Saturday, April 10, 2010

An "I Love You" That I Will Never Have a Chance to Give


I Love God and I don't tell Him enough.

He is an amazing Father.

My earthly father loved me, though he didn't ever tell me. I remember as a little girl, words were so important. My mom slathered me in love. My father would show me affection, but the words were never there.

As his body was dying, my dad became more tender than I ever remember him. He said things, loving things, that blew me away. He was my earthly daddy and when he left this earth...it was painful. I still get tears in my eyes when I think of it.

I remember times where we would sit and share why He didn't believe that Jesus was the only way to Heaven. He would share why He didn't commit His life to God. I was so young, and afraid of my dad's intelligence that I didn't say much, though he knew very well that I didn't agree. He knew what I believed.

It was all based on one fact. He felt that his dad, my grandfather, was a good person. God wouldn't reject a good person.

I understood the thought, but realized the rejection wasn't God. The rejection was the choice of my grandfather...and my father. I know that God is our creator. To me it was not logical to think that God, our God, the only God, would give His only Son to die and say, "But that's okay, you don't have to agree with me...just be good." This wasn't logical to me...but I said nothing.

My dad was a tower of strength. He brought me to the shooting range when I was five. He taught me how to handle a gun and make bullets (he was tough). He taught me not to fall for scams and not to take bets (okay, so he said not to take bets that I'm not 100% sure I was going to win :)). He was hard if he felt you were wrong and he was SO intelligent in so many worldly ways. We would sit and he would talk to me and be gentle and kind in a way he wouldn't to ANYONE else. He was not just my dad, but my daddy.

In 1997 he was diagnosed with Pulmonary Fibrosis. His lungs were hardening and it was going to kill him. I knew this and I was too intimidated to talk to him about Christ, and what I knew as truth. I had the apologetics books (science and history or why we believe in the God, Christ, the Bible), but they sat on the shelf. I let them set on a shelf. My dad was dying and I was afraid.

Though my dads mind was sharp until the very end, he slipped into unconsciousness the last couple of days. I sat by his bed the last day and said, "Daddy, Jesus loves you. God loves you daddy".

I found my dad. I was in the living room and went back to check on him in his room. He was gone. It was so obvious that his spirit was a separate entity, because he wasn't there. His mouth was open and his eyes were closed and he was gone.

That is a day I will remember forever. The day I lost my daddy.

I have very few regrets in life. I TRY to learn from my mistakes, but do not tend regret something I cannot change. I do regret this though. I regret my fear. I regret not sharing with my dad why I believe in Christ.

In my entire life my daddy never said, "I love you" in words...never.

In my life my God, my Father has said I love you again and again, in both words and deeds.

Yet, how did I tell my dad I loved him. The words "I love you" came often with many hugs. Yet I didn't tell him about my Savior. I was afraid. Sharing with him about God was an "I love you" that I will never have a chance to give him again.

Life has an end, just as it begins. The day and hour we don't know. Our chances to love on this earth and share Christ's love are limited. Fear is temporary, God is not.

I want to remind everyone what real love is. Real love is sharing what is hard and real. Real love is risking losing your loved one, because eternity is more important that your relationship. Real love is God.

I love God and I don't tell Him enough. He loves me and He tells me every day.

Don't you think it's time we let others have this same chance? The chance to hear, "I love you" every day from their Heavenly Father?

Our Father gave what was most precious to Him, for what? Fear? No...Love.

I love you my friends. I love you enough to tell you that God loves you. He loves you more than you can fathom. He wants you to walk with Him. He gave you His Son to die for you. He gave His Son to live for you.

Let's ditch the fear friends. Love is much bigger. God is MUCH bigger.

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16




1 comment:

  1. Hi, I found your blog through a friend's blog. I look forward to reading more post about your family and your adoptions! I really enjoyed this post, I think I can relate in many ways. We have to overcome of our fears in order to share the gospel. With some people it is so easy, with others, it is not at all easy or comfortable. Thanks for this thoughtful post!

    ReplyDelete

In the joy of following our Heavenly Father, we sometimes choose to proceed with a whisper, a verse, or a downright shove...no matter how we follow Him, the momentum that follows is like nothing we've ever experienced before.

Join the momentum...it is a beautiful place to be. It's not always easy, but then the best things never are.

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