Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Oh Man....Blick

It's been hectic lately.  I cannot wait to show you the pictures of what's been going on, but I need to have permission first.

Saturday was Christian Home School Prom.  It was beautiful and elaborate.  This was our oldest daughter's (Sarah/17) senior prom.  She chose to go with some girl friends and just have fun.  Our oldest Tom went as Alumni and brought his precious senior girlfriend.  There was 1000 tickets sold....no joke...live fish in centerpieces....beautiful. 

I can't wait to show you the pictures!!!!!

Between dental and doctor appointments....

....we've been getting ready for vacation. 

We have a house sitter, our MANY lists....and as of a couple days ago...A COLD.


This morning Sarah and I woke up with it (yesterday my husband, the day before....Anna).  We leave soon, can you PLEASE pray for our health.  We have a lot to do before we can go on our first vacation in around nine years.  Every little thing (NOT major) that we can be hit with, we have been....and now illness.  We feel AWFUL....blick.

I'm working through the "sick".  I have to.  We all really need to get well though.

Thanks for the prayers friends.  I cherish every one right now and realize so many more people have more serious things going on....but appreciate it.

(P.S. We were given, by two amazingly kind women, eight Disneyland tickets.  Our family will be headed to Disneyland the day after we get there!  We need to get well :)!)

Friday, April 4, 2014

Tropical Island Called Perfection

Even before pushing the "Publish" button on the last post a couple of hours ago, I could feel the "fear fog" dissipating.  Oh, it's still in the background and I want to still ask for prayers for my husband and I,  but I don't live on the tropical island called Perfection.

Side note: It's tropical.  I want a beach.

I think I've visited that island for about three seconds every forth leap year.  I pack light.

I've seen the damage it can do, people wanting to reflect perfection and end up making everyone feel inadequate. 

You know, the mom who talks about how their child uses the word "feline" and shies away from any other mere one syllable word....yet they neglect to tell you that they just found their child playing in the litter box.

Ya, that one.

The one that builds life size castles in their backyard while reciting Shakespeare (in their preschool class).  Yet, it slipped their mind to mention Billy got a hold of the marker and colored the toilet seat and before they noticed they sat down on it.


I've fallen victim to that mentality too.  As I've gotten older, I've found what is on the surface is often not what is going on in the home.  They are just as real and just as in need of encouragement and love.

Recently that fact has been brought home to me so much more.  I have some friends going through some rough stuff.  Stuff that God is guiding them to and through.  It's life changing.  Everywhere I go I hear people talking about being bombarded.  So many are struggling, facing decisions that will change life as they know it. 

All we see is the surface though.  We chat and smile and don't really see what is going on in their hearts.  Often they are not ready to share or don't know that they REALLY do matter.

If you face someone today that may seem a little abrupt, snippy, or even the dreaded "mean".   Remember they may be facing things we can't fathom....or worse, they may not know Christ.... and we may be the only person to reflect Him (in their circle) today.

So, fear? Ya, it's there....but there are many that face much more than that..


Ben's new favorite thing is brushing hair.  He has
absconded with the girl's doll head.

There are so many things going on right now, that I couldn't sleep this morning.  Sleep is not something I can forgo easily, but so much is going through my mind.

It's such silly stuff, really.  Yet satan is readily working to take away my joy right now.

The entire family is excited about vacation.  It's been so long, the littles don't even know what to expect.

What is this crazy vacation thing you speak of?!!!

Then there's me.  I'm one giant crazy stupid ball full of fear.


F.E.A.R. (yes, all in caps)

Yup, how's that for honest? 

It's NOT a normal state for me.  Yet a couple times recently I almost feel a panic as I've thought about it.

This is not like me...AT ALL.

Vacation finances seem to be the center of it....that and the many lies the master of lies likes to whisper in my ear.


It's going to be fine, I keep telling myself.  This is what the family really does need, I know absolutely.  I feel like it's a gift from God, but...

I'm a little psycho. (No surprise for many...laughing.)

There's a lot of stuff to do just to get ready.  There are things we, very truthfully, don't usually need this early in the year.  There are things each child needs and a couple things Thomas and I need (though the list is now VERY small).   There is one item I wanted to take care of with the van that I'm going to put off.   I made the decision this morning to be safe (ok, out of fear).  I NEVER act out of fear...ARGGGG! (Yes, pirate Kat is back).

TBH (took me FOREVER to figure out what that means...actually to Google it), this is just a joy zapper.  This is how satan is working on us when we are feeling heavy with emotion (even not on a conscious level).  I didn't see it coming.  My shield wasn't positioned right.  Pfffttt.....


So to end this scattered post, I'm asking for one prayer request for me personally.  I'm also asking for my husband who is having fear used against him (in a completely different way), as well.  Please pray the fear is removed.  It's ridiculous.  It's NOT from God.  It's such a joy zapper.

If you have a moment.  I would love a little aid in kicking this fear to the curb.

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

The Invisible Signs and Our Teething Ten Year Old

My ten year old is teething.  He's grumpy. He's moody.  We are celebrating!!!!

For those of you who haven't hung around this blog for very long, Benjamin came home from the "U" with a mouth full of rot.  Many of his teeth were decayed down to the bone.  The pain was great (so was the infection), but he was just use to it.  The smell....cannot be described.

At the end of last year Ben had fourteen decaying teeth removed.   They left six (with two molars coming in).  Four of the six will only last maybe four or so years.  The bone damage was so great.  At that point we were told that they didn't know if he would have ANY permanent teeth come in.  They had just never seen a mouth in this condition.

Ben's mouth healed.  The smell went from putrid (poor sweet boy) to smelling beautiful... like a babies.  His gums healed and his mouth looked like that of an 18 month old.  His gums healthy and fresh.

He has two new teeth just peeking through the gums.  Two more are just right under the gums.  They are having to break through just like if he really was a baby.  He's teething!


It's actually been fairly....well, one foot in front of the other...lately.  Preparing for our vacation with such low energy levels has been rough. 

No, it's not diet.  It's Jonathan.

It's this silent feeling.  I can't think of how else to describe it.  We didn't even figure out until this week exactly where this was coming from.  It's not like a depression where all hope feels lost or it even eats at us.  It's a memory....a trauma-versary.  It feels like we walk around with an invisible sign that no one else can see. 

"Wanting My Son" "Wanting My Brother"
"Remembering THAT day"

This time last year doesn't even have to remain in our thoughts.  Much...no most of the time we are active enough it's not conscious.  Our bodies seem to remember though.  Our subconscious mind.

I stay silent, because it's hard to explain or talk about. It's exists in our hearts.

Our group is being kept to a few right now.  There are MANY we love and cherish, but our group is small currently.  Few see the shadow of the sign.

I stood face to face with a mom who lost her adult son.  I remember the day she lost her precious boy. I remember the call.   I remember the pain of the day....the shock.

She told me, "Kat, this is normal.  The second anniversary will be the hardest."  I don't know how to explain what those words meant to me.  Just that this IS normal.

I don't think we've ever celebrated "normal" before (smile).  Our son is where we want him...where we want to be.  We just miss him.  We just remember.

I wake up in the morning praying for energy.  It's slowly coming back.  We are being very deliberate in trying to insure there won't be a physical reason (plenty of sleep, vitamins, a healthy diet, exercise). 

One step in front of the other. 

We get ready for our first vacation in years.  We arrange every detail (house sitter, house rental, etc.).  We home school.   We get two teens ready for our huge home school prom (Sarah/17, and Tom/19 who has an amazing senior girlfriend).  We get Sarah ready for her graduation.

We laugh...a lot.

We pray a lot.

Friends, thank you for joining us on this very truthful, crazy fun, and sometimes hard journey we call life.

Have a blessed night.

Thursday, March 27, 2014

Four Mondays, One Week

You might have guessed that yesterday was the THIRD Monday of this week (after reading yesterday's post).

What is UP with that?!!!

I woke up after a night in bed with two sick kids who just felt rotten :(....so I was a little bit sleep deprived.  We are now up to four with Strep.

One middle was spiraling down behavior wise from the moment they stepped out of bed (could definitely still use prayers).

Then we had the first fire situation of the day. 

She willingly shares this, so I have no issue naming said cutie.  Anna wasn't feeling great, but put frozen rice (we freeze half sacks of rice to use off and on during the week) in hot water.  She walked away though...and forgot the rice. 

Anna is our cook.  She is GOOD and this had never happened before. 

It happened on this THIRD Monday of the week though. 

I walked in the kitchen and smoke was pouring from the pan.  All the water had burned off and the smell of burnt plastic filled the room.  I quickly turned off the burner, threw the pan in ice water, and had a long conversation with Anna about staying in the room when food is cooking/dethawing on the stove.  Never again....

We ate breakfast and my phone rang in my hand.  I didn't recognize the number and knew that often it is a doctor.  It was.  Our Ben has Giardia.  You can look it up, but it's a nasty parasite that makes diapers a mess and smelly....REALLY smelly.  It can be hard to diagnose, depending on the severity.  It is also VERY easily passed.  Though we see no signs of it in the other children, the youngest four will need to be tested as well just to be safe.  We know the signs though.  Three children have come home from overseas with it.  Ben is the forth.  It just took longer to diagnose this time.  It's awesome we got a diagnoses, but I must admit that I'm not doing splits in the air for digging through more...well...poop.  I think I'd be disturbed at someone who did (cringing).

During this call, Ben decided to act up.  He started the manic laugh and putting everything in his mouth.  He's a smart cookie.  He knew Mommy was distracted.  The problem was everyone was tired and my awesomely attentive older kids who are great helpers....well, pulled a brain hiccup and weren't.  Again, unusual....

I was trying to talk to the doctor while miming/signing stop to Ben.  No one was paying attention to my wildly waving arms, except maybe the airline flying over head as I directed traffic.

I got off the phone sorta not happy.

We quickly fixed leftovers for lunch and hopped in the car.  We needed to drop Tom off at college, go twenty minutes to the doctor for more testing kits and then forty minutes to the only place that had the medicine we needed for Ben. 

After an hour in the car I finally let the kids put on a movie. 

Side note:  The ONLY reason we had a DVD system put in the car was due to Jael's amputation surgery and medical appointments.  We knew we'd be spending tons of car time.

I gave in.  Half way through the movie the back screen (remember we have a twelve passenger van) went black.  I thought, "Shoot, maybe someday we'll have it replaced."  I thought this until Anna and Gabe (sitting right under it) yell, "MOMMY! There is smoke POURING out of it!"  I quickly looked for somewhere to pull over.  There was nowhere....not even a shoulder.

Then the scream that clinched it.  "MOMMY! I SEE FIRE!"

I pulled over as far to the side of the road that I could.

Long story short, we got it out and everyone is fine. Though I will say we all have a scratchy throat from the smoke.

We were exhausted when we arrived home.  After dinner my husband headed out to the place we had it installed (and we had purchased it).

Here's the thing.  We had it installed less than three years ago, but more than our two year warranty covered. 

Their response?  You can expect normal wear and tear.  It's not under warranty anymore.  We're not responsible.

Ok, so here's the thing.  If it had broken, THAT is normal wear and tear.  Smoke and flames? Not so much.  Somewhere either in the item (back screen) or in the installation is an issue.

My faith in the ethical behavior of mankind took a small hit last night. 

I wrote them an email letter this morning (it's a huge corporation).  I truthfully hope they even act apologetic over the fact that their product burst into flames over the heads of two children....one strapped into a car seat (eight children total in the car).  I pray they don't get many emails like this.  No anger, just logic, ethics, and a tiny bit of faith that maybe the right person will get this email and forward it to the right person.

I'm pretty much done right now.  You know the feeling of just being "done".  Ya, I'm there. 

Today WILL NOT be another Monday.  (Did I mention mid post that my computer shut down and I got the "blue screen of death".  Ya....I forgot to mention that.)

I hold onto the saying, "Don't tell God how big your storm is.  Tell your storm how big your God is."  Our storm isn't very big in the big picture, it's tiny comparatively. 

Praying for all your storms friends, small like ours or huge and life changing....

Tell your storm HOW BIG YOUR GOD IS.

Related Posts with Thumbnails