The Majority Says.....
18 minutes ago
Friday, September 25, 2009
Ordinary Hero
Please click on the title of this blog. It is linked to a blog called "Ordinary Hero" and moved me to tears. I want to hold these children, protect them from the ugliness and lonliness out there....this is the reality that thousands of children face every day.
Monday, September 21, 2009
Our Journey to Max
In September 2003 God opened our hearts and welcomed in a little boy named Max. It was just the beginning for our family.
Max's huge eyes and winning smile has blessed us beyond belief. Again, we thank God...we live thanking God for the wonderful blessing of our son. Here is his story.
This is the first time his video and story have been posted together.
OUR JOURNEY TO MAX
It was a normal Sunday, like any other Sunday when, while setting in church listening to a sermon Thomas and I both received this wild intense feeling of anticipation. You know that feeling in the pit of your stomach that either feels like a thousand butterflies or that you’re going to throw up. Neither Thomas nor I talked about it until after church was over, but when we did it was so odd. This is somewhat of how it went.
“Honey, I just got the weirdest feeling”
“Ya, me too”
“It’s like something big is going to happen! Really big!”
“Ya! I don’t if its going to be good or bad, but it’s gonna be huge!”
Through much nudging and a couple of good clunks over our heads, God brought into both of our hearts (separately) the knowledge that is was time to start the adoption process. My husband and I knew, before we ever married that we wanted to adopt. We knew the situations of the children. We had seen the programs and heard the stories (both good and bad).
The knowledge that it was our time to consider adoption came after 9 years of marriage and 3 biological children (our youngest being 2). We felt the call, in souls, in our spirit. We didn’t have the money, but when God calls you, you answer.
We decided to look for an agency first, though we weren’t really sure where to start…not really.
We looked everywhere until we found a wonderful Agency called “Hope International”. After the endless searching, researching, and phone calls, we dialed a number that changed our lives. We were not sure “Hope” was a Christian Agency and we weren’t even sure that we should call. That was until the previous executive director Susan answered the phone and we found that she was a member of the Church of Christ and had also attended the same University that we had! We had even met her previously. They also had a main social worker/adoption advocate that is a Christian as well (as well as their staff). Not only this, but their office was only 40 minutes away. We were to find out the many benefits of this later on. Everything started falling into place at this point.
Then we needed to decide where we wanted to adopt from.
My husband and I knew from the start that we wanted to adopt internationally. Children here in the U.S. need homes every bit as much as the precious children overseas. And though some are in deplorable situations right here in the U.S., the Institutionalized children in so many developing countries are struggling for even the basic necessities. Every child has a right to love, but international adoption just happened to be our decision. The only difficulty we saw was the “Hope” worked from countries that we had not yet considered. Russia and China were the predominate ones. We actually leaned toward China since we didn’t care what color our child’s skin was; only that he was ours.
But a strange thing happened, all through this process of choices, we had people constantly talking of Russia. We heard “My neighbor adopted from there” to” my sister used to work in a hospital there.”. None of these things changed our minds though. It was a little story about a young boy adopted by a couple like us that already had biological children.
This couple had biological children, but they always knew they wanted to adopt. When they went to Russia to pick up their two year old son he was wearing pink stretch pants and a thin sweater, that’s all he had. The orphanage asked for the clothes back, because they needed them.
We discovered Russia had around 700,000 orphans (since communism fell it had doubled). It has risen since we adopted in 2003 though. It has currently 880,000 orphans. For many of the children, human touch is an uncommon event. Most are malnourished and developmentally delayed. There are so many stories from so many countries, but Russia captured our hearts. The need is everywhere, but after much prayer and searching we decided on Russia.
We had decided to adopt a little boy (between 12 and 18 months old). T.C. (our oldest at 8) had stated quite definitely that he is "girl trapped" and Anna (our youngest) was just 2 when we began this adoption process and we felt it would be best to adopt younger than her.
Every roadblock we have had (and there have been some significant ones) God has provided a way. We had our home study. Now that was a stressful experience (totally us, not them)! We struggled to financially get everything together, but with help from friends and family and a lot of faith, God provided. We received INS approval. The approval, which usually takes about 4 months to receive back (after fingerprinting), took 2 1/2 weeks.
We then received our referral, a video of little Nikolai. He was (and is) beautiful. Nikolai was only 9 1/2 months old in this video and first thing we noticed about him were his liquid brown eyes. He was tiny with layers of clothes on including a little girl’s shirt. He kept one of his fists closed most of the time, which we have heard is common in many institutionalized children (he out grew this quickly upon arriving home). After what seemed like a long wait for the dossier to be accepted (that's a story within itself) we finally were able to receive a court date. Ten days later we left for Moscow, Russia. Max was 13 months old.
We arrived in Moscow too late on Friday to see Nikolai. As Gregary, our driver (also an engineer), took us to our apartment we were stunned at the buildings surrounding us. The history in Moscow is amazing. Even the most beautiful buildings had paint peeling and had none of the modern look we are used to in America. The streets and the buildings make you feel as if you’re living a part of history. Moscow celebrated its 856th year this year Gregary stated.
We learned very quickly that driving in Moskva (as Moscow is called) takes courage of its own. The lines in the street mean nothing. Pedestrians have no right-of-way. We were surrounded by the sound of horns blaring and these amazingly strong Russian voices yelling aggressively at other drivers. There are very few cars with seat belts. We found that you get in the car, close your eyes, and pray (smile) and we were ones that had an amazing driver. It's funny, after a couple days and you find your self totally relaxed after you have almost got in your 3rd accident of the day (smile).
We arrived at our apartment. It was in a beautiful old building that had a sense of history of it's own. We stayed in a small one bedroom, very European looking apartment. It has hardwood floors and these beautiful ancient looking chandeliers. It has a washer, but generally no one feels the need to have a dryer. You hang your clothes and iron them to complete the drying. It had a small kitchen, a living room, a restroom with a bath and is actually quite pretty. The front door is actually two very heavy doors, each with heavy bolts on both. One door swung outward (the outer door) and one swung inward (the inner door) – for added strength and safety. The halls and floors outside the apartment are cement, but functional and quite old (and run down). It had it's own unique Russian feel.
We woke up the following morning anticipating just being able to touch the littlest Marr. We arrived at a rundown two story building surrounded by what in the states would be considered the projects; huge apartment buildings that reeked of poverty. Outside the orphanage we could hear a single baby crying. . A strange smell invaded our nostrils….Cabbage and unwashed bodies (we would come to know). A vicious sounding dog warned us of his presence as we entered the outer courtyard. As we entered the building, we were immediately drawn up the stairs by our host. They led us through a maze of elderly corridors, Disney Characters decorating the walls. Finally they led us through a set of doors into a silent room. We were shown into Nikolai's group (#8) and all we heard was silence. Eleven children around the age of one...silent. One child was sitting (facing away) on a caregivers lap being spoon fed (as all of them are) with an adult large spoon and a small plate. All the other children were in a large sectioned off corner of the room. Maybe a couple toys were in with all these children and that was only once in a while. At most times at least 3 children were rocking to comfort themselves since they are so deprived of the love and attention they require. There was one child with Downs Syndrome who would set in a wet diaper that had soaked through her clothes. Another always stood a top a little platform in their penned area. Another little one was always rocking and tearful. Nikolai was standing at the wooden wall of the partitioned section. His eyes, those precious eyes. They looked empty…almost dead, from the severe neglect he endured. We recognized him immediately. One of the caretakers scooped him up and motioned us to follow her. She led us to a room lined with chairs with a table in the middle. It was fairly empty besides that. She plopped Nikolai our arms and left. Wow, what an introduction. We were finally holding our son….finally.
Sidebar: Before we go on we must say that some of these women do care, but are continuously dealing with (only 2 of them) 11 babies. They are not trained and have become somewhat desensitized. Most do not realize the basic necessity of touch and love these children require. Of course, we think that they also seem to realize that they can’t get too emotionally attached, since they never know how long a child will be staying. This is not always because of adoption, but also children may be moved from group to group.
Nikolai looked at us with his huge big brown eyes. He was finally in our arms!!!!! looked a lot thinner than the last picture we had and we were later told he had begun to lose weight recently. We were finally holding our son….finally. He looked down and played with our keys. We waited and we finally saw his eyes peek toward us and the heavens opened as he smiled.
We found out quickly how ticklish he was. You poked him and he cracked up. He was so sensitive to any touch. He was initially very stiff with us, as if he were not sure what his response should be. When we set him down for a brief moment he very quickly put his feet and hands on the floor (with his bottom sticking up in the air) and started rocking. We found out this was what he did when he was overwhelmed. We were told to expect the rocking and that this is normal in orphanages. We have loved and kissed on him daily since. He was very smart (we could see this even then) and he could melt your heart with his smile. We brought him cheerios and he was always hungry. When we asked if we could bring him food, we were told we could if we brought diapers for his whole group (which we were already doing). We had been told that the children only get 2 meals a day (milk for breakfast). He was and is such a blessing from God. We were able to take him outside for the very first time in his little life. He saw and touched his very first tree. He was able to see his first bird and a stray dog. He wanted to explore everything. He went back and forth from that and hesitation. We could see the strangeness of all this in his eyes. We went into his group with him. We couldn't just ignore these other children, but Nikolai showed us (for the first time) that he was starting to view us as his. He gave us such a look, not angry, just possessive (smile).
We went to court on a Tuesday. It took us an hour to get there. The building was older and the carpet did not fit on the floors. We went into the court room knowing now was what was going to determine our parental rights of Nikolai. The judge quizzed us and then let the 3 other people that have a say in this process speak. The Education minister stood and told of Nikolai’s past and how he was found by a police officer on a street corner in the very early hours of a cold morning in Moscow. She told of a search for his parents and of reviewing our life story in the documents she had. She recommended that we be awarded the adoption rights of Nikolai. Next the deputy director of the orphanage stood (we had a meeting with her the day before). She stated that she felt we would make a good family for Nikolai. The prosecutor then stood. Yes… I said prosecutor. She was the one we were most nervous about. The prosecutor’s job is to argue the negative. As she stood we held our breaths. She went over Nikolai’s vital statistics and then stated that it would be in the best interest for Nikolai to be adopted into our family!!! No argument! God was working yet again! Why should we even be surprised?! Nikolai was then legally ours, though we had to wait for actual custody until Sept. 30th.
His name is Max Nikolai Michael. Max after my father, Nikolai for his heritage, and Michael for the warrior/angel (because he's a little bit of both). He wasn't overly familiar with any name since it was so rarely spoken to him.
I was to leave the next day to come back to the states. So after court we headed straight to the orphanage. We were able to take Nikolai outside again. He was dressed in an unusual outfit as many are. They keep them clothed, but as with everything else they are very limited and though clothing may be made for a girl or boy, that doesn't matter. Nikolai was tired that day. He actually (for the first time) laid his head down and kept it there. My heart melted. Though Thomas would be there, leaving was not easy. I left and went back to the states to be with T.C., Sarah, and Anna, who needed me as well.
The orphanage worker told Thomas, while I was back in the US, that Nikolai cried for the first time when seeing Thomas leave. We had already seen what happens as a child cries. They may be moved to a different place, but no one holds them or comforts them in their tears. We have seen that Nikolai is a wounded child. You could see it in his eyes back then, when he rocked, when his lower lip stuck out a touch (but no tears surfaced). Many of these children don't cry because they know no one will come. Nikolai has a home now, and we are so blessed to be the ones to give it to him
On Sept. 28th, Anna (our 2 1/2 year old) and I returned to Moscow. Knowing we would be coming home with Nikolai (Max) was such a joy. Though for some reason this trip was a lot harder. Yes, having a 2 1/2 year old there could be "interesting" at times (smile), but that wasn't even it.
We arrived tired and bedraggled, but found we landed early enough to introduce Anna to her little brother. I could not wait to get my arms around our beautiful little boy and of course Thomas couldn't wait to see Anna either (he'd been away two weeks at that point).
For the first time we arrived at the orphanage at dinner. These were different caregivers than I had met last time. Max was unsure of what to think of me. He had seen a movie (on our video camera) of me daily, but still was not quite secure with me. The food soon arrived and they proceeded to plop Nikolai in a little wooden chair with a small table in front of him. As they motioned me over they sat a steaming hot bowl of soup in front of him (along with what looked like barely cooked hamburger and a curd type dish). Nikolai sat with his hands flat on the table for the entire meal. He did not reach out to grab the piping hot bowl, as most 1 year olds would try to do. It worried us at first and then saddened us when we realized why he did this. We watched as another child was being fed. We watched as they grabbed this 8 month olds head and literally wrenched it back into place when he tried to look at me. We watched them (also literally) shovel the food into this child's mouth at such a rate that most of it poured back out. This was what the bowl under the child's chin was used for….to catch the large amount pouring back out. They then took a teacup and poured tea into this child's mouth the same way. They did this for a few minutes then plopped the child back into the pen, very little food or drink having made it to the child's stomach. We wanted to cry, to be angry, to rail against this kind of treatment of any child, but we wanted Max out of there and knew doing that could offend the wrong person and make it hard to get Nikolai out of this situation.
The next day when we arrived at the orphanage we were told that we could take Nikolai for a walk. We changed his clothes (head to toe) and for the first time, we realized how grossly malnourished his beautiful little body was (as Thomas stated later, he had never seen a child look this way except on the commercials requesting funds for hungry children) (sigh). The day was beautiful as we walked with Nikolai in a broken down carriage with Anna trotting beside. It was one of those truly peaceful times we will always treasure. Certain areas we avoided because of the smell, but we were used to it by now. We watched as Nikolai's eyes lit up at each new sight and listened to his beautiful little giggle that was becoming a more frequent thing. It was a long way to come, but so worth it.
The next day was our big day, wow...we finally get to take Max into our arms and into our family (he was already in our hearts). It seemed as if it took forever to get to this day, though it really hadn't (6 months). As we walked in, we first met with the head of the orphanage and gave them the clothes that so many friends and family donated. They were amazed and thankful at the sheer number. We then were off to wrap our arms around the littlest Marr. He had just woken up and gave us that early morning sleepy little smile. We then changed him into the outfit we brought him (since they needed the clothes he was wearing back) and we said goodbye. There is one worker there that we will truly miss, so we were misty eyed as we said goodbye and received kisses on both cheeks. As we looked back at the children rocking back and forth in the pen trying to comfort themselves our sense of joy was dampened at the thought of leaving all these children behind (it's still hard to think about), but our own happiness still overflowed at the actuality of little Max in our arms.
The rest of the trip went so quickly. From the U.S. Embassy, to passports and visas, the Max's medical check, to finding ourselves in the middle of a communist protest surrounded by riot police (don't ask). Our bodies sagged with sheer exhaustion. We realize we have now seen a country and a life so foreign to our own, a life of such extreme contradictions. A Place where those on the Metro give up their seats to the elderly, yet children lay in orphanages malnourished, neglected, and looked down upon by many. A Place where the so-called joys of freedom have also brought the Russian Mafia and rampant pornography. You can't even watch the news without seeing nudity. A Place where Metro stations are ornate and marble covered and the buildings (tenements) lay falling down around them. Moscow is a different world, so beautiful and ancient, yet parts are so unimaginable.
Max is home now. He is the most loved child. He took his first steps his first night in our custody and T.C., Sarah, and Anna have kept him running ever since. His weight went up. We had some (we consider minor) adjustments/difficulties with sleep, and eating, and such, but he took such major strides each day. He struggled a little trying to figure out what his reactions/emotions should be (because of his lack of interaction the first year). After almost three years he only is a little emotionally young for his age.
Our story has been such an amazing journey that has changed our lives and perspectives forever. Max Nikolai Michael was what we consider our Miracle child. Each step of the way we saw Gods hand…miracle after miracle. There is not enough room here to even grant you more than a brief glimpse of what God has done for us through this. If you have or are considering adoption and you hear Gods call, please listen. He will take care of finances (if that is a worry). We didn't have it when we started. He will take care of you and the child he has for you, in all aspects. He will use you in ways you cannot imagine.
People have started asking us recently “Do you think you will adopt again?”.
There are millions of children out there, orphans out there. How can we say “no” with any certainty that we will not adopt again? This is a question we ask God.
You may ask, do we have the funds to adopt again? No, but that didn’t stop things before. What we do have is four wonderful children, a stupendous family, support of terrific friends, a fantastic Church and an AMAZING GOD, who has seen fit to bless us so abundantly. So to answer the question “Will we adopt again?” The answer, after all, IS very simple……what God wills…we will.
____________________________________
Obviously, since this story was written, God did will. We now have SEVEN beautiful children....four of which are adopted. We have a house filled with love and BLESSED BLESSED BLESSED by God.
Max's huge eyes and winning smile has blessed us beyond belief. Again, we thank God...we live thanking God for the wonderful blessing of our son. Here is his story.
This is the first time his video and story have been posted together.
OUR JOURNEY TO MAX
It was a normal Sunday, like any other Sunday when, while setting in church listening to a sermon Thomas and I both received this wild intense feeling of anticipation. You know that feeling in the pit of your stomach that either feels like a thousand butterflies or that you’re going to throw up. Neither Thomas nor I talked about it until after church was over, but when we did it was so odd. This is somewhat of how it went.
“Honey, I just got the weirdest feeling”
“Ya, me too”
“It’s like something big is going to happen! Really big!”
“Ya! I don’t if its going to be good or bad, but it’s gonna be huge!”
Through much nudging and a couple of good clunks over our heads, God brought into both of our hearts (separately) the knowledge that is was time to start the adoption process. My husband and I knew, before we ever married that we wanted to adopt. We knew the situations of the children. We had seen the programs and heard the stories (both good and bad).
The knowledge that it was our time to consider adoption came after 9 years of marriage and 3 biological children (our youngest being 2). We felt the call, in souls, in our spirit. We didn’t have the money, but when God calls you, you answer.
We decided to look for an agency first, though we weren’t really sure where to start…not really.
We looked everywhere until we found a wonderful Agency called “Hope International”. After the endless searching, researching, and phone calls, we dialed a number that changed our lives. We were not sure “Hope” was a Christian Agency and we weren’t even sure that we should call. That was until the previous executive director Susan answered the phone and we found that she was a member of the Church of Christ and had also attended the same University that we had! We had even met her previously. They also had a main social worker/adoption advocate that is a Christian as well (as well as their staff). Not only this, but their office was only 40 minutes away. We were to find out the many benefits of this later on. Everything started falling into place at this point.
Then we needed to decide where we wanted to adopt from.
My husband and I knew from the start that we wanted to adopt internationally. Children here in the U.S. need homes every bit as much as the precious children overseas. And though some are in deplorable situations right here in the U.S., the Institutionalized children in so many developing countries are struggling for even the basic necessities. Every child has a right to love, but international adoption just happened to be our decision. The only difficulty we saw was the “Hope” worked from countries that we had not yet considered. Russia and China were the predominate ones. We actually leaned toward China since we didn’t care what color our child’s skin was; only that he was ours.
But a strange thing happened, all through this process of choices, we had people constantly talking of Russia. We heard “My neighbor adopted from there” to” my sister used to work in a hospital there.”. None of these things changed our minds though. It was a little story about a young boy adopted by a couple like us that already had biological children.
This couple had biological children, but they always knew they wanted to adopt. When they went to Russia to pick up their two year old son he was wearing pink stretch pants and a thin sweater, that’s all he had. The orphanage asked for the clothes back, because they needed them.
We discovered Russia had around 700,000 orphans (since communism fell it had doubled). It has risen since we adopted in 2003 though. It has currently 880,000 orphans. For many of the children, human touch is an uncommon event. Most are malnourished and developmentally delayed. There are so many stories from so many countries, but Russia captured our hearts. The need is everywhere, but after much prayer and searching we decided on Russia.
We had decided to adopt a little boy (between 12 and 18 months old). T.C. (our oldest at 8) had stated quite definitely that he is "girl trapped" and Anna (our youngest) was just 2 when we began this adoption process and we felt it would be best to adopt younger than her.
Every roadblock we have had (and there have been some significant ones) God has provided a way. We had our home study. Now that was a stressful experience (totally us, not them)! We struggled to financially get everything together, but with help from friends and family and a lot of faith, God provided. We received INS approval. The approval, which usually takes about 4 months to receive back (after fingerprinting), took 2 1/2 weeks.
We then received our referral, a video of little Nikolai. He was (and is) beautiful. Nikolai was only 9 1/2 months old in this video and first thing we noticed about him were his liquid brown eyes. He was tiny with layers of clothes on including a little girl’s shirt. He kept one of his fists closed most of the time, which we have heard is common in many institutionalized children (he out grew this quickly upon arriving home). After what seemed like a long wait for the dossier to be accepted (that's a story within itself) we finally were able to receive a court date. Ten days later we left for Moscow, Russia. Max was 13 months old.
We arrived in Moscow too late on Friday to see Nikolai. As Gregary, our driver (also an engineer), took us to our apartment we were stunned at the buildings surrounding us. The history in Moscow is amazing. Even the most beautiful buildings had paint peeling and had none of the modern look we are used to in America. The streets and the buildings make you feel as if you’re living a part of history. Moscow celebrated its 856th year this year Gregary stated.
We learned very quickly that driving in Moskva (as Moscow is called) takes courage of its own. The lines in the street mean nothing. Pedestrians have no right-of-way. We were surrounded by the sound of horns blaring and these amazingly strong Russian voices yelling aggressively at other drivers. There are very few cars with seat belts. We found that you get in the car, close your eyes, and pray (smile) and we were ones that had an amazing driver. It's funny, after a couple days and you find your self totally relaxed after you have almost got in your 3rd accident of the day (smile).
We arrived at our apartment. It was in a beautiful old building that had a sense of history of it's own. We stayed in a small one bedroom, very European looking apartment. It has hardwood floors and these beautiful ancient looking chandeliers. It has a washer, but generally no one feels the need to have a dryer. You hang your clothes and iron them to complete the drying. It had a small kitchen, a living room, a restroom with a bath and is actually quite pretty. The front door is actually two very heavy doors, each with heavy bolts on both. One door swung outward (the outer door) and one swung inward (the inner door) – for added strength and safety. The halls and floors outside the apartment are cement, but functional and quite old (and run down). It had it's own unique Russian feel.
We woke up the following morning anticipating just being able to touch the littlest Marr. We arrived at a rundown two story building surrounded by what in the states would be considered the projects; huge apartment buildings that reeked of poverty. Outside the orphanage we could hear a single baby crying. . A strange smell invaded our nostrils….Cabbage and unwashed bodies (we would come to know). A vicious sounding dog warned us of his presence as we entered the outer courtyard. As we entered the building, we were immediately drawn up the stairs by our host. They led us through a maze of elderly corridors, Disney Characters decorating the walls. Finally they led us through a set of doors into a silent room. We were shown into Nikolai's group (#8) and all we heard was silence. Eleven children around the age of one...silent. One child was sitting (facing away) on a caregivers lap being spoon fed (as all of them are) with an adult large spoon and a small plate. All the other children were in a large sectioned off corner of the room. Maybe a couple toys were in with all these children and that was only once in a while. At most times at least 3 children were rocking to comfort themselves since they are so deprived of the love and attention they require. There was one child with Downs Syndrome who would set in a wet diaper that had soaked through her clothes. Another always stood a top a little platform in their penned area. Another little one was always rocking and tearful. Nikolai was standing at the wooden wall of the partitioned section. His eyes, those precious eyes. They looked empty…almost dead, from the severe neglect he endured. We recognized him immediately. One of the caretakers scooped him up and motioned us to follow her. She led us to a room lined with chairs with a table in the middle. It was fairly empty besides that. She plopped Nikolai our arms and left. Wow, what an introduction. We were finally holding our son….finally.
Sidebar: Before we go on we must say that some of these women do care, but are continuously dealing with (only 2 of them) 11 babies. They are not trained and have become somewhat desensitized. Most do not realize the basic necessity of touch and love these children require. Of course, we think that they also seem to realize that they can’t get too emotionally attached, since they never know how long a child will be staying. This is not always because of adoption, but also children may be moved from group to group.
Nikolai looked at us with his huge big brown eyes. He was finally in our arms!!!!! looked a lot thinner than the last picture we had and we were later told he had begun to lose weight recently. We were finally holding our son….finally. He looked down and played with our keys. We waited and we finally saw his eyes peek toward us and the heavens opened as he smiled.
We found out quickly how ticklish he was. You poked him and he cracked up. He was so sensitive to any touch. He was initially very stiff with us, as if he were not sure what his response should be. When we set him down for a brief moment he very quickly put his feet and hands on the floor (with his bottom sticking up in the air) and started rocking. We found out this was what he did when he was overwhelmed. We were told to expect the rocking and that this is normal in orphanages. We have loved and kissed on him daily since. He was very smart (we could see this even then) and he could melt your heart with his smile. We brought him cheerios and he was always hungry. When we asked if we could bring him food, we were told we could if we brought diapers for his whole group (which we were already doing). We had been told that the children only get 2 meals a day (milk for breakfast). He was and is such a blessing from God. We were able to take him outside for the very first time in his little life. He saw and touched his very first tree. He was able to see his first bird and a stray dog. He wanted to explore everything. He went back and forth from that and hesitation. We could see the strangeness of all this in his eyes. We went into his group with him. We couldn't just ignore these other children, but Nikolai showed us (for the first time) that he was starting to view us as his. He gave us such a look, not angry, just possessive (smile).
We went to court on a Tuesday. It took us an hour to get there. The building was older and the carpet did not fit on the floors. We went into the court room knowing now was what was going to determine our parental rights of Nikolai. The judge quizzed us and then let the 3 other people that have a say in this process speak. The Education minister stood and told of Nikolai’s past and how he was found by a police officer on a street corner in the very early hours of a cold morning in Moscow. She told of a search for his parents and of reviewing our life story in the documents she had. She recommended that we be awarded the adoption rights of Nikolai. Next the deputy director of the orphanage stood (we had a meeting with her the day before). She stated that she felt we would make a good family for Nikolai. The prosecutor then stood. Yes… I said prosecutor. She was the one we were most nervous about. The prosecutor’s job is to argue the negative. As she stood we held our breaths. She went over Nikolai’s vital statistics and then stated that it would be in the best interest for Nikolai to be adopted into our family!!! No argument! God was working yet again! Why should we even be surprised?! Nikolai was then legally ours, though we had to wait for actual custody until Sept. 30th.
His name is Max Nikolai Michael. Max after my father, Nikolai for his heritage, and Michael for the warrior/angel (because he's a little bit of both). He wasn't overly familiar with any name since it was so rarely spoken to him.
I was to leave the next day to come back to the states. So after court we headed straight to the orphanage. We were able to take Nikolai outside again. He was dressed in an unusual outfit as many are. They keep them clothed, but as with everything else they are very limited and though clothing may be made for a girl or boy, that doesn't matter. Nikolai was tired that day. He actually (for the first time) laid his head down and kept it there. My heart melted. Though Thomas would be there, leaving was not easy. I left and went back to the states to be with T.C., Sarah, and Anna, who needed me as well.
The orphanage worker told Thomas, while I was back in the US, that Nikolai cried for the first time when seeing Thomas leave. We had already seen what happens as a child cries. They may be moved to a different place, but no one holds them or comforts them in their tears. We have seen that Nikolai is a wounded child. You could see it in his eyes back then, when he rocked, when his lower lip stuck out a touch (but no tears surfaced). Many of these children don't cry because they know no one will come. Nikolai has a home now, and we are so blessed to be the ones to give it to him
On Sept. 28th, Anna (our 2 1/2 year old) and I returned to Moscow. Knowing we would be coming home with Nikolai (Max) was such a joy. Though for some reason this trip was a lot harder. Yes, having a 2 1/2 year old there could be "interesting" at times (smile), but that wasn't even it.
We arrived tired and bedraggled, but found we landed early enough to introduce Anna to her little brother. I could not wait to get my arms around our beautiful little boy and of course Thomas couldn't wait to see Anna either (he'd been away two weeks at that point).
For the first time we arrived at the orphanage at dinner. These were different caregivers than I had met last time. Max was unsure of what to think of me. He had seen a movie (on our video camera) of me daily, but still was not quite secure with me. The food soon arrived and they proceeded to plop Nikolai in a little wooden chair with a small table in front of him. As they motioned me over they sat a steaming hot bowl of soup in front of him (along with what looked like barely cooked hamburger and a curd type dish). Nikolai sat with his hands flat on the table for the entire meal. He did not reach out to grab the piping hot bowl, as most 1 year olds would try to do. It worried us at first and then saddened us when we realized why he did this. We watched as another child was being fed. We watched as they grabbed this 8 month olds head and literally wrenched it back into place when he tried to look at me. We watched them (also literally) shovel the food into this child's mouth at such a rate that most of it poured back out. This was what the bowl under the child's chin was used for….to catch the large amount pouring back out. They then took a teacup and poured tea into this child's mouth the same way. They did this for a few minutes then plopped the child back into the pen, very little food or drink having made it to the child's stomach. We wanted to cry, to be angry, to rail against this kind of treatment of any child, but we wanted Max out of there and knew doing that could offend the wrong person and make it hard to get Nikolai out of this situation.
The next day when we arrived at the orphanage we were told that we could take Nikolai for a walk. We changed his clothes (head to toe) and for the first time, we realized how grossly malnourished his beautiful little body was (as Thomas stated later, he had never seen a child look this way except on the commercials requesting funds for hungry children) (sigh). The day was beautiful as we walked with Nikolai in a broken down carriage with Anna trotting beside. It was one of those truly peaceful times we will always treasure. Certain areas we avoided because of the smell, but we were used to it by now. We watched as Nikolai's eyes lit up at each new sight and listened to his beautiful little giggle that was becoming a more frequent thing. It was a long way to come, but so worth it.
The next day was our big day, wow...we finally get to take Max into our arms and into our family (he was already in our hearts). It seemed as if it took forever to get to this day, though it really hadn't (6 months). As we walked in, we first met with the head of the orphanage and gave them the clothes that so many friends and family donated. They were amazed and thankful at the sheer number. We then were off to wrap our arms around the littlest Marr. He had just woken up and gave us that early morning sleepy little smile. We then changed him into the outfit we brought him (since they needed the clothes he was wearing back) and we said goodbye. There is one worker there that we will truly miss, so we were misty eyed as we said goodbye and received kisses on both cheeks. As we looked back at the children rocking back and forth in the pen trying to comfort themselves our sense of joy was dampened at the thought of leaving all these children behind (it's still hard to think about), but our own happiness still overflowed at the actuality of little Max in our arms.
The rest of the trip went so quickly. From the U.S. Embassy, to passports and visas, the Max's medical check, to finding ourselves in the middle of a communist protest surrounded by riot police (don't ask). Our bodies sagged with sheer exhaustion. We realize we have now seen a country and a life so foreign to our own, a life of such extreme contradictions. A Place where those on the Metro give up their seats to the elderly, yet children lay in orphanages malnourished, neglected, and looked down upon by many. A Place where the so-called joys of freedom have also brought the Russian Mafia and rampant pornography. You can't even watch the news without seeing nudity. A Place where Metro stations are ornate and marble covered and the buildings (tenements) lay falling down around them. Moscow is a different world, so beautiful and ancient, yet parts are so unimaginable.
Max is home now. He is the most loved child. He took his first steps his first night in our custody and T.C., Sarah, and Anna have kept him running ever since. His weight went up. We had some (we consider minor) adjustments/difficulties with sleep, and eating, and such, but he took such major strides each day. He struggled a little trying to figure out what his reactions/emotions should be (because of his lack of interaction the first year). After almost three years he only is a little emotionally young for his age.
Our story has been such an amazing journey that has changed our lives and perspectives forever. Max Nikolai Michael was what we consider our Miracle child. Each step of the way we saw Gods hand…miracle after miracle. There is not enough room here to even grant you more than a brief glimpse of what God has done for us through this. If you have or are considering adoption and you hear Gods call, please listen. He will take care of finances (if that is a worry). We didn't have it when we started. He will take care of you and the child he has for you, in all aspects. He will use you in ways you cannot imagine.
People have started asking us recently “Do you think you will adopt again?”.
There are millions of children out there, orphans out there. How can we say “no” with any certainty that we will not adopt again? This is a question we ask God.
You may ask, do we have the funds to adopt again? No, but that didn’t stop things before. What we do have is four wonderful children, a stupendous family, support of terrific friends, a fantastic Church and an AMAZING GOD, who has seen fit to bless us so abundantly. So to answer the question “Will we adopt again?” The answer, after all, IS very simple……what God wills…we will.
____________________________________
Obviously, since this story was written, God did will. We now have SEVEN beautiful children....four of which are adopted. We have a house filled with love and BLESSED BLESSED BLESSED by God.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Our Journey to Bekah
God has blessed us so much. Over two years ago we were privileged to travel to the beautiful country of Ethiopia. This is the first posting of Bekah's adoption video and her adoption story together. Thankfully all the children pictured in the orphanage now have forever families. We wouldn't post them otherwise, for their own safety. We want to say how honored we are to have been allowed to call Bekah our daughter. We thank God first and foremost. He has blessed us beyond measure. Next, we thank the Ethiopian government for allowing us to parent our sweet treasure called Bekah. Last, we want to say thank you to all of you who prayed for us...such amazing blessings occurred through your wonderful prayers.
BEKAH'S STORY
Ten years ago my family and I arrived back in the United States after being stationed in Germany. Unfortunately we brought something back that we didn’t plan on….non-active Tuberculosis. Let me tell you, as parents, this is a scary diagnosis to hear coming out of your doctor’s mouth. Thomas, Tom, and Sarah all had non-active TB. For those of you that know me, I am very rarely away from my children. How did they get it? Who did they get it from? Why didn’t I get it? It was a mystery to us. As the primary caregiver to all my children, it remained an unknown.
With a giant sigh of relief we found that TB is fairly easily curable, nine months of medication, but easily curable. We wondered at that point…honestly…what the point was.
It took ten years to get that answered…. but let me get to that later.
____________________________________________________
We were very busy with four children (Tom/12,Sarah/10, Anna/6, and Max/4 years old). Being parents is the hardest and the best job there is.
As a family we remained active in the kid’s school. I (Kat ) headed an “Outreach” program at their school. It is a priority to us to bring into our children’s lives a since of giving, of making a difference. During an "Outreach" is where the seed, the slightest inkling of Bekah’s existence in our family was started.
Every year, at the the school, we do an “Outreach” called “Gods Little Lambs” which comes to the aid of orphans. I sat down at our computer and Googled (our search engine) “Russian Orphans + Number”. Up popped the results, Ethiopian orphans topping the list. Seven percent of the population seemed unreal at the time. We could not comprehend that one out of six children would die by the age of five. Could a nation have that many orphans? It was astounding. A few days later we found an email from our Agency and they had started an Ethiopian program. We weren’t looking for it, the information found us. The next week an Ethiopian Grocery moved in down the street. Within a short time Tom started studying the Ethiopian Eunuch at Church. Days later a “National Geographic-Africa” showed up. It continued and continued. God was trying to get our attention. He succeeded.
Bekah was slowly being planted in our hearts. After seeking God, petitioning Him, pleading with Him to make it clear…our path…we found Bekah…or the knowledge that we had a child waiting for us in Ethiopia. It’s amazing when that knowledge is presented to you, how quickly you feel the void in your family. How quickly you realize it was never complete and you’re missing a vital component.
After seeking an agency, we proceeded at an alarming speed. Again, things that were taking months took half that time. We were flying. Having been given the knowledge that we were to expect 18 months from signing the contract to bringing our child home, we prepared to wait. Approximately six months after signing our contract we received our monthly email from the “Co” agency we were working with (Inter-agency Adoption). Toward the bottom of the email there were pictures…new pictures of little ones that were just admitted to Horizon House Ethiopia. Waiting Children. These children were either out of the age range most wanted OR, as was in our case, considered Special Needs children. These children had either questionable Hep B status or a number of other ailments. Ayane (EYE-ANNA) , as we knew her then, had a lump on the side of her neck. It was extremely visible and of great concern to the nurses there. She was tiny, at a year…only 14 ½ lbs….the size of an average three or four month old in the U.S. . She could only sit up by herself…nothing more. She sat there with her HUGE eyes in a boy’s dark blue polo shirt, spit up decorating the collar. Her arms hung limply at her side like any sort of movement was beyond her. At the time the email stated that she was 15 months old….we had stated the age range of a maximum of one year old. She barely was outside of our age range…but there was something about her….a connection.
When Thomas FINALLY (that’s the way it felt) arrived home from work I (very casually) said to him “Oh honey,” I faked a laid back voice “we received the monthly email today and there is this beautiful little 15 month old girl on it named Ayane”. I waited. Thomas cocked his head at me and smiled, he said “Well, why isn’t she ours?”.
That is how our journey to bring Bekah home began. After a week of petitioning God (not just us, but Mark and Michelle, Amy, our Church's Prayer Chain and of course Mom) we were matched with our little sweet Bekah.
We then started the planning. We were given a beautiful baby shower by some wonderful women at Church. Items were being collected to donate to the orphanage by friends, our school, and the Church. Two children at Church, Madeline and Daniel, had birthday parties and instead of gifts asked for monetary donations for the orphanage. We received pictures of our quickly transforming baby. Her medicals stated the end conclusion was that she had Tuberculosis in her lymph nodes. It’s funny how ten years later we find the reason for that TB from Germany. It didn’t scare us. It wasn’t an unknown.
We also waited…and waited for the travel email. We shared with other adoptive parents as they got their travel email and struggled to just walk in faith and wait knowing our time would come. Tom and I danced (literally) and screamed around the house when we finally found out that we would be in travel group #42!
We set our airline tickets for May 29th through June 9th, ten days in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. Tom (our 12 year old) and I would be traveling. It was too far for both Thomas and I to be away from all our kids. We packed and repacked. We practically brought a pharmacy, and ended up needing very little of it. Isn’t that the way it usually is?
As the day approached we started to get that anxious, nervous, butterfly feeling. We were actually going. Bekah, or Rebekah Ayane Emmali we would call her, was within reach.
I kissed our amazing kids (except Tom) goodbye with tears in my eyes, and we boarded our Lufthansa flight heading for Addis Ababa, Ethiopia.
The flight seemed to take an eternity. We were so thankful for the portable DVD player for Tom (there were some questionable movies on the flights) and for each other’s company. After 31 hours in transit we FINALLY arrived in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. Mulat, our Wide Horizons driver, was there to greet us and all our bags (four overstuffed ones) arrived in Ethiopia with us (yea!).
We grabbed some Birr (Ethiopian currency) and bottled water at the airport and proceed out into a dark starless night and a light, but steady downpour. We didn’t care, our feet were on solid ground and we were within minutes of meeting our reason for being there.
As we climbed into an older van, some chipped paint and faded posters on the inside, the windows quickly fogged up. The only thing I remember seeing is a glowing Sun Microsystems sign. Of course Tom remembers differently, he remembers the glowing “Denver Broncos” sign…lol…of course.
As we turned into a dark alley, ramshackle shacks surrounded us on either side. It was odd…at the end of the alley as we closed in you could see big, beautiful gray gates. Barbed wire surrounded the compound and broken glass set in concrete. We pulled in front of the gates and Mulat honked the (odd sounding) vans horn…it sounded like a toy car from inside the van. A uniformed guard pulled open the gates. In front of us was a three-story building …three balconies and fairly nice looking. To our left was a low setting row of what looked like multiple rooms….almost like you would expect in a school. They were light brownish with corrugated tin roofs. Women dressed in white stood outside and looked at us curiously.
We quickly took our bags upstairs and hurled back down to meet our beautiful little girl. The women in white turned out to be the nannies that took care of all the precious children.
This orphanage is wonderful and the love these children get is immeasurable. There is usually one nanny (at all times) to every 6 to 8 children. What is hard to comprehend is that many of these children are alive because of the wonderful nannies and the nurses there. Most come in SEVERELY malnourished within weeks or days of dying. Not all orphanages are as wonderful as where Bekah was, but most are gifts of our Heavenly Father. They help save the of these orphans.
As we shed our shoes before entering Bekah’s nursery we immediately see the walls lined with cribs. The outer edge of the small room had every inch filled with either a crib or bassinet. To our left…in the very first crib a curly head laid with a slight sheen of sweat. As we crept closer we could slowly see her beautiful glowing skin and her long eyelashes, shut in a heavy sleep only infants experience. When asked if we wanted to hold her, of course the answer was “Yes”. Maybe not the best answer we found out. Bekah did not like being woken up and handed immediately to strangers, which is what we were to her at the time. We then learned she could scream…lol. I felt so bad. Wondering (remember we had been traveling for 31 hours) if I ruined our relationship forever. Ok, so I wasn’t really super rational, but was walking on adrenaline alone. Tomorrow was another day.
The night echoed in silence, broken only by the sounds of the stray dogs, which are common on the streets of Addis Ababa. Tom and I tried to get comfortable sharing a queen size bed as the sheets popped off every time we turned over and the calls to prayer started resounding off the walls at about 3:00am. Finally when first light broke over the horizon we stepped out into the chilled air of our balcony to see Ethiopia for the first time in clarity. We noticed again the walls of the compound and the glass along the top, but for the first time we saw beyond the gates, not hindered by the darkness.
The compound is surrounded by shacks….miles and miles of poverty. Corrugated tin roofs falling off of broken walls made of whatever material the families inhabiting these could find. Cardboard, planks of broken wood, trash bags, plastic tarps, every material you could imagine was used to hold these threadbare walls together. It was cold too. Ethiopia wasn’t this vast country of perpetual heat, but Addis Ababa, because of its altitude, was cold. We went inside to our heated room and just sat. What world had we entered that this much poverty abounded?
As we peeked out the curtains once more we noticed activity in the courtyard. The nurses were awake and you could see children, toddlers peeking out the small rooms with their beautiful wide eyes. Practically inhaling breakfast so we could get to Ayane, we made our way out of the guest house, with a little bit of trepidation, not knowing if Ayane would ever talk to us again without screaming. As we stepped up to Ayane’s room we saw the children milling around, playing, sitting on the Nannies laps. A few children were in their cribs, struggling to wake still, while others screamed in glee at the hard plastic green ball flew right past them. There was Bekah in her pink jumper and t-shirt that was too small and would not button all the way. Though there were many donated clothes, they made do with what was on hand to get this many children dressed day in and day out. Ayane sat on her nanny Alem’s lap. She looked happy and secure, like the fright we gave her the night before never happened. We shed our shoes and sat on the floor trying to tempt her with an electronic phone that lit up and played music. She was curious, but took the phone back to her nanny. This was soon to be taken by a precious little guy named Eyob. The lights and sounds were just too much for the boys to resist. Ayane didn’t really seem interested in us. She came to Tom briefly, but she already had the women she was attached to…her nanny, she didn’t seem to feel she needed us at this point.
Unfortunately, it was time for Nurse Askala to give Ayane her shot and crushed pills. Once a day Bekah had to have the largest shot I have ever seen. It was the only thing available. She would scream as the shot went in (I think I would too) and fought the foul tasting pill. We were later to find out the injection, though effective, was highly toxic, and was changed to a different oral med upon entering the U.S.
After her meds and interacting a little we edged her to the courtyard to play in a walker that was slowly falling apart. She didn’t like going anywhere with strangers. After a few successful and and a few unsuccessful attempts we decided staying in the line of sites of the nannies wouldn’t help her to see us as anything but kind hearted visitors.
The first day was not easy. She fussed, as any child would being handed to strangers. We played in the common room…rolled stacking toys like wheels across the floor, and generally tried to distract her. When it was obvious she was tired, we took her up to our room and rocked and sang to her as she cried herself to sleep.
Ayane falling asleep on me was like a piece of me falling into place. Her curly hair tucked against my chest, her long eyelashes brushing me as the feel of her sweet breath warmed my heart. “ This is my daughter” I thought, “The daughter of my heart”. There may be trials. There may be adjustments, but this little girl sound asleep at my breast was part of us, of me.
Returning her to the nannies was a hard thing to do, though necessary for her and for us. It was a necessary part of her transitioning into our family. Sitting down to eat that night, waiting for the other families in our group to get there, Ayane was never far from our thoughts.
In the morning after visiting with Ayane, this time she was even less thrilled to see us, fearing being taken away from her wonderful nanny, we decided to accompany our Social Worker, Erica, and Ayane to the “Big Kids” house. The place where the older children waited to find the family that lay in their future. We were going to take them to the Hilton to swim.
Climbing in the elderly van we had ridden in before, we waited as the guards pulled open the gates to a world we couldn’t imagine. Walking down the street we noticed a man in a three-piece business suit, hand in pocket, just like in the states. Yet next to him, surrounding him, was a poverty level we had not experienced before. Steps away from this “up and comer” was a woman, looking like her feet were weighted, every step an effort. Her clothes hung in rags on her body. Her shoulder blades poked through like knifes that would cut a cake. Dirt caked her from the dust we found surrounds Addis. She looked as if tomorrow was a dream for her that may never happen. This is not far from reality for many living in the beautiful country where many live on less that $100 a year.
The streets were lined with shops, the likes of that we had never seen. They were the shacks that were so prevalent, with the fronts open to the street as they sold their wares. Along the streets you would see a lump, some covered with thin blankets. We saw a yellow heap along the side of the road, the yellow blanket covering this, one of God’s children, from head to toe. This blanket was nothing against the cold of the morning. Women and children sat huddling on grass along some of the giant thorough fares looking like they hadn’t eaten since the week began, having no home, no place to lay their head. Driving along new four lane roads, donkeys and goats would be herded by. Beyond the store fronts, large building were taking shape as the workers climbed the raised scaffolding made of branches, not wood or metal like we were used to seeing.
As we pulled up to the “Big Kids” house. It looked like a yellow wall, surrounding a building, surrounded by even more rooms. We walked into a cement courtyard filled with children. Many were smiling and laughing, some had a haunted took that filled their eyes. We were to find out later these were usually the children that had been only recently relinquished (or found) by a relative or the Kebele. Being introduced to the kids, I took pictures of the children whose parents were waiting in the States. We hoped to make their wait just a tad easier for them. The older kids of this group were waiting eagerly to pile into the van for our swimming excursion. I remember meeting a little girl named Aberdeet, who prayed every night for the other children to find families, and hoped to one day have one of her own. She suffered, in her young 12 years of life, from the results of polio. She hobbled, limped severely, but there is no other way to put it, was stunningly beautiful. We fell instantly for this precious girl. What she didn’t know at the time is that she did have a family waiting for her, they just couldn’t tell her due to waiting for a final approval. I called Thomas that night and said, “Are you sure you don’t want six children? I’ve just met a little girl named Aberdeet.”
As we walked with Erica to the back of the buildings, she called us aside. Asking us (another adoptive parent and I) how old we thought two of the children that they just admitted were. Many parents when relinquishing their children will tell their kids to say they are younger than they are. They do this because they know that they will have a greater chance of being adopted this way. The kids will promise they are years younger than they are and there is no convincing them otherwise. Often it takes a doctor and educated guesses to truly find out. We guessed the ages of the two boys and a quickly as that got ready to go.
We piled on the van, Ayane finding comfort in Tom and I (the familiar) as she snuggled into my chest. It felt a little like a clown car, children kept piling in, sitting on each others laps, giggling, waiting until the metal beast closed it’s door and rumbled onto the street.
As we pulled up to the Hilton, automatic weapon hung off of armed guards outside. We pulled passed them and stared at the opulence surrounding us. A circular drive led to the high rise hotel surrounded by palm trees and uniformed Conciers. Run down taxi’s lined the drive. Our van had arrived. We piled out, only to go through metal detectors so that we could enter this lavish establishment. Expensive shops surrounded us. High-end restaurants filled the bottom floor. The stark contrast to what was outside the gates was shocking.
We filed (well that’s probably not the right word when you have a bunch of children) we rolled, laughed, shoved, joked our way to the changing rooms and then plunged to the shallower pool. Ayane and I sat on the sidelines on deck chairs, under the shade of umbrellas, and fed the birds Cheerios. To this day I think Bekah Ayane still thinks she’s feeding the birds when she throws Cheerios in the car.
Many of the children couldn’t swim. They would hold on to the side of the pool or walk along the shallowest parts. Tom joined in the fun and the children quickly realized his love for them. The language barrier didn’t stop the joy on the kid’s faces as Tom carried them across the pool. Back and forth, back and forth, he would take two kids at a time and didn’t stop. Eventually Tom came to me, his feet aching. As I looked at the bottom of his feet, I noticed the blood. He had walked the kids across until his feet were raw. He still didn’t stop at that point. He knew it was one of his only chances to make a difference to these kids. Though his feet bled, his heart had swelled to partake the compassion of Christ toward the little ones of this world.
We went home tired, but happy. Ayane had relied on us, the familiar, for her safety. She had laughed…fed the birds, and fell asleep under the umbrella on my shoulder. God is and was good.
The next day would come to be one of the most difficult of our lives. We were going to meet Ayane’s birth father.
Fitzhughm, our driver, showed up early the next morning. He had the first new car we had seen, a SUV prepared to take on some of the dirt roads we would face that day. Knowing there would be nowhere to stop to eat, toilet paper, and restrooms. We prepared accordingly. Normally we would stay in the city of Hosanna (the city where we were to meet Ayane’s biological father) overnight, but with the rainy season coming early, many of the roads to the small villages were made of dirt and were wet. Overnight wasn’t a possibility. We said goodbye to Ayane, the trip being too much for her to take, and climbed onto the leather seats of Fitzhughm's vehicle.
Side note: The thing about the Ethiopian people was that they have so much inner joy that most American’s have yet to master. Many people we met may not know where there next meal will come from, but the joy on their faces would shame many Americans. They had so little and yet….what joy!
As we exited the city we continued to be awed by what we saw. Women, trying to make a small bit to help their families live, carried half their height in sticks and straw across their backs. It was often almost as wide as the street, their backs stooped, the strain laid on their faces, stopping every few yards to suck in what little oxygen their lungs would hold.
We were carried out of the city into another world. As we drove, country surrounded us. Acacia trees lined the countryside, surrounded by overgrown grasses and beautiful hills. In the distance a hut would rise from the fog, a small child by himself would be running around naked from the waist down, a shirt barely hanging on him, yet you could see the curiosity of childhood playing across his face. As we drove farther, we would see in the middle of no where, a young child…maybe 9, carrying a two year old sibling swaddled on her back along the side of the road, no civilization in site. We would pull into villages, goats clogging the roads, a horn a constant in our ears. Swarms of people, just walking, some barely clothed, all thin, clogging the arteries of the town. It was more than once we found our self praying as we almost hit one of these proud Ethiopian people. Many women had headdresses or had a child swaddled on their back.
In the country side oxen pulling plows could be seen on the farmland…often a young boy or a man plodding beside. As traffic slowed we would see children and Fitzhughm was used to us asking him to stop. Tom would give them a few pieces of candy and greet them warmly. These children were lovely. They would smile, flies often crusting their eyes, clothes falling a part. The warmth they showed us we will always remember.
As we would approach a semblance of civilization our hearts would often be heavy as we saw the repeated scene of litters being carried out of the homes. Covered with whatever blankets they had, would be the bodies, death having claimed them. The litters would be surrounded by people, hope lost on their face, trying to see tomorrow. Unfortunately, this was an all to often occurrence for us to view.
We finally arrived, on much of which had been dirt roads, at Hosanna and pulled up to a dilapidated building, painted in a light green. There we were ushered to a room where a man stood…thin, his clothes clean, his face vacant…he stood shorter than us.
*This is where the story belongs to Ayane. We have to leave many details out, knowing Ayane has the right to hear them first.
As we came out of the meeting with a mixture of pain, sadness, frustration, we felt blessed by this opportunity. It was often difficult having to have two translators, one to Amharic, and then from Amharic to Ayane’s native dialect. Her father would often talk for 5 minutes and we would receive a five word sentence. We gave him a photo album and a letter (translated). We found from this interview that he couldn’t take care of a baby with his wife gone, it was too much. Ayane’s brothers at ages 13 and 6 were only 50 and 28lbs. She has two biological sisters as well, but we don’t have much information on them, which is common in this culture. We hope to help someday. Our hearts broke, we left a scattering of the pieces in Hosanna that day.
On our way back we experienced more of the wildlife. My children would never forgive me if I didn’t mention the monkeys swinging in the trees as we drove past.
The rest of our travel group had arrived by now. The group was filled with wonderful people from every walk of life. I fell in love with their kids, they will always be special to me.
I saw Bekah when we arrived from our trip. As we had planned, we now took custody of our little blessing. We took her to our room and gave her her first, albeit awkward bath. The children tended to smell a little like old towels. This is NOT to be insulting, but washing things easily is limited there. We washed things in the sink and hung them out on our balcony (only two rooms had these) or the roof. As we went to fill the tub we realized there were no stoppers. We plugged the hole the best we could with a towel, but still she screamed, from fear, from anger. We had taken her away from the ones who had fed her, clothed her, and loved her for three months. She was mourning, first her mother, then father, and now her nannies. We took her down to dinner in the clothes we had brought for her. Still barely in 6 to 9 months clothing (she swam in them) she was (we would find out) now only around 15 months old. Sinidu or Eskadar usually cooked dinner consisting of Ethiopian or Italian foods (cooked Ethiopian style). We ate spongy bread called Injera, hand dipped in many mixtures of foods. Though we tend to LOVE all foods (a little too much), we never completely got used to Injera. TC and I ate everything in small amounts, but our diet consisted mainly of the trail mix we had brought with us.
The next morning was pretty special to me. When I was awoken by the Orthodox call to prayer in the wee hours I found TC with Ayane curled up in his arms. He was already in love with his little sister, and she with him.
After only a few days was our Embassy appointment where we awaited Ayane’s Visa. Crowded with all those waiting in a cold cement building after passing through lines and check points, those who were adopting bypassed all those who had been waiting ahead of us. It didn’t seem fair, but as your back ached (no one used stroller) and screamed in protest from carrying a snuggling child (that you can’t bare to put down) we just went along with what everyone required of us. This was a big day for us. We could now take Ayane….Bekah Ayane home.
The rest of the trip was a blur. Yonas (our driver) took us to shop (of course) from a big modern mall, to small shacks along the side of the road. We went to a museum, visited the “Big Kid” house a couple of more times, and Tom passed time by playing Soccer with the awesome guards at Horizon House. Tom often surprised me, though I shouldn’t have been surprised. . As we would walk back from the “Big Kid” house, Tom would notice people, people in need of help. He would use his own money and ask the guard to walk him across the street to give to a mother and her small child.
People would ask me if Bekah was my child. She has my chipmunk cheeks. They just said my husband must be very dark (smile). It was hard with the language barrier to communicate how Bekah was entering our family. I love traveling, and because we felt comfortable, I think that came across and that’s why others didn’t automatically assume we adopted.
It was when visited another orphanage and I realized how blessed we were at Horizon House. This orphanage was run down, bare rooms, dirty beds. The children were obviously loved, but the quality of life wasn’t what Horizon House afforded.
Late one night we heard a commotion and saw large cars setting in the drive. Tom and I stumbled outside to find out what was going on. They were admitting children, about six from what we could figure out. The children were clean, but dressed in old clothing. They were so thin and their heads were all shaved. They looked so lost. A room was cleared for all these new babies coming in. We knew they would all soon have families, but all we wanted to do was cry. They were quiet as if they had lost hope. The pain echoed in each of their eyes. You could see their loss. They said all the children look like this when they first come.
Finally the day came for our goodbye and the final Coffee Ceremony. It had been reiterated to us from the day we received our travel email how important this ceremony was. Unfortunately they hadn’t reiterated this to Bekah Ayane that her nap would have to wait. The guesthouse filled with all those that loved these children. Those at the “Big Kid” house came over with songs they had prepared for our little blessings. Yet Bekah was tired…and cranky. She decided that it was time for a nap and screamed at the top of her lungs until everyone’s ears hurt….sufficed to say, we missed the ceremony. TC got a few pictures, but Bekah got a nap.
As we said goodbye, there were tears, lots of pictures and hugs and a lot of packing (we came back with a ton!). We loaded up the van. The luggage was literally 4 to 5 feet high on the top of the van. We packed inside with even the bigger kids having to set on parent’s laps much of the time. I believe our total in the van was around 17, if I remember right. It was CROWDED!
So, again looking like a clown car, we proceeded to the airport. Cars honked, we prayed, we swerved, we prayed, and we all laughed at the looks people gave our luggage at the top of the van, and we prayed it would stay on.
After having been through many international airports I thought I was prepared. It’s funny looking back at it now. We first went through security and had our bags scanned. Each passenger was taking around 10 minutes just to be processed by those taking the tickets. We then went and filled out about 20 minutes worth of paperwork and went to wait in the long customs line. We must have looked pretty pathetic because an airport employee came to us and moved us to the diplomat line (did I mention Bekah was screaming the whole time because it was past her bedtime and the airport scared her). After passing through customs we stopped to show our passports again to highly armed guards. By then we felt it our own personal challenge to make these serious guards smile…usually it worked. We finally made our way to our gate (which was behind glass) and went through another bout of luggage scanning. FINALLY we could set down. It was CRAZY! I know that this part wasn’t necessary to the story, but I still can’t believe how crazy it was.
After a very long 28 hours in transit we heard the call that we were landing at a familiar airport...home. Finally, after prayers, struggles, exhaustion, and more prayers we had made it back to familiar soil.
They strange thing is, when we landed, yes, it was with excitement, but it was also with a little sadness, a feeling that we had left a part of us behind. We had fallen in love with Ethiopia.
Though, when I saw my kids running to me, when I felt my husband’s arms around me, when Bekah looked around and saw her family, and when we felt complete at last I knew I was home…we were home.
God took a family and created an image of what He sees. A world of his children, adopted, loved, and one in His body.
We may be from different lands. We may have different colors of skin or different languages, but I thank God, because in that we found our family.
We love you Bekah.
BEKAH'S STORY
Ten years ago my family and I arrived back in the United States after being stationed in Germany. Unfortunately we brought something back that we didn’t plan on….non-active Tuberculosis. Let me tell you, as parents, this is a scary diagnosis to hear coming out of your doctor’s mouth. Thomas, Tom, and Sarah all had non-active TB. For those of you that know me, I am very rarely away from my children. How did they get it? Who did they get it from? Why didn’t I get it? It was a mystery to us. As the primary caregiver to all my children, it remained an unknown.
With a giant sigh of relief we found that TB is fairly easily curable, nine months of medication, but easily curable. We wondered at that point…honestly…what the point was.
It took ten years to get that answered…. but let me get to that later.
____________________________________________________
We were very busy with four children (Tom/12,Sarah/10, Anna/6, and Max/4 years old). Being parents is the hardest and the best job there is.
As a family we remained active in the kid’s school. I (Kat ) headed an “Outreach” program at their school. It is a priority to us to bring into our children’s lives a since of giving, of making a difference. During an "Outreach" is where the seed, the slightest inkling of Bekah’s existence in our family was started.
Every year, at the the school, we do an “Outreach” called “Gods Little Lambs” which comes to the aid of orphans. I sat down at our computer and Googled (our search engine) “Russian Orphans + Number”. Up popped the results, Ethiopian orphans topping the list. Seven percent of the population seemed unreal at the time. We could not comprehend that one out of six children would die by the age of five. Could a nation have that many orphans? It was astounding. A few days later we found an email from our Agency and they had started an Ethiopian program. We weren’t looking for it, the information found us. The next week an Ethiopian Grocery moved in down the street. Within a short time Tom started studying the Ethiopian Eunuch at Church. Days later a “National Geographic-Africa” showed up. It continued and continued. God was trying to get our attention. He succeeded.
Bekah was slowly being planted in our hearts. After seeking God, petitioning Him, pleading with Him to make it clear…our path…we found Bekah…or the knowledge that we had a child waiting for us in Ethiopia. It’s amazing when that knowledge is presented to you, how quickly you feel the void in your family. How quickly you realize it was never complete and you’re missing a vital component.
After seeking an agency, we proceeded at an alarming speed. Again, things that were taking months took half that time. We were flying. Having been given the knowledge that we were to expect 18 months from signing the contract to bringing our child home, we prepared to wait. Approximately six months after signing our contract we received our monthly email from the “Co” agency we were working with (Inter-agency Adoption). Toward the bottom of the email there were pictures…new pictures of little ones that were just admitted to Horizon House Ethiopia. Waiting Children. These children were either out of the age range most wanted OR, as was in our case, considered Special Needs children. These children had either questionable Hep B status or a number of other ailments. Ayane (EYE-ANNA) , as we knew her then, had a lump on the side of her neck. It was extremely visible and of great concern to the nurses there. She was tiny, at a year…only 14 ½ lbs….the size of an average three or four month old in the U.S. . She could only sit up by herself…nothing more. She sat there with her HUGE eyes in a boy’s dark blue polo shirt, spit up decorating the collar. Her arms hung limply at her side like any sort of movement was beyond her. At the time the email stated that she was 15 months old….we had stated the age range of a maximum of one year old. She barely was outside of our age range…but there was something about her….a connection.
When Thomas FINALLY (that’s the way it felt) arrived home from work I (very casually) said to him “Oh honey,” I faked a laid back voice “we received the monthly email today and there is this beautiful little 15 month old girl on it named Ayane”. I waited. Thomas cocked his head at me and smiled, he said “Well, why isn’t she ours?”.
That is how our journey to bring Bekah home began. After a week of petitioning God (not just us, but Mark and Michelle, Amy, our Church's Prayer Chain and of course Mom) we were matched with our little sweet Bekah.
We then started the planning. We were given a beautiful baby shower by some wonderful women at Church. Items were being collected to donate to the orphanage by friends, our school, and the Church. Two children at Church, Madeline and Daniel, had birthday parties and instead of gifts asked for monetary donations for the orphanage. We received pictures of our quickly transforming baby. Her medicals stated the end conclusion was that she had Tuberculosis in her lymph nodes. It’s funny how ten years later we find the reason for that TB from Germany. It didn’t scare us. It wasn’t an unknown.
We also waited…and waited for the travel email. We shared with other adoptive parents as they got their travel email and struggled to just walk in faith and wait knowing our time would come. Tom and I danced (literally) and screamed around the house when we finally found out that we would be in travel group #42!
We set our airline tickets for May 29th through June 9th, ten days in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. Tom (our 12 year old) and I would be traveling. It was too far for both Thomas and I to be away from all our kids. We packed and repacked. We practically brought a pharmacy, and ended up needing very little of it. Isn’t that the way it usually is?
As the day approached we started to get that anxious, nervous, butterfly feeling. We were actually going. Bekah, or Rebekah Ayane Emmali we would call her, was within reach.
I kissed our amazing kids (except Tom) goodbye with tears in my eyes, and we boarded our Lufthansa flight heading for Addis Ababa, Ethiopia.
The flight seemed to take an eternity. We were so thankful for the portable DVD player for Tom (there were some questionable movies on the flights) and for each other’s company. After 31 hours in transit we FINALLY arrived in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. Mulat, our Wide Horizons driver, was there to greet us and all our bags (four overstuffed ones) arrived in Ethiopia with us (yea!).
We grabbed some Birr (Ethiopian currency) and bottled water at the airport and proceed out into a dark starless night and a light, but steady downpour. We didn’t care, our feet were on solid ground and we were within minutes of meeting our reason for being there.
As we climbed into an older van, some chipped paint and faded posters on the inside, the windows quickly fogged up. The only thing I remember seeing is a glowing Sun Microsystems sign. Of course Tom remembers differently, he remembers the glowing “Denver Broncos” sign…lol…of course.
As we turned into a dark alley, ramshackle shacks surrounded us on either side. It was odd…at the end of the alley as we closed in you could see big, beautiful gray gates. Barbed wire surrounded the compound and broken glass set in concrete. We pulled in front of the gates and Mulat honked the (odd sounding) vans horn…it sounded like a toy car from inside the van. A uniformed guard pulled open the gates. In front of us was a three-story building …three balconies and fairly nice looking. To our left was a low setting row of what looked like multiple rooms….almost like you would expect in a school. They were light brownish with corrugated tin roofs. Women dressed in white stood outside and looked at us curiously.
We quickly took our bags upstairs and hurled back down to meet our beautiful little girl. The women in white turned out to be the nannies that took care of all the precious children.
This orphanage is wonderful and the love these children get is immeasurable. There is usually one nanny (at all times) to every 6 to 8 children. What is hard to comprehend is that many of these children are alive because of the wonderful nannies and the nurses there. Most come in SEVERELY malnourished within weeks or days of dying. Not all orphanages are as wonderful as where Bekah was, but most are gifts of our Heavenly Father. They help save the of these orphans.
As we shed our shoes before entering Bekah’s nursery we immediately see the walls lined with cribs. The outer edge of the small room had every inch filled with either a crib or bassinet. To our left…in the very first crib a curly head laid with a slight sheen of sweat. As we crept closer we could slowly see her beautiful glowing skin and her long eyelashes, shut in a heavy sleep only infants experience. When asked if we wanted to hold her, of course the answer was “Yes”. Maybe not the best answer we found out. Bekah did not like being woken up and handed immediately to strangers, which is what we were to her at the time. We then learned she could scream…lol. I felt so bad. Wondering (remember we had been traveling for 31 hours) if I ruined our relationship forever. Ok, so I wasn’t really super rational, but was walking on adrenaline alone. Tomorrow was another day.
The night echoed in silence, broken only by the sounds of the stray dogs, which are common on the streets of Addis Ababa. Tom and I tried to get comfortable sharing a queen size bed as the sheets popped off every time we turned over and the calls to prayer started resounding off the walls at about 3:00am. Finally when first light broke over the horizon we stepped out into the chilled air of our balcony to see Ethiopia for the first time in clarity. We noticed again the walls of the compound and the glass along the top, but for the first time we saw beyond the gates, not hindered by the darkness.
The compound is surrounded by shacks….miles and miles of poverty. Corrugated tin roofs falling off of broken walls made of whatever material the families inhabiting these could find. Cardboard, planks of broken wood, trash bags, plastic tarps, every material you could imagine was used to hold these threadbare walls together. It was cold too. Ethiopia wasn’t this vast country of perpetual heat, but Addis Ababa, because of its altitude, was cold. We went inside to our heated room and just sat. What world had we entered that this much poverty abounded?
As we peeked out the curtains once more we noticed activity in the courtyard. The nurses were awake and you could see children, toddlers peeking out the small rooms with their beautiful wide eyes. Practically inhaling breakfast so we could get to Ayane, we made our way out of the guest house, with a little bit of trepidation, not knowing if Ayane would ever talk to us again without screaming. As we stepped up to Ayane’s room we saw the children milling around, playing, sitting on the Nannies laps. A few children were in their cribs, struggling to wake still, while others screamed in glee at the hard plastic green ball flew right past them. There was Bekah in her pink jumper and t-shirt that was too small and would not button all the way. Though there were many donated clothes, they made do with what was on hand to get this many children dressed day in and day out. Ayane sat on her nanny Alem’s lap. She looked happy and secure, like the fright we gave her the night before never happened. We shed our shoes and sat on the floor trying to tempt her with an electronic phone that lit up and played music. She was curious, but took the phone back to her nanny. This was soon to be taken by a precious little guy named Eyob. The lights and sounds were just too much for the boys to resist. Ayane didn’t really seem interested in us. She came to Tom briefly, but she already had the women she was attached to…her nanny, she didn’t seem to feel she needed us at this point.
Unfortunately, it was time for Nurse Askala to give Ayane her shot and crushed pills. Once a day Bekah had to have the largest shot I have ever seen. It was the only thing available. She would scream as the shot went in (I think I would too) and fought the foul tasting pill. We were later to find out the injection, though effective, was highly toxic, and was changed to a different oral med upon entering the U.S.
After her meds and interacting a little we edged her to the courtyard to play in a walker that was slowly falling apart. She didn’t like going anywhere with strangers. After a few successful and and a few unsuccessful attempts we decided staying in the line of sites of the nannies wouldn’t help her to see us as anything but kind hearted visitors.
The first day was not easy. She fussed, as any child would being handed to strangers. We played in the common room…rolled stacking toys like wheels across the floor, and generally tried to distract her. When it was obvious she was tired, we took her up to our room and rocked and sang to her as she cried herself to sleep.
Ayane falling asleep on me was like a piece of me falling into place. Her curly hair tucked against my chest, her long eyelashes brushing me as the feel of her sweet breath warmed my heart. “ This is my daughter” I thought, “The daughter of my heart”. There may be trials. There may be adjustments, but this little girl sound asleep at my breast was part of us, of me.
Returning her to the nannies was a hard thing to do, though necessary for her and for us. It was a necessary part of her transitioning into our family. Sitting down to eat that night, waiting for the other families in our group to get there, Ayane was never far from our thoughts.
In the morning after visiting with Ayane, this time she was even less thrilled to see us, fearing being taken away from her wonderful nanny, we decided to accompany our Social Worker, Erica, and Ayane to the “Big Kids” house. The place where the older children waited to find the family that lay in their future. We were going to take them to the Hilton to swim.
Climbing in the elderly van we had ridden in before, we waited as the guards pulled open the gates to a world we couldn’t imagine. Walking down the street we noticed a man in a three-piece business suit, hand in pocket, just like in the states. Yet next to him, surrounding him, was a poverty level we had not experienced before. Steps away from this “up and comer” was a woman, looking like her feet were weighted, every step an effort. Her clothes hung in rags on her body. Her shoulder blades poked through like knifes that would cut a cake. Dirt caked her from the dust we found surrounds Addis. She looked as if tomorrow was a dream for her that may never happen. This is not far from reality for many living in the beautiful country where many live on less that $100 a year.
The streets were lined with shops, the likes of that we had never seen. They were the shacks that were so prevalent, with the fronts open to the street as they sold their wares. Along the streets you would see a lump, some covered with thin blankets. We saw a yellow heap along the side of the road, the yellow blanket covering this, one of God’s children, from head to toe. This blanket was nothing against the cold of the morning. Women and children sat huddling on grass along some of the giant thorough fares looking like they hadn’t eaten since the week began, having no home, no place to lay their head. Driving along new four lane roads, donkeys and goats would be herded by. Beyond the store fronts, large building were taking shape as the workers climbed the raised scaffolding made of branches, not wood or metal like we were used to seeing.
As we pulled up to the “Big Kids” house. It looked like a yellow wall, surrounding a building, surrounded by even more rooms. We walked into a cement courtyard filled with children. Many were smiling and laughing, some had a haunted took that filled their eyes. We were to find out later these were usually the children that had been only recently relinquished (or found) by a relative or the Kebele. Being introduced to the kids, I took pictures of the children whose parents were waiting in the States. We hoped to make their wait just a tad easier for them. The older kids of this group were waiting eagerly to pile into the van for our swimming excursion. I remember meeting a little girl named Aberdeet, who prayed every night for the other children to find families, and hoped to one day have one of her own. She suffered, in her young 12 years of life, from the results of polio. She hobbled, limped severely, but there is no other way to put it, was stunningly beautiful. We fell instantly for this precious girl. What she didn’t know at the time is that she did have a family waiting for her, they just couldn’t tell her due to waiting for a final approval. I called Thomas that night and said, “Are you sure you don’t want six children? I’ve just met a little girl named Aberdeet.”
As we walked with Erica to the back of the buildings, she called us aside. Asking us (another adoptive parent and I) how old we thought two of the children that they just admitted were. Many parents when relinquishing their children will tell their kids to say they are younger than they are. They do this because they know that they will have a greater chance of being adopted this way. The kids will promise they are years younger than they are and there is no convincing them otherwise. Often it takes a doctor and educated guesses to truly find out. We guessed the ages of the two boys and a quickly as that got ready to go.
We piled on the van, Ayane finding comfort in Tom and I (the familiar) as she snuggled into my chest. It felt a little like a clown car, children kept piling in, sitting on each others laps, giggling, waiting until the metal beast closed it’s door and rumbled onto the street.
As we pulled up to the Hilton, automatic weapon hung off of armed guards outside. We pulled passed them and stared at the opulence surrounding us. A circular drive led to the high rise hotel surrounded by palm trees and uniformed Conciers. Run down taxi’s lined the drive. Our van had arrived. We piled out, only to go through metal detectors so that we could enter this lavish establishment. Expensive shops surrounded us. High-end restaurants filled the bottom floor. The stark contrast to what was outside the gates was shocking.
We filed (well that’s probably not the right word when you have a bunch of children) we rolled, laughed, shoved, joked our way to the changing rooms and then plunged to the shallower pool. Ayane and I sat on the sidelines on deck chairs, under the shade of umbrellas, and fed the birds Cheerios. To this day I think Bekah Ayane still thinks she’s feeding the birds when she throws Cheerios in the car.
Many of the children couldn’t swim. They would hold on to the side of the pool or walk along the shallowest parts. Tom joined in the fun and the children quickly realized his love for them. The language barrier didn’t stop the joy on the kid’s faces as Tom carried them across the pool. Back and forth, back and forth, he would take two kids at a time and didn’t stop. Eventually Tom came to me, his feet aching. As I looked at the bottom of his feet, I noticed the blood. He had walked the kids across until his feet were raw. He still didn’t stop at that point. He knew it was one of his only chances to make a difference to these kids. Though his feet bled, his heart had swelled to partake the compassion of Christ toward the little ones of this world.
We went home tired, but happy. Ayane had relied on us, the familiar, for her safety. She had laughed…fed the birds, and fell asleep under the umbrella on my shoulder. God is and was good.
The next day would come to be one of the most difficult of our lives. We were going to meet Ayane’s birth father.
Fitzhughm, our driver, showed up early the next morning. He had the first new car we had seen, a SUV prepared to take on some of the dirt roads we would face that day. Knowing there would be nowhere to stop to eat, toilet paper, and restrooms. We prepared accordingly. Normally we would stay in the city of Hosanna (the city where we were to meet Ayane’s biological father) overnight, but with the rainy season coming early, many of the roads to the small villages were made of dirt and were wet. Overnight wasn’t a possibility. We said goodbye to Ayane, the trip being too much for her to take, and climbed onto the leather seats of Fitzhughm's vehicle.
Side note: The thing about the Ethiopian people was that they have so much inner joy that most American’s have yet to master. Many people we met may not know where there next meal will come from, but the joy on their faces would shame many Americans. They had so little and yet….what joy!
As we exited the city we continued to be awed by what we saw. Women, trying to make a small bit to help their families live, carried half their height in sticks and straw across their backs. It was often almost as wide as the street, their backs stooped, the strain laid on their faces, stopping every few yards to suck in what little oxygen their lungs would hold.
We were carried out of the city into another world. As we drove, country surrounded us. Acacia trees lined the countryside, surrounded by overgrown grasses and beautiful hills. In the distance a hut would rise from the fog, a small child by himself would be running around naked from the waist down, a shirt barely hanging on him, yet you could see the curiosity of childhood playing across his face. As we drove farther, we would see in the middle of no where, a young child…maybe 9, carrying a two year old sibling swaddled on her back along the side of the road, no civilization in site. We would pull into villages, goats clogging the roads, a horn a constant in our ears. Swarms of people, just walking, some barely clothed, all thin, clogging the arteries of the town. It was more than once we found our self praying as we almost hit one of these proud Ethiopian people. Many women had headdresses or had a child swaddled on their back.
In the country side oxen pulling plows could be seen on the farmland…often a young boy or a man plodding beside. As traffic slowed we would see children and Fitzhughm was used to us asking him to stop. Tom would give them a few pieces of candy and greet them warmly. These children were lovely. They would smile, flies often crusting their eyes, clothes falling a part. The warmth they showed us we will always remember.
As we would approach a semblance of civilization our hearts would often be heavy as we saw the repeated scene of litters being carried out of the homes. Covered with whatever blankets they had, would be the bodies, death having claimed them. The litters would be surrounded by people, hope lost on their face, trying to see tomorrow. Unfortunately, this was an all to often occurrence for us to view.
We finally arrived, on much of which had been dirt roads, at Hosanna and pulled up to a dilapidated building, painted in a light green. There we were ushered to a room where a man stood…thin, his clothes clean, his face vacant…he stood shorter than us.
*This is where the story belongs to Ayane. We have to leave many details out, knowing Ayane has the right to hear them first.
As we came out of the meeting with a mixture of pain, sadness, frustration, we felt blessed by this opportunity. It was often difficult having to have two translators, one to Amharic, and then from Amharic to Ayane’s native dialect. Her father would often talk for 5 minutes and we would receive a five word sentence. We gave him a photo album and a letter (translated). We found from this interview that he couldn’t take care of a baby with his wife gone, it was too much. Ayane’s brothers at ages 13 and 6 were only 50 and 28lbs. She has two biological sisters as well, but we don’t have much information on them, which is common in this culture. We hope to help someday. Our hearts broke, we left a scattering of the pieces in Hosanna that day.
On our way back we experienced more of the wildlife. My children would never forgive me if I didn’t mention the monkeys swinging in the trees as we drove past.
The rest of our travel group had arrived by now. The group was filled with wonderful people from every walk of life. I fell in love with their kids, they will always be special to me.
I saw Bekah when we arrived from our trip. As we had planned, we now took custody of our little blessing. We took her to our room and gave her her first, albeit awkward bath. The children tended to smell a little like old towels. This is NOT to be insulting, but washing things easily is limited there. We washed things in the sink and hung them out on our balcony (only two rooms had these) or the roof. As we went to fill the tub we realized there were no stoppers. We plugged the hole the best we could with a towel, but still she screamed, from fear, from anger. We had taken her away from the ones who had fed her, clothed her, and loved her for three months. She was mourning, first her mother, then father, and now her nannies. We took her down to dinner in the clothes we had brought for her. Still barely in 6 to 9 months clothing (she swam in them) she was (we would find out) now only around 15 months old. Sinidu or Eskadar usually cooked dinner consisting of Ethiopian or Italian foods (cooked Ethiopian style). We ate spongy bread called Injera, hand dipped in many mixtures of foods. Though we tend to LOVE all foods (a little too much), we never completely got used to Injera. TC and I ate everything in small amounts, but our diet consisted mainly of the trail mix we had brought with us.
The next morning was pretty special to me. When I was awoken by the Orthodox call to prayer in the wee hours I found TC with Ayane curled up in his arms. He was already in love with his little sister, and she with him.
After only a few days was our Embassy appointment where we awaited Ayane’s Visa. Crowded with all those waiting in a cold cement building after passing through lines and check points, those who were adopting bypassed all those who had been waiting ahead of us. It didn’t seem fair, but as your back ached (no one used stroller) and screamed in protest from carrying a snuggling child (that you can’t bare to put down) we just went along with what everyone required of us. This was a big day for us. We could now take Ayane….Bekah Ayane home.
The rest of the trip was a blur. Yonas (our driver) took us to shop (of course) from a big modern mall, to small shacks along the side of the road. We went to a museum, visited the “Big Kid” house a couple of more times, and Tom passed time by playing Soccer with the awesome guards at Horizon House. Tom often surprised me, though I shouldn’t have been surprised. . As we would walk back from the “Big Kid” house, Tom would notice people, people in need of help. He would use his own money and ask the guard to walk him across the street to give to a mother and her small child.
People would ask me if Bekah was my child. She has my chipmunk cheeks. They just said my husband must be very dark (smile). It was hard with the language barrier to communicate how Bekah was entering our family. I love traveling, and because we felt comfortable, I think that came across and that’s why others didn’t automatically assume we adopted.
It was when visited another orphanage and I realized how blessed we were at Horizon House. This orphanage was run down, bare rooms, dirty beds. The children were obviously loved, but the quality of life wasn’t what Horizon House afforded.
Late one night we heard a commotion and saw large cars setting in the drive. Tom and I stumbled outside to find out what was going on. They were admitting children, about six from what we could figure out. The children were clean, but dressed in old clothing. They were so thin and their heads were all shaved. They looked so lost. A room was cleared for all these new babies coming in. We knew they would all soon have families, but all we wanted to do was cry. They were quiet as if they had lost hope. The pain echoed in each of their eyes. You could see their loss. They said all the children look like this when they first come.
Finally the day came for our goodbye and the final Coffee Ceremony. It had been reiterated to us from the day we received our travel email how important this ceremony was. Unfortunately they hadn’t reiterated this to Bekah Ayane that her nap would have to wait. The guesthouse filled with all those that loved these children. Those at the “Big Kid” house came over with songs they had prepared for our little blessings. Yet Bekah was tired…and cranky. She decided that it was time for a nap and screamed at the top of her lungs until everyone’s ears hurt….sufficed to say, we missed the ceremony. TC got a few pictures, but Bekah got a nap.
As we said goodbye, there were tears, lots of pictures and hugs and a lot of packing (we came back with a ton!). We loaded up the van. The luggage was literally 4 to 5 feet high on the top of the van. We packed inside with even the bigger kids having to set on parent’s laps much of the time. I believe our total in the van was around 17, if I remember right. It was CROWDED!
So, again looking like a clown car, we proceeded to the airport. Cars honked, we prayed, we swerved, we prayed, and we all laughed at the looks people gave our luggage at the top of the van, and we prayed it would stay on.
After having been through many international airports I thought I was prepared. It’s funny looking back at it now. We first went through security and had our bags scanned. Each passenger was taking around 10 minutes just to be processed by those taking the tickets. We then went and filled out about 20 minutes worth of paperwork and went to wait in the long customs line. We must have looked pretty pathetic because an airport employee came to us and moved us to the diplomat line (did I mention Bekah was screaming the whole time because it was past her bedtime and the airport scared her). After passing through customs we stopped to show our passports again to highly armed guards. By then we felt it our own personal challenge to make these serious guards smile…usually it worked. We finally made our way to our gate (which was behind glass) and went through another bout of luggage scanning. FINALLY we could set down. It was CRAZY! I know that this part wasn’t necessary to the story, but I still can’t believe how crazy it was.
After a very long 28 hours in transit we heard the call that we were landing at a familiar airport...home. Finally, after prayers, struggles, exhaustion, and more prayers we had made it back to familiar soil.
They strange thing is, when we landed, yes, it was with excitement, but it was also with a little sadness, a feeling that we had left a part of us behind. We had fallen in love with Ethiopia.
Though, when I saw my kids running to me, when I felt my husband’s arms around me, when Bekah looked around and saw her family, and when we felt complete at last I knew I was home…we were home.
God took a family and created an image of what He sees. A world of his children, adopted, loved, and one in His body.
We may be from different lands. We may have different colors of skin or different languages, but I thank God, because in that we found our family.
We love you Bekah.
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Mass Armadillo Exodus, What does it mean?
Everywhere I go I see armadillo carcasses…along the sides of busy highways, rural roads…the armadillo’s are moving. Studies show that often animals know that geographic events are going to happen before they do. So what does this all mean?
It means that I’m enjoying messing with you and that Armadillos may not be the brightest crayon in the animal crayon box. Yep, had to use it! I mean how could I resist using the title, “Mass Armadillo Exodus, What does it mean?”.
Really, I just wanted to share that God has very quickly moved our Dossier (adoption paperwork) onto Ethiopian soil. On September 14th, 2009 Fed Ex delivered our dossier to Ethiopia where they will translate it and deliver it to the courts. We are ready to wait for our little ones officially. We look forward to sharing with you our official “wait date”. Though the official wait is 5 to 6 months once we are on the wait list, we know that’s God has His own timing and, just as with our other wonderful journeys, our children will be ours in His time.
Praise God that we are one-step beyond where we were even two weeks ago! God is moving and this journey is such a joyous adventure!
_________________________
Praises!!!!
That God has seen to bless our wonderful friends with approval of their home study. and that more sweet children will now find their forever family!!!
That God is leading our lives. It doesn't matter if it's easy or hard, SOO COOL!
That God provided the funds through some WONDERFUL means to submit our dossier and begin our wait!!!
Immediate Adoption Process Prayer Requests:
*That God’s hand is on the paperwork, that they proceed with not a glitch, getting translated and registered with amazing speed.
*That God brings our newest children home quickly.
*That God blesses us with the funds as we gather them to complete the next step of this process (accepting the referral of the twins when the time comes).
All Adoption Prayer Requests:
Please Pray…..
*For these little ones God has chosen to place in our family…for their physical and emotional health in a difficult place.
*For their biological family…that God has His hand on them and brings them peace in whatever they must face.
*That God has His hand on this adoption, guiding us, bringing peace, and financially providing. That the funds pour in like water in a surge of blessing.
*Last, though it may seem a bit premature, please specifically pray that once we are referred our little ones, that they come home quickly and pass court the first time (many are starting to have multiple court dates and a LONG wait until travel). The Ethiopian government is being very cautious and caring with their wonderful children though and for that we are so thankful.
*Lastly, that we have peace and not stress, trusting God in every step.
________________________
Also, please join us in prayers for four beautiful Christian families and five sweet children who are facing obstacles above and beyond what a adoption process usually looks like. Governments will literally have to move for these older and special needs children to come home. Families are waiting for them and we are SO excited to see God work in these lives and these governments to bring these adoptive blessings home!
Olivia Mame (Ethiopia)-I would like to ask your prayers for a little sweet young girl in Ethiopia named Olivia Mame. There are some very immense road blocks, serious ones, that have to be conquered in order to finish the adoption of this precious young lady.
Jubilee (China)- A Christian family is struggling through major hurdles with their international adoption from China. Please pray for this family and for the government to move to bring her home.
Daniel (Liberia)-A little one with hydrocephaly awaits his family. Please pray that Daniel does not deteriorate farther and that people in authority to move this case feel the passion to see this through quickly.
Ronaldo and Julia (Guatemala)-For years this family has been trying to get their beautiful future children out of Guatemala. Every time it seems close there is another glitch. Please pray with us. Please pray that EVERY problem is resolved and every piece of paper has the perfection only God can give.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Laughter Rocks! Annoying Cat Video
Ok...yes, it's a cat video (thank you Vitamin Z). I saw this on another blog after a VERY long day. You know those days where everything that can go wrong does. I needed the laugh :). I thought that there would be NO way a cat video would make me laugh...I was wrong.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Don't Just Believe...Act
(A Daily Internet Devotional by Steve Goodier)
One summer, a drought threatened the crop in a small town. On a hot
and dry Sunday, the village parson told his congregation, "There
isn't anything that will save us except to pray for rain. Go home,
pray, believe, and come back next Sunday ready to thank God for
sending rain."
The people did as they were told and returned to church the following
Sunday. But as soon as the parson saw them, he was furious. "We
can't worship today. You do not yet believe," he said.
"But," they protested, "we prayed, and we do believe."
"Believe?" he responded. "Then where are your umbrellas?"
The story applies to all of us. There are those people who leave
their umbrellas at home. Throughout their lives, they are merely
hoping their wishes and prayers will bear fruit, but they expect
little. Others expect their dreams and desires to come to pass. It
is as if they journey through life always prepared for something to
happen.
Today, how will you approach that which you are yearning for?
Will you expect your prayers and work to bring about hoped-for
results?
Will you bring your umbrella?
One summer, a drought threatened the crop in a small town. On a hot
and dry Sunday, the village parson told his congregation, "There
isn't anything that will save us except to pray for rain. Go home,
pray, believe, and come back next Sunday ready to thank God for
sending rain."
The people did as they were told and returned to church the following
Sunday. But as soon as the parson saw them, he was furious. "We
can't worship today. You do not yet believe," he said.
"But," they protested, "we prayed, and we do believe."
"Believe?" he responded. "Then where are your umbrellas?"
The story applies to all of us. There are those people who leave
their umbrellas at home. Throughout their lives, they are merely
hoping their wishes and prayers will bear fruit, but they expect
little. Others expect their dreams and desires to come to pass. It
is as if they journey through life always prepared for something to
happen.
Today, how will you approach that which you are yearning for?
Will you expect your prayers and work to bring about hoped-for
results?
Will you bring your umbrella?
Sunday, September 13, 2009
An Orphans Prayer
I read this on another lovely family's blog. They are going through a really tough time as approval has been withdrawn for a specific little Taiwanese child because, well...those in authority are concerned and feel the family should be more affluent to care for this little girls special needs. Please remember, they were approved. They said that the funds were sufficient and then they changed their minds.
This makes my heart cry. Please pray for this child and the family that seeks to adopt her...please pray for discernment as they decide on how to proceed. As God wills, please pray for mountains to move.
Now...The Orphans Prayer followed by our own personal praises and prayer requests.
_____________________________________________
I am waiting...somewhere far...far away on the other side of the world.
I may not know who you are or what you look like,
but somewhere deep in my heart I know you are out there.
That one day you will come and find me.
It's a long journey, and it takes a lot of time...I wish it could be easier.
But I know the ones that come for me will not count the cost.
They will only see the joy in finding me.
For now I abide in the fields of the fatherless.
Day by day wondering why I was born here and not somewhere else?
Asking why my life couldn't have been different?
It is so lonely.
Even though I am surrounded by hundreds of other children, I know that something is missing...
I know in my heart I need a place to call home.
My arms long to be wrapped in a fathers embrace...
I long to be saved by a mother's love...
Gazing out the orphans window, I offer a prayer of hope,
"Oh God please help them come quickly."
Even as I lay in the darkness each night somehow I feel assured, that no matter how lost I appear,
I am not alone.
Holy hands guard my steps; sacred fingers wipe my tears, touching my lonely heart.
The one who made me, the God that knew me before I was born, hears me every time I call.
He whispers His promises in my ear.
I listen with hope to His voice.
But what I worry about most is that no one wants to look for me.
The fields are vast and there are so many scattered all over the earth.
I wonder how one little child, so lost, can be found?
Yet He calms my heart and assures me He will find you.
That He will make sure that you hear His voice clearly.
He has promised me that he will make a way through the fields,
that He will personally cut a path, and lead you right to my orphanage door.
My prayer is....When He speaks...Please don't forget to listen...
When He calls don't be too afraid to go.
For I am waiting...somewhere, far...far away on the other side of the world to come home.
-Anonymous
__________________________________________________
Praises and Prayer Requests...
Praises!!!!
That God has seen to bless our wonderful friends with approval of their home study. and that more sweet children will now find their forever family!!!
That God is leading our lives. It doesn't matter if it's easy or hard, SOO COOL!
That God provided the funds through some WONDERFUL means to submit our dossier and begin our wait!!!
Immediate Adoption Process Prayer Requests:
*That God’s hand is on the paperwork, that they proceed with not a glitch, getting translated and registered with amazing speed.
*That God brings our newest children home quickly.
*That God blesses us with the funds as we gather them to complete the next step of this process (accepting the referral of the twins when the time comes).
All Adoption Prayer Requests:
Please Pray…..
*For these little ones God has chosen to place in our family…for their physical and emotional health in a difficult place.
*For their biological family…that God has His hand on them and brings them peace in whatever they must face.
*That God has His hand on this adoption, guiding us, bringing peace, and financially providing. That the funds pour in like water in a surge of blessing.
*Last, though it may seem a bit premature, please specifically pray that once we are referred our little ones, that they come home quickly and pass court the first time (many are starting to have multiple court dates and a LONG wait until travel). The Ethiopian government is being very cautious and caring with their wonderful children though and for that we are so thankful.
*Lastly, that we have peace and not stress, trusting God in every step.
________________________
Also, please join us in prayers for four beautiful Christian families and five sweet children who are facing obstacles above and beyond what a adoption process usually looks like. Governments will literally have to move for these older and special needs children to come home. Families are waiting for them and we are SO excited to see God work in these lives and these governments to bring these adoptive blessings home!
Olivia Mame (Ethiopia)-I would like to ask your prayers for a little sweet young girl in Ethiopia named Olivia Mame. There are some very immense road blocks, serious ones, that have to be conquered in order to finish the adoption of this precious young lady.
Jubilee (China)- A Christian family is struggling through major hurdles with their international adoption from China. Please pray for this family and for the government to move to bring her home.
Daniel (Liberia)-A little one with hydrocephaly awaits his family. Please pray that Daniel does not deteriorate farther and that people in authority to move this case feel the passion to see this through quickly.
Ronaldo and Julia (Guatemala)-For years this family has been trying to get their beautiful future children out of Guatemala. Every time it seems close there is another glitch. Please pray with us. Please pray that EVERY problem is resolved and every piece of paper has the perfection only God can give.
This makes my heart cry. Please pray for this child and the family that seeks to adopt her...please pray for discernment as they decide on how to proceed. As God wills, please pray for mountains to move.
Now...The Orphans Prayer followed by our own personal praises and prayer requests.
_____________________________________________
I am waiting...somewhere far...far away on the other side of the world.
I may not know who you are or what you look like,
but somewhere deep in my heart I know you are out there.
That one day you will come and find me.
It's a long journey, and it takes a lot of time...I wish it could be easier.
But I know the ones that come for me will not count the cost.
They will only see the joy in finding me.
For now I abide in the fields of the fatherless.
Day by day wondering why I was born here and not somewhere else?
Asking why my life couldn't have been different?
It is so lonely.
Even though I am surrounded by hundreds of other children, I know that something is missing...
I know in my heart I need a place to call home.
My arms long to be wrapped in a fathers embrace...
I long to be saved by a mother's love...
Gazing out the orphans window, I offer a prayer of hope,
"Oh God please help them come quickly."
Even as I lay in the darkness each night somehow I feel assured, that no matter how lost I appear,
I am not alone.
Holy hands guard my steps; sacred fingers wipe my tears, touching my lonely heart.
The one who made me, the God that knew me before I was born, hears me every time I call.
He whispers His promises in my ear.
I listen with hope to His voice.
But what I worry about most is that no one wants to look for me.
The fields are vast and there are so many scattered all over the earth.
I wonder how one little child, so lost, can be found?
Yet He calms my heart and assures me He will find you.
That He will make sure that you hear His voice clearly.
He has promised me that he will make a way through the fields,
that He will personally cut a path, and lead you right to my orphanage door.
My prayer is....When He speaks...Please don't forget to listen...
When He calls don't be too afraid to go.
For I am waiting...somewhere, far...far away on the other side of the world to come home.
-Anonymous
__________________________________________________
Praises and Prayer Requests...
Praises!!!!
That God has seen to bless our wonderful friends with approval of their home study. and that more sweet children will now find their forever family!!!
That God is leading our lives. It doesn't matter if it's easy or hard, SOO COOL!
That God provided the funds through some WONDERFUL means to submit our dossier and begin our wait!!!
Immediate Adoption Process Prayer Requests:
*That God’s hand is on the paperwork, that they proceed with not a glitch, getting translated and registered with amazing speed.
*That God brings our newest children home quickly.
*That God blesses us with the funds as we gather them to complete the next step of this process (accepting the referral of the twins when the time comes).
All Adoption Prayer Requests:
Please Pray…..
*For these little ones God has chosen to place in our family…for their physical and emotional health in a difficult place.
*For their biological family…that God has His hand on them and brings them peace in whatever they must face.
*That God has His hand on this adoption, guiding us, bringing peace, and financially providing. That the funds pour in like water in a surge of blessing.
*Last, though it may seem a bit premature, please specifically pray that once we are referred our little ones, that they come home quickly and pass court the first time (many are starting to have multiple court dates and a LONG wait until travel). The Ethiopian government is being very cautious and caring with their wonderful children though and for that we are so thankful.
*Lastly, that we have peace and not stress, trusting God in every step.
________________________
Also, please join us in prayers for four beautiful Christian families and five sweet children who are facing obstacles above and beyond what a adoption process usually looks like. Governments will literally have to move for these older and special needs children to come home. Families are waiting for them and we are SO excited to see God work in these lives and these governments to bring these adoptive blessings home!
Olivia Mame (Ethiopia)-I would like to ask your prayers for a little sweet young girl in Ethiopia named Olivia Mame. There are some very immense road blocks, serious ones, that have to be conquered in order to finish the adoption of this precious young lady.
Jubilee (China)- A Christian family is struggling through major hurdles with their international adoption from China. Please pray for this family and for the government to move to bring her home.
Daniel (Liberia)-A little one with hydrocephaly awaits his family. Please pray that Daniel does not deteriorate farther and that people in authority to move this case feel the passion to see this through quickly.
Ronaldo and Julia (Guatemala)-For years this family has been trying to get their beautiful future children out of Guatemala. Every time it seems close there is another glitch. Please pray with us. Please pray that EVERY problem is resolved and every piece of paper has the perfection only God can give.
How Did We Get Here?
Sometimes I sit with my heart so heavy, wondering how we got here. How did we get to a place where a basic gift of humanity, food to stave off starvation, clothing to fend off cold…is delegated by what group you worship with or where not even you worship with, but those that are around you in leadership. How did we get to the point that we can walk down the road and ignore a starving child because he’s muslim or hindu? How can we reach someone for Christ, if we will not minister to them out of Christian love?
As a society, we have become so etched in tradition that, at times, I think we forget where this tradition is founded…the Bible. There are so much we accept blindly because we live in a zone called, “Comfort”. Not wanting to stretch and question, not the Bible, but what we feel comfortable with…our traditions.
My heart is aching today. It’s hurting because I am not comfortable. It’s hurting today, not because I’m questioning God or the Bible, but because I’m questioning my comfort zone. My borders are being stretched and I don’t like it…it hurts. I know I need it, but it’s painful. I do praise God that it’s happening, but it’s a painful process…the stretching my “zone” to encompass what God wants it to.
My mom said something very profound to me the other day. She said, “ I don’t want to go somewhere because I’m comfortable….I want to go somewhere because that’s where God wants us to be.”
Mom, after all these years I am still astounded by your wisdom.
Now, for those zones God is stretching….bring it on.
As a society, we have become so etched in tradition that, at times, I think we forget where this tradition is founded…the Bible. There are so much we accept blindly because we live in a zone called, “Comfort”. Not wanting to stretch and question, not the Bible, but what we feel comfortable with…our traditions.
My heart is aching today. It’s hurting because I am not comfortable. It’s hurting today, not because I’m questioning God or the Bible, but because I’m questioning my comfort zone. My borders are being stretched and I don’t like it…it hurts. I know I need it, but it’s painful. I do praise God that it’s happening, but it’s a painful process…the stretching my “zone” to encompass what God wants it to.
My mom said something very profound to me the other day. She said, “ I don’t want to go somewhere because I’m comfortable….I want to go somewhere because that’s where God wants us to be.”
Mom, after all these years I am still astounded by your wisdom.
Now, for those zones God is stretching….bring it on.
Friday, September 11, 2009
9/11/01
I heard the children laughing as I turned and stepped out into the hall. Sarah LOVED pre-school and had such joy going to school and learning. I remember seeing all the colorful decorations on the wall as I turned and started down the narrow stairs...smelling the fresh glue from the Elmers glue bottle. Another mom passed me and stopped, “Did you hear a plane hit the twin towers?”. I slowly walked down the steps to the car while my mom waited. My perception was that this was a little plane, so sad and lives lost….I had yet to realize the enormity. Now, I will never forget those words, “Did you hear a plane hit the twin towers?”.
We sat in the car and listened to the radio. No one had a clue how big this was. By the time I arrived home and flipped on the television, the other plane was just hitting the second tower. This was beyond comprehension for me. I couldn’t even begin to fathom this. The towers hit…the pentagon hit…the planes crashed... we watched as people jumped to their deaths...the towers collapsed and the American feeling of safety vanished before us.
I had nightmares for weeks. I wasn’t angry, but had overwhelming sadness for those lost and the terrorists that chose such a violent act. I ached for their childhoods and the parents that may have instilled that in them. I ached for the those who perished before us and those in their families that watched. The loss…the enormity of the loss.
Most of us knew someone who died, and if not, we knew someone who did. My brother’s coworker was on one of the planes. We searched a list of those who died at the Pentagon to see if any friends we made in the Army were on the list. We all searched these lists I think.
Families gathered together, clung to each other….and God….God remained our constant. I can’t fathom surviving this kind of devastation without Him. People wonder, “How could God allow these things to happen?”. God is a God of love. He gave us all a choice and those choices have repercussions….not just on ourselves, but others. He is a God that loves us and calls us to Him. He is a God that sees a picture of the past, present, and future and IS constantly in our lives…guiding us, blessing us. There are things on this side of Heaven that are beyond our reach, our human understanding is limited, but those things are miniscule compared to eternity….they just don’t feel like it right now.
As we mourn for those lost, we also celebrate life and a future rich with God. Sadness remains, yes….but sadness is temporal in a life filled with the hope of eternity.
Never Forget….how God worked that day, bonding together a nation so disjointed.
Never Forget….to share with those mourning, who the Comforter really is.
Never Forget….God is, was, and always will be.
We sat in the car and listened to the radio. No one had a clue how big this was. By the time I arrived home and flipped on the television, the other plane was just hitting the second tower. This was beyond comprehension for me. I couldn’t even begin to fathom this. The towers hit…the pentagon hit…the planes crashed... we watched as people jumped to their deaths...the towers collapsed and the American feeling of safety vanished before us.
I had nightmares for weeks. I wasn’t angry, but had overwhelming sadness for those lost and the terrorists that chose such a violent act. I ached for their childhoods and the parents that may have instilled that in them. I ached for the those who perished before us and those in their families that watched. The loss…the enormity of the loss.
Most of us knew someone who died, and if not, we knew someone who did. My brother’s coworker was on one of the planes. We searched a list of those who died at the Pentagon to see if any friends we made in the Army were on the list. We all searched these lists I think.
Families gathered together, clung to each other….and God….God remained our constant. I can’t fathom surviving this kind of devastation without Him. People wonder, “How could God allow these things to happen?”. God is a God of love. He gave us all a choice and those choices have repercussions….not just on ourselves, but others. He is a God that loves us and calls us to Him. He is a God that sees a picture of the past, present, and future and IS constantly in our lives…guiding us, blessing us. There are things on this side of Heaven that are beyond our reach, our human understanding is limited, but those things are miniscule compared to eternity….they just don’t feel like it right now.
As we mourn for those lost, we also celebrate life and a future rich with God. Sadness remains, yes….but sadness is temporal in a life filled with the hope of eternity.
Never Forget….how God worked that day, bonding together a nation so disjointed.
Never Forget….to share with those mourning, who the Comforter really is.
Never Forget….God is, was, and always will be.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Changes
Life seems non-stop lately. It’s joyous, exciting, exhausting, emotionally draining, and an amazing journey that God has guided. This year has brought a lot of changes. Sometimes we feel a little shell shocked and sit back just watching as our lives transform. We have been learning about the phrase, “Stepping out in faith.” It’s not always easy to do. There are times where we can’t see the ground before we place our feet and we have this fear that it won’t be there…though it always is, for God has showed us this path.
As we proclaim the goodness of our creator, we thank Him for opening our minds to blessings beyond our imagination, the adoption of our Ethiopian twins. Our dossier (paperwork) is now out of our hands, as many of you are aware. The paperwork can feel so overwhelming when in the midst of it, yet now we just wait. Our adoption is progressing with astounding blessings. Though sometimes not knowing what the future holds is a little scary, we have found it amazingly exciting as well. Oh, we are human at times, but God sees us through…He’s always seen us through. We now wait for the “official” word that we are on the waiting list.
This is a new year for us with home school as well. God has brought us on a journey to schooling our five children. We are already learning the tricks to keeping going during parental illness. I have had some weird virus of which my mom and husband have enjoyed saying repeatedly, “Maybe your pregnant?!”. We’ve been enjoying our time with each other, field trips, and our local home school association, and of course learning. The kids are already learning at an alarming rate. Even Bekah has started pre-school this year and loving it! We now home school five separate grades….. a 9th grader, 7th grader, 3rd grader, 1st grader, and preschooler. I AM NOT a supermom, but a mom whom God led to do this. As the Bible says, we can do all things through God who strengthens us. It’s cool, it’s fun, it’s crazy.
Again, this is a time of change in our lives. Thomas and I have remained in prayer that God leads us where we can bring Him the most glory. Most recently He has allowed us to see that our ministry is expanding to another congregation. It has been so tough, but He has led us out of the congregation we have been long time members of. So many there are our extended family, close friends, and those we just adore. It has NOT been easy, but we follow God, not man. We are at a time where so much is changing, but we remain so thankful that God is leading us. We don’t expect life to be comfortable. We will follow Him to areas that are not comfortable, are different, and are more than we can imagine. Tough? Yes. Easy? No. Guided by God? Yes. The right answers, but there is a lot of both sadness, excitement, and loneliness at moving. A little of the feeling of being disconnected remains…not from God, but from a physical place of worship. Our brothers and sisters in Christ are still the same, but where we worship is changing.
As you can see our lives are transforming this year. God is shaping this family and we can’t wait to see the results! He is chiseling, molding, and forming an amazing future for us. God is so good and we feel so honored and humbled to see Him work.
If stepping out is what it takes, then we’re ready for a wonderful free fall into the arms of our Savior.
As we proclaim the goodness of our creator, we thank Him for opening our minds to blessings beyond our imagination, the adoption of our Ethiopian twins. Our dossier (paperwork) is now out of our hands, as many of you are aware. The paperwork can feel so overwhelming when in the midst of it, yet now we just wait. Our adoption is progressing with astounding blessings. Though sometimes not knowing what the future holds is a little scary, we have found it amazingly exciting as well. Oh, we are human at times, but God sees us through…He’s always seen us through. We now wait for the “official” word that we are on the waiting list.
This is a new year for us with home school as well. God has brought us on a journey to schooling our five children. We are already learning the tricks to keeping going during parental illness. I have had some weird virus of which my mom and husband have enjoyed saying repeatedly, “Maybe your pregnant?!”. We’ve been enjoying our time with each other, field trips, and our local home school association, and of course learning. The kids are already learning at an alarming rate. Even Bekah has started pre-school this year and loving it! We now home school five separate grades….. a 9th grader, 7th grader, 3rd grader, 1st grader, and preschooler. I AM NOT a supermom, but a mom whom God led to do this. As the Bible says, we can do all things through God who strengthens us. It’s cool, it’s fun, it’s crazy.
Again, this is a time of change in our lives. Thomas and I have remained in prayer that God leads us where we can bring Him the most glory. Most recently He has allowed us to see that our ministry is expanding to another congregation. It has been so tough, but He has led us out of the congregation we have been long time members of. So many there are our extended family, close friends, and those we just adore. It has NOT been easy, but we follow God, not man. We are at a time where so much is changing, but we remain so thankful that God is leading us. We don’t expect life to be comfortable. We will follow Him to areas that are not comfortable, are different, and are more than we can imagine. Tough? Yes. Easy? No. Guided by God? Yes. The right answers, but there is a lot of both sadness, excitement, and loneliness at moving. A little of the feeling of being disconnected remains…not from God, but from a physical place of worship. Our brothers and sisters in Christ are still the same, but where we worship is changing.
As you can see our lives are transforming this year. God is shaping this family and we can’t wait to see the results! He is chiseling, molding, and forming an amazing future for us. God is so good and we feel so honored and humbled to see Him work.
If stepping out is what it takes, then we’re ready for a wonderful free fall into the arms of our Savior.
The Role of The Church
"Only Pharisees think you can clean fish before you catch them."
"God takes attendance by whose missing."
"We need to stop looking at the kingdom through Church lenses and look at the Church through kingdom lenses."
These are just a few of the phrases in this video that hit me hard. A humorous Baptist preacher is talking to leaders of MANY denominations. I may not be Baptist, but he spoke to me through and through. I needed to hear this. He's talking about the role Church has and the role we have. It brought A LOT of laughter and also made the tears come. Most importantly it made me think about bringing Jesus to others. It's 45 minutes long, but the best 45 minutes I've spent in a long time.
"God takes attendance by whose missing."
"We need to stop looking at the kingdom through Church lenses and look at the Church through kingdom lenses."
These are just a few of the phrases in this video that hit me hard. A humorous Baptist preacher is talking to leaders of MANY denominations. I may not be Baptist, but he spoke to me through and through. I needed to hear this. He's talking about the role Church has and the role we have. It brought A LOT of laughter and also made the tears come. Most importantly it made me think about bringing Jesus to others. It's 45 minutes long, but the best 45 minutes I've spent in a long time.
Reggie McNeal on the Missional Church- Watch more Videos at Vodpod.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Amazing Way to Look at Things
"We need to stop looking at the kingdom through Church lenses and look at the Church through kingdom lenses."
Monday, September 7, 2009
Red Lights, Kittens, and Side Notes
As I sat on this old blue couch, which had survived many years of children, illness, and animals, I felt the contractions hitting me. We lived in Germany, but came back to my parent’s house in the states to have our second child. The contractions were eight minutes apart and, like a good girl, I was obeying the doctor’s order to wait until they were 5 minutes apart for an hour. At least I was a good girl for about 20 minutes after my husband got off the phone with the doctor.
Side note: Women, trust what your bodies are telling you.
Though the contractions still remained at 8 minutes apart, I looked at my husband and stated, “We’re going to the hospital now.”
Side note: Husbands, listen to your wives…they know their bodies better than doctors.
My AWESOME husband immediately grabbed the bags and we started our 20-minute journey to the hospital. As we hit the first red light at 3:00am, I started the lecture, “Honey, STOP!!!” Ok, so that was the extent of my lecture. It didn’t matter that it was 3:00am and there was not another car in sight for miles. It didn’t matter that the contractions HURT. After all, laws were laws for a reason.
Side note: Husbands listen to your wives….most of the time.
My husband didn’t listen and we survived somewhat in one piece. As we started to pull into the back entrance of the hospital, our car slammed to a halt. An adorable momma kitty was leading her kittens across the entrance. As I ordered my husband to get a box out of the back of the car to catch these poor wild cats, he looked at me incredulously. It didn’t matter that my contractions were now two minutes apart, these kittens situation was perilous.
Side note: Ok, husbands listen to your wives….within reason.
We did not stop to rescue the poor sad kitties.
The contractions were rolling. It took 1 ½ hours before Sarah showed her sweet little face (doctor said to bring a catchers mitt next time).
In the womb Sarah would quiet down whenever someone prayed, when she arrived her cry was quiet and sweet…she was tiny and adorable at a whopping 8 lbs 14 ½ oz.
She has been spiritual and sweet since (though you will often hear us say, “Sarah, you were so sweet, what happened?!).
This month we celebrate a day that blessed our lives beyond measure. She is a treasure, a blessing, a comedian, a gift from God. Happy Birthday God’s Sarah! Let the teenage years and the joy of embarrassing you as a teen (a whole new level) continue!
Side note: No joke, it’s a gift being able to embarrass your kids…a gift we love having in abundance!
Saturday, September 5, 2009
I'm a Happy Happy Girl!
God has led us lately in ways that are AMAZING and very difficult! We CELEBRATE that He is active in our lives! Though this didn't have anything to do with the adoption (in which GOD amazes us daily with blessings!), we are emotionally drained after a long week of prayer, petitioning, and leading.
I woke up this morning slowly cuddling with my husband, tired...UNTIL my friend announced that HER HOME STUDY HAS BEEN APPROVED!!!!! I am SOOO excited more children will find the homes God has in store for them. I must admit something though, this is a REALLY neat family and I AM STOKED BECAUSE IT'S THEM!!!! WOO HOO! Thank you sweet friends for making this day seem brighter!!!!!! We are celebrating with you!!!!
___________________________________________
Praises and Prayer Requests...
Praises!!!!
That God has blessed this wonderful family!!!!
That God is leading our lives, no matter if it's easy or hard, SOO COOL!
That God provided the funds last week through some WONDERFUL means to submit our dossier and begin our wait!!!
Immediate Adoption Process Prayer Requests:
*That God’s hand is on the paperwork, that they proceed with not a glitch, getting translated and registered in God’s timing.
*That God blesses us with the funds as we gather them to complete the next step of this process (accepting the referral of the twins when the time comes).
All Adoption Prayer Requests:
Please Pray…..
*For these little ones God has chosen to place in our family…for their physical and emotional health in a difficult place.
*For their biological family…that God has His hand on them and brings them peace in whatever they must face.
*That God has His hand on this adoption, guiding us, bringing peace, and financially providing. That the funds pour in like water in a surge of blessing.
*Last, though it may seem a bit premature, please specifically pray that once we are referred our little ones, that they come home quickly and pass court the first time (many are starting to have multiple court dates and a LONG wait until travel). The Ethiopian government is being very cautious and caring with their wonderful children though and for that we are so thankful.
*Lastly, that we have peace and not stress, trusting God in every step.
________________________
Also, please join us in prayers for four beautiful Christian families and five sweet children who are facing obstacles above and beyond what a adoption process usually looks like. Governments will literally have to move for these older and special needs children to come home. Families are waiting for them and we are SO excited to see God work in these lives and these governments to bring these adoptive blessings home!
Olivia Mame (Ethiopia)-I would like to ask your prayers for a little sweet young girl in Ethiopia named Olivia Mame. There are some very immense road blocks, serious ones, that have to be conquered in order to finish the adoption of this precious young lady.
Jubilee (China)- A Christian family is struggling through major hurdles with their international adoption from China. Please pray for this family and for the government to move to bring her home.
Daniel (Liberia)-A little one with hydrocephaly awaits his family. Please pray that Daniel does not deteriorate farther and that people in authority to move this case feel the passion to see this through quickly.
Ronaldo and Julia (Guatemala)-For years this family has been trying to get their beautiful future children out of Guatemala. Every time it seems close there is another glitch. Please pray with us. Please pray that EVERY problem is resolved and every piece of paper has the perfection only God can give.
I woke up this morning slowly cuddling with my husband, tired...UNTIL my friend announced that HER HOME STUDY HAS BEEN APPROVED!!!!! I am SOOO excited more children will find the homes God has in store for them. I must admit something though, this is a REALLY neat family and I AM STOKED BECAUSE IT'S THEM!!!! WOO HOO! Thank you sweet friends for making this day seem brighter!!!!!! We are celebrating with you!!!!
___________________________________________
Praises and Prayer Requests...
Praises!!!!
That God has blessed this wonderful family!!!!
That God is leading our lives, no matter if it's easy or hard, SOO COOL!
That God provided the funds last week through some WONDERFUL means to submit our dossier and begin our wait!!!
Immediate Adoption Process Prayer Requests:
*That God’s hand is on the paperwork, that they proceed with not a glitch, getting translated and registered in God’s timing.
*That God blesses us with the funds as we gather them to complete the next step of this process (accepting the referral of the twins when the time comes).
All Adoption Prayer Requests:
Please Pray…..
*For these little ones God has chosen to place in our family…for their physical and emotional health in a difficult place.
*For their biological family…that God has His hand on them and brings them peace in whatever they must face.
*That God has His hand on this adoption, guiding us, bringing peace, and financially providing. That the funds pour in like water in a surge of blessing.
*Last, though it may seem a bit premature, please specifically pray that once we are referred our little ones, that they come home quickly and pass court the first time (many are starting to have multiple court dates and a LONG wait until travel). The Ethiopian government is being very cautious and caring with their wonderful children though and for that we are so thankful.
*Lastly, that we have peace and not stress, trusting God in every step.
________________________
Also, please join us in prayers for four beautiful Christian families and five sweet children who are facing obstacles above and beyond what a adoption process usually looks like. Governments will literally have to move for these older and special needs children to come home. Families are waiting for them and we are SO excited to see God work in these lives and these governments to bring these adoptive blessings home!
Olivia Mame (Ethiopia)-I would like to ask your prayers for a little sweet young girl in Ethiopia named Olivia Mame. There are some very immense road blocks, serious ones, that have to be conquered in order to finish the adoption of this precious young lady.
Jubilee (China)- A Christian family is struggling through major hurdles with their international adoption from China. Please pray for this family and for the government to move to bring her home.
Daniel (Liberia)-A little one with hydrocephaly awaits his family. Please pray that Daniel does not deteriorate farther and that people in authority to move this case feel the passion to see this through quickly.
Ronaldo and Julia (Guatemala)-For years this family has been trying to get their beautiful future children out of Guatemala. Every time it seems close there is another glitch. Please pray with us. Please pray that EVERY problem is resolved and every piece of paper has the perfection only God can give.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Choosing Thomas
A little baby named Thomas made a huge mark on my heart today. I have friends that have been through such an experience and this is very personal to me. Thomas was born to live only a few days. His parents knew this, yet chose to continue with their pregnancy. God is so good and Thomas has now touched many lives through his story...their family story. Please click on the title to this blog to watch a video that had tears pouring down my cheeks at such a amazing gift as little Thomas. All life is a blessing, it is not our choice whether it is...life just is.
Comfortable?
I copied this quote from another blog and thought it so true. Thank you "Vitamin Z".
____________________________
"It is quite common for people to say they are looking for a church they are comfortable with. I think that is a scandalous statement. When were churches supposed to be comfortable places? There is too much need in the world for Christians to be comfortable."
A. Fernando
____________________________
"It is quite common for people to say they are looking for a church they are comfortable with. I think that is a scandalous statement. When were churches supposed to be comfortable places? There is too much need in the world for Christians to be comfortable."
A. Fernando
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
