I think there are times we all wish we could. This thought has settled in my gut today.
What would your disclaimer say?
I don't think it's that we want someone to admire us, feel sorry for us, or run the other way. I think it's more a caution of what they are walking into...the emotional or physical state of you or me. We get weary. We have things happen that the entire world doesn't know about that affect us deeply. We may wake up with a tender heart, battered a bit.
We may wish we could hold out a paper that said exactly what we are unable to. We may even wish we could have the individual sign it to insure they know whose heart they are treading on and whose life they are effecting. In truth, we may just want to warn them that emotions are near the surface and this world is a bit much right now.
I really would love to see your disclaimers. I'd love to share them here.
"To Whom it May Concern,
You may not know me, but my life is no longer an open book. You see my heart was hurt recently and I just don't have the ability to explain this when entering a conversation. I don't feel the need to. It's not that I don't want to trust you, but (while in the midst of healing) it will be a gradual process for me. I want you to know that I beat myself up enough (the master of lies is an expert there) and really don't need anyone else doing it for me.
I have a lot of children. I do. They are not numbers though, but gifts from God. They are AMAZING. Three are differently abled and have the many doctors appointments that go along with that. I home school too. Ya, I know I'm crazy. I'm good with that. God has led us to where we are today.
Truthfully, whether you believe God led us or not is not of our concern....God is. We want to share with you God's Amazing Greatness, but if you don't believe that God is very clear in His leading of us...so be it. Our job is obedience. That may sound angry, but it is not...really. We have followed God with very little support, though very painful. We have followed God with 100% support. We follow God period. Thankfully we have a pretty fantastic village right now.
I get tired or overwhelmed at times. Do you know a mom who doesn't? If so, I'd like to meet them. Whether two or twenty, parenting isn't always easy. Did you know that kids don't always agree with you? Who knew?! ;-)
Have I mentioned I'm going to be a grandma...twice? That I have three beautiful babies expected (including extended family)? God is so good. There's a lot going on though.
I worry sometimes. It doesn't help things, but I do. I admit it. Two pregnant daughters...another pregnant precious one in our extended family...our son Benjamin is facing surgery for a benign tumor in his ear. Our son Timothy is facing possible amputation surgery of his feet. I ache for my kids. My mama heart is just a bit too tender lately. Please be careful what you say. I cry at happy. I cry at hard. Flip a coin, because there is a chance you will see it. If you are hurting, I will hurt with you. If you are celebrating, I'm right there!
And yes, we are adopting again and the process is kicking me in the rear. Yes, God led us again. No, we are not constantly on "look out" for the next child. I'm tired. I just want all my children under the same roof. I want to just love them, not wonder if they are being fed. I will fight, but I am a battle weary warrior right now.
I don't want to figure out where the next funds will come from. I don't want people to scroll past a plea for aid as we bring our children home, knowing some I love are thinking our future children are just a number. Having the knowledge that some think, "Isn't their family full enough?!" It's tiring.
Oh, and while we are chatting casually, the master of lies might just be nudging me with fear. That's just the truth. He's the master of lies for a reason. He's good at it.
Also, if I am fearful, I am not kicking God to the curb. NOT EVEN.....
So neighbor, friend, stranger...when you come to my door these parts of me come to the door too. Please be gentle. Please be kind. Please realize everyone has their own disclaimer. This is mine, today...this week. (Though I admit in two weeks it may change, who knows.)
Signed: Your Sister in Christ, A Wife, A Mommy, A Grandma, A Daughter, A Teacher, A Friend"
"Send me your light and your faithful care,