Thursday, March 21, 2013

The Talk

When we shared with the children that their brother was in Heaven, it was in stages.  Anna was with me when I received the news, my early riser.  We sobbed , snuggled into the corner of the couch, and called Thomas at work. 

We then woke Tom and Sarah.  More tears, more heartbreak...the pain we had not thought possible.  Then I called Max and Bekah in here and held them as we told them.  I remember Bekah's face.  I remember all the kids faces.  I will always remember that morning.  The news I had to share....I feel the piercing remembering...my stomach feels queasy.

The littles still struggle to make sense of their brother not coming home.

Last night we had the talk.  We had the painful...heart rending talk about the choice to go on.  There were tears (much of them mine, but others as well).

Jonathan's adoption is complete.  He IS our 9th child.  His face is on our wall.  He lives with Jesus, our ultimate goal for each of our children.


Our paperwork is in country though. We have a choice.  We step forward or we say we are done...our hearts can't handle more.  Truthfully, we can't do it...it's too excruciating...but God can.  We trust in HIM.

Yes, we will ask ourselves the questions.  The pain is still fresh.

*Can we love another one the way we loved and love Jonathan Sasha Thomas?  Love is a choice.  We choose to love (and we already do care).  The feeling will grow quickly and ferociously in a way only God can do.
*How can we move forward, feeling like we're slogging through the mud, marshmallow, and sludge up hill, and keep going?  God propels us.  That and the knowledge that another life lays in the balance.

It makes it easier that EVERY one of our children (when asked for their thoughts) said, "We go forward".  My heart swells with honor at parenting these wonders.  Yes, they are wonders to me.  When the pain is still so fresh, they say "go".  Actually, they said more than that.  We will save that for another post.

We appreciate any and all prayers as God prepares us to move.  

We love you Jonathan...please keep an eye on your brother or sister for us.

"But now, this is what the Lord says—
    he who created you, Jacob,
    he who formed you, Israel:
'Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
    I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
When you pass through the waters,
    I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
    they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
    you will not be burned;
    the flames will not set you ablaze.
 For I am the Lord your God,
    the Holy One of Israel, your Savior...' " Isaiah 43:1-3a


1 comment:

  1. Love that passage from Isaiah!

    I heard the news of Jonathan's death through Julia's blog. I told my husband and he immediately prayed for you, that God would bring comfort to your family and give you the courage to bring home another. When we saw that you were bringing home Benjamin, we jumped up and down!

    Only God can heal and comfort your hearts, but I hope a little note from a random fan helps!

    Love!

    ReplyDelete

In the joy of following our Heavenly Father, we sometimes choose to proceed with a whisper, a verse, or a downright shove...no matter how we follow Him, the momentum that follows is like nothing we've ever experienced before.

Join the momentum...it is a beautiful place to be. It's not always easy, but then the best things never are.

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