Friday, December 14, 2012

In Reality~Yesterday and Today~God is Our Refuge

I had a post all ready to publish today called "Reality", now reality has just changed...again.

Yesterday, eighteen more children were still alive.

This was yesterday for me....

It was a harder day for some reason. Another reality check took place (as they do periodically).

Side Note: I'd like to call on the carpet whoever gave my kids an IV caffeine drip laced with sugar yesterday.

After a bouncing off the wall in insanity energetic time with the children, I begged them to go to sleep laid them down for a nap.

With the little "resting" and the middles having "quiet time" with books, Sarah watched the kids while I ran to the grocery store. She tells me (no lying Pinocchio nose here) that it's so much easier to watch her siblings than other's children. I'm not sure if it's because they're ALWAYS so good (forget the caffeine comment above) or she's already instilled some fear in them (small smile).

What is it about being alone in the car? Driving must be slightly therapeutic for me.

Reality is not always easy. There are some that will think we are not prepared for Jonathan. The problem is, no matter how many resources we list and people we talk to (as a new friend said) we are traveling into the unknown. Doctors, what many may consider experts, are having to learn as they go along. Very few have experience in the U.S. dealing with the results of starvation and extreme neglect for an extended period (nine years by the time we arrive). Who has experience with children such as Katie who was nine years old and eleven lbs. when she arrived home? This stuff just doesn't happen.

As I drove these things ran through my mind.

"I'll have to be careful when I hold him, even in country, as his bones may be brittle from lack of nourishment. Will my touch be painful, as he has experienced almost none?  How do I initially treat his painful or rotting teeth (from lack of care) if things are as we expect? What will I feed him to keep his organs from shutting down with refeeding syndrome? Is he cold with possible snow on the ground? Do they have clothes on him?"

And my heart shattered...shards piercing.

All I could sob was, "Oh God!"

Not in a vain use of one of the names of my Heavenly Father, but in a heart wrenching cry to Him.

"What condition is our son in?!! PLEASE PLEASE let him live!"

This is our reality right now.

Reality hits, retreats, and hits again.

After the teens left for their "The Hobbit" movie premier and the littles were asleep last night, Max and Bekah curled up beside me. They talked about their God brought them into our family....their biological parents.

We share with the kids what we know.

Then the conversation turned. It turned to Jonathan. Honesty is huge part of our family and we've been VERY honest about Jonathan.

With sad eyes and snuggles, they whispered, "I hope he will make it mommy."

Then today.....

 Today eighteen children (many from one kindergarten class) are shot and killed in an elementary school (, 27 human beings left the earth violently... including the gunman.

Families of 18 more children screaming, "Oh God!!! What condition is our child in?!! PLEASE PLEASE let them live!"

My heart is broken for these families. 

I am so thankful that I understood a long time ago that I will not comprehend all the evil in this world.  I will not understand why things happen.  GOD is the ocean, and our understanding is just a thimble full. 

Let's join together in prayer for all the families mourning.  It is only 11 days before Christmas, a time we celebrate our Savior who was born to die most painfully and understands our pain.

"God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble." Psalm 46:1


  1. "God is the ocean..." I love that. We are praying for Jonathan too. May God keep Him and cause His face to shine upon him. We are praying!


In the joy of following our Heavenly Father, we sometimes choose to proceed with a whisper, a verse, or a downright matter how we follow Him, the momentum that follows is like nothing we've ever experienced before.

Join the is a beautiful place to be. It's not always easy, but then the best things never are.

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