IMMEDIATE PRAYER REQUEST FROM KAT

This is Kat's friend Michelle....it is 11:30 PM east coast time and I just received a call from Kat (6:30am Ethiopian time) that they have some immediate prayer requests of all of us. When they first took custody of Rachel and Gabe both babies were eating ok but soon Rachel started to have issues eating well. I talked to her earlier today and Rachel was eating VERY little. This last phone call was a tearful Kat telling me that Rachel cannot put ANYTHING in her mouth, not even pedialyte, without vomiting everything up. They are waiting until a friend in Ethiopia wakes this morning to contact her to find assistance in getting Rachel to the best Dr. or hospital for care. In the meantime, Gabe is showing some signs of not wanting to eat and Sarah and Thomas are not feeling well with cold symptoms and some stomach problems. Kat's IMMEDIATE prayer request are:
** they find Rachel the BEST medical care and that God heals her little body quickly.
** the others get better without serious physical issues
**others in the family stay healthy and that their travel home goes as planned.

I will be calling Kat tomorrow again when I wake to get an update on Rachel. Thank you for your prayers....I know Thomas, Kat, Tom, Sarah, Rachel and Gabe can feel all of our love and prayers for them in Ethiopia and find GREAT comfort in knowing our Lord has all of us prayer warriors on their side. GOD BLESS!!

Michelle

*****UPDATE******
Just got off the phone with Kat and Rachel has improved today! PRAISE GOD!!! They were able to get her into a Swedish clinic and the Dr. thinks she just has a virus. She is now able to keep some fluids down and she is not dehydrated which was the most immediate concern. Thomas, Sarah and Gabe are all doing a little better too which is a BIG relief. Thomas was able to get the rest of the paperwork needed this morning so their travel plans to return home are still as scheduled. They are all exhausted and anxious to get home, but feel so VERY blessed to have their beautiful babies in their arms!! Kat thanks everyone for the continued love and support throughtout this journey! God Bless!! ~Michelle

Travel, Ethiopia, and Some SERIOUSLY CUTE BABIES

As you can see Internet has been a little limited since we arrived. Between it currently not working at our Guest Home and the rolling blackouts in Addis Ababa, we just haven’t much luck. I am doing the happy dance that we FOUND INTERNET….it still won’t be frequent, but wait for it and it will come .

Please forgive spelling, grammar, and readability. The computer’s power won’t last long and I don’t have time to read this over.

June 24th, 2010
15 ½ hours on a plane with a 1 hour layover should not be fun. Okay, it may not have been actually fun, but it was very cool in it’s own way.

We really enjoyed flying Ethiopian Airlines on the way here! I KNOW why God wanted us on that plane and nothing with Lufthansa worked out. We met person after person that, over 15 ½ hours, we will remember. They are very strict and weigh everything, but the people were wonderful. We had MANY eye opening conversations and felt nothing but love and support from the Ethiopian people on board.

About half way through the flight a woman approached me….she knew my name.

Wait, WHAT?! At least that was my reaction….

Another family from our agency (from another state) was on the same plane adopting two little ones from Toukoul as well. She’s also coming back on the same flight, is coming at this from a Christian perspective, AND has a family bigger than ours (shout out to Kim and Rob!!!).

Yes, and the airline is so cool that they will still let us on after we had to constantly stop each other from sticking our hands up “roller coaster style” every time we hit turbulence. They are THAT cool. We are not….smile.

When we FINALLY landed it was MUCH easier than I remember last time. We gathered our EIGHT carry-ons and headed to get our Ethiopian Visas. The line wasn’t too bad and it took us about 20 minutes. We got in line until we enter this narrow room that lined one side of what was almost a hall. We handed them the paperwork we filled out on board, they hand wrote EVERYTHING, including the receipt….wild.

When we eventually made it through passport control, we headed to baggage claim (which is directly outside). I admit, I prayed a little that all the bags would arrive. We had four suitcases and four Rubbermaid bins of donated items.

Side note-If you’ve ever packed, as an adoptive parent that has very little clue what your child’s sizes are, you end up packing a ton in at least two sizes.

Yes, it’s true, miracles to happen (I happen to see a lot of them). Every single bag made it from our initial check in on United, all the way to Ethiopian Airlines and to Addis Ababa.

Next job was to find our driver which turned out to be very easy since he had a sign that said “Kat….” and the name of our Guest Home. Even I couldn’t miss it, which by that time would have been very possibly….we were just slightly tired (yes, a touch of sarcasm).

It was raining (since it’s during the rainy season that’s not a big surprise EXCEPT the ONE thing I forgot was our umbrellas…hee hee) as we left the airport. The airport is packed with vehicles, honking from every direction….no rules, no right away….but still feeling like home as we breathed the Ethiopian Air.

ANOTHER Side Note: The first time we went to Ethiopia (Our oldest son and I) our hearts were laid bare….raw. The layers were literally peeled back and painful. As they healed, the healed Ethiopia. Ethiopia is in our hearts now permanently. Thank you God for the honing fire.
As our car was loaded up with the mass luggage, we barely all fit in this large white van. We seemed to drive forever, climbing higher and higher, until we arrived on a dirt road…rocky dirt road. After a few minute we pulled up to a gate that didn’t look like the Guest House we pictured. Yet inside was beautiful, obviously created for the adoptive families. They unloaded our bags, fed us, and we were able to see our beautiful room. The arranged it just for us so we only had to have one room….with a queen size, two bunk beds, and 2 port-a-cribs. Sarah said, “Mom, this looks like something from “Design Star”.

Time to crash….tomorrow we hold our babies.

June 25th
I had a REALLY hard time staying asleep know what today would hold. At around 7am I, mean me, woke up the family. We were going to call our Ethiopian lawyer at 8 and wanted to be ready whenever he was willing to take us. We couldn’t get a hold of him. By 10am we were slightly stressed. This was NOT our lawyers fault, our agency is not his only clients. Finally at noon we were able to make contact.

3:00pm, that’s how long we had until we would see our little ones. We called for a driver (so awesome and another story within itself) and planned to eat lunch at “Top View”? “Top Shelf”? Come on Ethiopian friends, help me here!

As we left the beautiful view and wonderful food, my stomach was in knots. I wanted to just bounce around with the frogs currently residing in my stomach, and no (for you warped individuals) I did not eat frog legs .

As we drove, Toukoul was nearby. We rounded a corner and I thought I’d throw up. Not what you imagine when you see the blue gates of the orphanage that you’ve longed for so long. Yet, my stomach was nervous and my heart beating out of my chest. I couldn’t help the tears in my eyes.

As the gates opened, we immediately parked in a very small parking area (compared to the size of the orphanage). The rain steadily flowed like a small brook over us. The “meeting room” itself was about 20 steps straight ahead from the front gate, turn left and another 10 steps. It was predominately tan with couches lining the small (about 12x16) room. A few tall shelves with glass fronts rested in the corners with Ethiopian Cultural carvings and such resting on each shelf.

Thomas sat down and I paced…maybe danced around the room is more of the right word. Tom and Sarah couldn’t set still, yet my husband’s excitement was clearly apparent ESPECIALLY in his stillness. He couldn’t focus.

When a woman walked in she told us that the babies nap time did not end until 3:30 and we would need to wait. They could not wake the babies up with so many others in the room that would wake up too.

We put the camera down, the video camera and all of us sat down for a wait….frogs still very apparent.

Yet, only five minutes later two woman (for the life of me I can’t remember what they looked like mostly because of what they held in their arms) came in holding two little creatures that would and had ROCKED our world. The nurses entered and waited for us to come and choose who to hold. I stood there for a second, just looking….not believing what I was actually seeing. Gabriel was closest, with his large scared eyes. Gabriel made his way into my arms. Tom rushed before anyone to grab Rachel to hand her to his dad.

Mere words cannot describe the feeling of holding your children for the first time. All I could do was stare….stare into Gabriel’s frightened eyes. Sneak glances at Rachel as she stared away (at first) not sure what to think. (Though I suspect they were thinking, “These people glow in the dark!”),

The nannies brought bottles for us to feed them. I snuggled Rachel and Thomas, Gabriel.

As the nurse came in we explained that we intended to take custody immediately. She was very nice as she explained that this was just not policy and they did not recommend it. She asked again what we wanted to do. We told her and she promised to ask.

Soon custody paperwork was in front of us and Rachel and Gabriel were with their mommy, daddy, sister, and brother. They were where they needed to be.

June 26th
The twins were nothing like we expected, it was almost like they switched personalities just to mess with our presumption that we would know .

We were concerned about Gabe from his pictures and doctor’s reports. What we expected was a little boy who could not sit up on his own (like we were told), could not rollover, and was very serious and afraid (he wouldn’t smile at all for the doctor). What we got was a total ham. He has a smile a mile wide and has already shared his awesome belly laugh. From the moment that we gave him room, he pushed himself up on his knees and slowly started to creep forward. HE CRAWLED!!! By the end of today, he was crawling slowly around the Guest Home floor and PULLED HIMSELF UP on the headboard of the bed!!! He will look at you and smile, but that precious smile is mostly just reserved for us….which is a really good sign.

Rachel we expected a ready smile and a quickly coming mobility. She was very serious, turning away when overwhelmed. You have to earn her trust and she is now trusting us. Her smile could light up a room with all of her four little teeth showing. Today…still cannot fathom God’s constant blessings….both children have cried for me. They have cried until I took them in my arms. They also have enjoyed Sarah and I’s long hair and daddy’s goatee. Amazing.

I need to sign off now, but will share with you as soon as I can about our trip to Kora (Cora?) today. It used to be solely a leper colony, but is not the most poverty stricken section of Addis Ababa. Tom and Thomas went for over an hour, while we waited in the car with the babies….knowing we had to protect their health as well. What we took in was astounding. Thursday, we hope to go back and Sarah and I will join the group going there while the men watch our precious blessings. Seriously has me wondering why I own all the niceties that I do while children starve, orphans scavenge through the local trash dump to eat. Sigh…Okay, I can’t process to the extent that I need to write about it now, but I promise to in the future.

Tomorrow (Sunday, when I hope to post this) we meet with our lawyer to get ready for our embassy date this Monday. We also hope to visit Wide Horizons (where Bekah is from). Tuesday we drive to Northern Ethiopia…the county…to a monastery where our driver was raised until he accepted Christ. That and we get to chase baboons…hee hee.

Wed. we hop back over to the orphanage, receive our Visa’s, and hope to visit AHOPE for the art project. We also hope to visit some friends for dinner (if you’re reading this, I PROMISE to call!!!!)

Thursday we try to go back to Kora and head home.

Busy schedule, but nothing we’d want to miss!!!! We will try to get on again before we come home, but hope to share with Michelle (guest blogger) if we can’t. Hugs and love to you all!!!

PLEASE specifically pray for our little ones health on top of everything else. Gabe seems to have a little cold, but after watching another adoptive family end up in the hospital with their child having pneumonia we want to have this covered :). Talk to you soon!

"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4

15 1/2 Hours to Go!!!

One flight down! 15 1/2 hours to go!

We have a 4 1/2 hour layover here in Dulles. I'm wishing I begged and pleaded for Michelle to meet us here (my spiritual sister and guest blogger)! The sleepless nights are catching up with us now....feeling the zzzzzzzz's.

I would publish the pic right here of my husband stretched out across the airport floor asleep, but we can't get the pics to download right now. I think I'm going to be curling up in my airline seat and sleeping. My husband's idea ROCKS!

Our last flight was fun...of course. I'm not sure they will ever let us fly together again...we laugh a LOT. I'm not sure Sarah appreciated my comment (she hasn't flown since she was two) when they were talking about seatbelts being snug. Really, they don't do much good if you crash. Okay, I know, my poor kids.

Sarah popped off with one of her own though. "In case of an emergency, place the mask over your head to hide your terrified expression from other passengers."

Aren't you glad you're not traveling with us?!

Rachel and Gabe here we come!

"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4

Waiting to Board!

Waiting for our plane to Dulles! Camped out sleeping on the floor (slightly sleep deprived). It was rough saying goodbye to the little ones this morning. Anna, who broke down yesterday, was so brave this morning. When little Max lost it my heart broke. I want all 7 of our children in our arms right now.

We really ARE excited...permanent butterflies!

All of you have a blessed day!!!

We will!

Delighting in the Lord!!!!

Diligently Watching the Cats Pack...Wait....

It is 12:46am and we are leaving TODAY for Ethiopia!!!

There have been bits of sadness and tears today as it started to hit our little ones. They've started to realize (even though Grandma's is AWESOME and exciting) that mommy, daddy, and their big brother and sister will be gone for almost 10 days (2 days traveling each way and six in country). It's hard holding our little ones and just wanting to cry with them. The thought of leaving them here is a little sad. Yet...we're ready...we're ready to bring our babies home. I know our little ones here will have a BLAST with Grandma and with their Uncle Steve staying at our house around the corner. We also know that our hearts will fall in love with Ethiopia all over again.

Soooo....I promised a pic of the donations today. I lied. It's not 12:50am and it's tomorrow. Man, that confused even me (actually an easy thing to do). Thank you all, very seriously, for your generosity. Thank you notes are slow, but some day (when you least expect it) they will come.

Okay, so ignore the tortillas, they are a gift for a friend in Ethiopia. Yes, we are big spenders (smile).

We packed long and hard today...and the cats watched diligently.



Okay, diligently may be too strong a word.

Finally we are done....


We better be, because we can't fit anymore in our car.

Travel Prayer Requests

*Please pray for the babies, that they are healthy (free from virus, disease, parasites) and strong, being picked up and loved until we arrive.
*Please pray that God prepares the babies hearts for us, giving them dreams, paving the way in their little lives. Please also pray for their transition, that they attach quickly and immediately see us as their mommy and daddy.
*Please pray for a safe trip, that everything is smooth (no glitches in paperwork, lost luggage, airlines, Guest Home, etc.) and that we are brought back together as a family of NINE.
* That we are able to serve God while we are being blessed so deeply. That we glorify Him in all circumstances.
*Please pray for protection against satan's barbs. We have seen satan throwing everything that he can when a child of God answers THE call....God's call.
*Please pray against all illness and parasites for us as well (Thomas, Kat, Tom, and Sarah). A lot of people are catching viruses and contracting parasites during their trips. Please also pray for the health and safety of our children (Anna, Max, Bekah, and my mom and brother) and family left at home.
*Please pray for the biological family, that they know the peace only Christ can give.

"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4

Leaving Tomorrow!!! Prayers, Blog, and Thank You!

The time has actually come. We leave tomorrow. We feel so very blessed! We can't believe the amazing journey God has brought us on in this last year!

Yes, we know we usually write an book, but this time we thought we'd help you to wade through it (since this is the last email :)).

Here's what we're covering :).
1. Prayer Requests
2. Blog Updating while on trip
3. Attachment
4. Thank you!!!!

1. Prayer Requests- We have been covered in prayer this whole way and thank you for your continued petitions on our behalf.

*Please pray for the babies, that they are healthy (free from virus, disease, parasites) and strong, being picked up and loved until we arrive.

*Please pray that God prepares the babies hearts for us, giving them dreams, paving the way in their little lives. Please also pray for their transition, that they attach quickly and immediately see us as their mommy and daddy.

*Please pray for a safe trip, that everything is smooth (no glitches in paperwork, lost luggage, airlines, Guest Home, etc.) and that we are brought back together as a family of NINE.

* That we are able to serve God while we are being blessed so deeply. That we glorify Him in all circumstances.

*Please pray for protection against satan's barbs. We have seen satan throwing everything that he can when a child of God answers THE call....God's call.

*Please pray against all illness and parasites for us as well (Thomas, Kat, Tom, and Sarah). A lot of people are catching viruses and contracting parasites during their trips. Please also pray for the health and safety of our children (Anna, Max, Bekah, and my mom and brother) and family left at home.

*Please pray for the biological family, that they know the peace only Christ can give.

2.Blog Updating While on Trip
Addis Ababa's electricity is not always predictable, but we DO hope to be able to post occasionally. We WILL have a guest blogger (my spiritual sister, Michelle) that will update about what's happening with us when we can't.

3.Attachment
There are five posts about the attachment process and our plans for our little ones under Kat's "Kat"agories to the right of the screen. We have placed our basic plan below, but our posts describe the "why" much better :).

For four months (less or more time if necessary) we are the only ones to hold, diaper, bath, and feed our newest blessing. They must begin to understand that we will provide for all their needs. Often we are repeating stages they should have gotten already, but didn't (bottle feeding longer, while looking them in the eyes and holding them, etc.). Our goal is that they understand others love them, but that an attachment is fostered for those that are their mommy, daddy, siblings, and (daily in their lives) family. They may not choose to attach, and it's our responsibility to insure they do. It may be easy and it may be hard.

4.We wanted to say "thank you" for all the prayers and donations that you all have sent (hopefully we'll have pictures of the donations up on the blog today). Though we are trying to get thank you notes out, it's coming slowly. You are all such a blessing to us. Thank you doesn't seem enough. You are all a blessing from God.

Well, it's time our awesome friends...time to hold our Gabe and Rachel. It's time to see God's plan for our family fulfilled.

Africa, here we come!!!!

Having a Blast In Christ,
Kat and Thomas

Don't forget to "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4

We are living proof! :)

Packing, Braiding, and Waiting Proceeds

Today we are printing off all paperwork, braiding Bekah's hair to last two weeks (takes around four hours), and waiting somewhat patiently for our tickets to arrive by Fed Ex :). We will be leaving in just 1 1/2 days and the babies will be in our arms by Friday!!!! WOO HOO!!! God is good good good!!!!

The Story of Attachment-Part V

WHEN WE'RE NOT "FEELING IT"

I, last minute, decided I wanted to write one more post in this series. I am SO VERY VERY far from a professional, but we have a very wide net of adoptive friends and, well, as you've probably guessed....orphans and adoption are one of our greatest passions (after God and sharing His love).

We wanted to deal with a very touchy and difficult subject. We wanted to deal with a subject that we do not see discussed very much. This is not from personal experience, but from the experience of some very special families we know and the very thoughtful knowledge shared by professionals.

Many books don't touch on the fact that not everyone attaches instantly to their adopted child or even their biological child. They know logically that this is their little one, but the emotion is often hindered by frustration, illness on the parents side, lack of sleep, and (at times) discipline issues (a child acting out).

I mention biological children as well. For those that suffer from postpartum depression, there is sometimes a lag in the attachment to their child.

In families that are formed through adoption, you've seen the picture and fall in love with that little smile or the big solemn eyes. We anticipate (just as with pregnancy) the home coming. Wow, it's gonna be amazing.

Yet occasionally, when you get to the point of adoption and you hold your child for the first time... you don't feel anything, no instant bond.

You are often sleep deprived, physically exhausted, and sometimes dealing with a very unhappy child...which can come out in screams, anger, tears, manipulation, destructiveness. Add to that, a language barrier if you are adopting internationally.

You know you SHOULD feel attached, but again...the bond you thought would be there isn't.

I will tell you what we've shared with those going through this.

First of all, this is normal, solely because there is no "standard" of a right way to adjust to a new family member. This is a little person that you don't know. They had a life before you (in the case of an adoption).

Second, Love is a choice. Attachment will come with time for an adoptive parent. We have not EVER seen it NOT happen.

It may take work, but during the "challenge" period, remember (again) that love is a choice. The world has relegated love to a mushy feeling (thus such a high divorce rate) and that love can just go away and dissolve into nothingness. We choose to love. It becomes and often IS a wonderful feeling, but the glimmer of love starts little and it has to be chosen until the feeling is there.

Remember, during this time, that you must CHOOSE to love.

Lastly, remember that this is your child. If you need help, get it. This is forever and, as with any child...bio or adopted, we have to step up and do the hard things to create the family that God intended.

Don't be ashamed, seek friends who understand. Be there for others that are going through this. Again, multiple friends have shared with us this struggle...ALL of them have attached...ALL of them love their children madly...ALL of them have succeeded in creating an attached family.

I write this not to scare anyone. I write this to let you know that this can be normal experience.

We don't want to make light of this or give pat answers, but we do want you to know that God will get you through this. He's given us all avenues of help...use them. Don't forget to rely on Him and choose to love.

This is the end of our non-professional series (smile). We are just about to begin another attachment adventure. We can't wait!!!!

"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4

Packing Has Commenced....

I have a million bags setting inside our living room. Packing has commenced....so far 50 lbs a bag seems like a lot, but we'll see if I feel that way by Tuesday.

I've got the butterflies in my stomach making a nest and going crazy...

Treasure Box and art projects ALMOST done with the kids that are staying with Grandma. My brother is staying at our house to be close to mom if she needs anything.

2 1/2 Days until we leave!!!!

"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4

Let me tell you friends....that verse is SO true! We are on the verge of having the twins in our arms!!!!!

Happy Thomas Day!!!

Father's Day is very special this year. This week I get to watch my husband as he holds his babies for the first time. As a mom, there is nothing like it. To see my husband's heart so full that he seems to not take a breath...it's a gift.

Each child is so incredibly precious to Thomas. Each child is such an incredible gift.

The way he holds a child upside down, shoots them with Super Soaker, or just has an early morning snuggle on the couch with his child....he amazes me.

He's a wonderful Father and I believe I know why. He values his Heavenly Father higher than every one of us. Some may gasp as I say that, but it's true and needs to be true. Nothing comes before God and in honoring God, he cherishes his family beyond what a mere string of words can say.

Happy Father's Day honey! My Macho He Stud Muffin!!! (Just heard a collective gag)

The Story of Attachment-Part IV

OUR JOURNEY, PAST, PRESENT, AND FUTURE-Part IV

If you haven't read "The Story Attachment I, II, or III, or V" you can click on the following links.
"The Story of Attachment-Part I"
"The Story of Attachment-Part II"
"The Story of Attachment-Part III"
"The Story of Attachment-Part V"


At times we faced misconceptions about the reality of attachment. No one has tried to be ugly in ANY way, but when attachment issues haven't been faced personally, there is no reason for the understanding to just automatically be there.

Common Misconceptions:
1. They will get over it. If you just treat them like you do a biological child, eventually they will trust you to come back.
2. Your being overprotective by not leaving them in a nursery situation, in an area with a lot of children, OR at all. They need to figure out what their world entails and they are just manipulating you by crying.
It's actually a "no" to both of the first two and often it's exactly the opposite. At times unattached children will just assume they have been left for good and are pleasantly surprise that you came back. The crying is actually a good sign when you leave (a sign of attachment) and a lack of crying can be a bad sign and a sign they are not attached. Those who may not have a reason to understand attachment may think the lack of crying means your child is totally secure in your love. Often it means just the opposite, that they aren't attached. They aren't bothered by the fact that you are leaving.
3. It won't hurt them for me to hold them. You are around them all the time and they KNOW they belong to you.
Sadly, often they have felt they "belonged" to many (depending the situation) and may take a long time and a lot of work to feel like they belong to you. When it bothers them that you are handing them to someone else (even occasionally)...this is a very good sign. We need to be their anchor in an unknown world. If they don't care if we hand them around (after what many have been through) that is more of a concern.
4. They look happy and well adjusted, therefore they ARE happy and well adjusted.
No, this CAN (though of course not always) just mean that they are not attached YET and are not bothered by your leaving or handing them over. It does not mean they are well adjusted, just that they may have no clue what well adjusted is.

All these things are just possibilities. Some children have IMMEDIATE attachment and honestly, that's what we are praying for when the twins come home. We know the reality though, we know that a child going immediately to someone new without being concerned...well, can be concerning. You see, we've been through it before and though (in the long run) our transitions have been easier than many. It was still rough at times. We think it's important to share the reality AND the rewards.

It was 2003 when Max came home from Russia. He was a beautiful little boy, that was used to the neglect he received (See "A Adoption Story-Max (Russia)"). He was underweight and extremely neglected. He had never been outside and most of his life was spent ignored in a giant wooden play pen with 10 other little ones. He didn't even have a chance to attach to friends because he was moved to the next "group" as he increased in age.

We read the books. We went to the seminars, yet when we look back we find we only recognized about half of the issues that were happening. He seemed to attach to us instantly. He recognized us as his security and cried if we left him, looked us in the eyes, and seemed to know we were his parents. We thought that would be it. That was not reality. Yes, he had started to attach, but other issues started cropping up.

Though we had some food issues, one of the biggest issues we saw was sensory related. It wasn't the fact that he hated touch, but EVERYTHING overstimulated him. A trip to the grocery story would bring about biting, hitting, and kicking. Too many people brought about high anxiety (even when we got past the biting, hitting, and kicking). He then started challenging us. We honestly didn't recognize this for what it was. He was seeing if he could drive us away. He had not completed attachment. There was a part of him (we believe) that didn't think we would stay and not abandon him.

Yes, at 13 months people generally attribute things such as this to the toddler years. I am the first to say, "Don't blame everything on the situation they came from." Yet, this was (what we now see) an issue from Max's year without us.

If it could go down the toilet, it did. If it could be challenged, it was. There was no saying, "NO!" on his part. There was just defiance in the actions. It was not easy. We love and loved this little guy, but it did bring a level of frustration that we hadn't seen before. Let's be honest. He instantly was/is 100% our son (as all our children), but training a child to trust you, to be loved, while you are facing open defiance is a challenge. We look at our little ones and our hearts melt, yet they are coming from hurt and getting past the wall of hurt and neglect can take a (obviously not literal) sledge hammer at times. It can be painful, but very worth it.

Max is now almost eight. He has a smile and a gleam that we just LOVE. We didn't do as intense "attachment work" with Max and did struggle longer because of it (about a year). Yet, he did come through and survived our mistakes and the hurt of his past BEAUTIFULLY. He is amazing and we are so thankful he is our son (and always have been).

Bekah came home from Ethiopia in 2007 at 15 months. She had spent the first year of her life with her biological family. In the small orphanage she was at, she was a favorite. Her feet hardly touched the ground. When our oldest son and I traveled to Ethiopia to bring her home, she wanted the nannies...not us much of the time. This was a good thing though. She was attached to her nannies, thus she knew how to attach (See "A Adoption Story-Bekah")

Once we arrived home, the challenge became obvious. My poor husband....

She decided to trust in me. She decided to attach to me. She decided to do everything she could to not attach to her daddy. If I was in the room, she would play with him. If I left the room for a MUCH needed nap, she would go catatonic and not respond to anything. You see, I had become her anchor in Ethiopia and when I went away (nap) he was the one that "made" me leave. In public, she still acted like she was "shopping" for a daddy, while keeping an eye on me. This is where attachment work was VERY necessary. My husband took over ALL baths. He tried to do all the feeding he could, while still working to support the family. It was rough. My husband handled it well, but occasionally it would hurt. How could it not? He had understood, this time, the possibility of this happening and expected it. Yet it took six months to START getting past this. A light bulb seemed to go on at about six months. She began to run to her daddy when he came home to give him a hug.

Then the moment came. The moment when we knew she had finally attached. All the kids LOVED to go to the store or "out" with daddy. They take turns, loving their alone time with him. One day Bekah FINALLY decided that it was her turn to go with her daddy. When those arms came up and she pointed to the door, BOTH my and my husbands eyes filled with tears...before he turned and walked out the door with our sweet Bekah.

Bekah's favorite necklace (at four) is now her "Daddy's Girl" necklace.

It does and will happen. It is worth the rough journey. Attachment is a wonderful, sometimes hard, exciting, painful at times, lovely journey. The work we do with and for our kids is worth it. If you will be facing it in the future or are facing it now. Don't give up. If you need help, get it. There is nothing wrong with asking for help.

Just know you are working for the Master Carpenter, God. You are rebuilding foundations that need a little more work and have some voids. You are helping create a happier and healthier child and family.

As I've said before, "God just leads us to our children, and we bring them home."

"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4

Stay Tuned for our final installment of this series. A short blog on a very touchy subject.

Could This Week Get Any Better???!!!!!!! PICTURES!!!!!

Soldier Surprise

With my husband having been in the military, deployments were not unusual. We were so blessed and because of when we arrived at our stations, we didn't have to experience the SUPER long deployments that many do.

We've watched as family after family experienced the hardship of being without the one they love. Soldiers standing up for their country. Children crying at night for their daddy or for their mommy.

These videos I found on "...Where Laughter Lives: The Riggs Family Blog". They are of soldiers, moms and dads, coming home..... being welcomed home by their families.

Okay, I admit it...I cried...I had to share....

A Little Bit of This, A Lot of That....Adoption and Toilets....

It is WAY too late for me to be up, but....I am WIDE awake. I wonder why :)?

In a way I have SO much to do and such a short time to do it. Yet we've been planning for awhile and a ton is already done. We have one big shopping trip (or a ton of tiny stuff) left. I have a HUGE list of things to do.

God has worked wonders (through our awesome agent) with our plane tickets. It's EXACTLY (within dollars) of what I originally budgeted for the trip. It's not the airline we're familiar with (Ethiopian Airlines...we usually try to fly Lufthansa), but it's where we are supposed to be.

Funny, I am actually doing almost nothing adoption related tomorrow. I am cleaning and painting our bathroom (how nuts am I?). The bathroom attached to our bedroom (and our closet that is through the bathroom) has been COMPLETELY non-functional for awhile now. The toilet broke (only one in the house) and we only now (through an awesome parent) can replace it. Yes, we will have two toilets, I feel spoiled :). The bathroom and closet became a catch all and I was so excited today to find we still had carpet underneath the clutter. Now if it had been tile I'd have been even more excited (wink wink).

Plane tickets bought-check
Insomnia started-check
Packing not even started-check

Think that's about it!

Well, last but not least...donations! We have now hit just over $400.00 in donations!!! Can you believe that! I'm so excited that we have just almost hit our goal!!!! We actually will be taking the button down Friday morning. I wouldn't have time to receive the transfer and buy the items any later than that, so...see ya later button...we'll been in Africa! Okay, I admit...I'm a little tired (lol).

So my bloggy friends, I will leave you with a picture (OBVIOUSLY non professional) of the baby's wall in our bedroom (the cribs are set up as a headboard almost) and a list of prayer requests.

We are calling the wall the "wall of blessing". Friends/family are dropping by and writing on the hearts OR sending prayers and blessings for the babies. Each heart is unique and from the heart of an individual or family. That was one of those "middle of the night, sit up and bed, light bulb" ideas :).

Guess what verse is written above the hearts? Just guess! :)





PRAYER REQUESTS
*Please pray for the babies, that they are healthy (free from virus, disease, parasites) and strong, being picked up and loved until we arrive. We want to be prepared for every eventuality, but want to pray for the best for our little ones.
*Please pray that God prepares the babies hearts for us, giving them dreams, paving the way in their little lives. Please also pray for their transition, that they attach quickly and immediately see us as their mommy and daddy.
*Please pray for a safe trip, that everything is smooth (no glitches) and that we are brought back together as a family of NINE. That we are able to serve God while we are being blessed so deeply. That we glorify Him in all circumstances.
*Please pray for protection against satan's barbs. We have seen satan throwing everything that he can when a child of God answers THE call....God's call.
*Please pray against all illness and parasites for us as well (Thomas, Kat, Tom, and Sarah). A lot of people are catching viruses and contracting parasites during their trips.
*Please pray for the biological family, that they know the peace only Christ can give.


"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desire of your heart." Psalm 37:4

CONFIRMED DATE!!!!

The date has been confirmed!!!! Is it weird that I just don't believe it yet? SMILE

JUNE 28th EMBASSY DATE FOR THIS CRAZY FAMILY!!!!!

Following God...Prayerful Expectation....

Today we wait...

We were given, "You will definitely be given an embassy date confirmation today."

It's all in God's Hands and we are following Him, so.....

We wait in PRAYERFUL :) expectation....

"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 34:7

Mini-Update

I actually just used the phrase "Lying about not lying is a lie" and just confused myself. My poor kids :)....

No news as of yet, but we know the embassy in Ethiopia has our file, we are just waiting for them to "officially" give us our date. I'm really okay with that. We can't make it magically appear and we want EVERYTHING in God's timing...to bring HIM the most glory. Now in a couple of days I may be insane, but right now...I'm good :). God is giving me peace that passes understanding...LOVE IT!!!

We are praying for some miraculously cheap plane tickets though :).

______________________________________________

PRAYER REQUESTS AND PRAISES

Praises!!!

That the time is coming for the twins to come home.
That the money has been provided and continues to be.
Daniel(Liberia), Jeremiah(Taiwan), Olivia (Ethiopia), and Jubilee (China) are home!!!

Prayer Requests!

*Please pray for the babies, that they are healthy (free from virus, disease, parasites) and strong, being picked up and loved until we arrive. We want to be prepared for every eventuality, but want to pray for the best for our little ones.
*Please pray that God prepares the babies hearts for us, giving them dreams, paving the way in their little lives. Please also pray for their transition, that they attach quickly and immediately see us as their mommy and daddy.
*Please pray for a safe trip, that everything is smooth and that we are brought back together as a family of NINE. That we are able to serve God while we are being blessed so deeply. That we glorify Him in all circumstances.
*Please pray for protection against satan's barbs. We have seen satan throwing everything that he can when a child of God answers THE call....God's call.
*Please pray against all illness and parasites for us in our journey to Ethiopia. A lot of people are catching viruses and contracting parasites during their trips.
*Please pray for the biological family, that they know the peace only Christ can give.

For Others
*Rolando and Julia to be able to come home to their forever family from Guatemala. It's been FIVE years. Please pray it's quickly.
*Renae- That she is able to travel quickly to pick up her daughter in Bulgaria. Their paperwork "age acceptable" is not old enough, though it was upon acceptance of referral.
*Jeremiah-Tami's new little one home from Taiwan with severe Cerebral Palsy. He's in the hospital right now (one very sick little boy).
*Daniel-Little on newly home with Hydrocephelus that will be facing a lot of medical procedures in the near future.
*Liberia to open up to legitimate adoptions so that Junior and Diamoh can come home (as well as many others)
*Abby, Tatum, and Elke...little ones with Leukemia. Please pray for healing.

"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4

The wait has begun....thank you all for praying we get an embassy date confirmation today!

"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4

Tomorrow...Tomorrow...

Yep, I did break into the song from Annie. I can't seem to say tomorrow twice in a row without breaking into a show tune. Ohhh the evil residuals of childhood "Annie" (smile).

Prayerfully, we hope to have our embassy date confirmation tomorrow (big smile). We'd greatly appreciate prayers on that front!

As for today...Church, sick little one, VBS for four out of five, fixing vacuum, grabbing the typhoid (vaccination) out of our refrigerator (first day), just basically the normal routine for our household.

Thinking about many of my bloggy friends needing prayer and how thankful I am for each and every one of you. Have a blessed day my friends!!!!

Nesting and Susan Parr Travel

My poor poor family...I'm nesting. What happens when I nest? They clean...we all clean...crazy clean.

The refrigerator is pulled out. The miscellaneous are disappearing. Windowsills are being scrubbed and windows cleaned. My poor poor family....

We are planning for blessing. We have been assured (barring crazy adoption roller coaster stuff) that we will be receiving our embassy date confirmation most likely Monday. This is two weeks exactly before our embassy date. We are almost to the point of travel arrangements...again...seriously....again.

It has been like a big, "Red light!...Green light!...Red Light!" game (if any of you remember that from your childhood). I must say, having the best travel agent we have ever had is a bonus. This is NOT joking. We lived in Germany for three years and away from family for seven. We've traveled across the world many times (including Russia and Ethiopia).

Kari, at Susan Parr travel, has been awesome with my mind loss (seriously friends, last week I lost my mind...what was left of it).

Three years ago, this month, we brought Bekah home from Ethiopia. Guess who our agent was then? Kari. I was so surprised, when I emailed Susan Parr this time, that Kari replied. It felt a little like coming home.

This adoptive journey has been a tad crazy travel wise. We understood that a confirmation would come last Monday (nope). That's completely okay, since we want God's timing above all else! Though this makes it much more difficult for our travel agent....but....she gave us no complaints. She seems to TOTALLY get my insanity and the adoption process.

So, all my bloggy friends, if you don't have an agent...she's awesome! Susan Parr Travel has given us so much comfort, forgiveness for the "Go! No, wait..." that we have put them though and my bazillion (yes, that's a lot) questions.

Just an F.Y.I......

Anyway...time to get back to fluffing (sterilizing) our nest. Can't wait until I'm doing it with a sling on filled with God's blessings.

"Delight your self in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." Psalms 37:4

Blessings....

....and the blessings are raining down. I have my umbrella up and ready.

"Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4

Did I mention everything was okay with the home study?

May the Blessing Rain Down-Get Your Umbrella Out Friends!!!

Today I am doing a will, power of attorney, and medical letters. It is SO fun!!! NOT! (Smile)

You see, today I am planning for blessings to rain down. Yes, I am planning for our trip.

Yesterday night I broke down in tears as I read a passage in the Bible that was like a soothing balm to my heart.

I wasn't reading through chapter to chapter, but just knew I needed to be in God's word. I opened the Bible up and Isaiah lay in front of me. I started reading mid verse at the very top of the page and my eyes stopped (full of tears) as I read.

" 'I will have compassion on you,'
says the LORD your Redeemer.
'To me this is like the days of Noah,
when I swore that the waters of Noah would never again cover the earth.
So now I have sworn not to be angry with you,
never to rebuke you again.

Though the mountains be shaken
and the hills be removed,
yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken
nor my covenant of peace be removed,'
says the LORD, who has compassion on you.

'O afflicted city, lashed by storms and not comforted,
I will build you with stones of turquoise,
your foundations with sapphires.

I will make your battlements of rubies,
your gates of sparkling jewels,
and all your walls of precious stones.

All your sons will be taught by the LORD,
and great will be your children's peace.

In righteousness you will be established:
Tyranny will be far from you;
you will have nothing to fear.
Terror will be far removed;
it will not come near you.

If anyone does attack you, it will not be my doing;
whoever attacks you will surrender to you.' " Isaiah 54:8b-15

Big Business Fighting the Porn Industry?

Okay, this is a subject I've never really dealt with...pornography. It's horribly destructive, yet the world tries to say it's normal. I read a post today that I wanted to share though. So here I am, talking about pornography.

A big name in computers has vowed to actively oppose pornography in and with their products....just wow. It is so great that companies are seeing the damage pornography does and not looking the other way. I think I know what our next computer may be. I should say, "I think I know what our next computer WOULD be if all of ours were not passed down to us when friends and family upgrade."

I have cool friends and family!

To read the article just click the link below...
"Silican Valley:Pornless" (Victorious Conqueror Blog)

Getting Out the Umbrella...Preparing for Blessing

I've posted this before, referred to it, and just ALWAYS loved reading it. Today, I needed it. This was our message during our last adoption (of Bekah).

(A Daily Internet Devotional by Steve Goodier)

One summer, a drought threatened the crop in a small town. On a hot
and dry Sunday, the village parson told his congregation, "There
isn't anything that will save us except to pray for rain. Go home,
pray, believe, and come back next Sunday ready to thank God for
sending rain."

The people did as they were told and returned to church the following
Sunday. But as soon as the parson saw them, he was furious. "We
can't worship today. You do not yet believe," he said.

"But," they protested, "we prayed, and we do believe."

"Believe?" he responded. "Then where are your umbrellas?"

The story applies to all of us. There are those people who leave
their umbrellas at home. Throughout their lives, they are merely
hoping their wishes and prayers will bear fruit, but they expect
little. Others expect their dreams and desires to come to pass. It
is as if they journey through life always prepared for something to
happen.
Today, how will you approach that which you are yearning for?

Will you expect your prayers and work to bring about hoped-for
results?

Will you bring your umbrella?

Home Study Expires....

I am setting here with my head in my hands...feeling remarkably human. Our home study expires four days before our proposed embassy date. Right now we don't know if that will make a difference or not. Best case scenario, it doesn't matter. Worst, we have to do an update and will not be traveling until late July/August time frame.

I am exhausted and discouraged. I KNOW it will be okay. I know God is in control. I'm just broken right now. We have been told by a local agency that this will most likely not matter. I will choose to stand in hope and belief. God has led us this far. For now we will carry our umbrellas. There is no use praying for it to rain blessings if we are not prepared for the rain.

Please pray the embassy has mercy on us.

For Sale...

For Sale: One Stomach Virus
Included in Price: Nausea, Cramping, and Vomiting
Price: Will sell for best offer

Willing to talk trade (willing to bribe and plead as well)

Any takers?

Quick Update...Discouragement and Hope

I know I had you guys praying last night and this morning for confirmation of our Embassy date. Thank you all for all your prayers. God has other plans and we are excited to see them progress.

We were told the earliest we could receive final confirmation is next Monday. We have been assured this date it ours, but will wait to purchase plane tickets until the final confirmation. We just didn't feel peace about purchasing them now and will wait.

Sometimes it's easy to get discouraged. This roller coaster ride called adoption is a endless stream of "hurry up and wait". I can't say I'm never discouraged. I'm a planner and like to have everything laid out in front of me. Today...well, I had my moments. Today that "dark cloud" thought popped into my head. That thought that it was never going to happen. Told you it was dark (smile).

Then I remembered...my prayers are always that "things will happen in whatever way will bring God the most glory".

What if we need to meet someone and witness to someone on a particular flight or airport?
What if there is someone that needs to see it's not always easy, but when we trust God it does "always work for good"?
What if, by waiting to purchase the tickets, by some miracle we get a better price or a great unknown happens (someone needed the seats we had reserved more than we did)?

I don't know what the purpose is, but I'm going to TRY to kick this discouragement to the curb. It doesn't belong in my heart or house. It WILL happen. So until then we will try to just hold on to our adoption verse (because that's what it's turned into).

"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4

Gabriel and Rachel...God has given us the amazing blessing of you. We WILL be there, because God is bigger than any fear, discouragement, bank account, or government.

Daddy and Mommy love you and will hold you in our arms very soon. In that God has given us confidence.

Jeremiah and Praying

Well, I'm setting here trying to feel better after yesterday's migraine and nausea. I think allergies and stress just jumped up hog tied me and then used my head to play horse shoes.

Just dropping in so everyone doesn't think we dropped off the face of the earth :).

Today I may not have felt good, but on the other hand felt joyous as my bloggy friend Tami held her little boy in Taiwan for the first time!

Jeremiah is in the arms of his family right now. Now they can marinate him in the love of God, the love of his family, and can get him the medical care he needs. She just posted a video of the first moment she saw Jeremiah which blows me away. Though I guess videos of first moments ALWAYS blow me away (smile).

If you want to take a peek, check out "Till God Brings Them Home". Ignore the missing "H" in her blog, her computer decided it didn't like the letter "H" anymore.

I am praying hard tonight. We need to receive the final confirmation of our embassy date in Ethiopia by the morning. We have our flight reserved, but will lose the reservation if we don't purchase by noon. It's not the end of the world, but feel this would be the optimum flight arrangement. Yes, little stressed about something that will be okay no matter what. Wish my human side would recede a little this week :).

Anyway...have a blessed night all my bloggy friends. The screen is actually blurring and I think I will take some meds and hit the pillow.

On The Way to Taiwan-Till God Brings Them Home

One of our sweet bloggy friends is FINALLY (WOO HOO) on her way to her sweet son in Taiwan. He has severe cerebral palsy and has needed his family for SO long. We've had the honor of watching their journey and are so excited for them.

One thing though, Tami gets SEVERE motion sickness. On the first short flight she was throwing up repeatedly and violently. The airline did NOT want her to go on the next leg. Of course she did...this is for her son.

Please pray for Tami and her family.

If you want to follow her amazing journey, you can check out the following link.
"Till God Brings Them Home"

Book Giveaway Winner!!!!

I didn't forget! I really didn't! Tonight I drew the name of the winner of the three awesome Keck and Kupecky books!
Adopting a Hurt Child
Parenting a Hurt Child
Parenting Adopted Adolescents

And the winner is..... Gena Beam! I'll be contacting you shortly!!!

Thank you all for celebrating with us! I have a cool new giveaway in the works (to do with travel). Check back later for more info!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yes, this does mean we got our embassy date! Praise God!!!! Woo Hoo!!!!

Check out our last post to get more details!

"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4

Our Embassy Date

Okay, we have talked and we have prayed. This was TOTALLY not how we expected this to happen, but isn't that just how God works?! I just have to say, my husband can NEVER trump my birthday gift to him...an embassy date. Actually, it's God's gift, but I will use it just to rub it in a little (evil smile).

Everything, or almost everything, at our agency is done by email. Seriously, we have never needed a call or had one (other than us calling for a quick answer on something). Tonight, just before 5:00 my cell rang. I hear Veggie Tale Larry singing, "Oh where is my cell phone, oh where is my cell phone, oh where oh where oh where oh where...is my cell phone?"

Unfortunately I didn't know where my cell phone was and missed the call. Side note: I think their needs to be a "clapper" for a cell phone. Ya, I know I could call it, but that'd be too easy.

When found, I didn't recognize the number and thought to myself, "With the embassy date due anytime, I better call them back...just in case it is them."

Low and behold...

Our agency called to tell us that on Monday they expected an email from the embassy and felt we could, in confidence, start making plans for an embassy date of Monday, June 28th.

It still feels unreal...totally unreal. In two and a half weeks we will be taking custody of our little ones...our minds are spinning. I can't even think straight. So much to do and all I can think about is holding those little bodies.

Thank you Lord! Thank you Heavenly Father! Thank you for showing us favor....
"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4

Prayer Requests...
*Please pray for the babies, that they are healthy (free from virus, disease, parasites) and strong, being picked up and loved until we arrive. We want to be prepared for every eventuality, but want to pray for the best for our little ones.
*Please pray that God prepares the babies hearts for us, giving them dreams, paving the way in their little lives. Please also pray for their transition, that they attach quickly and immediately see us as their mommy and daddy.
*Please pray for a safe trip, that everything is smooth. That we are able to serve God while we are being blessed so deeply. That we glorify Him in all circumstances.
*Please pray for protection against satan's barbs. We have seen satan throwing everything that he can when a child of God answers THE call....God's call.
*Please pray against all illness and parasites in our journey to Ethiopia.
*Please pray for the biological family, that they know the peace only Christ can give.

Kat Wishes She Could Tell You...Embassy

I really do wish I could tell you we just got a call about our Embassy date and know when we're leaving, but I'm not supposed to tell anyone...

HUGE Smile....

Things I Learned This Week...

*Frogs that are said to live up to five years, only live 4 months in our house. Is it sad that our kids asked if we could use them for frog legs? (Okay, little queasy now)

*That a "broke" cat (again, husband says we're not "fixing" him, we're "breaking" him) does not necessarily stop marking their territory. Plug anyone?

*That I'm not sure which is better, to have PMS or be collateral damage in a PMS "event"?

*That the city can actually look inside your spare/unused side yard and tell you that your weeds are too high under the broken trampoline (next to the broken dish washer). I'm now waiting for them to look in my house and say, "That is WAYYYY too clean." (Stop laughing)

*That BBQ sauce is extremely flammable. Just pour it over the logs in your fireplace and crack open the smores!

*That cats taunt dogs and laugh (I know because they told me this). They LOVE to do it at night to cause maximum dog whinage.

* Finally, that the thought of flaming BBQ sauce and frog legs makes me queasy.

He Will Always Be Older Than Me....

This month brought a massive gift to me...39 years ago. This month brought me a warm harbor of my life. This month brought me my husband. In June MANY years ago my husband was born and, with joy, I announce that he will always be older than me.

My life has been an adventure since we met. From breaking that mirror the first time we got together (we thought it meant seven years bad luck, and it actually meant seven children), to living in a foreign country, to a winding path to a big beautiful family. We've gone through a lot and laughed through even more. There is just no one like him that can make me laugh so hard that I literally lose the ability to breath. (God blessed me the day you were born honey...BIG TIME!)

He is the man of my dreams (though he will say I have some pretty warped dreams :)).

The verse that has come to the forefront as we adopt the twins is also appropriate when I think of my crazy other half.

"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4

Notes from our kids about their daddy....
Tom(15)-Why my dad is awesome: (1) He makes the best barbecue on the planet, (2) It is awesome to watch him laugh (ask him about Kung Fu Panda), (3) He is a tough dad who has to deal with my attitude at times (which I still do not know how he does it) and works for his hard-earned paycheck to support his family. I cannot wait to see the look on his face when he sees his third son and his fourth daughter (at least I think [and hope] its only the fourth) I love him and wish him the best of birthdays.
Sarah(13)-Facts about my dad: Fact #1, My dad is the BEST dad in the world. He cares for us and puts others above himself all the time. Either when we have a bad day or are just feeling down, he is always there to comfort us and help us in any way he can. Fact #2, He is the FUNNIEST dad in the world. The jokes he makes up in five seconds would normally take me five hours. In one way or another, he is always making us laugh. Fact #3, He is an AWESOME Christian father. He works hard to make sure we try to follow God in everything. It is obvious to us that he puts God first in everything.
Anna(9)-My daddy is a great and strong Daddy. He is the best Daddy in the WHOLE WORLD! He makes all of us laugh by telling silly jokes and stories (and laughing through Kung Fu Panda). He also makes the BEST BBQ EVER!!!! I love him A LOT!!!!
Max(7)-I love my daddy. He helps me learn about God. He loves me.
Bekah(4)-I love my daddy. He is so strong and loves all of us. He does silly dances that make me laugh. He tickles me and lets me watch Tinker Bell. Sometimes I get to go to his work with Him.
Gabe and Rachel (9 months)- Though they have yet to meet their daddy, I don't doubt the love that they will pour on him. He's impossible not to love :). I cannot wait (just as Tom) to see the moment he holds Rachel and Gabe for the first time.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE MAN WHO MAKES MY HEART BEAT FASTER (though at times it's because I'm running from a Nerf gun).

The Story of Attachment-Part III

RESPONSE-PART THREE

There are five posts in this series. Just click below if you'd like to follow the series!
"The Story of Attachment-Part I"
"The Story of Attachment-Part II"
"The Story of Attachment-Part IV"
"The Story of Attachment-Part V"

WHY PEOPLE DON'T INATELY UNDERSTAND ATTACHMENT WORK AND WHY WE NEED TO PREPARE THEM.

At times the response we receive from others to "Attachment Work" is not very pleasant. Often it's daunting to think of telling those we love, "I'm sorry, but you can't hold our child."

In life, I have found that I (at times) feel others should already understand what took me a time to process. Have you ever gone to your husband/wife and just assumed they knew something.

"Yes honey, leaving a book in my side of the bed to crawl on top of when it's dark is not my favorite thing." You should see the look of shock (and a little laughter).

It's like many of us who journey down God's path and find that we have more children than the world expects. They look at us like we're loony (maybe it's the dancing through the grocery store that does that too?). Telling friends (that already think your a tad "off") that God has led you to your next amazing child can be rough, or at least the reaction can be. We expect everyone to be instantly happy. Yet they haven't even had the same time to process it that we had.

Okay, yes...I am instantly happy when someone is called to adopt, but 10 years ago I might have questioned the intelligence of having seven children. I was insane then (smile), forgive me.

I think understanding attachment is the same way. I think, whenever possible, we need to share ahead of time why attachment isn't always easy. We need to sit down and have a heart to heart about the information we've gleaned about attachment. We need to send that email. We need to prepare those in our lives.

How can others understand what is so foreign to them and has never been explained?

Most of our friends and family were born in love. They had children born in love. When they cried, someone came. When their child cried, they ran to their side.

They don't have a reason to understand a child that doesn't cry. They don't understand a child whose cries were never answered, because they just gave up. No more tears, because there was no more hope.

Most of our friends and family were picked up and rocked. They picked up and rocked their children.

They don't have a reason to understand that a child may flinch away from touch, overly sensitive, because touch is so foreign to them that they don't like it.

Most of our friends and family were played with. They played with their children.

They don't have a reason to understand a 10 month old that can't support themselves on their legs because they were never played with.

Most of our friends and family had a crib that they learned was a safe place. Their children learned the safety of the crib.

They don't have a reason to understand a child screaming, not being able to roll over even, because they relate a crib to a small cage of neglect.

Most of our friends and family had a regular caregiver, often mommy or daddy. Their children had a regular caregiver.

They don't have a reason to understand a child that was looked at as a job, maybe a job that was cared about, but a job. A job that can be quit if there was family strife, or a better job offer.

Most of our friends and family were never passed to a stranger and walked away from. This is NOT negating the sacrifice the biological family made or the love they may have for their child. Most of our friends and family were protected from strangers. They were cherished.

They don't have a reason to understand how even an infant can refuse to trust you will stay around. They don't have a reason to understand that you don't become an instant mommy or daddy to them, just because you have loved them for so long.

We need to give our friends and family and opportunity to understand and absorb this, if at all possible, before they are faced with an "attachment" situation. If at all possible, before we have to say, "I'm sorry you can't hold them for a couple of months."


WHEN THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND

That said, sometimes explaining will not make a person understand (though we need to give them a chance).

I have had a professional say to me, "They will attach fine. They all do."

My jaw dropped open and I immediately thought of friends that struggled for years with attachment of their infant. I thought of another whose child has been home for months and months and is still struggling...the infant not wanting to believe or trust...pushing the parent away. I thought of books and books of experts saying that not every child does attach. That it often takes work.

I was floored.

We need to be prepared for those that don't understand and may not try to.

We need to prepared for the fact that some will be hurt and take it personally.

We need to be prepared for the possibility of very uncomfortable situations. Example: If your child is still "parent shopping" and not believing you'll stick around, wanting to go to everyone (no stranger anxiety or anxiety about being left at all). Our children may seem outwardly happy and friendly, while inwardly being attached to no one.

We need to be prepared that those who do not have experience/information about attachment will not understand.

IT'S NOT NEGATIVE, BUT VERY POSITIVE

Yes, there is the possibility that we will face negative reactions, yet there is a lot of positive. In our experience, you will have cheerleaders in your life. You will have those that do understand and support you 100%. It's awesome to have friends and family like that! Also, a positive, most people that feel hurt will get over it. They may never understand, but then they may have insight in other areas that we lack.

Our children are the biggest positives ever. Most children, at times with a lot of work, WILL attach. Some of us may have an easy transition with immediate attachment. Some of us may have work, work, and more work....which makes the attachment so rich and rewarding when it finally happens.

In our last post of this series, I will share some of the awesome events that led us to know our child was finally attached.

WHY THIS IS SO IMPORTANT

In life we are given one opportunity, one lifespan. When our children are on loan to us (for they really belong to God) it is our responsibility as parents to supply (the best we can) a foundation worth building on...first on God and then building from there.

When a child comes to us having faced loss and trauma right off the bat, there are holes in the foundation. A foundation with holes will eventually collapse on itself. It will be destructive instead of supportive. It will leave cracks through the walls because of the constant shifting.

Filling those holes is vital. Others understanding that there are holes is wonderful, but in itself cannot heal our children.

Let's be the champions of our kids. Let's give them what they need even if they don't know they need it...especially if they don't know they need it.

"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4

The Story of Attachment-Part II

ATTACHMENT WORK-PART TWO

If you have not read "The Story of Attachment-Part I" or would like to read "The Story of Attachment-Part III" when you're finished...here are the links!
"The Story of Attachment-Part I"
"The Story of Attachment-Part III"
"The Story of Attachment-Part IV"
"The Story of Attachment-Part V"

Life for our little ones has not always been easy. They have suffered great loss. You might even be surprised to discover our sweet (and very attached) Max and Bekah had to go through an attachment process too. They had to learn to trust that we would be around forever. Who wouldn't after being handed to someone you didn't know?

I heard it described somewhat like this. Picture a normal life with your family. Your kids running around. Your husband/wife at the Barbecue. A stranger comes in and you are told to go with them. They take you to a house with a ton of other people your age who may or may not completely ignore you. After months of grief some strangers come in. They are smiling and so happy. You are told this is your new wife/husband. You are expected to just accept it.

I think that kind of puts in perspective what our children face. We know that God has shown us our children and we're just bringing them home, but they have suffered such loss until this point that they may not feel that way. We may intend love, and they may just be angry.

Transitioning into a family takes time. Attachment takes time. This is why our family chooses to do attachment work.

For four months (less or more time if necessary) we are the only ones to hold, diaper, bath, and feed our newest blessing. They must begin to understand that we will provide for all their needs. Often we are repeating stages they should have gotten already, but didn't (bottle feeding longer, while looking them in the eyes and holding them, etc.). Our goal is that they understand others love them, but that an attachment is fostered for those that are their mommy, daddy, siblings, and (daily in their lives) family. They may not choose to attach, and it's our responsibility to insure they do. It may be easy and it may be hard.

This is NOT an easy thing to do. How easy is it to say to a cherished friend or family member, "I'm sorry, I know they want to go to you, but we need to foster attachment." Sometimes people are offended or hurt. Sometimes they don't understand. There is a common thought process that is, "They will see you everyday and know you're taking care of them. They will attach and you're just being over protective."

If you've seen a child that is unattached, you will know that attachment is not necessarily automatic. Attachment doesn't always come with time. We've known those that after years still struggled with attachment. It's not just with teens and older children, but with babies and toddlers as well.

So this is our family plan and the reason we wrote "The Story of Attachment Part I, II, and III".

We will do attachment work.
*This does NOT mean you can't play with Rachel and Gabe's beautiful little hands or feet.
*It does NOT mean you can't touch them or kiss their cheeks and talk to them.
*This does NOT mean that you can't stop by the house to meet them (though we will probably crash for the first week :)). You are all welcome!

What it does mean is that we are the primary caregivers until WE feel secure that THEY are secure. We do have experience with this and did HAVE had to do this previously.

This is what attachment work will mean for our family and you. It means....

*Only we hold, feed, change, and bath the little ones EVEN if they want to climb onto someone else's lap. We can't allow it, temporarily, to help them.
*This means that for at least a month that only one of us will be at Church with the other children. They need to understand that we are "forever" for them and not "shop" for new parents, not trusting us (though we hope this doesn't happen, we have seen it happen). Even after the first month, one of us may come in late to the crying room and leave early (depending what is needed). Large crowds may overwhelm them or make them feel like they are in a orphanage situation again. Still, only we hold them.
***This will most likely mean that for the first year of their life they will not be in a Bible class/nursery type situation. This mimics TOO much of an orphanage life and can bring a lot of regression (we have personal experience with this, it's NOT good or pleasant).
***This will mean, though we love and cherish you, we have to do what is best for our babies, no matter how much we love you.

Hopefully attachment will be quick, but we have to go into this prepared for everything.

Please understand, the attachment work we will do is not to hinder any love or attachment, but to create the ability to love and attach that God has placed within them.

That said, thank you for your patience with us as we are on the verge of the wonderful (and often difficult) journey of attachment.

Attachment Prayer Request
Please pray that God prepares Gabe and Rachel's hearts, gives them dreams of us, and helps them to feel secure in our arms and with our love very quickly.
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Though I am constantly reminded of God's faithfulness, I am just feeling remarkably human lately and can use prayers. If you have a moment, please read this post that shares the journey we are on right now (and prayer requests).
"Prayerful Sighs...Needing My Friends