Monday, May 27, 2013

Hard Days and California Weather

I could pretend, but as you know...I don't do that super well.  It's easier to give a clear picture and I have a feeling you guys get the gist that Benjamin's life is/was not easy.

We are often reminded exactly where we are...a mental institution.

There were bright spots of the day, seeing little ones we had hoped to catch a glimpse of.  Tears of ABSOLUTE JOY filled my eyes.  I was also able to witness a small class (maybe 10-12 boys/men) that were reciting and singing outside while a nurse/nanny taught them. 

Today was a rough one with our precious son though.  Our child is a child of God that resided in institutions his whole life.


The weather was beautiful as we walked to the institution.  It was what we call a "Southern California" day....about 70 degrees, sunny, with a little cloud cover and slight breeze. 

Setting on the bench by the front gate...
Though the day was sunny, Ben's mood was not.  This day was a rare one.  Usually if  Ben has a rough morning, his afternoon is good. Today Benjamin had a aggravated and emotional day.

At a moment's notice (three times today) I was smacked HARD in the face.  Thomas was as well. These behaviors are increasingly rare. Were we angry?  Not at all...seriously.  It physically hurt, but this is all he's ever be be hit.  There are quite a few special needs men/boys that are no longer in their teens here.  Ben has witnessed things we, at 41, we can hardly fathom.

We have to start as if Benjamin was a very big newborn.  He's not been taught gentleness, love, affection, kindness, self-control, sharing, and many other things.  We are starting from scratch. 

Scratch has it's moments (BIG smile), as my son looked in back of him to see if I was there and said, "Ma".  It has it's moments as we hear him attempt to say "bye" in his native language.  Our son is verbal, friends.  We don't know how far this may go...but he's verbal.

It doesn't mean the last 12 hours were easy though....when Ben didn't hurt us today, he would hurt himself.  He would pinch or hit himself HARD.

Thomas sat right beside him.  The wall was his "sensory seeking" place today.

Playing catch in the drive (office and nurses station, which is right by where we usually play, is to the right front of this picture).  Another cool thing today...he put his ball in our backpack when we asked him to put it away.  It may not sound huge, but parting with this ball has been hard for him.

We don't know why this was the case in the last two visits.  We have many holes in his day that we are not a part of. 

*Is a bigger child/man jealous?  Were they aggravated because they feel change and don't know how to process it?  Are they taking it out on him when we are apart? 
*Is Ben constantly living in the belief that we are going to leave him again and aggravated out of fear? 
*Is an adult, hearing nightmarish or false stories, scaring him when it comes to us? 
*Is he going through withdrawal? 

Truthfully, we may never know...but something is up.

God gave us a sweet glimpse as we closed the day.  Thomas was walking him to the nurse when our time for the day was through.  I greet Ben when they bring him to us and Thomas brings him to the nurse at the end of the visit.  It just kind of happens that way. turned around and wanted me to hold his hand too and to go with them.  Walking (by choice) between his daddy and I (holding our hands), my mommy heart soared.

He is our son and we will battle for his precious spirit, while thanking the Lord for another gift.


Random Pictures of the Day....(followed by prayer requests)

I LOVE this.  We are staying here in a room of the house.  There are no hotels and we love our hostess.  Tatiana is WONDERFUL.

Heading in our gate...

The walk to the front door...

And here's the question...CAN YOU FIND THE KITTY ABOVE?
Did you honestly think there would be no random animal picture today?
The cats love the barbeque meat cheese. 

Ok, another random one...but this cat's eyes are SO cool!

Our Anna...ya, she looks like me (poor girl...laughing)
We continue to appreciate all prayers.  We ask that you please continue to pray for Benjamin’s name to be removed easily from the orphan registry.  It can be complicated, time extending, and expensive.
ALL Prayer Requests

*Please pray that God continues to prepare Benjamin's heart and calms his spirit.  Giving him restfulness.  Please pray he attaches and learns to love (and learns what family is) quicker than we can fathom.  This will be scary for him.

*PLEASE pray that the master of lies hands are tied. 

*Please pray that the small town's gates are “figuratively” thrown down and God’s love floods the streets.

*Please pray our children at home (and on a senior trip) are safe...physically/emotionally/and spiritually.  Attacks on the kids happened last time we were gone on the trip to bring Jael home.  PLEASE cover them. 

*Please also pray as our children at home try to stay organized in our absence, that things go smoothly for them and time passes quickly.
*Please pray for my husband and I, for our SAFETY and that we remain WELL.  We are going somewhere VERY rural with no one that speaks English most of the time.  

*Please pray for my mom, brother, and friends as they care for our children (safety, smoothness, etc.)

* Please pray that the current trip has a speed that can only be explained as a blessing of God. 

*Please pray that our trip home with Ben is peaceful and uneventful.  Please pray that calm (beyond understanding) reigns for our sweet Benjamin and that we see what we need to do to help him.

*That ALL paperwork needed is sped (by God's Will) in country (with NO hiccups). That the registrar quickly and easily removes Benjamin from the orphan registry, making things easy.
*Please pray for comfort as we continue to mourn Jonathan.
*Please pray for us to have a connection with the head of the institution. God has given us a love for the head of the institution and the caregivers.  Also, please pray for our connection to those in the village.

*Please pray that the head of this institution shows us where Benjamin has resided these last two years...and around the institution and laying rooms.  This is a wish, but we respect their decision.

 *Please pray the trip  itself is smooth.  There are NO issues.  That every blip, every ironed out before us.

*Please pray that our lines of communication with our children are successful (Skype, Magic Jack, international texting).  We will be in a very rural region.

*Please pray that we will feel rested and adjust to the time change while here.


"About Benjamin He said:
'Let the beloved of the Lord rest secure in Him,
 for He shields him all day long,
and the one the Lord loves rests between His shoulders.'
Deuteronomy 33:12


  1. Michael sometimes will hit himself or others too...he is only 3. It is hard, but he is learning to be gentle with hair, with not biting his hand or hitting. It is a work in progress!

    Love that you are REAL! :)

    PRAYING for your bonding, for his trust in you. Sounds like you had some great things happening as well!!!

  2. Thank you for posting each day. I check often just for your updates. :-) Can you add a countdown of days until the you can take custody? I lose track! LOL Praying down your list as always!

  3. In my humble opinion I would say he can't process this it is too foreign. And yes he is a marked boy now. He has seen and felt. The other boy/men will notice this and it will concern them. In aggressive ways sadly. Why can't he stay with you? Because you are in a rental house? Poor Ben.
    I'm sitting here wondering if slapping is better than biting! LOL!! I had no slappers but several good biters! ugh! (((HUGS))) and prayers :o)

  4. I am praying for your family and for Ben. As a mother of special needs children too, I understand about the difficult days. I have been following your blog for years but have never left a comment. I just wanted you to know that I am praying for you and your family.



In the joy of following our Heavenly Father, we sometimes choose to proceed with a whisper, a verse, or a downright matter how we follow Him, the momentum that follows is like nothing we've ever experienced before.

Join the is a beautiful place to be. It's not always easy, but then the best things never are.

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