Sunday, December 12, 2010

Didn't Make it to Church, but did Make it to La La Land

Yep, it's awful. I didn't make it to Church (again) and I wasn't even sick. I will say, in my defense, that this time mental health just may have been an issue.

Though my family is AMAZING, we've all had those mornings. You know the ones...

Here's how mine went.

(P.S. I've never heard half these phrases before)

(Parent to child) "Time to get up!" "Why?" "It's Sunday and we need to get ready for Church." Groan, sigh. Five minutes later, no child....ten minutes pass, no child. Child is still under covers and mom figures that blanket must have attacked child and said child is unable to move. Poor child....

(Child to Child) "You took all the cereal. You didn't leave me any! How would you feel if I did this to you?" I did not remind said offspring that he did the same thing last week.

(Child to Child) "Are you STILL in the bathroom. If it takes that long to get your shirt on you must have a serious problem!" (Shirtlexia...a dangerous disease)

(Child and Parent) "I can't find my socks!!!" "Did you put them in your shoes like I asked you last night?" ", but I still can't find them!" The next 20 minutes were followed with talking to sister, playing with toy, seeing how far a rubber band could shoot. "I STILL can't find any socks!"

(Child to Parent) "How do I look?" "Good, but don't you think that shirt is a little big?" "No, it was hanging up in my closet." "Well, since it's your dad's shirt, don't you think maybe you should've known it wasn't yours?" "Ya, I guess. Can I wear it?" "It's three sizes too big, I think you should find something else." Comes back in a few minutes. "Can I wear this one?" Happens to be the one he wanted to wear last night that I had told him "NO" to. "This is the only one I can find." Husband then takes over to avoid death and destruction. Miraculously another shirt is found.

(Parent to Infant) Mouth open wide as infant moves in for a chomp. "Nooo...we don't bite, we hug" Infant puts mouth on sibling. "Noooo....WE DON'T BITE, WE HUG." Infant looks at me and smiles, throws her arms open wide....and then tackles said twin.

(Parent to Child) "Can you go get the gel so I can do your hair please?" "Okay" Looks at the ceiling waiting for gel to rain down from above. "I can't find it ANYWHERE!" "Did you look under the sink or in the hair stuff box?" "Ummm, no" "Go look for it." Found holding Gerbil in the play area 15 minutes later. "Did you find the gel?" "Huh?"

(Parent to Child) "Can you go check and see if the twins shoes are in the back of the car?" "Okay" "Honey, it's 38 degrees outside, you might want to put on some shoes." "Do I have to? It's not that cold." "Yes" for shoes...door opening hoping I forgot. I seriously contemplate making him wear his sisters huge pink fuzzy slippers. (Why can I never think of these things in the midst of it?)

(Parent to child) "Do I have to wear tights?" "Yes, it's cold. We always wear tights when it's this cold." "But they are SO uncomfortable! Do I REALLY have to" "Yes, I do not plan on you getting frostbite on the way to Church." Grumble, grumble, grumble "If you keep on grumbling I just may LET you wear them all day instead of taking them off when you get home." Grumbling stops, the world sings....

(Parent to child) Venting to husband and child walks in, "Hey mom, do you know where my __________is?" (fill in something that they were not only supposed to get together last night, but also HAD to be washed) "Go out please." Two minutes have passed, child comes back in and plops down. "Well I can't find it, what should I do?" "I'm not sure that's really my concern since you were supposed to have it in the clothes that needed to be washed for Church." "BUT MOOOOMMMMMMM.....WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?" Mom, feeling the need for a large, very deep breath, "You need to figure that out yourself sweetheart." (Sweetheart is not what I am thinking at this point)

(Parent to infant) "Don't play with that computer. Don't do it. No, no, no..." One finger barely resting on the computer while said infant continues to look at me and smile angelically. "Noooooo" Said infant proceeds to put a second finger on the computer.

(Parent to anyone listening) "Can someone get me a diaper?! He's soaked and I thought I had one next to me!" Crickets "PLEASE, he's naked and I'm aiming him somewhere other than my face!" Crickets...(Did I mention THREE children were busy doing something else in that very room? To tell you the truth though, the crickets were so loud that I think they couldn't hear me.)

(Parent to Child) "I want you to go to the bathroom before we leave." "I don't need to go." "I understand that you don't feel like you need to go, but I want you to try." "But I don't need to go." "Go" "Really, nothing is going to come out." "You heard me." Insert sound of liquid hitting water for THREE MINUTES STRAIGHT.

"The sky is so blue this morning.""I am thinking it looks more like a paisley." (Okay, that one was just plain made up, but not far from reality, smile).

"Grandma's here! Can we go out?" "Not until we find the keys." Children sit down or wander around aimlessly. "Can I go out now?" "Nooo...we still need to find the keys." Crickets....Can someone call the exterminator, we have a problem. "Grandma's waiting..." Mommy, now at the extreme limit of mental capability sees keys. "Okay, ask Grandma if she can take you to Bible class. If you have to wait any longer you'll be late and I need to finish packing the diaper bag."

By this time I am fully dressed, toenails painted (yes, I admit it) blue, and babies are dressed, dry, and oh so cute. I AM ACTUALLY GOING TO MAKE IT TO CHURCH.

(Parent to Parent) Digging through clean UNFOLDED clothes to find an extra outfit for infant. Other half throws a onesie shorts/summer outfit at me and says, "Here!" "Honey, it's 38 degrees outside, and we need something warm if he wets through." "It's only for 'just in case' though." "'Just in case' happens a lot honey." "It will match these sweats." (Doesn't, would be very uncomfortable, and a size too small)

Wife (me) bursts into tears. My husband has obviously gone over to the dark side and joined the children in their plot to overthrow mommy.

Me, "I have talked to you about this so many times. Why do we have to have this SAME discussion ALL the time? Why do I have to tell everyone everything 20 times? Why does everyone want to argue about the color of the sky or whether they have to use the bathroom? Why can't I just tell someone to do something and they see the benefit of just obeying" You see, I've lost my mind at this point. "Just go to Church." We are already late at this point "I can't face everyone. I'll just cry. Leave the babies here. Just GO...."

My husband, not wanting to leave me, but recognizing that my mom has five children at Church and would wonder what happened to us if we didn't show up, grudgingly acquiesced.

Over the next hour I went from my pity party to remembering my mom. I remembered a couple times where she said, "I quit..."

I remembered a discussion she had with a friend. She had shared about how everyone took her for granted. She shared how no one would pick up after themselves and would bicker. She shared about how she would try to make everything go smoothly and it wouldn't AND how she put everything she had into everyone else (she did by the way). "I'm tired of it", she said.

You know what her friend said, "Oh, so your tired of being a mom?"

My mom, in much wisdom, shared this with me. I think she shared this with me because she knew. She knew that being a mom is the hardest job ever (EVEN with fantastic kids that don't normally have mornings like this). She knew that some day in the future I would feel like saying, "I quit..."

So today I took a "mental health day". I do think the Lord understands. There must be times when He looks at us and just shakes His head and wonders what we are thinking. We question Him. Put our fingers on figurative keyboards while he says, "Nooooo". We grumble, argue, don't move when we need to. At times we don't GOD must really want to zap those crickets at times.

I think today God showed me what He goes through with millions, billions of His children.

I may be a mom, but HE is THE DAD.

"But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what they have done has been done in the sight of God." John 3:21


  1. Oh GIRL!!! I seriously contemplated sneaking out to the van this afternoon and just running away until after the kids would be in bed.

    You may chuckle, but I'm dead serious. I looked out the window at the snowdrift in the drive, realized my hubby had parked the van in the shed (huge doors, hard to open) and went into the bathroom and cried instead.

    I didn't know where I would go anyway!

    Tomorrow's GOTTA be better!!

  2. Your comment made me want to laugh and cry...SOOO there!!! Seriously, I wish all drama would cease. What do you think are the chances?

  3. Must have been in the air yesterday! Really, why do I have to police chores for teenagers!! They are usually great kids - but chores, ugh! I dread them more then they do!
    "hang up that pile of clean clothes"
    "Oh, sorry mom - i was helping Dad with christmas lights."
    "Really? All week? Cause these were washed and brought up here last Monday."
    Hope you have a great Monday! And isn't it nice to have a quiet morning with God! He will come to us where ever we are! :)

  4. It's getting better here. . .how 'bout there?? :)

  5. Yep, it's getting a little more sane :). It's those days of complete insanity that help me to love "normal" least I keep telling myself that (hee hee).


In the joy of following our Heavenly Father, we sometimes choose to proceed with a whisper, a verse, or a downright matter how we follow Him, the momentum that follows is like nothing we've ever experienced before.

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