Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Defeated, Discouraged, & satan's Lies About Adoption

I just read another post of a sweet bloggy mom that said she was feeling defeated. It struck a cord with me today. That's how I feel. Logically I know different. I soak in God's word and I know different, but emotionally...not so much.

I feel a little like a deer in the headlights, frozen. So much has happened to us in the last few months that I think it has caught up to me.

*I've been waiting today to hear about my grandmother who is still having very serious issues.
*I've been waiting to hear from a friend whose mom doesn't have much time left on this earth.
*I've been struggling with the lies that satan tells us every time we adopt (see
"The Lies satan Tells Us About Adoption").
*I've been reading about special needs children in Eastern Europe who are institutionalized at 5 and there hope dwindles unless Christians stand up and bring them home.

I'm discouraged. I'm bummed (sorry, the Californian in me coming out). I'm frozen.

I've especially been getting hit hard this week with some of the lies satan tells about adoption. This being our fifth adopted blessing, you'd think I'd stop buying into them. Here I am again, with a pit in the center of my stomach. The lie today?

*You won't be able to raise that kind of money.
We've been hit with a few financial issues lately...not huge, but for some reason they've sent me into the "lie" spiral.

Have we completed four adoptions successfully? Yes
Did we even have to take one loan or use one credit card last time? No, totally by God's miracles.

BUT...this is what I'm currently having run through my head...
*Fees just increased due to increased number of post placement visits now required by country (not agencies fault, just the way it is).~$2000 due before travel (up from $600)

*We have to change post placement agencies since laws have changed in China (for those not getting their TA by August 1st). The post placement agencies have to be Hague Accredited. We will now have to pay (most likely) all the post placement fees before we travel. Usually we are able to pay this out in increments before the home visits since we have used our normal agency so many times.~$1800?

*Dental bill is $900 more than expected.

*$500 bill came in for medical that insurance should've covered, but may not now.
Why is it that I buy into this? It's time I stop. Yet here I am today in battle.

So here I sit in fear telling myself a quote from our earlier post...a quote that's hitting me hard today
...
"You then need to ask yourself, do you really think you provided OR did God?"
This is ricocheting around my brain. I know God provides, but...

There is no BUT.....

Just so you know, those that have commented on "The Lies satan Tells Us About Adoption", I'm right there with you...fighting the battle with sword drawn. Tired of the lies and even tireder (maybe not a word, but it fits) of the times where I start to buy into them.

Until I can get my act together I will remind myself logically that I am not defeated. That God provides and brings our children home, not us. Finally, that my discouragement helps no one.
Ok, and I might complain a little (not perfect after all).


It doesn't help that I'm about to start my monthly performance of psycho mom (smile).

4 comments:

  1. I'm sorry you're feeling discouraged Kat. Take heart, God is with you and will not fail!!! Praying for your family.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oh Kat, I hear you!!! It is so hard and scary to live in this physical world when we have a spiritual focus and home. We are in an uncomfortable place at the moment as well. We'll both look back on this time later and see so clearly what God was doing and hardly remember the struggle part, but we'll rejoice in the reward and the growth. {hug}

    ReplyDelete
  3. breathe!!! ;o) (((HUG))) it could be worse, you could be menopausal- LOL!! I actually wish I was because the "pre" stuff is kiling me!

    ReplyDelete

In the joy of following our Heavenly Father, we sometimes choose to proceed with a whisper, a verse, or a downright shove...no matter how we follow Him, the momentum that follows is like nothing we've ever experienced before.

Join the momentum...it is a beautiful place to be. It's not always easy, but then the best things never are.

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