Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Battle Weary

Super ninja mom…yup, that’s me and mad skillz I never thought I’d need (laughing).

I guess it wasn’t quite as funny yesterday.  I actually couldn’t post last night.  I felt a little emotionally and physically beaten and battered.

Yesterday was our big day to the major city of Benjamin’s birth (two hours away).  We had been telling Ben, “Zhav-trah Masheena”. This is something like, “Tomorrow, car”.   He understood and was standing alert waiting for the car.

The day started our sweet.  He sat between Thomas and I in the car and stroked my hair and face and made AMAZING eye contact.  It was seriously precious and I can’t help but look back and smile this morning.
I want to frame that moment on the wall.
The next 45 minutes, I paid for the intimacy.  Normally, we would play ball or give a little space after some of these bonding moments.  It’s overwhelming to feel love.  His insides start to scream, “RUN!!!!”.  If you know the possible reactions of an overwhelming situation in the attachment process it is usually “FIGHT, FLIGHT, or FREEZE”.  Guess which one Ben has?

For forty-five minutes I was hit, kicked, spit on, and pinched.  He was almost manic the whole time.

Though I share the truth, please don’t judge Ben for this.  He was HAVING to endure touch for a LONG time and had sensory overload.  Between what we 100% believe is institutional autism and serious sensory issues due to long term neglect (even before he came here)….it’s not good.  His brain goes on overload.

Though COMPLETELY understandable, the car ride was not easy.  For the first time, at times, we had to gently, but firmly hold his hands and feet to keep him from harming us or himself.

He is a beautiful treasure and not normally this “extreme”.  Long term car trips, constant touch (for hours at a time)…may be out for a while.  Love and touch has been a far off dream for him until now.  Now it's scary.

He finally crashed on daddy’s lap.

When we reached the city, though our AMAZING facilitator had called ahead REPEATIDLY, the office said we needed a paper that they had told our facilitator we didn’t need repeatedly.  This was after a different TOUGHER, NOT GOOD glitch that Luda handled with dignity and ease.  It could have been BAD. 

We are repeating the car trip today.  Did I mention our Ben gets VERY car sick and we can’t give him ANY food or even sips of water in the car?  I feel SO bad for him.  Some of the stimming (we feel) is also due to feeling awful.  Can you please keep him in your prayers?  We hate that he has to go through this again, but there is no avoiding it.

On the way back from the region it was just as bad, but was directed at Daddy.
A Brief Moment of Peace

What MAY be part of the Black Sea...

A Sign that Thomas promised said, "Black Sea 2013".  Ya, he doesn't read Russian and is a big goof!

Of course, when we arrived back in our small town last night, my brother arrived and my husband had to fly back home…after SUCH an emotional day (which may have been his birthday…sigh).  I admit it…I cried…the ugly “I can’t do this” cry.  Urg…

I don’t have to do this.  God’s got it.

So, as I write , I am weary…but know the battle for our little ones is fierce.  Adoption is WONDERFUL, A BLESSING, but (at times) the hardest battle many will know.

Please keep us in your prayers (intensely) today. 

For Ben?  Calmness,  peace that passes understanding, and a settled stomach…also, flat out, please pray that he doesn’t self-harm or try to harm us.  For Mommy and Steve? Strength and peace that passes understanding….

PLEASE (my new HUGE prayer request) PRAY THAT WE CAN BE HOME BY NEXT FRIDAY.  Our teens leave for a “camp” next Saturday and I just long to see them before they go.  PLEASE…this glitch yesterday could possibly prevent that if things (from here on) don’t happen PERFECTLY.  Thank you…..

I hate to say it, but there are no Skype pictures today or funny stories.  Though I did get a picture of this.
Do you see it?
 It was a day in the figurative battlefield for our son.  This warrior is weary.
 The two immediate prayer requests are as follows (Week of June 2nd-June 8th) .  We desire God's will above all else.
1. That our trip today completes what we need to do in Ben's place of birth and that the passport is expedited beyond what would normally take place (quicker than makes sense).
2.  That the passport office in the city we are going to (or whoever needs to) talks to the people here so that we do not need to wait to have our passport in hand to have Ben's name taken off the orphan registry. 
3.  That things go quicker than we could imagine and God's glory shines above all else.
4. Please pray my husband and brother have a safe trip and that we all keep our eyes on glorifying God.

The prayers concerning next week (June 9th-June 15th) ...
1. That our medical allows us to skip the normally required test.
2. That my brother is able to see and enjoy the country and fall in love with it as we have...God touching his heart.
3.  That we get a quick embassy date.
4. PLEASE pray that, not only does Benjamin do wonderful and rest a lot on the flight, but please pray that we get good seating.  Some that we've had are...ummm...not good, but also would NOT be good for Ben to be in if he stims.  We are praying for bulk head seating and that we are all together.  Please pray that our trip is safe.

Remainder of Prayer Requests:
Please pray for protection of Ben when we are not with him...not only from others, but also from his fears and anger (anger because we left him and fear of us not returning).
Please pray for a family dear to us that is fighting for the life of a family member against the addiction to drugs.  Please pray he turns to God and seeks help. 
Please also pray for my brother, sister-in-law, and niece (in a different state) that are dealing with a neighbor that is mentally unstable.  There is limited the police can do since others in the neighborhood are afraid of retaliation should they report him.  It's serious and his actions toward our family members are scary, as well as some of the local children.  I will be sharing more of the story and asking for intense prayers in the next 36 hours.  It's a very serious situation.  Thank you!!!!
ALL Prayer Requests

*Please pray that God continues to prepare Benjamin's heart and calms his spirit.  Giving him restfulness.  Please pray he attaches and learns to love (and learns what family is) quicker than we can fathom.  Please pray for his fears to dissipate. This will be scary for him.*PLEASE pray that the master of lies hands are tied. 
*Please pray that the small town's gates are “figuratively” thrown down and God’s love floods the streets.
*Please pray our children at home are safe...physically/emotionally/and spiritually.  Attacks on the kids happened last time we were gone on the trip to bring Jael home.  PLEASE cover them. 
*Please also pray as our children at home try to stay organized in our absence, that things go smoothly for them and time passes quickly.
*Please pray for my husband and I (and brother), for our SAFETY and that we remain WELL.  We are in a VERY rural with no one that speaks English most of the time.  We are also exhausted (physically and at times emotionally).  This can really wear on the spirit at times.  Please pray we are physically rested.
*Please pray for my mom, brother, and friends as they care for our children (safety, smoothness, etc.)

*Please pray that the current trip has a speed that can only be explained as a blessing of God. 
*Please pray that our trip home with Ben is peaceful and uneventful.  Please pray that calm (beyond understanding) reigns for our sweet Benjamin and that we see what we need to do to help him.  Please pray he is able to sleep a lot on the plane, which should make it easier on him.
*That ALL paperwork needed is sped (by God's Will) in country (with NO hiccups). That the registrar quickly and easily removes Benjamin from the orphan registry, making things easy.
*Please pray for comfort as we continue to mourn Jonathan.
*Please pray for us to have a connection with the head of the institution. God has given us a love for the head of the institution and the caregivers.  Also, please pray for our connection to those in the village.
*Please pray that the head of this institution shows us where Benjamin has resided these last two years...and around the institution and laying rooms.  This is a wish, but we respect their decision.  Please also pray we are able to see/meet a few other boys that we pray for.

 *Please pray the trip  itself is smooth.  There are NO issues.  That every blip, every hiccup...is ironed out before us.

*Please pray that our lines of communication with our children are successful (Skype, Magic Jack, international texting).  We are in a very rural region.

"About Benjamin He said:'Let the beloved of the Lord rest secure in Him, for He shields him all day long, and the one the Lord loves rests between His shoulders.' Deuteronomy 33:12

1 comment:

  1. Poor little Ben. My heart hurts for him, even though he has to go through this pain in order to bond and attach. So very sad that he (and many others) have been put in the situations that result in this survival mode. Praying for God to heal him emotionally; give him peace and calmness. Praying for Thomas as he flies home; for you and Steven to have emotional, mental, & physical strength during the remainder of the stay. Let the paperwork go through with ease and flying home on Friday!
    I just love looking at the pics of Ben! He has a wonderful sense of curiosity about him and his facial expressions are so good to see. He is truly a very special gift.


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