Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Active Waiting Vs. Inactive Waiting

I had an amazing and difficult week last week. It happened to be ANOTHER :) week of painfully learning and growing. Sometimes I think I must push God to the limit with my very thick head . God often has to hit me over the head several times before I "get it".

Funny though, even with wanting to curl up in a hole (a nice and dark one), it was all worth it to just grow. I hate being stagnate. It's kinda like that old stale pond water...not moving, the smell not too wonderful. God's life giving water is constantly in motion, saving, pushing the boundaries, and corroding our "comfort zone".

My comfort zone seems to be missing these days. I thought about taking out an ad...

Missing, one much used comfort zone.
If found please smash, run through a shredder, and then drop in a flaming bucket of gasoline.
Reward for destruction-Immeasurable

It's been tough though.

I've written a lot about limbo and my immense dislike of it, but God is bringing me on a journey. A journey that has NOT led me to like limbo, but has taught me to praise God for this time in my life.

God has brought me awareness of my ability to subconsciously cast human frailty on my image of Him. I've had this hole in my heart, feeling as if my twins will never be in my arms. .

I've been attributing our human frailty to God, but God DOES keep His promises. God ALWAYS is truthful. God does NOT fail. Yet, though God led us from day one to our children, I was feeling as if I would never hold them in my arms.

What arrogance I had to doubt God's timing...subconsciously or not!

I need to praise God for every day I wait, knowing that God's timing is best.

I need to praise Him as I get the wonderful news about a court date and travel, knowing that God's timing is best.

In my humanness I still have times of sadness...missing our little ones. Yet I've learned (albeit painfully) that I need to wait actively, not inactively. I need to prepare for God's blessing. I need to get my umbrella out, knowing He does not fail. Instead, I shamefully cast doubts out into the open sea, not of God...but doing that oh so human forgetting thing.

One summer, a drought threatened the crop in a small town. On a hot and dry Sunday, the village parson told his congregation, "There
isn't anything that will save us except to pray for rain. Go home,
pray, believe, and come back next Sunday ready to thank God for
sending rain."

The people did as they were told and returned to church the following Sunday. But as soon as the parson saw them, he was furious. "We
can't worship today. You do not yet believe," he said.

"But," they protested, "we prayed, and we do believe."

"Believe?" he responded. "Then where are your umbrellas?"

I forgot that God has all of me...my back, front, and every side. I forgot that waiting to see what God has in store is a privilege.

"In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation." Psalms 5:3

I no longer will set here inactively waiting, but will actively wait to see what God has planned. I will hope, smile, and persevere when my humanness rears it's ugly head.

You see, when limbo comes to the forefront, we need to remember to stick it where it belongs...because there is no limbo in God, just His timing.

1 comment:

  1. Your active versus inactive discussion reminded me of a repentance prayer we pray before Easter. It's a really long service, going through the Bible and comparing ourselves to the good and bad examples. Here's an excerpt about the need for action:

    The end is drawing near, my soul, is drawing near! But you neither care nor prepare. The time is growing short. Rise! The Judge is near at the very doors. Like a dream, like a flower, the time of this life passes. Why do we bustle about in vain? (Matthew 24:33; Psalm 38:7)

    Come to your senses, my soul! Consider the deeds you have done, and bring them before your eyes, and pour out the drops of your tears. Boldly tell your thoughts and deeds to Christ, and be acquitted.

    There has never been a sin or act or vice in life that I have not committed, O Savior. I have sinned in mind, word and choice, in purpose, will and action, as no one else has ever done.

    Therefore I am condemned, wretch that I am, therefore I am doomed by my own conscience, than which there is nothing in the world more rigorous. O my Judge and Redeemer Who knowest my heart, spare and deliver and save me, Thy servant.

    The ladder of old which the great Patriarch saw, my soul, is a model of mounting by action and ascent by knowledge. So, if you wish to live in activity, knowledge and contemplation, be renewed. (Genesis 28:12; Romans 12:2; Titus 3:5)

    Because of his crying need the Patriarch endured the scorching heat of the day, and he bore the frost of the night, daily making gains, shepherding, struggling, slaving, in order to win two wives. (Genesis 29:16-30; 31-40)

    By the two wives understand action and direct knowledge in contemplation: Leah as action, for she had many children, and Rachel as knowledge, which is obtained by much labor. For without labors, my soul, neither action nor contemplation will achieve success.

    Watch, my soul! Be courageous like the great Patriarchs, that you may acquire activity and awareness, and be a mind that sees God, and may reach in contemplation the innermost darkness, and be a great trader. (Genesis 32:28; Luke 19:13. -15)

    The great Patriarch, by begetting the twelve Patriarchs, mystically set up for you, my soul, a ladder of active ascent, having wisely offered his children as rungs, and his steps as ascents.

    You have emulated the hated Esau, my soul, and have given up your birthright of pristine beauty to your supplanter, and you have lost your father's blessing, and have been tripped up twice in action and knowledge. Therefore, O wretch, repent now. ( Genesis 25:31; 27:37)
    My body is defiled, my spirit is sullied, and I am all covered with sores. But as the Physician, O Christ, heal, wash and cleanse both body and spirit with repentance, and make me, my Savior, purer than snow.

    Thou didst lay down Thy body and blood for ail, O crucified Word: Thy body in order to renew me, Thy blood in order to wash me, and Thou didst surrender Thy spirit, O Christ, in order to bring me to the Father.

    Thou hast wrought salvation in the midst of the earth, O merciful Creator, that we may be saved. Thou wast voluntarily crucified on the Tree: Eden that was closed is open; things on high and below, creation and all peoples are saved and worship Thee. (Psalm 73:12)


In the joy of following our Heavenly Father, we sometimes choose to proceed with a whisper, a verse, or a downright shove...no matter how we follow Him, the momentum that follows is like nothing we've ever experienced before.

Join the momentum...it is a beautiful place to be. It's not always easy, but then the best things never are.

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