Monday, June 18, 2012

Mini Update (Husband's Posting, Anniversary of Trauma)

Well, you may have noticed my husband's post didn't come out when we planned. It's hard to write your heart.

It will be posted, but just not on Father's Day.

~~~~~~~~~

We are still working through the anniversary of our child's trauma (trauma-versary). The day they came home to their forever family.  Doesn't sound like trauma, right?  That was the moment that they lost, again, all that was familiar...people, places, language, smells.

I kept our sweet child close during our Saturday garage sale (while most of the others were with their big sis or grandma). We called this child my shadow on Saturday, and it helped. Saturday was really good.

Sunday was...mostly. It's hard to explain. Things take on new meaning. Normal is not always normal. Does that make sense?

Our little one (we'll call them "V" to make it easier...no kids with a "V", right?) was doing an attention getting sulk most of the day. Nothing was "wrong" per say, but V knew that if they sulked, people would ask "Are you ok?"

After Church we came home an I made grill cheese sandwiches (we're upscale like that...smile).

Let me tell you, making grill cheese for ten (with a few eating more than one) takes me a little bit. I finally told everyone to go ahead and eat. I plopped a grill cheese (or two) on each plate, placed a handful of chips I had found for a dollar a bag (my kids say they taste better than the name brand, who knew?!) and handed out plates.

I had yet to set down and V stood at the gate (they were eating in the living room since the yard sale stuff was all around the table). We have a gate up to corral the little ones when needed.

V said, "Mommy, can I have some more chips?" V knew that they were told to stay in the room with Daddy as his shadow for a little bit, so they asked me. I had yet to sit down to eat.

"Honey", I said, "Mommy hasn't eaten yet. I would like a few chips too. After I eat I will get you some more if there is any. I'm SURE their will be."

*Mistake: Saying "if there is any". After that point I don't believe the next sentence was heard.

As I turned around and walked back to the kitchen to fix my plate. I heard the gate and before I knew it another child was opening up the bag of chips.

"Did you, by any chance, hear what I said to V? You need to wait until after I've eaten to get more"

This child turned to me and said, "I was getting them for V.  V told me they had to shadow daddy and couldn't go out to get any. I didn't hear you, sorry. I was trying to be nice."

Ok, have to say sweet sibling and BUSTED V!

I sat my plate down (hungry by this time) and asked V if they had asked their sibling to get them chips even though I had said "no". They nodded (at least there was honesty...I look at that as a right step).

I told V they had to go on time out (really, it's a "time in" next to me) and sat down to eat. 

Tears, tears, and more tears (shockingly, not mine, V's)

I hadn't even said, which some may disagree with, no more chips.  Food issues are hardwired for kids who have been malnourished.  V just needed to sit down and think about what they did.

After a little bit, I told V that they could go sit down on the couch.

STOMP, STOMP, STOMP...ARMS CROSSED...MAD SULK

I let them know that obviously with that attitude they didn't need any more chips.  They needed to wait until snack time.  They also needed, while I ate, to go sit on daddy's lap and get their love tank filled up.

After a few minutes V melted into daddy and you could see the situation calming down.

The rest of the day wasn't perfect, but each day is a little better.  It's just a TON of reassurance, love, shadowing, and PRAYING we handle it right (not that we always do).

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In the joy of following our Heavenly Father, we sometimes choose to proceed with a whisper, a verse, or a downright shove...no matter how we follow Him, the momentum that follows is like nothing we've ever experienced before.

Join the momentum...it is a beautiful place to be. It's not always easy, but then the best things never are.

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