Friday, November 5, 2010

Emptied Out, Filling Up-Adoption and Living a Life for God

As I came back from Ethiopia I was filled with amazing thanksgiving whenever I looked at the gleam in Gabe's eyes and the sweet smile on Rachel's lips. Strange though, I had a very dark part of me. One I have yet to talk about.

Everything I saw (remember, this was my second time there) was multiplied and compressed. I think the cloud that settled seemed to be as much the fact that my passion seemed to be gone. My love for God, my husband, my children remained. The fire that seemingly drove me was absent. I couldn't figure out what happened. What did I do? Did I do something wrong to drive out this passion? Was God disciplining me?

As often happens, God teaches you what you need to know...through the faith of a child. I truly believe Matthew 19:14, "Jesus said, 'Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.'”

This time it was my oldest daughter. She had given up, without my knowledge, something that was a direct result of God's gift to her. When I asked her why, she answered, "I think I was fitting God in, instead of building everything around what He wants from me first."

You see, it wasn't that God wanted her to give up an amazing talent. It was that God was emptying her out, to fill her back up with such beauty....based more solidly on Him.

That is exactly what God was doing with me. My passion, my fire, was an amazing gift from God. Though I never forgot God, I think (at times) my passion for the orphans, the children, overshadowed my one true love...Him. He is my greatest desire. His love for me ignites me and ANY fires within me.

God knew that just intermixing more desire for Him was not what I needed. I needed to build again. I needed to empty out, so that God could fill me up with His desires.

He has brought me to this peaceful place. A place where the pure love is still there. A place where He is filling me up all over again. A place where my passion is grounded in the greater foundation of God's love (not to be overshadowed).

There are times in our lives where the only way to "clean" our box of clutter is to just dump it out. We need this vessel, but there's a point that we need it empty so we can use it to store what's really important....God's love and HIS will for our lives.

How does this apply to adoption?

This applies to every area of our lives. We have preconceived notions about everything, some God given, some not. Some ideas come from the culture in which we were raised. Some rise up from experiences or our families. All of it can get mixed up and thrown into a potpourri of miscellaneous ideas that we may not even have an idea where they came from. It may just be a hot mess.

It's can become hard to pick out the morsels that have meat on them...the tender fruits of our Heavenly Father (Okay, I'm now getting a little hungry).

In adoption, as other areas of our lives, we often have ideas of what WE want. We want one or two children, girls or boys, 0-5 years old, 5-12 years old, etc. The list goes on and on.

Don't get me wrong...please. Many of these thoughts and precepts are given by God. I really believe they are.

Yet, what would happen if we emptied ourselves out EVERY time we made a major decision?

In adoption, what if we said, "Okay God, I don't care if I have enough money. I don't care if I have enough room. I don't care what or where I've imagined in the past. I don't care if my family or friends may give me a hard time. I don't care if the obstacles seem insurmountable. I will listen to YOU. Please empty me out of MY preconceived ideas. Please replace them with the child YOU know is my child...with the children YOU know are my children."

Can you imagine how amazing it would be?

What would happen in life if we said, "Okay God, I don't care if I have enough money. I don't care if the grandeur of life is what I imagined. I don't care what I have imagined in the past. I don't care if my family or friends may give me a hard time. I don't care if the obstacles seem insurmountable. I will listen to YOU. Please empty me out of MY preconceived ideas. Please replace them with what YOU want me to see, instead of what I want to see. Please help ME to be YOUR child first and foremost."

Can you see what I'm getting at here? An idea, a life, driven by the unsurpassable love of God. God does NOT get it wrong, we do.

Let's not "assume'" we know the will of God. Let's know it....

Let's give it to Him. Let's take YOU and ME out of it. Let's fill it up with the ONE that will always live, gives us life, and surrounds us with amazing blessings daily.

You see, I don't always trust myself, but I always trust Him.

2 comments:

  1. wow kat - this is the second blog this week with the same message about the things God leads us to becoming more important to us than the God that brings us there.

    I am taking this as warning for myself to be more cautious of how I stack things - idols.

    You have inspired me, as usual :P

    Kim
    journey2ethiopia.blogspot

    ReplyDelete
  2. Too many thoughts, heart too full, to comment. Outstanding thoughts. You really should read Courtney's post along this line.
    http://www.storinguptreasures.com/2010/11/revelations-part-1.html#disqus_thread

    Praise God He is revealing this temptation to us before we have to learn it the hard way!!!

    ReplyDelete

In the joy of following our Heavenly Father, we sometimes choose to proceed with a whisper, a verse, or a downright shove...no matter how we follow Him, the momentum that follows is like nothing we've ever experienced before.

Join the momentum...it is a beautiful place to be. It's not always easy, but then the best things never are.

Related Posts with Thumbnails