just peeking through the gums. Two more are just right under the gums. They are having to break through just like if he really was a baby. He's teething!
It's actually been fairly....well, one foot in front of the other...lately. Preparing for our vacation with such low energy levels has been rough.
No, it's not diet. It's Jonathan.
It's this silent feeling. I can't think of how else to describe it. We didn't even figure out until this week exactly where this was coming from. It's not like a depression where all hope feels lost or it even eats at us. It's a memory....a trauma-versary. It feels like we walk around with an invisible sign that no one else can see.
"Wanting My Son" "Wanting My Brother"
"Remembering THAT day"
This time last year doesn't even have to remain in our thoughts. Much...no most of the time we are active enough it's not conscious. Our bodies seem to remember though. Our subconscious mind.
I stay silent, because it's hard to explain or talk about. It's exists in our hearts.
Our group is being kept to a few right now. There are MANY we love and cherish, but our group is small currently. Few see the shadow of the sign.
I stood face to face with a mom who lost her adult son. I remember the day she lost her precious boy. I remember the call. I remember the pain of the day....the shock.
She told me, "Kat, this is normal. The second anniversary will be the hardest." I don't know how to explain what those words meant to me. Just that this IS normal.
I don't think we've ever celebrated "normal" before (smile). Our son is where we want him...where we want to be. We just miss him. We just remember.
I wake up in the morning praying for energy. It's slowly coming back. We are being very deliberate in trying to insure there won't be a physical reason (plenty of sleep, vitamins, a healthy diet, exercise).
One step in front of the other.
We get ready for our first vacation in years. We arrange every detail (house sitter, house rental, etc.). We home school. We get two teens ready for our huge home school prom (Sarah/17, and Tom/19 who has an amazing senior girlfriend). We get Sarah ready for her graduation.
We laugh...a lot.
We pray a lot.
Friends, thank you for joining us on this very truthful, crazy fun, and sometimes hard journey we call life.
Have a blessed night.