Thursday, August 5, 2010

No, I Have Not Dropped Off the Face of the Earth -Transition/Attachment/Family Update

Yes, we are alive....I think. The illness monster has struck again and I must put on my super suit and prepare to start shooting Lysol out of my wrists again.

Friday night a fever hit...me. I NEVER get fevers, no joke. Not good and the Lysol shooters don't work when I'm sick (Anyone see my cape? I think I used it to dust again.)

Gabe, my busy boy, is now hit with it (since his immune system is still toast). He is so lethargic and just snuggles. From the attachment standpoint I get to show him he's loved and taken care of, which is so good. From the mommy standpoint...my heart aches for this little one.

Side note: At the doctor today he realized for the first time that he now has two VERY new and VERY sharp projectiles coming from his lower gums. Rachel found this out too.

All this is to say I've been flaking on blogging. Not what I want to do. You see, transition and attachment are such major issues and concerns no matter what age. I have learned so much from the families out there that have fought for their children.

So many helped keep me sane during past attachment periods. They helped me feel normal and not so alone. They often helped me to see the light at the end of the tunnel, when at times I didn't feel it.

That is why I want to continue to share with you triumphs and struggles as we continue to transition with the twins. If you want to read more on our thoughts on attachment (we are NO experts) you can see "Kat's Kat-agories" on the right side of this blog.

With this fever hitting me this weekend and then hitting Gabe, it was rough. I wasn't able to be there for Gabe the way I needed to be (thankful I am now when the worst is hitting).

This is so normal though. Life doesn't always just halt because we need to attach. Life continues to progress. Bills need to be paid. Groceries need to be bought. Illness happens. It's hard not to "guilt trip" about it. This doesn't halt attachment, but also doesn't halt the thoughts. "What if they feel abandoned by me because I'm having to sleep 24 hours a day?" "What if they feel angry and we take a step back?"

What if...? What if...? What if...? Honestly, if it did happen, we'd get through it. For those who have or will go through this, rest...you will need it and it doesn't help anyone to be sick for 3 weeks instead of 3 days because you won't rest. I've known those who had unexpected serious health issues soon after they took custody. Today they are amazing and healthy families...attached families.

Anyway, the babies are doing wonderfully in the big picture. Rachel still wants mommy and won't currently smile at daddy. She relates daddy to mommy going away we think (if I need a nap or he lets me sleep in to catch up on rest...notice a theme...rest). This is still much better than we dealt with previously and we feel so much ahead of the game. They both DO feel safe with both of us.

Our first time at Church, they both wanted us and only us...all good signs.

I would say the biggest struggle will most likely be their current inability to differentiate between good and bad attention. To our sweet children, because of the neglect in their past, all attention is positive. It's hard to have a child bite (no matter what the age....it HURTS!) and say "No bite!". Actually, that's not the hard part. It's when they look up and smile at you.

Number one, they are SOOO cute.
Number two, they are not supposed to be smiling.

It's not a big issue, but I want to make sure I share the struggles...no matter how minor.

I never want to sugar coat the attachment and transitioning of a hurt child...and every child that comes through adoption has suffered loss. It may not be easy, but it is so very worth it. I look at my children and just praise God for what He's done. It may take awhile to get there, but we get there with an attempt at patience, some friends who don't think your completely losing it, and A LOT of prayer.

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Well, this is it. Proof I am not hiding in some closet (smile). Going to now go hide in bed. The house is quiet and I, for once, am not thinking "Uh Oh...the house is too quiet. Did they find the permanent markers again?"

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I still have more serious posts (about the reality we saw in Ethiopia) stirring through my mind (at the times when I have moment of coherency). I hope to share them soon.

Oh Ya, and I haven't forgot that I need to post the Baboon stampede. It's very hard to be serious when actually writing that last sentence...lol.

"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4

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In the joy of following our Heavenly Father, we sometimes choose to proceed with a whisper, a verse, or a downright shove...no matter how we follow Him, the momentum that follows is like nothing we've ever experienced before.

Join the momentum...it is a beautiful place to be. It's not always easy, but then the best things never are.

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