Friday, June 15, 2012

Trauma and the Battle (Coming from a Hard Place)

We're in the midst of it. Not ours, but one of our's within days of a trauma-versary.

Often a trauma-versary takes place on or around an anniversary of some form of trauma in a child's life. It may be pain of abuse, a loss, or even a date that is (in the big picture) a the anniversary their forever family came and brought them home.

No matter how good that particular date is, a stranger came and took them from everything they knew (often the language, smells, and culture as well). This is the anniversary that has hit at least two of our children.

One of our children has spiraled down a certain time of year EVERY YEAR. It was only last year that we put two and two together. We prayerfully will go into this year different, MAYBE being able to head off some of it by talking and praying with our child...dealing with the real reasons.

I don't know why trauma-versaries occur except that household after household of families with kids from hard places will share with you about theirs. It's not a coincidence. Somewhere, we believe, there is a hardwire within the brain that recognizes these times.

Think about how we, as adults, may feel about a time of year that someone we loved died...or a holiday that was particularly hard as a child. We may not consciously think about it, but you feel the dark clouds or anger. A child doesn't know how to deal with these feelings. It's hard enough even as an adult.

In an effort to share the realities of adopting children that have had lives before us...I want to share the truth, while protecting some things my children may not want us to share. Our children suffered trauma. Even little bitty children may have these hardwired trauma-versaries.

We have amazing children. Parenting these children is an honor. This particular child, we don't usually struggle with lying or manipulation. Destructiveness is not usually an issue........until it is.

We are in battle right now, not with our child...but for them.

We have been for three days. It's so hard. I didn't see it coming, though I should have. It can sneak up out of the blue. This child, no one would ever suspect struggles with this. This child becomes someone else at these rare times...a child that does not lie, lies....a child that respects other peoples things, no longer does and become destructive....a child that wouldn't hurt a fly, is hurtful to those they love.

It's hard and I will not pretend otherwise.

We would LOVE LOVE LOVE some prayer right now.  For our child to be able to start digging deep and express themselves when this happens, for complete healing, and for us to be tender, discerning, wise, and PATIENT (that's a huge one). 

Now the warriors arm for battle...again...

"The horse is made ready for the day of battle,
but victory rests with the Lord. " Proverbs 21:31

1 comment:

  1. You've got it! I'm praying for God's strength to be made perfect in your weakness, for God's love to be made known to your child, for His peace that passes understanding throughout your family.


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