Understanding Attachment~Part II~How Our Children May Feel and Moving Forward

If you have not read "The Story of Attachment-Part I", I recommend you start there.

"Understanding Attachment~Part I~How it May Start"

Life for our little one has not always been easy. A matter a fact you could say it's been traumatic. She has suffered a great loss. Soon she will be handed, with no transition time, to complete strangers who smell different, don't speak her language, and don't look exactly like her. She may have not been spoken to about us or seen the pictures we've sent.

You might even be surprised to discover our sweet (and very attached) Max, Bekah, and the twins had to go through an attachment process too. They had to learn to trust that we would be around forever. Who wouldn't after being handed to someone you didn't know?

I heard it described somewhat like this. Picture a normal life with your family. Your kids running around. Your husband/wife at the Barbecue. A stranger comes in and you are told to go with them. They take you to a house with a ton of other people your age who may or may not completely ignore you. After months of grief some strangers come in. They are smiling and so happy. You are told this is your new wife/husband. You are expected to just accept it.

I recently read an even better description of how it might be on the blog "Journey to Baby Boz".

Imagine for a moment…

You have met the person you've dreamed about all your life. He has every quality that you desire in a spouse. You plan for the wedding, enjoying every free moment with your fiancée. You love his touch, his smell, the way he looks into your eyes. For the first time in your life, you understand what is meant by "soul mate," for this person understands you in a way that no one else does. Your heart beats in rhythm with his. Your emotions are intimately tied to his every joy, his every sorrow.

The wedding comes. It is a happy celebration, but the best part is that you are finally the wife of this wonderful man. You fall asleep that night, exhausted from the day's events, but relaxed and joyful in the knowledge that you are next to the person who loves you more than anyone in the world…the person who will be with you for the rest of your life.The next morning you wake up, nestled in your partner's arms. You open your eyes and immediately look for his face.

But IT'S NOT HIM! You are in the arms of another man. You recoil in horror. Who is this man? Where is your beloved?

You ask questions of the new man, but it quickly becomes apparent that he doesn't understand you. You search every room in the house, calling and calling for your husband. The new guy follows you around, trying to hug you, pat you on the back,...even trying to stroke your arm, acting like everything is okay. But you know that nothing is okay.

Your beloved is gone. Where is he? Will he return? When? What has happened to him?

Weeks pass. You cry and cry over the loss of your beloved. Sometimes you ache silently, in shock over what has happened. The new guy tries to comfort you. You appreciate his attempts, but he doesn't speak your language-either verbally or emotionally. He doesn't seem to realize the terrible thing that has happened...that your sweetheart is gone.You find it difficult to sleep. The new guy tries to comfort you at bedtime with soft words and gentle touches, but you avoid him, preferring to sleep alone, away from him and any intimate words or contact.

Months later, you still ache for your beloved, but gradually you are learning to trust this new guy. He's finally learned that you like your coffee black, not doctored up with cream and sugar. Although you still don't understand his bedtime songs, you like the lilt of his voice and take some comfort in it.More time passes. One morning, you wake up to find a full suitcase sitting next to the front door. You try to ask him about it, but he just takes you by the hand and leads you to the car. You drive and drive and drive. Nothing is familiar. Where are you? Where is he taking you?You pull up to a large building. He leads you to an elevator and up to a room filled with people. Many are crying. Some are ecstatic with joy. You are confused. And worried.The man leads you over to the corner. Another man opens his arms and sweeps you up in an embrace. He rubs your back and kisses your cheeks, obviously thrilled to see you.You are anything but thrilled to see him. Who in the world is he? Where is your beloved? You reach for the man who brought you, but he just smiles (although he seems to be tearing up, which concerns you), pats you on the back, and puts your hand in the hands of the new guy.

The new guy picks up your suitcase and leads you to the door. The familiar face starts openly crying, waving and waving as the elevator doors close on you and the new guy. The new guy drives you to an airport and you follow him, not knowing what else to do. Sometimes you cry, but then the new guy tries to make you smile, so you grin back, wanting to "get along." You board a plane. The flight is long. You sleep a lot, wanting to mentally escape from the situation.
Hours later, the plane touches down. The new guy is very excited and leads you into the airport where dozens of people are there to greet you. Light bulbs flash as your photo is taken again and again. The new guy takes you to another guy who hugs you. Who is this one? You smile at him. Then you are taken to another man who pats your back and kisses your cheek. Then yet another fellow gives you a big hug and messes your hair.

Finally, someone (which guy is this?) pulls you into his arms with the biggest hug you've ever had. He kisses you all over your cheeks and croons to you in some language you've never heard before.

He leads you to a car and drives you to another location. Everything here looks different. The climate is not what you're used to. The smells are strange. Nothing tastes familiar, except for the black coffee. You wonder if someone told him that you like your coffee black.

You find it nearly impossible to sleep. Sometimes you lie in bed for hours, staring into the blackness, furious with your husband for leaving you, yet aching from the loss. The new guy checks on you. He seems concerned and tries to comfort you with soft words and a mug of warm milk. You turn away, pretending to go to sleep.

People come to the house. You can feel the anxiety start to bubble over as you look into the faces of all the new people. You tightly grasp the new guy's hand. He pulls you closer. People smile and nudge one other, marveling at how quickly you've fallen in love. Strangers reach for you, wanting to be a part of the happiness.

Each time a man hugs you, you wonder if he will be the one to take you away. Just in case, you keep your suitcase packed and ready. Although the man at this house is nice and you're hanging on for dear life, you've learned from experience that men come and go, so you just wait in expectation for the next one to come along.

Each morning, the new guy hands you a cup of coffee and looks at you expectantly. A couple of times the pain and anger for your husband is so great that you lash out, sending hot coffee across the room, causing the new guy to yelp in pain. He just looks at you, bewildered. But most of the time you calmly take the cup. You give him a smile. And wait. And wait. And wait.

--Written by Cynthia Hockman-Chupp

I think that kind of puts into perspective what our children face. We know that God has shown us our children and we're just bringing them home, but they have suffered such loss until this point that they most likely will not feel that way. It's pretty certain. We may intend love, and they may just be angry.

Transitioning into a family takes time. Attachment takes time. Sensory issues take time. This is why our family chooses to do attachment work. It's almost beyond a choice. We see it as mandatory.

Think of it, even with a child that seems completely attached, as an extra check to create a healthy bond and family.

For four months (less or more time if necessary) we are the only ones to hold, diaper (if necessary), bathe, and feed our little girl. She must begin to understand that we will provide for all her needs. Often we are repeating stages she should have gotten already, but didn't. Such as bottle feeding (if she will permit), while looking at her in the eyes and holding her, etc. It sounds crazy, but her foundation is filled with fissures that we need to fill however we can...with lots of prayer, guidance from our Heavenly Father, and information from some very smart people. Picture a child that has a bottle propped in her mouth with no physical contact...a fissure.

Our goal is that she understand that we love her and she is safe...with us, not everyone. She may not choose to attach, and it's our responsibility to insure she does. It often is not easy...we have had it both ways.

The attachment dance is NOT an easy thing to do. How easy is it to say to a cherished friend or family member, "I'm sorry, I know they want to go to you, but we need to foster attachment." Sometimes people are offended or hurt. Sometimes they don't understand. There is a common thought process that is, "They will see you everyday and know you're taking care of them. They will attach and you're just being over protective."

If you've seen a child that is unattached, you will know that attachment is not necessarily automatic. Attachment doesn't always come with time. We've known those that after years still struggled with attachment. It's not just with teens and older children, but with babies and toddlers as well. It is often a long distance race instead of a sprint.

So this is our family plan and the reason we are writing this current series on attachment.

We will do attachment work.

This means that we are the primary caregivers until WE feel secure that SHE is securely attached. We do have experience with this and did HAVE to do this previously. Even if we don't always share the stories. Trust us, we have them.

This is what attachment work will mean for our family and friends.

*Only we hold, feed, change, and bathe Jael EVEN if she wants to climb onto someone else's lap or holds out her arms to you. We can't allow it, temporarily, to help her attach. This may be a battle of the wills, but a necessary one.
*This does NOT mean that you can not stop by the house to meet her...though still, no one else holds her. We will be exhausted and will most likely limit the time of visiting. This is not to offend anyone, but to focus Jael's heart on attachment to us. Actually there are times where we will need you (see "What Can I do to Help?"). Attachment parenting can be very lonely at times.
*This means that for at least a month or two that only one of us will be at Church with the other children. Jael needs to understand that we are "forever" for her and not "shop" for new parents because she doesn't trust us to stick around. Though we hope this doesn't happen, we have seen it happen. Even after the first month, one of us may come in late to the cry room and leave early (depending what is needed). Large crowds may overwhelm her or make her feel like she is in a orphanage situation again. Still, only we hold her.
*This will most likely mean that for the first year of her life she will not be in a Bible class/nursery type situation (at least without one of us). This mimics TOO much of an orphanage life and can bring a lot of regression (we have personal experience with this, it's NOT good or pleasant).
*This will mean, though we love and cherish you, we have to do what is best for our daughter, no matter how much we love you. We have to fight for our child, knowing in the long run the battle (no matter how hard) is very worth it.

Hopefully attachment will be quick and easy, but there are no guarantees. We have to go into this prepared the best we can be.

Please understand, the attachment work we will do is not to hinder any love or attachment, but to create the ability to love and attach that God has placed within her.

That said, thank you for your patience with us as we are on the verge of the wonderful (and often difficult) journey of attachment.

Attachment Prayer Request
Please pray that God prepares Jael's hearts, gives her dreams of us...our faces, scents, voices....and helps her to feel secure in our arms and with our love very quickly.

Please check the last post, as we've had a "hiccup" and could use some prayers.

"I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us." Romans 8:18

Sensory Resourse #1
"The Out-of-Sync Child by Carol Stock Kranowitz"

Other posts in this series...
"Understanding Attachment~Part I~How it May Start"
"Understanding Attachment~Part III~Helping Others Understand"
"Understanding Attachment~Part IV~Misunderstanding/Our Stories"
"Understanding Attachment~Part V~When Parents Find a Hard Time Attaching/Choosing Love"
"Understanding Attachment~Part VI~Putting the Pieces Together"
"Understanding Attachment~Part VII~To Those Who Will Be There"
"Understanding Attachment~Part VIII~Spiritual Warfare"

The Side Swipe...Prayers Please

You know those events you don't see coming? We had one this morning...a side swipe. A large chunk of funds that was coming (we planned to use for travel to China) will not be here for the foreseeable immediate future.

The MAKER of the Heavens and the earth has got this. My humanness is showing this morning though.

This year we are learning something we thought we already knew. Something that God has taught us over and over in this adoption....to lean completely on Him. Nothing left and no other options are a blessing in one way. We get to see God work even greater.

Can you please pray that the needed funds come in very quickly? Thank you...

Please also continue to pray for our Travel Approval to come with a speed we can't imagine and for Jael to be in our arms by the end of our year.

We are not giving up what God has called us to pray. HE is...He just IS...

Understanding Attachment~Part I~How it May Start

This has been on my mind a lot lately. I can honestly say I understand so much more about attachment, even since the twins came home a year and a half ago. I have a long way to go though. Sometimes it's overwhelming to think about. Every once in a while a twinge of fear settles into my stomach. Jael is coming home quickly. How do I remember everything I've learned?

This fear is nothing compared to what our daughter's fear will be though.

Some of the following posts will have a familiar ring. Much hasn't changed...the fear, anger, not understanding, the trauma our daughter may have faced...has faced. There WILL be changes to previous posts though. So much is different and I wish we had learned it earlier, but for now....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Three and a half years ago....maybe in a small house, in the dirt, in a rural unknown village...maybe in the inner city on hard concrete or a mattress on the floor...a little one came into this world. Her birth brought a surprise in a country where having one child is the only acceptable option. She was a sweet little girl, not a boy to help support the family, covered with the signs of birth. Her little legs curled under her. Locked in way that wasn't expected, possibly from malnutrition...possibly. The mother MAY have looked at her with love. The mother MAY have known her country, her neighbors would not be kind to a beauty that was different than their own. Her father may have wondered what kind of life she could have or may have even felt a pang at the lack of the male heir in a culture that values the strength of masculine offspring.

Was it a cold morning as a grandfather took the child and made the trek into the city? Maybe there was a spark of warmth as they left this newborn on the steps of a welfare institute, hoping she would be found before the weather grew too sweltering or the baby became hungry. Did they have long talks before this point? Did they debate what to do? Was there any discussion at all? They would be heavily taxed if they kept her.

As this little one is processed through the system of a major orphanage or "welfare institute" the diagnoses of "leg deformity" is given. Little kissable legs are often seen as undesirable if they are different. She may not have been held much, but then often the cribs were filled with children with much more significant health issues. The ratio of caregiver to child...was not anything close to what it should be. The numbers were too numerous. Too many children were being left. She learned to either treasure every touch or fear it because it was so unusual and so scary.

Yet life became familiar.

Yes, sometimes she was hungry, but then even that was familiar.
Sometimes she was scared, but she learned that there were many in line before her with cries and needs greater. She wasn't heard.
Often she was cold.
She learned how to comfort herself. She could rock herself in comfort, something that may stick with her for the rest of her life.
When she looked around, she knew the faces around her. Life took on a pattern. She felt safe...safe in a way that what she experienced everyday is considered normal to her, though upsetting to the rest of the world.

She wasn't safe though...not in the way we think. There wasn't enough caregivers, no matter how hard they tried, to protect all the children...even from each others.

For three and a half years she learned what to expect, whether hunger or touch, whether pain or comfort...her days became patterned into the drum of every day life.

*She doesn't know that God has a family across the seas that have been waiting and praying for her. She doesn't know God has plans for her, a family filled with love.*

She knows her familiar routine and may feel a form of content at the habitual nature of her days.

One day, after three and a half YEARS, she may be dressed with a little more care than usual. She is carried outside and maybe a caregiver hugs her with a tear in her eyes. She is placed in a car with a few familiar faces. She doesn't remember being in one of these before and her tummy is most likely upset. She's crying or even screaming, knowing things are changing. She clings to the one holding her, digging her nails in...or seems almost comatose.

*Often a child will have sensory issues because they've never been in a car, or moved a lot. They may never have been rocked, swung around, or touched much. Touch may be painful, their skin so sensitive that it elicits pain. Their head may be full of so many unfamiliar noises that they will be on sensory over load and bite, fight, or kick. Many of the experts are seeing how sensory issues and attachment need to be dealt with hand in hand. Touching may be painful, thus bonding extremely difficult. Sounds may bring screaming, so whispering of love may be impossible. Hand in hand.....

After a long car trip they pull up to a towering hotel...towering in her eyes anyway OR they pull up to a long government building. As she clings to the one familiar person she knows, they enter an unfamiliar room with people looking only at her. These people move toward her. They say funny words. Are they crazy? One is crying. The others are smiling and showing her pretty toys in a special back pack. Her caregiver pries her clinging fingers and urges her toward these strangers. The caregiver backs away...

"NO NO NO NO NO!!!" she may scream and try to run back to the one familiar person there. Her caregiver kisses her, tells her this is her family, and offers a few words of comfort. Finally, often after only minutes, her caregivers hand her to these crazy people that she doesn't know. The toys may be interesting, but this IS NOT going to happen. Then she starts to scream...or she may cry silently. She may be still, wondering what is next. She may....

They whisper a few words of comfort, but only a few words make any kind of sense.

Where is the "familiar" that she knew? Where are those she is used to? Where are the smells she knows?

She may be screaming and railing as the family tries to coax her to eat. They bring her to another room (a hotel is another unknown element to her) , that also smells unfamiliar, with beds and a bath. She may try to find distraction...may.

****This is where the story has many ways it could go, here are just a couple.****

What MAY happen....
She doesn't cry and she does love the attention getting. She is being held and fed. They smell different, but good. The big ones don't ever want to put her down, actually none of them do.

Very quickly she starts wrapping her finger up in mommy's hair and raising her hands up to be held. Any attention may feel like good attention. She may fear anyone holding her but her new family or she may seek anyone holding her because it's attention. Her little heart is in constant fear. She may wonder when they are going to take her back to her old "familiar" place.

This fear can last the plane ride to a new land. This fear can last months...years...after all it was 3 1/2 years at an orphanage and she was still given away. She can't just "get over it" or "realize eventually that this is her forever family". This is ingrained in her core. She doesn't trust enough to let her heart completely go to her family. She needs time. She needs time to trust that her family will be around and take care of her. When she gets handed to others (not in her forever family) she may cry and scream, sigh, or just accept it. She may be resigned that she may not see those she is learning to love again. She is not fully attached yet and may not be for a long time. She doesn't trust yet. It may be a long road...a war for this little one's spirit who may or may not try everything to push away the love she needs so desperately...because love isn't safe. People she loves leave or hurt her. Yet she may want to love....

Others may be offended that this little girl is not handed over. They may feel that the child will eventually just understand and they should be treated as a child that does not have a history of trauma. If the attachment is not WORKED at, this little girl may view all as her caregivers. After all, many took care of her. She doesn't know what the concept of family is. It is not automatic.

Another scenario....
She makes her heart distant and cries when held...rigid and pushing away, resisting touch. She doesn't want the care or love and she never learned to trust. When someone else is around that is not family, she may reach out her hands. These people seem to care too much and she won't let herself get hurt again. She WILL NOT trust them. She will choose not to, since she has nothing else to control in a time that seems so out of control. She will choose not to attach to her family.

The plane ride is miserable. She wants everyone but her family and she cries (and screams) at the slightest touch and for the ENTIRE time. She wants her familiar bed at an orphanage that is NOT home. She wants to be left alone. Others are offended that the parents don't let them help.

She, once home, refuses to attach. She continues to "shop" for her new caregivers, exerting the little control she has. She does not WANT to love the family God has planned for her. People again may offended when the parents don't go out or to their normal places the first few months or so. They may be offended that this family is circling the wagons...even with experts saying they should do exactly that. They may be offended when this expected blessing is not handed over for them to immediately hold. She is so friendly to them and they may think of her as a child that has not suffered through trauma. She is not attached.

THE END...OR REALLY JUST THE BEGINNING...
There are many ways our children may react to their new family. We don't know. We have heard of the most natural transitions and of some of the toughest. We've come to understand much of this is a spiritual battle...satan does not want to lose these children. Adoption is something satan detests.

This whole story is a giant guess about the way things might have been and might be. It's all based on pieces of a puzzle with many pieces missing.

It's not easy to think of the fear in our children, but we have to realized through our joy, our children have faced trauma. The only way to become an orphan is trauma. Yes, God has blessed us with these children....knows them as our children, yet we need to recognize the pain and hurt that brought them to our families. We need to realize they had a life before us.

God has led us to our children, and we are bringing them home. God knows our little girl is part of us and we are part of her. Attachment is just part of the road of adoption. Sometime it is beautiful and smooth and sometimes the pits seem so big they are hard to get out of.

It's all worth it though...always.

"God sets the lonely in families..." Psalms 68:6a

Attachment Rescource #1:
"The Connected Child by Karyn Purvis"


Other post in this series...
"Understanding Attachment~Part II~How Our Children May Feel and Moving Forward"
"Understanding Attachment~Part III~Helping Others Understand"
"Understanding Attachment~Part IV~Misunderstanding/Our Stories"
"Understanding Attachment~Part V~When Parents Find a Hard Time Attaching/Choosing Love"
"Understanding Attachment~Part VI~Putting the Pieces Together"
"Understanding Attachment~Part VII~To Those Who Will Be There"
"Understanding Attachment~Part VIII~Spiritual Warfare"

Where We Are At....

Last week I felt fearful. I don't normally dwell in fear, so it was a odd feeling. I tried to narrow down what was causing this, because I knew it wasn't of God. I wasn't fearing that God wouldn't act. I wasn't fearing that Jael wouldn't come home. I think my friend Amber nailed it in one of our conversations. I was fearing I somehow messed up things in my humanness.

Silly? Yes!
Logical? No!

Emotionally I was fearful though...until I remembered that worry and fear can be a form of arrogance...believing on some level that we are in control.

Suffice it to say, I am now not fearful....at least 99% of the time (after all, I am human..smile).

Yesterday we received a email from our coordinator. She said the consulate is now making appointments for the week of December 19th. We need our TA (travel approval) to receive a consulate appointment.

We need our TA to come in quickly.

There is another imminent prayer request that I didn't feel peace at sharing before. Financially we need things to finish lining up. We will be almost there we believe...depending on the costs of flight. We have two payments coming to our family that have yet to be paid.

Can you pray for these imminent prayer requests with us?
* That the Travel Approval comes in quickly.
* That our two payments come in this week and financially things start lining up.
* That our airline tickets are remarkably low.

Those are important and on our heart, but even more so is the prayer God called us to....

*Please pray that Jael is in our arms by the end of our year.

Lastly is the prayer request for our daughter.
* Please pray God protects her and whispers His love into her heart. Please pray God prepares her...she dreams of our faces, voices, scents. That she attaches to us quickly.

What some of you might not know is that, though we've sent her pictures and such, there is no guarantee she was given them. She will be handed to us with no days of transition/"getting to know us" time. Handed to complete strangers to her (no matter how much we love her) and losing everything familiar instantly. That is why the prayers for her are vitally important.

Thank you friends!!! Fighting the fear and standing in confidence as we are SOOOOO excited to see God work.

A beautiful little email from the government saying our Article 5 has been issued. THIS is the paper we've been waiting for.

The Article 5 and our paperwork is now sent to the foreign government for what's called the "Travel Approval" or "TA". It's only at this point that our agency can request their top five choices of dates for our consulate appointment in country.

Everything WOULD seem so impossible and such a short timeline IF we didn't have such a GREAT AMAZING AWE INSPIRING GOD and if we didn't have our brothers and sisters standing a long side us.

Here are the prayer requests at this point (since, PRAISE GOD, they have changed again).
*That we are issued a TA this week, within days, AMAZINGLY quickly.
*That our agency requests our travel date be by the end of our year and is approved.
**That Jael is in our arms by the end of our year.**
*That God...Jesus...whispers in our daughter's ear, bringing her peace. That she dreams of us...physically, our smell, what we sound like...so fear may not be so overwhelming to her. That she may attach to us quicker than ever imagined.

Thank you friends...thank you....

Three Little Ones Fighting For Their Lives (Adoption)

This week three children have been in my thoughts constantly. My heart hurts and petitions for these families.

If you have a moment, please pray for these little ones and their families.

Eden, a little one that came home from Ethiopia around a year ago, was diagnosed with a medical condition that...there is no cure.

CaringBridge~Eden Brooks

Ruby Grace, a little one that has been home from Uganda only a couple of weeks. She has Hydrocephalus and is fighting for her life (and through multiple surgeries) right now.

A Place Called Simplicity

Katie, a beautiful little one from a Eastern European country, has just arrived back in the United States. Her little body is critical. She is NINE YEARS OLD and barely ELEVEN POUNDS. She needs petitions and petitions and petitions to our Heavenly Father.

The Blessing of Verity

Thank you for praying with me bloggy friends.

This week is a big week for us (Article 5 coming this week). Thank you for the comments of encouragement I keep on getting. God has blessed me and I pray His blessings just overflow for you. The prayers.....the words "thank you" are not enough.

The time is getting close and my stomach feels full of butterflies. God is working. God is moving. HE is AMAZING! Please continue to petition with us this week for Jael's release by the end of this year. Also that the current paperwork with the consulate is completed sooner than imagined (early this week) and that ALL paperwork flies, those handling it are convicted to expedite it and are blessed. Please pray protection for our daughter who is across the world and that God whispers His love in her heart.

Trying to take a deep breath and prepare for rain (blessings). God has granted more than we could ever ask or imagine.

Thank you fellow prayer warriors! Five weeks doesn't sound so long and prayers...petitions are cherished toward landing in China at the end of it!!!

Tomorrow our folder will have been at the consulate in China one week. That in itself is stunning since it was submitted five days before logic and policy said it should be. We are currently one week away from picking up the folder ON TIME. We know God can even move this "standard two weeks" up. We pray that whatever miracles He continues to do in this process may just be so obviously Him.

*Please continue to pray for our daughter and her quick release from a place that is not her home.
*Please pray paperwork flies, those handling it are convicted to expidite it and are blessed.
*Please pray protection for our daughter who is across the world.
*PLEASE PRAY FOR OUR DAUGHTER TO BE IN OUR ARMS BY OUR YEARS END as this is the prayer God has called us to pray.

I've been distracting myself today. The closer it gets, the more the butterflies hit. The more....just the more I feel. I don't want to be distracted though. Distracted from our daughter who has been in her orphanage form 3 1/2 years. Jael's sweet life is so valuble and so precious. Can you please continue to storm Heaven with us? Petition our God to go beyond timelines and bring Jael home to her family quicker than we can imagine?

Got our NVC Letter. This is the last letter we needed to be submitted to the consulate in China for our Article 5 and travel! Sent on to the agency! Please join us in prayer to bring Jael home!

These are our current petitions to our Heavenly Father!

1. That we are quickly submitted to the consulate this week for our Article 5 (last thing before they assign travel~This was done on November 10th!). It is said to take a standard 2 weeks (due to be picked up on the 25th...but we know God is bigger than that. Can we pray that it's only God's timeline that matters?
2.That everyone handling this case in the U.S. and China is convicted when Jael's file comes across their desks and in their hands. That it FLIES.
3.That we have Jael in our arms by the end of our year.

God's Voice is Like No Other

There are times when I hear God in a blazing whisper in the middle of night. He presses on me knowledge that is a gift. He has touched me in the daytime with my heart beating a million miles an hour...writing on my heart words that never crossed my thoughts....my body racked with exhaustion as the pressing fades. These are all gifts, but let me tell you....sometimes it's scary.

People have asked me, "How do you know when God has spoken?" For at least a time you 100% know. There is no doubt. God's voice is like no other.

We absolutely know that God will not contradict His word. Wise counsel will encourage you as time passes...but...His voice is ONLY His.

But...lame ol' me, after time passes and I've shared what God has pressed on me...my courage fades inside me. I fear.

I think, "What if I've heard wrong? How could God be speaking to me? Doesn't He know that I can be easily angered at times? Doesn't He know that I feel like hiding and occasionally, when my husband gets home, I do just that? Doesn't he know how weak I feel and sometimes overwhelmed?"

After listening to our preacher today, I've realized that some of my feelings are about self worth...or lack of it. They are about the fact that it is a lot easier to love someone else than ourselves.

Mark 12:30-31 says,
"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor AS YOURSELF.’There is no commandment greater than these.”

Did you catch that? To love others, we need to love ourselves.

What does that have to do with listening to God, acting, and believing He could use us?

Everything....

God has given us worth. He has given us HIS SON to die for us.

We cannot read the Bible...David, Jonah, Peter....and stand in arrogance saying that God cannot use us. We cannot say these great men of God did not fall short. We cannot have the gall to say that Jesus' grace is just not quite big enough to forgive us or use us.

I love Gideon's response (in Judges 6:14-16) when God called him to lead. Listen carefully to what God says.

The LORD turned to him and said, “Go in the strength you have and save Israel out of Midian’s hand. Am I not sending you?”

“But Lord,” Gideon asked, “how can I save Israel? My clan is the weakest in Manasseh, and I am the least in my family.”

The LORD answered, “I will be with you, and you will strike down all the Midianites together.”

Loving ourselves and realizing God values us is one of the first steps, but the next step is the MOST important.

"I will be with you..."

It's that simple. It's not us doing it, but God. The message is not ours, doesn't require understanding, IT IS GOD'S.

It is NOT about our human weakness or doubt.
It IS about that one moment in time that we knew...100% that God had spoken and that God IS using us...IS blessing us with HIS voice.

I needed that message today. You see I've been sitting here fearful saying,"Are you sure God? I've told all these people that you called me to pray that Jael is in my arms by the end of our year. I'm scared. What if I'm wrong? Will my testimony be hurt?"

Scared? Yes, I am...scared of my weakness and fallibility, not Gods.

Yet I remember the moment God spoke. I was brought to my knees. I was pressed. At the same time a dear friend, not there with me, felt the same pressing. I was at 100%

Yet time passed...

God moved paperwork crazy quick and one paper was done the day BEFORE everything was together so it could be done.

Yet time passed...

God gave my husband and I the same message to pray for one of our children and when I texted him at work asking him to pray specifically, he already had.

Yet time passed...

And three different times satan tried to intervene in obscure and never before (for us at least) ways as we were sharing information about the pressing of God.

Yet time passed...

And God gave a friend's mother a scripture to share with me and five minutes after I received the message, my 10 year old shared with me the same story.

Yet time passed...

Today, our preacher shared a word that I needed to hear. A word that I needed to press on and hold on to what I know...and it's scaring me to death...but press on I will.

We have to. We have to hold on to the moment of clarity. We have to remember when God spoke.

I've often thought about the Israelites and just have not understood. How could they see God each day so evidently and still turn away or still doubt?

Now I get it...we have short memories unless we take our doubts captive...unless we choose to hold on to the absolute presence of God while living in this human world.

"...and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." II Corinthians 10:5b

God cannot be limited by our weaknesses.

God cannot be stopped by our stupidity (yep, it's true, at times we are).

God's will cannot be undone.

His voice doesn't disappear with time...only our memory of it does.

We must step forward with courage and speak the truth. It doesn't have to make sense to us. It doesn't have to be "doable" or "attainable" by ANY human or government standard.

God is not the world. God does not work by the world's rules. God doesn't say comfort is the first priority. God is bigger than that.

God IS bigger than that.

We must put aside our weakness and trust Him.

"His wisdom is profound, his power is vast.
Who has resisted him and come out unscathed?
He moves mountains without their knowing it
and overturns them in his anger.
He shakes the earth from its place
and makes its pillars tremble.
He speaks to the sun and it does not shine;
he seals off the light of the stars.
He alone stretches out the heavens
and treads on the waves of the sea.
He is the Maker of the Bear and Orion,
the Pleiades and the constellations of the south.
He performs wonders that cannot be fathomed,
miracles that cannot be counted." Job 9:4-10

Our Journey to Max (Repost for National Adoption Month Day 12)

In September 2003 God opened our hearts and welcomed in a little boy named Max. It was just the beginning for our family.

Max's huge eyes and winning smile has blessed us beyond belief. Again, we thank God...we live thanking God for the wonderful blessing of our son. Here is his story.

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

OUR JOURNEY TO MAX

It was a normal Sunday, like any other Sunday when, while setting in church listening to a sermon Thomas and I both received this wild intense feeling of anticipation. You know that feeling in the pit of your stomach that either feels like a thousand butterflies or that you’re going to throw up. Neither Thomas nor I talked about it until after church was over, but when we did it was so odd. This is somewhat of how it went.

“Honey, I just got the weirdest feeling”
“Ya, me too”
“It’s like something big is going to happen! Really big!”
“Ya! I don’t if its going to be good or bad, but it’s gonna be huge!”

Through much nudging and a couple of good clunks over our heads, God brought into both of our hearts (separately) the knowledge that is was time to start the adoption process. My husband and I knew, before we ever married that we wanted to adopt. We knew the situations of the children. We had seen the programs and heard the stories (both good and bad).

The knowledge that it was our time to consider adoption came after 9 years of marriage and 3 biological children (our youngest being 2). We felt the call, in souls, in our spirit. We didn’t have the money, but when God calls you, you answer.

We decided to look for an agency first, though we weren’t really sure where to start…not really.

We looked everywhere until we found a wonderful Agency called “Hope International”. After the endless searching, researching, and phone calls, we dialed a number that changed our lives. We were not sure “Hope” was a Christian Agency and we weren’t even sure that we should call. That was until the previous executive director Susan answered the phone and we found that she was a member of the Church of Christ and had also attended the same University that we had! We had even met her previously. They also had a main social worker/adoption advocate that is a Christian as well (as well as their staff). Not only this, but their office was only 40 minutes away. We were to find out the many benefits of this later on. Everything started falling into place at this point.

Then we needed to decide where we wanted to adopt from.

My husband and I knew from the start that we wanted to adopt internationally. Children here in the U.S. need homes every bit as much as the precious children overseas. And though some are in deplorable situations right here in the U.S., the Institutionalized children in so many developing countries are struggling for even the basic necessities. Every child has a right to love, but international adoption just happened to be our decision. The only difficulty we saw was the “Hope” worked from countries that we had not yet considered. Russia and China were the predominate ones. We actually leaned toward China since we didn’t care what color our child’s skin was; only that he was ours.

But a strange thing happened, all through this process of choices, we had people constantly talking of Russia. We heard “My neighbor adopted from there” to” my sister used to work in a hospital there.”. None of these things changed our minds though. It was a little story about a young boy adopted by a couple like us that already had biological children.

This couple had biological children, but they always knew they wanted to adopt. When they went to Russia to pick up their two year old son he was wearing pink stretch pants and a thin sweater, that’s all he had. The orphanage asked for the clothes back, because they needed them.

We discovered Russia had around 700,000 orphans (since communism fell it had doubled). It has risen since we adopted in 2003 though. It has currently 880,000 orphans. For many of the children, human touch is an uncommon event. Most are malnourished and developmentally delayed. There are so many stories from so many countries, but Russia captured our hearts. The need is everywhere, but after much prayer and searching we decided on Russia.

We had decided to adopt a little boy (between 12 and 18 months old). T.C. (our oldest at 8) had stated quite definitely that he is "girl trapped" and Anna (our youngest) was just 2 when we began this adoption process and we felt it would be best to adopt younger than her.

Every roadblock we have had (and there have been some significant ones) God has provided a way. We had our home study. Now that was a stressful experience (totally us, not them)! We struggled to financially get everything together, but with help from friends and family and a lot of faith, God provided. We received INS approval. The approval, which usually takes about 4 months to receive back (after fingerprinting), took 2 1/2 weeks.

We then received our referral, a video of little Nikolai. He was (and is) beautiful. Nikolai was only 9 1/2 months old in this video and first thing we noticed about him were his liquid brown eyes. He was tiny with layers of clothes on including a little girl’s shirt. He kept one of his fists closed most of the time, which we have heard is common in many institutionalized children (he out grew this quickly upon arriving home). After what seemed like a long wait for the dossier to be accepted (that's a story within itself) we finally were able to receive a court date. Ten days later we left for Moscow, Russia. Max was 13 months old.

We arrived in Moscow too late on Friday to see Nikolai. As Gregary, our driver (also an engineer), took us to our apartment we were stunned at the buildings surrounding us. The history in Moscow is amazing. Even the most beautiful buildings had paint peeling and had none of the modern look we are used to in America. The streets and the buildings make you feel as if you’re living a part of history. Moscow celebrated its 856th year this year Gregary stated.

We learned very quickly that driving in Moskva (as Moscow is called) takes courage of its own. The lines in the street mean nothing. Pedestrians have no right-of-way. We were surrounded by the sound of horns blaring and these amazingly strong Russian voices yelling aggressively at other drivers. There are very few cars with seat belts. We found that you get in the car, close your eyes, and pray (smile) and we were ones that had an amazing driver. It's funny, after a couple days and you find your self totally relaxed after you have almost got in your 3rd accident of the day (smile).

We arrived at our apartment. It was in a beautiful old building that had a sense of history of it's own. We stayed in a small one bedroom, very European looking apartment. It has hardwood floors and these beautiful ancient looking chandeliers. It has a washer, but generally no one feels the need to have a dryer. You hang your clothes and iron them to complete the drying. It had a small kitchen, a living room, a restroom with a bath and is actually quite pretty. The front door is actually two very heavy doors, each with heavy bolts on both. One door swung outward (the outer door) and one swung inward (the inner door) – for added strength and safety. The halls and floors outside the apartment are cement, but functional and quite old (and run down). It had it's own unique Russian feel.

We woke up the following morning anticipating just being able to touch the littlest Marr. We arrived at a rundown two story building surrounded by what in the states would be considered the projects; huge apartment buildings that reeked of poverty. Outside the orphanage we could hear a single baby crying. . A strange smell invaded our nostrils….Cabbage and unwashed bodies (we would come to know). A vicious sounding dog warned us of his presence as we entered the outer courtyard. As we entered the building, we were immediately drawn up the stairs by our host. They led us through a maze of elderly corridors, Disney Characters decorating the walls. Finally they led us through a set of doors into a silent room. We were shown into Nikolai's group (#8) and all we heard was silence. Eleven children around the age of one...silent. One child was sitting (facing away) on a caregivers lap being spoon fed (as all of them are) with an adult large spoon and a small plate. All the other children were in a large sectioned off corner of the room. Maybe a couple toys were in with all these children and that was only once in a while. At most times at least 3 children were rocking to comfort themselves since they are so deprived of the love and attention they require. There was one child with Downs Syndrome who would set in a wet diaper that had soaked through her clothes. Another always stood a top a little platform in their penned area. Another little one was always rocking and tearful. Nikolai was standing at the wooden wall of the partitioned section. His eyes, those precious eyes. They looked empty…almost dead, from the severe neglect he endured. We recognized him immediately. One of the caretakers scooped him up and motioned us to follow her. She led us to a room lined with chairs with a table in the middle. It was fairly empty besides that. She plopped Nikolai our arms and left. Wow, what an introduction. We were finally holding our son….finally.

Sidebar: Before we go on we must say that some of these women do care, but are continuously dealing with (only 2 of them) 11 babies. They are not trained and have become somewhat desensitized. Most do not realize the basic necessity of touch and love these children require. Of course, we think that they also seem to realize that they can’t get too emotionally attached, since they never know how long a child will be staying. This is not always because of adoption, but also children may be moved from group to group.

Nikolai looked at us with his huge big brown eyes. He was finally in our arms!!!!! looked a lot thinner than the last picture we had and we were later told he had begun to lose weight recently. We were finally holding our son….finally. He looked down and played with our keys. We waited and we finally saw his eyes peek toward us and the heavens opened as he smiled.

We found out quickly how ticklish he was. You poked him and he cracked up. He was so sensitive to any touch. He was initially very stiff with us, as if he were not sure what his response should be. When we set him down for a brief moment he very quickly put his feet and hands on the floor (with his bottom sticking up in the air) and started rocking. We found out this was what he did when he was overwhelmed. We were told to expect the rocking and that this is normal in orphanages. We have loved and kissed on him daily since. He was very smart (we could see this even then) and he could melt your heart with his smile. We brought him cheerios and he was always hungry. When we asked if we could bring him food, we were told we could if we brought diapers for his whole group (which we were already doing). We had been told that the children only get 2 meals a day (milk for breakfast). He was and is such a blessing from God. We were able to take him outside for the very first time in his little life. He saw and touched his very first tree. He was able to see his first bird and a stray dog. He wanted to explore everything. He went back and forth from that and hesitation. We could see the strangeness of all this in his eyes. We went into his group with him. We couldn't just ignore these other children, but Nikolai showed us (for the first time) that he was starting to view us as his. He gave us such a look, not angry, just possessive (smile).

We went to court on a Tuesday. It took us an hour to get there. The building was older and the carpet did not fit on the floors. We went into the court room knowing now was what was going to determine our parental rights of Nikolai. The judge quizzed us and then let the 3 other people that have a say in this process speak. The Education minister stood and told of Nikolai’s past and how he was found by a police officer on a street corner in the very early hours of a cold morning in Moscow. She told of a search for his parents and of reviewing our life story in the documents she had. She recommended that we be awarded the adoption rights of Nikolai. Next the deputy director of the orphanage stood (we had a meeting with her the day before). She stated that she felt we would make a good family for Nikolai. The prosecutor then stood. Yes… I said prosecutor. She was the one we were most nervous about. The prosecutor’s job is to argue the negative. As she stood we held our breaths. She went over Nikolai’s vital statistics and then stated that it would be in the best interest for Nikolai to be adopted into our family!!! No argument! God was working yet again! Why should we even be surprised?! Nikolai was then legally ours, though we had to wait for actual custody until Sept. 30th.

His name is Max Nikolai Michael. Max after my father, Nikolai for his heritage, and Michael for the warrior/angel (because he's a little bit of both). He wasn't overly familiar with any name since it was so rarely spoken to him.

I was to leave the next day to come back to the states. So after court we headed straight to the orphanage. We were able to take Nikolai outside again. He was dressed in an unusual outfit as many are. They keep them clothed, but as with everything else they are very limited and though clothing may be made for a girl or boy, that doesn't matter. Nikolai was tired that day. He actually (for the first time) laid his head down and kept it there. My heart melted. Though Thomas would be there, leaving was not easy. I left and went back to the states to be with T.C., Sarah, and Anna, who needed me as well.

The orphanage worker told Thomas, while I was back in the US, that Nikolai cried for the first time when seeing Thomas leave. We had already seen what happens as a child cries. They may be moved to a different place, but no one holds them or comforts them in their tears. We have seen that Nikolai is a wounded child. You could see it in his eyes back then, when he rocked, when his lower lip stuck out a touch (but no tears surfaced). Many of these children don't cry because they know no one will come. Nikolai has a home now, and we are so blessed to be the ones to give it to him

On Sept. 28th, Anna (our 2 1/2 year old) and I returned to Moscow. Knowing we would be coming home with Nikolai (Max) was such a joy. Though for some reason this trip was a lot harder. Yes, having a 2 1/2 year old there could be "interesting" at times (smile), but that wasn't even it.

We arrived tired and bedraggled, but found we landed early enough to introduce Anna to her little brother. I could not wait to get my arms around our beautiful little boy and of course Thomas couldn't wait to see Anna either (he'd been away two weeks at that point).

For the first time we arrived at the orphanage at dinner. These were different caregivers than I had met last time. Max was unsure of what to think of me. He had seen a movie (on our video camera) of me daily, but still was not quite secure with me. The food soon arrived and they proceeded to plop Nikolai in a little wooden chair with a small table in front of him. As they motioned me over they sat a steaming hot bowl of soup in front of him (along with what looked like barely cooked hamburger and a curd type dish). Nikolai sat with his hands flat on the table for the entire meal. He did not reach out to grab the piping hot bowl, as most 1 year olds would try to do. It worried us at first and then saddened us when we realized why he did this. We watched as another child was being fed. We watched as they grabbed this 8 month olds head and literally wrenched it back into place when he tried to look at me. We watched them (also literally) shovel the food into this child's mouth at such a rate that most of it poured back out. This was what the bowl under the child's chin was used for….to catch the large amount pouring back out. They then took a teacup and poured tea into this child's mouth the same way. They did this for a few minutes then plopped the child back into the pen, very little food or drink having made it to the child's stomach. We wanted to cry, to be angry, to rail against this kind of treatment of any child, but we wanted Max out of there and knew doing that could offend the wrong person and make it hard to get Nikolai out of this situation.

The next day when we arrived at the orphanage we were told that we could take Nikolai for a walk. We changed his clothes (head to toe) and for the first time, we realized how grossly malnourished his beautiful little body was (as Thomas stated later, he had never seen a child look this way except on the commercials requesting funds for hungry children) (sigh). The day was beautiful as we walked with Nikolai in a broken down carriage with Anna trotting beside. It was one of those truly peaceful times we will always treasure. Certain areas we avoided because of the smell, but we were used to it by now. We watched as Nikolai's eyes lit up at each new sight and listened to his beautiful little giggle that was becoming a more frequent thing. It was a long way to come, but so worth it.

The next day was our big day, wow...we finally get to take Max into our arms and into our family (he was already in our hearts). It seemed as if it took forever to get to this day, though it really hadn't (6 months). As we walked in, we first met with the head of the orphanage and gave them the clothes that so many friends and family donated. They were amazed and thankful at the sheer number. We then were off to wrap our arms around the littlest Marr. He had just woken up and gave us that early morning sleepy little smile. We then changed him into the outfit we brought him (since they needed the clothes he was wearing back) and we said goodbye. There is one worker there that we will truly miss, so we were misty eyed as we said goodbye and received kisses on both cheeks. As we looked back at the children rocking back and forth in the pen trying to comfort themselves our sense of joy was dampened at the thought of leaving all these children behind (it's still hard to think about), but our own happiness still overflowed at the actuality of little Max in our arms.

The rest of the trip went so quickly. From the U.S. Embassy, to passports and visas, the Max's medical check, to finding ourselves in the middle of a communist protest surrounded by riot police (don't ask). Our bodies sagged with sheer exhaustion. We realize we have now seen a country and a life so foreign to our own, a life of such extreme contradictions. A Place where those on the Metro give up their seats to the elderly, yet children lay in orphanages malnourished, neglected, and looked down upon by many. A Place where the so-called joys of freedom have also brought the Russian Mafia and rampant pornography. You can't even watch the news without seeing nudity. A Place where Metro stations are ornate and marble covered and the buildings (tenements) lay falling down around them. Moscow is a different world, so beautiful and ancient, yet parts are so unimaginable.

Max is home now. He is the most loved child. He took his first steps his first night in our custody and T.C., Sarah, and Anna have kept him running ever since. His weight went up. We had some (we consider minor) adjustments/difficulties with sleep, and eating, and such, but he took such major strides each day. He struggled a little trying to figure out what his reactions/emotions should be (because of his lack of interaction the first year). After almost three years he only is a little emotionally young for his age.

Our story has been such an amazing journey that has changed our lives and perspectives forever. Max Nikolai Michael was what we consider our Miracle child. Each step of the way we saw Gods hand…miracle after miracle. There is not enough room here to even grant you more than a brief glimpse of what God has done for us through this. If you have or are considering adoption and you hear Gods call, please listen. He will take care of finances (if that is a worry). We didn't have it when we started. He will take care of you and the child he has for you, in all aspects. He will use you in ways you cannot imagine.

People have started asking us recently “Do you think you will adopt again?”.

There are millions of children out there, orphans out there. How can we say “no” with any certainty that we will not adopt again? This is a question we ask God.

You may ask, do we have the funds to adopt again? No, but that didn’t stop things before. What we do have is four wonderful children, a stupendous family, support of terrific friends, a fantastic Church and an AMAZING GOD, who has seen fit to bless us so abundantly. So to answer the question “Will we adopt again?” The answer, after all, IS very simple……what God wills…we will.
____________________________________

Obviously, since this story was written, God did will. We now have EIGHT beautiful children....five of which are adopted. We have a house filled with love and BLESSED BLESSED BLESSED by God.

I am not....(Repost for National Adoption Month Day 11)

I am not....
a good person because I've adopted. I am a blessed person.

I am not...
rescuing a child. They rescued me with their sweet love.

I am not...
surrounded by real children vs.adopted children. They are all my real children.

I am not...
hearing God where He is not. I am hearing God where He is.

I am not...
listening to man. I am listening to God.

Perspective of an Adopted Child~Must Read (National Adoption Month Day 10)

This is a must read for every adoptive parent.

It's a must read for anyone who wants to understand what is going on in the hearts of our adopted blessings when they first arrive home.

I want to encourage you to check this out!

"Different Perspective" on Journey to Baby Boz

The Effect of the Economy on Orphans (Repost for National Adoption Month-Day 9)

In the current economic climate, I’ve heard story after story of the struggle of many American families. I think we all have. There were 650,000 foreclosure filings - which include notices of default, auction sales and bank repossessions - issued in the first quarter of 2007. That represents one of every 194 households. We’ve heard of retirees losing the bulk of their investments that were supposed to provide for them. I think many feel the economy hitting them in the stress of their work environments…layoffs and cutbacks loom for so many. Government bailouts…a quick fix for a long term problem, but not a solution.

Unfortunately, we often forget that the economic situation in the U.S hurts more than just Americans. Many orphans wait in orphanages around the world. They wait for mommies to forgive them for writing on the refrigerator, for daddies to flip them, giggling, upside down. They wait for love. Some are in wonderful orphanages…as wonderful as they can get, not being a family. They get picked up and tickled. They get snuggled for a few minutes when it’s possible. They get fed. Unfortunately, there are other children in orphanages who lack the basic necessities of touch, food, and care. They rock themselves for comfort since it comes from no one outside them. They are not even on the U.S. weight charts. They may be so malnourished that it has now stunted the growth of their heads. Malnourishment starts with weight, then the height is affected, then finally the head circumference. This IS NOT some kind of scare tactic or even written to “guilt” anyone. This is the truth. I have seen it. We have seen it in our own precious blessings.

Many Americans are either financially hurting or fearful living in this insecure economy. Starting an adoption that may cost $20,000 at a minimum may be too daunting a task in this day. Children wait while we juggle finances and wonder what the future holds.

Please don’t think this is to say that everyone is called to adopt…that is a decision between you and God. This is to say that there are children that can’t even understand the concept of “three meals” a day or the concept of “snuggle time”. This is to say we as Americans…we as Christians need to question what we are doing. Are we even praying? Have we ever said to God, “It doesn’t matter what I think I can handle, what do you want me to do?”. This is not said to diminish the hardship or need of families domestically.

This economy is also hurting the agencies. I personally know of a wonderful agency that has blessed our family immensely. They are struggling along with all those businesses out there. Most agencies have humanitarian efforts around the world…if these agencies go under so do many of these efforts.

If they go under because of the lack of adopting families then the circle begins…the children need families, agencies facilitate this, families feel they can’t adopt in a climate such as this, agencies suffer, children don’t find families, agencies fail at the one job they care about, agencies humanitarian efforts start to disappear, the children/families don’t get the aid they need, more orphans are made, children need families, agencies facilitate this….do you see the circle?

This is heavy on my heart today. There is no easy fix. We need to be praying…praying for these children, praying for families to open their hearts that may not have previously, praying for the agencies.

God may not put it on your heart to adopt. You may be an AMAZING prayer warrior for these little ones...but please consider this…talking to God for just one month and saying,
“It doesn’t matter what I think I can handle, what do you want me to do?”

May God put His Hand on you all as you journey through life glorifying Him.

Though we did not get it today, the fact that the paper is updated and complete is HUGE. Our agency was floored. Not only that, BUT if we get it in the morning we should be able to get it to China in time for a Friday submission. It's cutting it close, BUT GOD CAN DO ALL THINGS! Please continue to pray we are submitted on Friday.

Jael, we're coming sweetheart!!!!

It's happening...

Here is where it just is AMAZING to watch. THIS MORNING our paperwork for this second paper was received at the proper agency. THEY HAD ALREADY CORRECTED THIS SECOND PAPER and forwarded to the embassy BEFORE they received the paperwork required to correct it.

WE ARE ALMOST THERE! WE NEED THE FORM BY EMAIL TODAY. It has been changed, but when they say, "we will email you shortly"...it often means 24 hours...tomorrow.

Can you pray for this last stage to be completed TODAY and that we may be submitted by Friday?

God is so awesome! Watching Him work is AMAZING!!!! These are miracles...seriously...I'm saving the emails that said it couldn't be done. It can't be done by man...only GOD.

We were just told that "it takes up to five days to be processed" and today would be a MIRACLE!!! Our Awe inspiring, mountain moving GOD is blessing us with a season of miracles! Can we storm Heaven together for this last paper we need TODAY?!!!

Today, again, what we are asking is beyond what seems feasible. The letter we await faces it's own "policies". It seems unlikely to receive it today. Yet we feel this is a season of miracles. Can you please petition, storm Heaven, with us that God makes the unlikely, likely. That everyone who touches this case is blessed and convicted and that another miracle occurs. My human knees are shaking, but my heart is rejoicing. Our God is a God of miracles.

Our Heavenly Father is stunning. Though we cannot yet divulge details, we were told yesterday that something could not happen and that it was against policy. Today God showed us that He is bigger than policy.

Do you know that we have the corrected paperwork (I800) in hand? TODAY...NOW...

We stood together in prayer and our Heavenly Father answered.

Can you continue to stand with us as we feel convicted we are suppose to pray?

Waiting for the next miracle tomorrow and scared at the same time. This is amazing.

We are praying the LAST letter we need (has to be redone as well) before being sent to China is completed/corrected as well. Can you petition that this letter is complete and sent to the agency tomorrow by pdf? Can you pray that our agency sees God's magnitude and seeks this paper from the moment of the National Visa Center opening. Can you pray that Jael is put on their hearts and they feel the need to complete this NOW? God answers specifically and we feel we are called to pray.

We also are praying our paperwork gets submitted in China on Friday. We stand in confidence that we will be privileged to watch a cascade of miracles on Jael's behalf.

Next the prayer needs increase as the miracles we are asking for get even bigger...

This feels, deep down in our gut, that this is a season of miracles.

What Can I Do to Help? (National Adoption Month Day 8)

So it's awkward and most of the time I just don't want to answer. We really want to be super parents and not need anything. Do you see the big "S" emblazoned across my chest? Ya, me neither. Truthfully, we just don't always want to share how rough it sometimes is.

Get over it...(talking to myself once again)

Sanity is important. Who knew?

"What can I do to help?"

Uhhh...ummmmm...I often find it hard to gauge if they really want to know. NOT to be mean, but I've found myself thinking, "Do you really want to cook the family a meal? Do you KNOW how many of us there are?!"

I don't want to seem to needy (though I'm mentally begging them to read my mind).

I hate it, but in my own self judgement I find myself going, "If I tell them I could use help, they will start thinking we just have too many children and can't handle it."

I'm learning to get over it, but it's taking awhile. I'm learning to be honest and say, "You serious? Hopefully you are because I'm gonna tell you."

There are some AWESOME posts out there on ways to support adoptive families once home, so I thought I'd throw my two cents in. Please, if you have more ideas, post them in "comments". I would LOVE to hear them!

Remember, I'm not needy (yes, I am).....

1.Whether a 1st child or the 10th, there are ALWAYS needs. I've heard (thankfully not referring to us) people say, "Well, it's their sixth, they don't need a shower. I'm sure they have everything."

Here's the reality. Their car seat is 10 years old and doesn't meet safety standards. The clothes that have been passed down, well...they are wondering why they ever put them on their child in the first place (clown suit comes to mind). The stroller has a wheel about to fall off from over use and (especially if the child coming home is older) they could seriously use some sensory toys.

Yup, I'm talking about a baby/child shower OR (to tell you the truth) a money tree where funds are collected to help out with all the eventualities and expenses that come. It could be used for the adoption, for medical needs, or for the items you still need to purchase. Both these things are a TON of help.

The thing is I've learned something the hard way. The shower (whether presenting presents or a money tree), needs to be before the child comes home. I had an AWESOME friend (Shout out to Sonya!) that wanted to give us a baby shower for the twins, BUT....Gabe and I came home with the cycling fevers and what we thought was malaria. Not only that, but it's REALLY a good idea (for attachment) to hibernate for awhile....not having many outside the family introduced to your children. They need to attach to you, not shop for other parents.

2. MEALS~Did you noticed I capitalized that? (hee hee) We had around two weeks of meals cooked for us once the twins came home. This really should be listed as number one. The family is coming home (often) exhausted, spent, and emotionally drained. It's been a long road, that is only really just starting.

Having a friend take on this endeavor? Priceless. BTW my friend Donna rocked this when the twins came home!

I suggest (just from past insanity...urrr...ummm...I mean experience) that two to three weeks (at least every other day) is a HUGE blessing! For those arranging this, here's a really helpful idea. Contact their Church (if you are not a member) and ask them for a list of their friends (by email...no pressure). Also, ask them if you can post to their facebook (to their local friends). This should insure that their lists will start to fill up.

3. After a few weeks cabin fever often sets in. The family needs to circle the wagons to promote attachment (will post on this later). Don't forget them. Call to see how things are going. Listen and be sympathetic, because you may be one of the only adults they talk to. Ignore them if they ask if you have a boo boo. Ask if it's ok if you drop by, even at night, to just sit down and talk or bring a movie. Sometimes the really hard stuff in attachment can go on for a long time. If your friendship is worth it, ride it out...hang on and be there for them.

4. Though I don't usually suggest babysitting, since attachment has to be one of the first priorities, I do suggest offering to take the other children out. Offer to have them come over. Offer the older kids to have a sleep over.

Help the other kids have some fun and normalcy during, what sometimes can be, a rough time transitioning.

5. Offer to take the other kids to their scheduled activities for 4-6 weeks (the offer doesn't have to be that long, but that time frame is a pretty good general one). Often other parents who are already going to be there can offer.

When we can, if Thomas is home, one of us will take our blessings and we like that...but that isn't always possible.

Rides to school, sports, youth group, Church, etc...you wouldn't believe how much help that is.

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So that's it...these are the ideas, just off the top of my head. These are the things that really help. REALLY HELP...

So for all of you reading this asking what you can do to help? When I say "nothing"...ignore me please, I've gone temporarily insane.

Please pray with us that the immigration paperwork is corrected today and that the miracles and God's glory are evident to all around.

We know it will take a miracle to have Jael in our arms by Christmas, but feel pressing and conviction that we are supposed to pray for exactly that.

Please petition with us....

Randsoming Our Children/Fundraising and Adoption (Repost for National Adoption Month Day 7)

"My friends, adoption is redemption. It's costly, exhausting, expensive, and outrageous. Buying back lives costs so much. When God set out to redeem us, it killed Him."

- Derek Loux

This quote always hits me so hard. Even more so after reading a blog (here) about the criticism one sometimes receives when fundraising for an adoption.

What if someone told you that to take custody of your child after you gave birth to them, you had to have $30,000?

That is what orphans face every day. They are somehow deemed less valuable, less "real" than a child waking up to your warm snuggles each morning. They aren't though, they are innately beautiful gifts from God. They are OUR children. They are OUR responsibility.

Like us, many don't have an extra $30,000 setting in our bank accounts. Somehow, for some, providing for an adoption is viewed as "less" than other very worthy endeavors. What they don't realize is that they are, like the above example, ransoming our children.

Who wouldn't scramble to aid someone forced to pay to take their child home from the hospital? Are these children any less worthy?

I don't usually like to throw out numbers, but there is thought to be 147,000,000 orphans in this world.

If a pro football stadium holds and average of 80,000 fans. It would take 1,877.5 stadiums to hold the fatherless of this generation.

If an aircraft carrier in the U.S. Navy holds around 5000 people. It would take 29,400 aircraft carriers to hold all of those who live daily without mothers.

It is thought that the largest city in the world is Tokyo, Japan with about 32,450,000. Orphans would fill the streets of about 4.5 cities the size of Tokyo.

So why does supporting...no, ransoming one child matter?

Because that one child gets to walk out of the football stadium, off the aircraft carrier, and out of Tokyo...and into the arms of love and family.

Shonya shared a very poignant quote from one of her friends today.

"When she was adopting (the first time), she had no idea how she would get the money. Her grandpa called her up one day and said 'I am paying for it'. He said that he would rather know that his money is going to give a child a family while he is alive, than to a car after he was dead."

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"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." James 1:27

Satan started hitting hard this afternoon.  There has been a mess up in paperwork as one day and month are switched in our immigration approval.  Our officer has been hard to reach.  Can you PLEASE petition God...praying we can get new paperwork tomorrow?  That possibly we can get it in a pdf as well as a letter sent? 

We also have satan hitting one of our kids hard....hard.  Please add a prayer for them as well as guidance for us as parents.

God is moving and satan is fighting.

Feeling of intensity increasing...it is a call to prayer...praying Jael is in our arms by the end of the year. Please join me...

I haven't felt this kind of intensity/pressing since God let me know Jael was our daughter.

PRAYERS!

Dear friends, please join with us...share with your prayer groups.

Our little girl needs to come out of there now!

I feel this immanence and need for prayer NOW!

Please storm Heaven with us that Jael will be in our arms before the end of our year. Man's timeline says this is unlikely...God doesn't go by man's timeline.


Can you pray our Heavenly Father will move mountain for our little blessing?

Healing from satan's Bondage (National Adoption Month Day 6)

As I sat in Church this morning and listened to our preacher speaking from the truths of the Bible, something he said hit me over the head and went straight to my heart.

It was based on a verse that I had NEVER seen in this way.

"On a Sabbath Jesus was teaching in one of the synagogues, and a woman was there who had been crippled by a spirit for eighteen years. She was bent over and could not straighten up at all. When Jesus saw her, he called her forward and said to her, 'Woman, you are set free from your infirmity.' Then he put his hands on her, and immediately she straightened up and praised God.
Indignant because Jesus had healed on the Sabbath, the synagogue ruler said to the people, 'There are six days for work. So come and be healed on those days, not on the Sabbath.'

The Lord answered him, 'You hypocrites! Doesn’t each of you on the Sabbath untie his ox or donkey from the stall and lead it out to give it water? Then should not this woman, a daughter of Abraham, whom Satan has kept bound for eighteen long years, be set free on the Sabbath day from what bound her?'

When he said this, all his opponents were humiliated, but the people were delighted with all the wonderful things he was doing."
Luke 13:10-17

Listen to this verse.

"Then should not this woman, a daughter of Abraham, whom satan has kept bound for eighteen long years, be set free on the Sabbath day from what bound her?”

She was bound by satan. Sin, illness, disease, evil,...the crisis of our orphaned children around the world are a result of the one that "prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour" (1 Peter 5:8).

If we wonder why satan hits when we seek to encompass a child...to love them when we don't have to, but are privileged to...this verse tells us why.

We are taking what satan has attempted to claim.

When a child comes out of an institution and comes to know the love of God. The loss is felt greatly by the father of lies. ("When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies."John 8:44b)

he is claiming victory, when he knows he will be defeated.

When a child is brought into a family, into love, into security, into a plan God has set forth....we are punching satan in the gut. We are hitting him below the belt.

...and let me tell you...it feels good.

Oh, he puts up a fight. Yet, he will not win. It is a fight that is already lost.

We are bringing him to his knees, subjecting him to the obvious truth of God's power...His victory.

We need to stand on chairs, scream it from the mountain tops, and scale to the highest peaks.

For God set adoption in His plan. He set it in motion. He has blessed it. We cannot ignore the triumph of GOD when a family is formed and a child is brought beyond the boundaries of their loss.

"Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies." Romans 8:23

GOD'S PLAN

We cannot ignore it. We cannot pretend to live in comfort and buy into satan feigned victory.

We cannot...

God's plan is bigger than us. Just as this woman fought for 18 years, we must not give up either.

Let's kick satan to the curb.

Let's make this not about a month recognizing adoption, a sermon, a speech....let's make this a millennium of victory for God.

Let's bring HIS children home.