Friday, August 10, 2012

The Attack of Exhaustion (Part I of II)

After repeated days of 100 degree heat, we FINALLY got some rain. It was like a breath of humid fresh air (smile). I would LOVE to say it was wonderful, because honestly I'm ready for a good week of it.

Driving after many days of heat and no the rain...a little scary though. The roads are so slick and even if you, like I do, keep a good distance between the car in front of may end up two inches from their bumper after sliding many many feet...just sayin'.

It really has been a long two weeks.  My friend from our Church here, Sonya, asked me on facebook if it was a good or bad thing they postponed Jael's surgery.  When I sat down to answer this morning the rolling emotions hit me.

I thought I'd share with you my "I'm a big baby" thoughts.  You see, I know God has got this.  His timing is perfect, but when I am tired and my defenses are thoughts spiral down with them.

*Jael is handling it well now, but the longer we put it off the more nervous she may get.
*My husband and brother had already taken the time off for the surgery.  They now had to go to their bosses to change those dates.  Prayerfully their bosses will be understanding.  This surgery is so serious and we don't have a choice to not have this surgery date changed.
*When we had the earlier surgery date, our teaching co-op that the kids go to once a week (for those that don't know, we are a home school family) started almost two weeks after surgery. I would only need aid from my mom and friend for a couple weeks at that point.  With surgery postponed (even a week) Jael is released from the hospital on Friday and on Monday school starts for the kids.  I won't be there.  I've always been there. 
*I planned on starting home school after Jael had been home 1-2 weeks.  Now that 1-2 weeks puts us starting later.

It's all about tiredness, satan has been on the busy around here.  I haven't shared it much, but after reading THIS post and realizing that just sometimes it helps to know other people are there with you.

The master of lies has been wearing on us.  We're a little sick of it.  We have had illness even in those that NEVER get ill.  We have had injury, stress (professional and friend's).  Gabe's surgery was quick, but the two days he spent in our room not sleeping took it's toll as well.  Also, when friends are hurting...sigh....

It has been one thing after another that needs to get done NOW...three follow up reports for adoption (EVERY bit worth it), paperwork I needed to mail, appointments needing to be made, home school curriculum needing to be ordered and planned, organizing things for Jael's surgery, renewing registrations, figuring out finances....

Even fun things like planning birthdays!  We have one in June, July, three in August, September, two in Oct. (including my bros), November (plus Thanksgiving), December (plus Jesus' Birthday celebration), and January (my moms).  Those are just the birthdays of our ten and our two (blessedly) close family members.

You would think that with a family of ten that would be normal, but it really isn't for us.  Emotionally, we are at peace with what is coming up with Jael's surgery, but there is still an overwhelming reality that it's almost here...which makes some of the normal...well, not normal.

Why is satan attacking? 

We were spending more time solidifying all our relationships, focusing on him, meeting with our fellow brothers and sisters in an intimate setting...being accountible to each other.  Also, praying for some things satan doesn't even want us to consider.  Not to mention the beautiful opportunities that will come from the upcoming surgery! 

Ergo, the attack....


Who loves to feed on exhaustion?  The one we want to kick to the curb.  The attacks comes when our defenses are down. 

"You're not good enough. I can't believe you messed up again.  You don't deserve what you have. You've messed up TOO're horrible"

That's seems to be satan's drug of choice.  Before I go to bed tonight, I think I'll read "Epiphanies and Lies" again. to remember it.

I've found something that works at kicking satan's attacks out the door.  It doesn't combat exhaustion, but kicks all those gnarly awful thoughts to the curb.  That's where "Part II" comes in.

Until then, I'll leave you with some pictures from our rainy day of fun. 

Bekah and Our Friend's Daughter Farrah

Max, Anna, and Gabe


Rachel and Hannah

Rachel and Jael

Gabe and Bekah

Rachel, Hannah, and Gabe

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In the joy of following our Heavenly Father, we sometimes choose to proceed with a whisper, a verse, or a downright matter how we follow Him, the momentum that follows is like nothing we've ever experienced before.

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