Saturday, September 3, 2011

I Had a Dream....(Adoption)



It's Labor Day weekend and it was time for a nap. As I curled up in bed I had no idea I would wake up wanting to cry as I woke....as I woke missing my daughter in China so much that my heart felt like it would break.

I started wondering last year, just where I was...what was going on in our hearts and lives.

In September of last year we had been home from Ethiopia just two short months (see
"No Biting or Hair Pulling").

Rachel, at 12 months, had not only just rolled over....but pulled herself too her knees.

Gabe, at 12 months, had just gotten out of the hospital. He and I were fighting what we thought was malaria and cycling through fevers. I was in a place I had never been before. I was joyful, but weaker and sicker than I had ever been.

Our poor kids had immense pressure on them as mommy was so sick and daddy still had to try to keep his job. Yes, we were home schooling too.

I honestly don't remember how we made it...except that families stick together.

I would never have dreamed that in only a year my heart would be breaking over a little girl I've never met, our daughter.

I dreamed we were in China, going to meet Jael.

The huge, stunning, beyond imagining, world creating Heavenly Father...God...knows what will happen and when it will happen. My small, insignificant, human, imperfect little heart wants her in my arms now.

I have seen God's timing. It is nothing but perfect.

Why is it hard not to say, "Please Lord God, please let her come home now."

Why is it so hard to just trust that God knows, even as I don't?

Maybe it's the same reason my kids want their birthdays now, to unwrap their presents before the special day? They know good stuff is coming, and they just want it to get here.

And no matter what reality holds, easy or hard, children are always the "good stuff".

"Lord, I would really like to open my present, your blessing, now...I really would" says the small, insignificant, human, imperfect little heart of her mommy.


2 comments:

  1. Amen!:) Praying it goes QUICKLY!:)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Sigh. I hear you!! I get tired of waiting, and I especially get tired of not KNOWING.

    "Why is it so hard to just trust that God knows?"

    I don't know, but you're right, it is! Some days I trust peacefully, others I get tired of waiting and not knowing. . .

    ReplyDelete

In the joy of following our Heavenly Father, we sometimes choose to proceed with a whisper, a verse, or a downright shove...no matter how we follow Him, the momentum that follows is like nothing we've ever experienced before.

Join the momentum...it is a beautiful place to be. It's not always easy, but then the best things never are.

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