Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Until 4:00

I made it until 4:00.  No tears decided to kick my rear.  We home schooled and tried to function as the norm (for us...smile).  We were all a little more weary and a tad less able to tolerate stressors, but we did ok.  We gave ourselves a break.

First came a beautiful plant from dear friends.  Thank you is not enough to those of you that acknowledge the death of our son...as our child.  It's not enough.  Though tears threatened, mostly I just felt that sweet feeling of love from friends.


Needing to run my oldest down to earn money for his senior trip, I decided to run to the bank and local UPS Store.   Of course those at the UPS Store have been a major part of our adoptive journey.  Yes, you probably guessed it...they asked "THE" question.  How was Jonathan?

Do I tell them on Wednesday of last week, Jonathan's birthday, that we found out he was walking with Jesus?  Do I tell them how much pain we are in?  Do I tell them how GLORIOUS our GOD is?

I think I told them a little of all of it (with tears on the verge).  It makes people that didn't know a little uncomfortable, but none of us our sure what to do.  We can't pretend.

When I arrived home we unbuckled the kids and I checked the mail.  There was a donation for the adoption...a donation for the adoption we can't imagine happening without Jonathan.  Our future so obscured by what feels like a mist.  We see the road, but can't see but a few feet in front of us.  We move forward, but it's painful.  We KNOW the blessing in this, but...flat out...it just hurts. 

The donation we are so thankful for!  It's just hard to "try" right now in an adoption that is so hazy and not the journey we planned.   We move forward, knowing the blessing that awaits...but it's hard.

Finally, in the same mail was a sympathy card...and that did it.  The tears spilled over.  I made it until 4:00.  Friend's and family's love does me in....in a good way. 

God is blessing us with a cacophony of comfort and love.  We continue to see His plan unfold bit by bit.  It's hard. It's painful...but we wouldn't change a thing.  We want God's will above all.  If He can be glorified in this then we will celebrate, through tears, laughter, and mourning...we will celebrate.

Taking a deep breath and thinking about dinner.  Trying to get back to "normal crazy".

Have a blessed night friends....

2 comments:

  1. I was so sorry to hear the news about Jonathan. Praying God comforts all of your family as you grieve this big loss.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Kat, Thomas, and the entire family...We are sorry to hear about your loss. We can't pretend to imagine the pain you feel, but we are praying for all of you! Love you guys...Dion and Misty

    ReplyDelete

In the joy of following our Heavenly Father, we sometimes choose to proceed with a whisper, a verse, or a downright shove...no matter how we follow Him, the momentum that follows is like nothing we've ever experienced before.

Join the momentum...it is a beautiful place to be. It's not always easy, but then the best things never are.

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