Friday, December 21, 2012

STUPID.FEAR.

I went to bed last night and woke up this morning feeling like I had been kicked in the gut.  I really needed to read "The Lies satan Tells About Adoption" and "Epiphanies and Lies"

You see, I am not only buying into lies about our adoption, but about myself personally.  I am just all around living in BIG OLD STUPID FEAR.

Not all fear is STUPID.FEAR.

Though I believe there is a modicum of arrogance with fear and worry, much of it is very human. 

WHA?!!!

Ya, It's pretty arrogant to think we can control  the outcome of things.  That is often what, at least my fear, is based on.  Somewhere down the line I think I have control over something.  Now isn't that CRAZY????!!!! 

Worry about a child???

God has our children and knows what's going to happen.  We can be proactive in their lives, but fear/worry does ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?  Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life." Matthew 6:25-26

Worry about a friend's reaction???

We follow God.  We cannot control their reaction.  We can pray, but we have NO control over what someone's reaction to news is.  Fear/worry does ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34

Yet, (have you noticed I use that word a lot...just sayin') fear and worry is somewhat normal.  Otherwise God's Word would not deal with it so much.  Fear is painfully human.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

I'm one of those people who totally think the Peter walking on water thing is a parallel to most of our lives

"Immediately Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to the other side, while He dismissed the crowd.  After He had dismissed them, He went up on a mountainside by himself to pray. When evening came, He was there alone,  but the boat was already a considerable distance from land, buffeted by the waves because the wind was against it.

During the fourth watch of the night Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake.  When the disciples saw Him walking on the lake, they were terrified. 'It’s a ghost,' they said, and cried out in fear.

But Jesus immediately said to them: 'Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.'

 'Lord, if it’s You,' Peter replied, 'tell me to come to you on the water.'

'Come,' He said.
Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”

Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. 'You of little faith,' he said, 'why did you doubt?'"  Matthew 14:22-31

Get this...(WE NEED TO SUBSTITUTE OUR NAMES FOR PETER)
Peter WANTS to go forward with faith!
Peter stands with faith and confidence, believing.
Peter looks down and realizes this isn't logical.  Humanly, Peter shouldn't be doing this.
Peter freaks out.
Peter forgets Jesus is right there and that HE'S GOT THIS.
Peter starts sinking, buying into the lies he's telling himself.
Jesus reaches out His Hand.  Jesus takes Peter the rest of the way.

Yup, that's me.

'Cause I got a case of the STUPID.FEAR.

What's STUPID.FEAR.?

Stupid fear is when God has parted the literal Red Sea and when we face the figurative one we FREAK OUT.

Stupid fear is when God has shown us a miracle in four adoptions (five blessings) and when we face the fifth we FREAK OUT.

Yup, that's me.

I feel broke and scared and I KNOW that really it's STUPID.FEAR.

We have NEVER gone into an adoption with funds...NEVER.  We follow God and know that when He leads, HE PROVIDES. 

I'm scared though, which is RIDICULOUS.  I think about the psychological interviews ($420), the animals who all are due for shots that I wasn't going to do until summer (but have to have for the state required Home Study~$230), $500 that is due to our facilitators now, Apostilling coming up in not too much longer (maybe $450), USCIS and fingerprinting ($975 with three adults, Tom turned 18), shipping costs, etc. etc. etc....and that's JUST to get the home study and dossier done, nothing beyond that.

I have no clue where it's going to come from.  We've seen Our Heavenly Father provide this miracle repeatedly, but I have STUPID.FEAR. 

I was laying in bed, thinking about facing this fear AGAIN and cried to the Lord, "I can't do this!".  I wasn't talking about adoption...but waiting for funds/fundraising for the third time in three years.  You all know how I feel about the words "I can't" (limiting God, saying He can't create in us something He hasn't before).  It just seems so daunting right now.  Maybe if I learned this lesson the first time and actually retained it, this wouldn't be so hard.

Add to that the fact that I've been buying into some personal lies...URGGGG!!!!!

I am tired of this STUPID.FEAR.

GOD states again and again that He's "got this"

"And my God will meet all your needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus" Philippians 4:19

“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin.  Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.  If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?  So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’  For the pagans run after all these things, and your Heavenly Father knows that you need them.  But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." Matthew 6:28-33

"Cast your cares on the Lord
and He will sustain you;
 He will never let the righteous fall." Psalm 55:22

I'm thinking that it's about time I tattoo these verses to my forehead, that way every time I look in the mirror I will see and remember. 

Side Note: Of course I just had the thought that the verses would have to be backwards so I could see them in the mirror...ya, this is me.

I think it's time to kick these lies to the curb...AGAIN.  It's time to kick satan to the curb....AGAIN.

For some reason my door has been cracked and he keeps sneaking in....AGAIN.

I'm slamming it friends.  Please remind me to lock it.

STUPID.FEAR. is NOT welcome here (my new NOT welcome mat).


2 comments:

  1. Oh girl! If you only knew how much this resonates with me!!!

    He shows me His provision in so many ways, yet every time a new situation presents itself, I struggle with fear. I'm pretty sure I've blogged about this a time or two! :)

    I think it would be easier if the Body of Christ would rise up more obviously, more immediately, showing itself in ready support. But I guess maybe this way we learn to lean on God more instead of thinking it's about the tangible people we can see around us. I dunno.

    Praying that fear away and that the father of lies would flee from you.

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  2. Oh I can so relate!! He has shown us through 2 adoptions (5 blessings) that He always brings the funds, yet as I watch what we have dwindle down and more and more home expenses come up, I feel that fear creep in. Even though I saw literal miracle after miracle last week visiting Rosie, I still have fear of her actually coming home, leaving for another week.....Yet the beautiful part is yes we will have the fear and tremble at times, but God's will will be done and these little angels will be orphans no longer and we will be able to be say it was ALL God and none of us. Take heart!! :)

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In the joy of following our Heavenly Father, we sometimes choose to proceed with a whisper, a verse, or a downright shove...no matter how we follow Him, the momentum that follows is like nothing we've ever experienced before.

Join the momentum...it is a beautiful place to be. It's not always easy, but then the best things never are.

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