Tuesday, November 9, 2010

I Choose To Be Blessed-Repost for National Adoption Month

I’ve fought God, I admit it. I have said “God I know what you want of me” and then stuck my head in the sand . I have followed in Jonah’s steps and said “God, your joking, right?”

Though I believe God enjoys laughter with the rest of us (sometimes probably at the rest of us) He is often very convincing in the severity of what is expected of me. I feel a little like a toddler (ok, maybe it was actually me yesterday) that stomps her foot, arms folded, chin out…saying “NO!”.

I’m still here. Lightening did not strike, but I heard a calm and firm “YES” in my spirit. “Ugg”, says the rebellious teen in me, “I can not do this!”. All I hear deep in my soul is “Yes, you can and you are going to”. He says this because I trust Him, and He knows I trust Him.

Why is it at times in my life, where God is moving in such a real and visual way, I rebel? Why is it so hard to give to my Father who deserves EVERYTHING?

I think as an adult I’ve become more aware of the sin in my life. I like to think that’s a good thing…except it’s not always so easy to get rid of. I hold onto it like a guy with the remote during the Super Bowl. Yet “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do., but what I hate I do”. Does that sound familiar? It should, Paul said it in Romans 7:15.

God has given us an amazing book and an amazing pathway to Him through prayer. There is no answering service saying “All lines are busy now, please leave your name and number and we will get back to you as quickly as possible.” That’s not the way God works….He doesn’t work the way the world does. If He did I would not be as convicted as I feel so much of the time. If He did I would not see the works of His Hands daily delivering the message of the lost and alone. I would not see the everlasting Hand of my Father leading my way…against my arrogance and stubbornness.

How do we get back to Him. How do we get beyond our preconceived notions of what’s right for our lives and back to what God is showing us? How do we get off this path that seems to plod on planned…school, family, kids, career, college, retirement, vacation….on and on we plan….giving God little in the decision making process. There are so many things we take for granted in this life….so many decisions that we assume we can make.

I cannot figure myself out…I petition God for an answer and when He gives it to me I stomp my foot. When am I going to grow up? Yet there is some point where the light bulb goes on. Where I unfold my arms and choose to be blessed. That’s what it is you know…a blessing. It may come in the form of something painful or scary, but God knows what we need to grow outward toward Him. He’s blessing us. The choice is ours though, do we want to choose to be blessed or stumble through the alleyways of life in the dark, missing out on the sweet aroma of blessing that pervades the air.

I don’t know if my stubbornness will ever disappear, but here are just a few things that happened to me when I surrendered.

I received God’s son…salvation and Grace through Him.
I forgave myself because it was not up to me to be responsible for another’s choice of salvation.
I found my children half way across the world.

I could not live with the consequences of ignoring God on any of these. Actually, I don’t know if ignoring God is possible. I’m thinking of a whale, but that’s just me. My whale came in reading words that convicted my spirit. My whale came in lack of sleep and a hand squeezing my heart until I listened. My whale came in the speech of others that I could not ignore. My whale came in dreams.

This is not to say at times I have not done my best to ignore Him. This is to say that when I’m at my best I do not ignore Him.

I am diligently trying to put down my boxing gloves. I am pulling my head out of the sand as quickly as I can. I am uncrossing my arms and relaxing my chin. I am letting go of the teen rebellion, and finally I am exiting the belly of my whale and saying…..
“I choose to be blessed.”

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For those who may wonder what the above blog has to do with adoption…it can have everything to do with listening to God…which is how adoption starts. It is so easy to fight God saying ,”God, this is too much to ask. I am tired. I’m not the most healthy. We are so busy all the time as it is.” Fortunately, God knows so much more than we do and when we put away those preconceived ideas of what our life is supposed to be like….the results are AMAZING. When we choose to be blessed….the world expands beyond what we could ever imagine.

2 comments:

  1. You are so so so so right. Yep, God tells you to do the "impossible" - and then shows you his power by carrying you through it. Thanks for your heart.

    ReplyDelete
  2. "How do we get off this path that seems to plod on planned…school, family, kids, career, college, retirement, vacation….on and on we plan….giving God little in the decision making process. There are so many things we take for granted in this life….so many decisions that we assume we can make."

    Kat, this post is so good. I read it and thought I would meditate on it and come back to comment later, but you have been a posting machine lately! :)

    I especially love the above quote. It's so true, we tend to live the "christianized version of the American dream" and think we're in control. . .until God gets our attention. And blesses us. Always ultimately for our own good.

    He's amazing.

    ReplyDelete

In the joy of following our Heavenly Father, we sometimes choose to proceed with a whisper, a verse, or a downright shove...no matter how we follow Him, the momentum that follows is like nothing we've ever experienced before.

Join the momentum...it is a beautiful place to be. It's not always easy, but then the best things never are.

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