Monday, December 5, 2011

Understanding Attachment~Part VII~To Those Who Will Be There

If you have yet to read the previous posts, please follow the links below."Understanding Attachment~Part I~How it May Start"
"Understanding Attachment~Part II~How Our Children May Feel and Moving Forward"
"Understanding Attachment~Part III~Helping Others Understand"
"Understanding Attachment~Part IV~Misunderstanding/Our Stories"
"Understanding Attachment~Part V~When Parents Find a Hard Time Attaching/Choosing Love"
"Understanding Attachment~Part VI~Putting the Pieces Together"
You may notice, as the end of this series is near, that I've stayed away from the clinical terms. I've not mentioned the cycle of attachment, the diagnoses that many face, even exactly how to start helping our children heal. I haven't mentioned much of the "roughest stuff"

Those things go WAY beyond the scope of my training. I understand quite a bit on a non professional level, but I am not qualified.

Oh, if I stumble across something that seems to help or I love...I will share it as a mom. Many of my "cling to's" are in the resource links below each of the attachment posts.

We've had our struggles, I can't say that we haven't.

We've learned about "trauma~versaries". We've learned that one of our blessings, every year, starts a period of struggle...fight...unacceptable behavior. It happens at the same time each year, the time they came home from across the world. Do they know the time of year? Actually, they are
young enough that they don't recognize it. On some level their body does though.

There have been many food struggles. We've learned not to make food an issue and have healthy food always available, fruit and veggies are available 24 hours a day. The only issue is when they sneak, don't ask, or lie about it...not about food itself. If they ask us and it's in our ability to do, the answer will be yes. If it's close to dinner, we can tell them they can take it and place it by their plate and have it when we are done. A residual fear of hunger (as you may have read earlier in this series) may always be there, even as an adult.

There are so many things that are beyond hard. The last year and a half I've discovered blogs of many "Trauma Mamas". Before that I didn't even know the term. It's a term referring to the mom's (warriors) of traumatized kids...not just traumatized kids, but children who a war has to be waged for. A war far beyond what most face.

These mom's get a standing ovation from me. They are not perfect. They don't have all the answers. Yet...these mom's fight with everything they've got until they haven't got anything left and it's solely God carrying them.

I had a pretty rough thought tonight. It's not pleasant, but often how the world views the trauma of our children.

When a woman has been raped, so against what is natural and right, we do not expect her to walk at night alone. We don't expect her to act like nothing happened or at least no one ever should.

Yet with our hurt children, many do expect them to act like nothing ever happened. They are expected to forget horrendous trauma that many of us can't imagine. They are expected to act normal.

That is not right and we cannot expect that.

Attachment, sensory issues, transitioning, therapeutic parenting are all a result of one thing...that trauma.

As I come close to finishing this series (for I just want to ask those that will be a part of our lives, or the lives of other adoptive families, to be patient with us and understand that we are fighting a war that's worth
fighting. We are fighting for our sweet children that have lost more than most of us have imagined. Yes, they have gained so much, but the through the "trauma glasses" they may not see that yet.
If you want to see how you may be able to support these families as they are adopting and after they arrive home, consider clicking on the following link.
"What Can I Do to Help?"
"May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you the same attitude of mind toward each other that Christ Jesus had, so that with one mind and one voice you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ." Romans 15:5

The Reality of Orphans Resource #1
"The Hole in Our Gospel by Richard Stearns"
Post Script: Many struggle to understand why people fund raise during the adoptive journey...why adoptive parents may refer to it as "ransoming their children". If you are struggling to understand, please read the post below.
"Ransoming Our Children/Fundraising and Adoption"

There is one more post on attachment in this series. You can check it out at the following link."Understanding Attachment~Part VIII~Spiritual Warfare"

1 comment:

  1. Love your posts!!!

    My understanding is not professional either, but as a mommy to trauma children I know on the battle- not of flesh and blood!

    PRAISE GOD for redemption through HIM! A newness.

    And yet......lots of baby steps and backward steps.....over and over and over and over again.


In the joy of following our Heavenly Father, we sometimes choose to proceed with a whisper, a verse, or a downright matter how we follow Him, the momentum that follows is like nothing we've ever experienced before.

Join the is a beautiful place to be. It's not always easy, but then the best things never are.

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